He opens his eyes as quickly as possible, without wasting time. He knows every moment he wastes will curtail the time he could spend seeing her in front of his eyes; feeling her presence.
His eyes meet hers! His brows knit together as her presence there sets his heart to beat faster. But being a master of controlling his feelings he gets a grip on his rate of heartbeat. He doesn't at any cost want to hurt her by showing how much he was craving to meet her. Keeping this in mind, he takes his each step with proper caution, at least up till he can! He knows now it's gonna be difficult for him to control himself; his feelings in front of her. But nevertheless, he won't quit trying.
Getting up, he walks towards her. For the first time he is neither in his formals nor is he dressed up properly in front of her. As for his tops, he is rather in his inner, paired up with his trousers. But surprisingly he doesn't feel ashamed! As if she has all the rights to see him that way, and only she has the right! Not a single line of self consciousness touches his forehead. He realizes that such sort of situation he has met up once before with Dr. Ritu as well, when she came to his room and he went all shy and self conscious. But with Naina, such feelings like shyness and self consciousness don't even cross his mind, even for once!
Getting up, he walks towards her, never ending the eye contact. Naina doesn't disappoint or hurt him by lowering her eyes. Inside his mind churns so many questions that he wants to ask her.
Reaching near the bars of the prison he is in, he utters his first word to her.
"Naina!",
a word; a name, that whenever he utters it feels like more than name, it's a prayer! A chant that he loves to chant each day since the moment he wakes up until he drifts to sleep.
Naina stares him back with her teary eyes. Her eyes convey to Rajveer, without fail, how hurt and unhappy she is seeing him behind the bars. Rajveer realizes that she is falling apart in front of him. Quickly he changes his expression from emotional to strict.
"Mujhse milne ke liye tumhe... allow kisne kiya?",
as he utters these words, he pauses after 'tumhe' as he is sure that Naina when determined, doesn't wait for the permission of anyone. Even he himself felt his words to be so formal and useless, total wastage of this precious time! Come on he knows her better than this.
"Sir...!",
comes her one word reply. One word but it clarifies that all his doubts are correct. She went against the rules just to meet him! Just to get a single glance of him! Just to listen to his voice for once! Just... just to set her eyes on him for once, so that she could stay awake, comparatively relaxed than the previous night! As for sleep, how can she sleep when her teacher; her mentor; her Rajveer Sir; Captain Rajveer; her Rajveer is here stuck behind the bars???
Torturer, might you call him, but he doesn't make it obvious, her answer. He rather forces her to word her feelings by prompting her,
"Kya Naina?"
But only he knows how much self control he had to keep before uttering these two mere words through his choked throat! All of it makes the situation all the more intense for him!
But the gratefulness and love, that these two words bear, to his dismay or utter happiness, only he knows which one, don't go unnoticed by Naina. She feels them all!
Never ending the eye contact, and with teary eyes, she makes him know,
"I BELIEVE IN YOU SIR!"
Her merely speaking these five words instead of rejuvenating him; instead of making him to feel that now he has all the strength that he needs to fight against all the ordeals. That there is still hope, for the unbelievable to happen; for the miracle to take place; makes him feel all the more helpless!!
Yes that's true that there has been always a barrier between them. Bars, that he himself has created in order to shield his true feelings from Naina, but today he realizes how those self built bars are much more acceptable, and satisfactory than these real bars that are keeping them apart. Sometimes we try to show ourselves strong by restricting ourselves through imaginary things but when the real things restrict us from having what we desire; what we had faked that we can live without, we crave to get them all the more! Those things to which until yesterday we were not giving much heed to; or avoiding them on purpose, suddenly make us regret our decision of avoiding them!
Their true values in your life get realized!
Now Captain Rajveer, do you want to scold Cadet Naina for coming to you every single moment to seek your help? Do you want to insult her in front of your students today, telling her that she needs to stop walking with him, like a child? Do you want her to stop bothering you? May be you would like to tell her that you are resigning from your position of being her mentor? Or may be you wanna shout at her telling her how you don't want anymore to be her teacher? Her mentor? Her friend? Her ... oh so many things!!! Do you?
He lowers his eyes, no not out of guilt. But because it becomes too much to bear, her blind trust in him. No, he wasn't unaware of her trust in him all this long. But some things when left unsaid is much more easy to accept than the feelings which are verbally spoken. Especially when a person is caught up in a state which mirrors to that of Captain Rajveer's! He is behind the bars, he cannot by any means show how her trust means everything to him. And Naina, she holds the power of both - to make him up and break him up too! He needs his moment to relax the contrasting feelings that are running down him - his immense self control; his urge to embrace her into a tight hug! Crushed her down, he would have today, had the situation would have been more favourable.
"Main janti hun Colonel Shakti Chandra ko apne nahi mara!",
declares Naina, with teary eyes. Her voice reflects the clarity in her thinking. She is not confused about this, not at all.
Her confidence in him gives him strength, as if he has won half of the battle! Looking towards her, and with a little effort to steer clear of his emotions, in front of her, he thanks her,
"Thanks Naina!",
but his slightly welled up eyes, he couldn't control them anyhow. And why would he? He has all the right to show his true emotions; burst out in anger. Why is it expected from him always, to stay strong?
"Phirse wohi sub ho raha hai na Sir? Phirse wohi sub dohraya ja raha hai?",
says Naina, lowering her eyes, anger surging through her. Her eyes reflecting her mixed up feeling of anger and frustration.
"Ussi tarah... jis tarah unhone Naveen bhaiya ko fasaya..."
Rajveer looks heavenwards and away from Naina in order to control his tears. Then lowers his eyes.
"Ussi tarah trigger chalega...",
her these words make him to look towards her again. His face line fully visible as he becomes stiff in order to control his emotions in front of her. No he won't break again in front of her. He doesn't want to hurt her all the more! He can't bear seeing her hurt.
"Ussi tarah apko bhi majboor kiya jayega, aur fir aap bhi...",
as she says this her heartbeat picks up pace, as she anticipates it. It becomes impossible for her to anticipate the future and word her feelings so she trails off the sentence, knowing that he would understand.
She looks towards him and discovers him in teary eyes too. He looks towards her. His face turned into something like a helpless and innocent baby.
Shaking her head, looking straight into his eyes, she conveys him not to cry or break down.
Taking a deep breath, Rajveer decides to let her know something.
"Afsos iss baat ka hai Naina ki main tumse apna kiya hua waada...",
lowering his eyes, he continues, feeling ashamed of himself,
"Nibha nahi paya...!",
he completes his line with a heavy heart.
He chooses to avoid looking towards her, as it hurts him to look at her, crying. He continues,
"Itni durr akar bhi main red box ko hasil nahi kar saka...",
he looks heavenwards to control his tears from spilling and also avoiding looking at Naina.
Naina stares him helplessly, crying profusely.
"Aur aaj... aaj ek begunah ke khoon mein...",
he looks towards the bars, with wet eyes,
"...inn salakhon ke peechey hun!"
It hurts Naina to the core, she goes speechless. Sometimes when we see our near and dear one deeply hurt and broken it gets difficult for us to think of a way to convince them, bring them out of their misery. Because our mind more than thinking of a solution to make them understand, works in calculating plans to bring them out of the adverse situation altogether. Naina right now is going through the same situation. More than thinking about giving him strength, her focus is on making strategies. But unlucky, she is unable to make strategies too, to bring him out and end his problems a wee bit.
"You know what... what hurts me the most Naina?",
he says more than asks, looking towards Naina, tears rolling down his eyes.
Looking away, he declares,
"Aaj wo log jeet gaye!",
helplessness, and failure oozing through his words.
This skips Naina's heartbeat. No! No she cannot see him this way, broken, failed!
Rajveer shuts his eyes out of regret and feeling helpless.
Naina realizes that she needs to boost him up,
"Nahi Sir... aap... aap aisa kaise keh sakte hain?",
although broken from inside herself, she doesn't leave any stone unturned to give him strength and hope to fight!
"Aap... aap aisa nahi keh sakte hain Sir!",
she repeats to make him realize that he is indeed wrong for thinking this way.
Getting the motivation, Rajveer feels determined again. The determination which was dying rejuvenates.
"Nahi Naina maine...",
says Rajveer with determination, then looks towards Naina and continues,
"Maine umeed nahi chori hai!"
Through his eyes he tries to make her understand that he is hell bent to give justice to Naveen and have full faith that Rajveer and Naveen would both get justice!
"I still hope ki mujhey... iss system se insaaf milega!",
he says, hopefully.
Naina shakes her head into positive, to give him strength, with a little smile on her face. Although Rajveer doesn't turn to look towards her, but he could feel her smiling; see her through his peripheral vision.
"Kahin koi to hoga jo... jo ye samjhega ki mujhey fasaya gaya hai! Koi to hoga...",
says Rajveer, with a hope which is deteriorating with each passing moment. He hangs his head down feeling helpless. His face covered with tears.
Naina realizes he is losing hope! What he needs now is someone who trusts him; who promises to be with him at every step. Someone who still hopes for his return. His return after facing all the adversities with full bravery and confidence! And she knows no one else can motivate him; give strength to him this much as she can give to him! She understands what her trust; her confidence in him, means to him. And she as his cadet; his protegee, won't let him feel lonely even for a moment! An idea strikes to her, and she asks him for something! With her eyes reflecting her confidence in him, she asks him,
"Sir agar main apse kahun, ke aap mujhse ek promise karein, to aap mujhey promise karenge?",
the tears she had been holding all this time rushes down her cheeks as it takes all her self control to word this question; to vocalize this question through her choked throat!
Rajveer looks towards her, hurt on seeing her crying but maintains his controlled self and doesn't show her how it's hurting him to the core, seeing her crying. Hurting all the more, because she is crying on his account!
"Kya Naina?",
he asks, looking straight into her eyes, forcing the words through his choked throat.
"Sir agar iss system ne apko insaaf nahi diya, to aap yahan se bhaag jayenge!",
says Naina, with full determination, looking straight into his eyes. She is ready to argue if he wants to go against her wish. But she won't let him suffer!
He stares her, controlling himself all the more from touching her in the way he wants to touch her right now! The immense confidence of hers in him, means so damn much to him! He at this moment wants to shower on her all the feelings he has been holding till now, only if the situation would have been different! But had it been different would he have gotten the chance to witness her immense trust on him? They say, the one who stands with you in your adverse times are your real friends. They love you with no bounds! This moment his feelings for her has grown all the more. Had it been other case, would he have gotten this chance of enhancing his feelings for her?
"Aap... aap...Naveen bhaiya ki tarah unhe apne aap ko torture nahi karne denge!",
says Naina, her heart beating faster as she fears he might argue. Also an anger surges through her on thinking about the system.
Rajveer realizes how she cares for him. This makes his heart to flutter. The intense look he gives her makes her go weak on her knees but she controls herself anyhow.
"Bilkul nahi Sir!",
she says, almost like warning and ordering him.
Rajveer stares her throughout, without even blinking for once.
"Apko bohot pehle bhagna hoga!",
she warns her, whilst crying.
Rajveer wonders how can she be so strong? How can she have such blind faith and trust in him? He knows this would be shell risky, if he chooses to run away but for her, he would do it, if such situation comes. He won't let her trust and faith in him shatter for any reason.
But at the same time, he promises himself, if that would be the case, he would stay in touch with her. Because now, how hard he might try but he cannot think about leading his life without her!
"Sir... please promise me!",
she pleads more than asks, trying to control her ill mannered tears.
Rajveer keeps staring her, his feelings for her increasing with each passing moment. He tries to find something to assure her; to promise her, that he would do the same, if he befalls into such a situation. His eyes fall on her hands, holding the bars. Very slowly, almost like giving it a second thought, what he is about to do. He knows, if he promises it to her, he would do exactly the same, even if that means that on getting caught he might get sentenced to get hanged but he would not let this promise to break for anything. He can go through world's all tortures and pains to keep his promise to her intact, is he ready to do that?
Naina's heartbeat increases anticipating his decision. Rajveer looks straight into her eyes, she looks back into his, her rate of heartbeat increases further; her eyes well up all the more out of anxiety.
Very slowly, Rajveer places his hands on hers, holding her hands on the bars. Naina starts breathing frantically, whilst crying. She cascades her eyes, resting them on their hands. It is not only his touch that's sending shiver down her spine but also the fact that she means so much to him that he didn't bother to argue on this topic and accepted her decision as it came! She was looking forward to an argument but it surprised her that nothing as such came on her way. This is his immense care, trust, faith in her! He is broken inside today to argue with her. This fact breaks her heart into million pieces.
Holding her hands, he shuts his eyes tightly and tears roll down his cheeks. He tightens the hold on her hands releasing his anger and frustration through it. Anger on his state; frustration that he cannot hug her, which he desperately needs right now! He bows down his head, thoroughly tired; showing his thankfulness for her immense trust in him; asking her pardon that today could have been totally different situation had this not happened; had he not been here; asking her pardon that he wasted so much time by not conveying his true feelings to her. Thanking her for being with him in his adversities and providing him strength.
A smile of determination, satisfaction and strength comes on Naina's face. Determined that she won't let anything happen to him. Satisfaction that he would certainly run away and hence could lead a happy life. Strength that he is ready to trust her, hence she will be able to give him all the strength he needs to fight with tgis adverse situation.
He stares back at her, his eyes dark with so many feelings for her. His heartbeat picking up pace. He quickly lowers his eyes in order to sooth his anxiety and frustration that he is feeling right now seeing Naina so near, yet so far! Lowering his eyes, he doesn't look back again towards her, as he knows if he does that it would be difficult for him to control himself any longer and he doesn't know what he might end up doing, may be something which he might regret later! And turning back he walks away into the darkness of the prison.
Naina understands how difficult it must have been for him to control his emotions. But like a true soldier he managed to keep a hold on his feelings. She salutes him as he walks away, for his immense control and determination to fight against all the ordeals. For his decision to promise her in spite of knowing how difficult it is going to be for him to take such a bold step!
-THE END-
(5.8.2017)
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