Chapter 5: Lamhe
Okay, you don't angst. Yeeshh.
I have no intelligent response for my affection towards bad movies. They defy everyday commonsense and basic logic yet I find them oddly endearing. It frustrates me, of course, with its blatant sexism, misogynistic attitudes and constant yammering about "sanskaar" and "parampara". I am safe in my anger towards fictional representation of reality. There is an almost voyeuristic element to the way we get exposed to the society and its latest thought process in the form of movies.
The world is confusing indeed. When I think of a simpler world, I think of tyranny. When I try to make things simplistic, I find myself restricting in choices. Are the choices that make the world a complex place or is it our humanity? When I asked my father, he shrugged but didn't reply. Sometimes it gets annoying the way my point of views and questions get brushed off because I am young as if I am incapable of having a rational thought. I get by school just fine but I have absolute idea on what to do next. I have to choose an area to further my education. I want to do everything and I want nothing. Everything is interesting to me. How can I choose just one thing and stick with it for the rest of my life? How are the other kids in my school know what is that they want to do with their lives? Just yesterday one of my best friend told me she would be a lawyer and the other best friend told me she would be a mathematician. I panicked when they looked at me expectantly and I blabbed something that sprung in my mind. I am scared ASR. How isn't anyone else?
Is it weird to say that I get you but I don't get you at the same time? By your letter I can only imagine the longing that you have for a place that doesn't yet exist and you will probably not live till the travel to such a place is made possible. How can you spend an entire lifetime with this lingering longing trailing you several steps behind? How do we overcome this longing for the person we can never be and live in a time that feels old and worn?
If you haven't already noticed, then yes. Yes, I am that girl in the class who raises her hand nineteen times in an hour worth of class to ask questions. My parents gifted me with a set of "Tell Me Why" books. I used to write to Tinkle every month with a question. How could I not? I miss reading Tinkle in my own bedroom. I miss my tens of "do it yourself" craft projects that have never been finished. It's weird to miss an unfinished product that's probably useless in the long run.
I didn't mean to whine and pour questions over this letter. It has been a long and a weird month. I also apologize for not responding sooner. Trust me when I say this: previous version of this letter would make you scramble for nearest wall and grab it to make your head stop spinning from the drivel I wrote.
We always want to present the best version of ourselves, don't we? How about an imperfect, flawed and full of plot holes? This is such kind of a letter. I don't know what made me do this but the slip of paper from your previous letter may have something to do with it.
KKG
PS: So what if you ANGST? You are a little ball of emo, aren't you? [Insert cooing noises and baby voice]
PPS: If I want something to be carried around then I will carry a teddy bear and not Koala. Also teddy bear wont pee or poo or eat so being responsible for another living thing is out of equation.
PPPS: We have forgotten an entire generation worth of TV serials. My mother is watching a rerun of Yatra and she swears this is what charmed her into taking trains. With changing times, we need a story that never ends - something that mirrors lives in general and we don't stop watching even when our reflections cry and scream and call us monsters. Also I leave you with this song. It is as usual a horrible movie. But a gem of a song that is unfortunately forgotten after five minutes of this movie release. This is beautiful in its own way: chehra kya dekhte ho from Salaami.
PPPS: If, if and only if, travels to the stars were to become reality in our lifetime, will you go?
NK and Akash had left Arnav to his own bearings when Arnav had retreated into a shell of quietness and mellowness after reading the much anticipated letter from his pen pal. What had started as fun and silly exchange had turned their friend into a boy who seemed to be always consumed by his own thoughts. The occasional faraway glint in Arnav's eyes had now spread to his entire persona. Something had shifted in their friend and the boys didn't know what it was.
Arnav watched his friends go while he stretched under the old banyan tree at the edge of their school grounds. The gentle breeze lulled him into a false sense of security while the quietness blanketed his active mind.
He had no idea how to go forward with this anymore.
To be Continued.
Ola! Apologies for being MIA for weeks. Life is, well, life. If you have some time on your hands, what that TV show Yatra. It tells you how amazing Indian television was in the 80s.
Till next time, Adios!
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Veer Hanuman
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