Arshi FF-Falling in Love Again- Ch15-19 upd 16/11 - Page 29

Originally posted by: pup03

Awesome! so here they are after 4 years.. looking forward to their meeting.. always heard from elders time is best healer and we should give space and time to one who is not ready to accept something in life and here finally Arnav gave Khushi which she have been asking and now lets see what have these 4 years have made them? loved the updates..

thanks for pm 😊

You have very good elder folks pup. Nothign like family and their love.

Originally posted by: mahrusweety

awesome update
beautifully written
khushi really need time to clears her mind and heart
good tgat she left diary there
arnav know how she was thinking

Tks Mahru dear a lot for your sweet comments. It made my day.

Originally posted by: sohara

Beautifully written.
Though I'm a bit confused about the story. One thing is clear that Arnav and khushi are separated for some reason.
Have to read the previous chapters to know more about the storyline.

Tks Sohara for ur interest in the story.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE FOR THIS FF..

THANKS FOR UR LOVELY COMMENTS AND LIKES DEARS.

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Chapter 17: Romeo and Juliet (Part A)

Now to the chapter.

( Biology class shuru. If not interested to read metaphoric biology pl skip...)

What is a circle ? Was life a circle like the cycles wheel. I have written already on the circle shape. But now Im exploring with one more example. The geometric shapes and patterns how they have influenced life, the human life we see here. Life is a circle, or life was a circle or life was a square, or life ended in a rectangle, or life can be connected in a triangle, where did the straight line and sleeping line go. How does a shape connect in our human life. It does. We are given birth from a whole, the sperm travels thru the hole, the fallopian tube was a long tube which had ends as a circle, the uterus was triangular in shape when appeared and seen from one angle.

The follicle is circle, the sperm which had a tail, has a head in oval shape which is sort of a circle, finally the meeting happens and xx or xy it fusions and settles in the uterine wall finding a spot and started growing. The placenta, the umbilical cord , is a long curve, it may get spiralled and can kill the baby after the growth with a nuchal loop too. The sack which formed first is a curvy shape, like the pitcher plant, the heart which beats later it is a small triangle and appears like a butterfly when the heart beats, it was a cross triangle shape like the butterfly wing. The heart when we see in one angle it forms a triangular shape, later when expanded the pointed edge goes off and it becomes curvy edged heart shape. Why this explanation on a single shape or many shapes. Yes there is connection.

A human physical shape, started from the face, the brain, the eyes, the nostril holes, the lips, the ear drums, the neck having a hollow, the hands, the breasts, the nipples, the flat tummy or a pot belly or the small belly button, the V or the P, the long thighs, the fingers, the toes, the muscles, the plam, the hands, they are either long or short, either they formed as a long standing line or sleeping line, when left an imprint they formed a shape of an oval or circle . All these shapes connected together formed human physical appearance. The colors were different. The brain and the thoughts of it were different. That's what differentiated from each other. The ideas and thoughts.

Life started when a triangle met a cylinder and circle took place and settled in a triangle, where there was lots of water and the food travelled thru a tube and finally they grew inside a big oval, bean shaped incubator and was pushed with some force to break open the wall and come out via a hole which had a shape of it from the outside appearance as a triangle. He and she were part of human life, part of earth, part of nature, part of us, part of the world.

The ideas and thoughts of them, as personality and characters they imitated and grasped and learnt from many others like us. Are you one in many or one among others that was the question. How are you unique urself. Or by saying unique do u become a Unique and rare one. Do Mirrors lie. They may. The unique was not a rare one, but it turned out to be a normal one, as the unique one was in the moon doing research.

Is it sky high, the reaching moon was impossible. No it aint, it is possible, if we approach our aim in the right way, but was it reachable, the next question. It may or may not as financially I cannot, or dedicating myself completely leaving my family , kith and kin I cannot. I felt instead of playing football in moon, I preferred let me play ball with my son in the earth and see the happiness in his face, when he laughed out loud. I saw God in his face when he smiled like mad. Life gives us choices and chances. We need to choose wisely. Compromises were part of life. But life is not a compromise. In this one living life time , we see many obstacles, how do we fight the satan and come out of the clutches that was the kick.

Now again circle shape. Life is a circle. Birth, death, life and growth. In this 360 degree shape our entire life is to be lived. It starts and stops at the same point without any break, it doesn't have any sharp edges, but it may have many ups and downs. How to we fight our own demons and shine with many colors is life. How it connects with story we see here.

**

It was in the Auditorium the play was happening. Arnav was one among the chief guests invited. He was rich and did so much donations for the needy so he was given special attention. Kushi was sitting behind in the 10th row. He was in the first row. The screens opened and all were stunned to see the set up.

All were stunned to see the happenings and the complete setup was on the stage. Anyone may.. if it was presented well. And this is one of my presentation which I dare to present as Im no way upto to this level to write or comment or utter a small word about this particular topic or heading. Im a small ant in front of this masterpiece. I try to pick up here and there, little facts and explore coz.. my ability or knowledge or my enthusiasm is only till that much level. I cannot dedicate fully on any activity for more than 2 hrs. Distraction major enemy.

******

Chapter 17: Romeo and Juliet (Part B)

Romeo and Juliet written by Shakespeare , one of the greatest scholars, anybody who can fall in love with, either him or with his work. I fell in love with Shakespeare, when I was in class 8. When I saw the movie Romeo and Juliet acted by Caprio and Claire Danes. I knew the story, but in depth meaning, the pain of the dead characters, making me cry like a small baby then, I dint know it will have so much effect on me. I dint know what was love meant then. May be generally I would have known the word LOVE.

As love with mummy, love between siblings, but falling in love with a Man, the opposite sex , leaving ur regular stuff and falling for a man, the mind consumed by one and only man, talking about him, his thoughts or vice versa, talking poetries, talking about dreams, general discussions on lamest things too, can bring so much happiness I dint know. How does one man or women can change so much of the other person. Did he have so much effect on a gal, that she would oppose the whole family or lie to the whole family and do anything to be with him. Either killing or leaving the house and absconding with them. I guess Love can make u do such crazy things.

If Shakespeare was not there I wonder, if there would be any existence of word in the dictionary called as LOVE.

*********

Chapter 17: Romeo and Juliet (Part C)

Two households who are both alike,

By day and night, by swords do fight,

In fair Verona where our scene is laid,

Is where we find a young and love-struck maid,

From ancient grudges it breaks to mutiny,

But from their eyes these lovers cannot see,

Now civil blood dirties civil hands,

And mothers plot some scheming marriage plans,

From the wombs of these two enemies,

A young couple dream that they are free,

Star-crossed lovers take their lives away,

To be together in a better day,

Their untimely end, buries their parents strife,

By using a happy, sacred knife,

Their fearful love reeked with young despair,

Does take the place of anger in the air,

The continuance of their parents' duel,

Does end when the lovers lives do cool,

And nothing but their children's end could change,

Their hateful, unadulterated rage,

Here today we show you their ordeal,

And hope that their passion you can feel,

Listen close, for now our play shall show,

The story of Juliet and her Romeo.

************************************

This one whole poem can say the story of Romeo and Juliet. Two kids from rival families, they meet in a ball, when one friend of Romeo says, lets enter the ball in our masquerade as we don't see any in our empire grandeur like this, lets peek and see what happens in the opposite empire for fun.

They enter the ball. There were so many young gals and young boys accompanied by their parents. But why Juliet had to be aloof, and following her eyes transfixed on a fish, why she had to open her mouth and do the inhale and exhale aqua breathing in the land behind the glass and why Romeo should fall for the innocent. Was it her beauty that captivated her or was it her simplicity that made him fall for her. Not sure, they say if two were destined, they will meet somehow, somewhere, in sometime and create new life.

They danced in the ball with their masks on. When he pulled her closer to him, how he felt her heart beat as, when she came closer to his lips, when his hands brushed on her body, how did she feel. Was it lust or was it the sexual desire or something else. Juliet knowing that she was to be engaged and married to Paris too, why did she fall for Romeo. Wasn't that knowing that she was meant for someone else, still she fell for Romeo. They say, only destined hearts can be together. Here too, Im feeling that Romeo and Juliet were made for each other, that's why they dint feel anything about Romeos X who cheated him or Juliets to gonna be would be who was Paris, to come and take her away the next day.

The dance got over. But they couldn't wait or they couldn't think of staying away from each other. She left him and went. He followed her till her palace. He found an alternate route and stood near the balcony. He called her, she came out and he said, he will come up. But did she come down or he climbed up, That dint matter. Only thing mattered was he would climb and cross seven mountains to make him her as his. That was the message I could see here, which Shakespeare wanted to portray or Im meaning it so.

They meet in the church next day. Father Lawrence knowing their true love gets them married. They have their lovely night. But behind them, they weren't aware what was happening with their families. Both the families now plotting to kill the children, where already his friend Tybalt was killed , he came to know and wanted to venge for his friends death. But he chose that he wanted her, her love.

Knowing that Juliet was to marry Paris, she counted on Father Lawrence. She drank the potion of poison he gave, only to wake up to see, Romeo lying by his side, when the pool of blood from his stomach hit her legs, where his hands were stuck with the dagger the pointed tip in his stomach, killing himself. He could have waited for her to wake up from her long slumber, instead saw the small potion bottle empty, he thought she is dead. Finally she too killed herself. Yes, if her partner was no more, why and what for to live in this world. When her breathing stopped, the life of the skeleton/body roaming in this world what purpose does it have. Nothing. In short if there is body, but no soul and spirit for living, u were equal to a corpse. She too felt so I guess, that's why she and he were both no more.

They were made for each other. If not in Birth or the life in earth, atleast in death we will live, they thought I guess, that's why did they make as vows in the marriage as "till death, do us apart" or " in Birth and death..I take you as mine thee"..did they say.. why did they say so.. my question comes now..

**

Why there had to be Story of Romeo and Juliet, and why this word called love, and why Shakespeare wrote this story called love, where both of the lead characters are dead. Was it for the English love the author had, or was it for the people to fall in love with the book, or he loved the characters so much that he dint want them to fry in the battle of the ego of the parents. Why? Why? Why?. Why there had to be a ball, why there had to be a character called Tybalt or the father called Lawrence, why the slow sleeping pill and the dagger. After all the days of the book written and the author dead too, why do they still play in theatres and any story somebody told, we immediately think about Romeo and Juliet. If it was LOVE STORY. There were many, but why still we were hooked on to Romeo and Juliet.

Eod the person who wrote this, they say..im not 100% sure but some where I read, that he was a gay. Was it true. I don't know. But I don't go by the persons appearance or his character or his personality. The work does say about him. Who was he or what he was or what he thought. Who am I to judge him. He is a scholar and I fell in love with his work or his story. He too would have thought about his work, his story as his child, like how this FF is to me.

**********

Chapter 17: Romeo and Juliet (Part D)

I choose the play in the backdrop of Ballet dance. They say Ballet is one dance form where we are to dedicate ourselves completely. Is that true. Yes it was. I have not practiced. But little bit of classical, which tires out ur body fully, as I know we need to completely give in ourselves towards it. Unless u are full body, mind and soul in the dance, u cannot bring in the bavane on the face. Bavana meaning the expressions of what u feel. Even Ballet has its rules and various steps on it.

The leg foot positions and the hands they were held in a particular form, or the way the hero took the heroine and glided in the air lifting her along with him or the way they flew in the air as they were made for each other, saying we are not bothered about what happens around us, the people or the piano, but only the stage and the music and the love for us ..for the art or the characters we are now playing Romeo and Juliet they sang.

One particular step was the pirouette. The gal and the boy lifted their one leg and balanced with the other and did rounds. The foot pointing towards outside at each and every round it touched the ground at the started point making a circle. Did it mean that LIFE WAS A CIRCLE.

And the ballet and the ballerinas in their Tutus and tiaras and the skin tight clothes in black, or white or pink or blue made the very special when they danced on their pointed flats. The flats making their toes pointed to that extent, that it bled during practice. Each tip of their pointed flats when pointed and stood on the earth, how much the pointed tip hurt them, God I cannot think of it. They support on one tip their whole body ,as saying if Im able to balance my weight, then the earth, which was a huge weight with many peoples problems, I can bear their problems along with them. Was this life or symbolism to be linked as. May be, there wasn't any, but I related so.

Yes the life with one single ballerina it was very much like plain Jane. I want to add the colors with one more Ballerin -( Not sure for a man who dances Ballet) or say with a partner of may be I want to give a long ribbon and ask them to do some gymnastics and add little bit of masala, so it became colourful. The world of black and white was not so colourful anymore for them.

**

The play got over and every body were clapping their hands to congratulate the dancers. Finally they bowed their head. A small kid came and gifted the pair a " SNOW GLOBE with a gal and boy dancing inside" .. The Snow globe when shaken the water gave effect as the snowflakes fell from the sky. Was the sky showering the couple inside the globe, that u will be cherished with love with showers like the snowflakes or do I say the world was with mysteries and the Globe shaped like the earth it was covered with thick mask of dirty stuff that unless we clear the ozone area we cannot breath fresh air or it was something else.

May be it was. Yes. They say HANDLE WITH CARE. Any delicate items to be handled with care. Was this Snowball too, to be handled with care. It was covered with glass a delicate material.

By mistake if it fell from hands it broke and the pieces of the glass poke the dancers inside as well as killing others in the process, if anybody stamped on it. OR WAS IT TO SAY THAT IM BROKEN AND I CANNOT BE FIXED or it was .. TO SAY IM GLASS, THOUGH IM GLASS I CAN BREAK AND KILL U TO IN THE PROCESS.

I want to see the combined three factors. Yes, let's see the beauty and enjoy, if it broke let it be as protective shield for the couple so any enemy like dad or mom or any outsider can't enter and third if broken too, WE TAKE THE PIECES AND DECORATE IN THE COMPOUND WALL FOR FENCING or powder the glass pieces and make it into fine powder and mix it with the MAANJA MIX the THREAD used for flying kites during Sankraanthi, they slit the hands or the threads of other kites and cut the strings. It is anyways a weapon. The Title , Delicates and handle with care. Instead of worrying on why it broke, lets handle it with care and keep it safe. Love though very delicate can be handled if it went wrong too, in any kind of situations, the problems can be sorted out.

*****

Romeo and Juliet ..

While the play was enacted on the stage, was it the audiences in the auditoriums heart broke or was it the couple..my leads Kushi and Arnavs hearts broke into pieces while watching.

Many watch any serial or play for timepass. There were so many who watch to seek solutions or make themselves as the characters of the play and start emoting and feeling as them.

My Kushi and Arnav too felt and emoted the same.

When Romeo saw Juliet in the Ball, Arnav though sitting in front seat, sensed she was somewhere there in the Hall. He couldn't turn and see as it was dark. Their heart beats were ticking and beating the same tune as lub tub.. or tub tub.. They say two clocks cannot tick alike. But hearts clock, the beat can tick alike in LOVE.

When Romeo saw Juliet alone in the ball verandah.. a lone area playing with the fish and talking to herself, Arnav was thinking about Kushi, how she used to talk to herself or play in rain like a child or laugh very loudly that the crackle sound could break the walls of the house, not bothering about anybody around. So nave and innocent.

When Romeo took Juliets hands with him together holding her waist and took the first step, Arnav remembered their day when they met first and in one instant how he fell for her and took her hands in for marriage immediately not asking anything else. The first step of her reminding him the day, they got married and she took her first step and kept inside the house with the red water leaving the foot imprint, he also thought the day we walked in fire asking her forgiveness.

The dance reminding Arnav of their first ever romantic date in the terrace and dancing to the tunes of the natures wind and heart beats. The each and every split and patch up while taking turns with the other partners in the ball, reminding of their small and little and petty fights in their past and how they managed to patch up immediately.

Finally the family's knew and how the family's made plans to kill each other. The same way how Rajt tried to plan and did a plot and separated the lovey dovey couple.

In the process Tybalt dead, where Kushi's unborn dying in the process making Arnav a Guilty one who cannot be forgiven by anybody due to fathers fault. His ignorance costing his beautiful life with wife and his unborn. Why Villains in any story. To create problems and havocs. Unless villains were there, there wont be any story to tell at all. Ex. If Sakuni was not there in Mahabharatha then no epic of Mahabharatha at all. If Surpanaka was not there then no Ramayana at all.

When The ball got over, Romeo followed her till her chamber. Arnav too following Kushi before wedding, when he was dating her and standing below the balcony and throwing stones on the window requesting to open the window or come near balcony. He wouldn't stop till that. He would climb on the pipe and go and kiss her mischievously and come down. Their coochie coee romance before wedding. Or was it, he followed before four years wherever she went and pleading for forgiveness.

After R and J's love confessed they got married immediately and spent a romantic night, reminding their first night and many other nights where she was his and completely under his spell and burnt the sheets on any time basis for his and her needs and pleads on the game of desire and passion.

But all the good things cannot be seen or taken by people in a very good way. Jealousy and the thought of If IM not happy, I cannot see others happy, it is inborn in humans I guess, So they plan and plot and separate the couple. If not directly but bitching about them, defaming them and screwing others happiness. It is very difficult to make one friend. But making 1000 enemies in one hour was very easy. That is life.

When Juliet bid a kissy good bye on his lips, did she knew that, that would be her last kiss with him forever or he would kiss her lips on the death bed with a fake potion of poison touching his lips, but nothing happened, he could have waited, but why acted irrational, he could have thought how can she leave me alone and kill herself, was our love so delicate and fragile that it was not deep it broke, why he chose to kill with the dagger. The rings on their fingers, but now finally on her necklace, their name engraved finally on their dead stone. What for this had to happened. The same way why it had to happen that he had to defame Kushi and finally run behind her begging like a beggar.

I guess, Shakespeare wanted many half baked people like me to cut and do post-mortem of his epic love story or use it as a symbolism for great loves. My FF is not a big tale. But I want it to be a tale which cannot be forgotten by anybody. Not a read and heed story, but atleast leave an imprint in many readers hearts about the story or the message or the title.

The same message, of gal boy meet, fell in love, they fought, they joined, and lived happily ever after story in thousands of FFs or OS. But Im trying here to portray in my own way, with my own known little level knowledge and thoughts.

With the theme of Bitch and bas***d, the gal finding a new life after forgiveness sounds a very good ending with proper thoughts, but I guess Arnav in my mind were made for each other, where any forces cannot separate them. Do I need to justify my decision. Some where I need to..

A coin had two sides, Heads and Tails, Ying and yang. In EARTH.. LIFE AND DEATH. In this Life.. LOVE AND HATE..

I FELT LOVE SOUNDED AND SOUNDS GOOD THAN HATE AND DEATH. Was there any person who wanted Romeo or Juliet not to be dead. All wanted to be alive, as real characters, humans among us. I would have been the first one to drag Romeo into my net. (ha ha) or may be I would have married Shakespeare, if was born in his days.( ha ha). Just kidding.

Any love story cannot have a tragic end. I can write with scenes and say they met here and they hugged and lived happily everafter.. but I cannot, as Im like this..More of lectures and ramblings. Then comes scenes. ( I know many are chappaling me .Sorry gals).

They play was still going on. She stood in mid of the act, when Romeo was about to insert the dagger, he too stood, she turned and ran, he too sensed and ran behind her. Outside it was dark.

With no clue in mind, she ran wherever her foots kept the dots. He listening to his INNER VOICE.. connected the dots of her foot steps and reached a place. Utter pitch black, and the roads calm, the ghosts from the houses out, the wind blowing, the chillness spreading its knee numbing cold around, she was standing near a lone tree.

She had kept her head on the tree main trunk and rested her hands and started shedding her burden from her eyes. The YAMUNA WAS CRYING NOW. It was to flood the entire area. He stood still like a Stone, but the still stone shedding its tears as they say STONES TOO CAN CRY, took one step at time and with his index finger touched her shoulder blades.

She turned as she knew it was him. The fire in their hearts burning, like The fire in Rome when Nero was playing fiddle they say, here too the fire, the rage, the blaze all burdens from their heart started melting by the gaze of each other eyes when they met and had their first ever EYE LOCK after four years.

The flowers in the nearby parapet had blossomed. They were the Atthipoo, the evening flowers they blossom and stay all night and in the day time they go into long slumber. The birds in the tree were cooing and settling their young ones into their huge wings and sheltering from the cold wind, he too pulled her into his huge arms and held tight, so tight as they say bone crushing hug. She couldn't breath. He breathed for her, her name, her and her only.

Words were not needed. Their silence and the action showed it all. Her hands cupped his lightly stubble cheeks, tears forming a river, their hands now clearing their dew drops from each others eyes and a small smile creeping into their face, where in the back ground from somewhere a truck approaching and the head light illuminating her face as a twinkling star on the ground burnt and fallen on to the earth under the full moon, as she and him tightly hugging now each other listening their heart beats and sobs still continued, their hands tightly clutching each others back and his lips finding hers and biting it hardly intimating that HE MARKED AS HERS AGAIN.. TILL LIFE TIME.. IN HELL OR HEAVEN, TILL LIFE AND DEATH.

**

The truck was approaching closer... The love birds forgot the whole world around. They say when u are in love, you become crazy..it may be. It is true.

The time stood still. The clock stopped there. The world dint move.

**

In some time gap..

"Hello, who is this?" Garima picked the phone, to listen to the news that, __*****

The call ended..

The receiver of the phone one side hanging, she fainted..

***

Originally posted by: Anapneo3003

beautiful updates👏

Thank you

Originally posted by: dis_arshi

nice update :)

Tks dear 😉

Chap 18 : Birth and Death

Part A

Man Proposes and God Disposes.

Did this Proverb have any meaning with regard to life. I guess Yes.

Destiny, Destined and Destination. Did these words have any meaning in life. I guess yes. It can be related with many facets of life.

Birth and Life. Did these two words have any meaning at all in life. I guess.. IT had a very great meaning about , u and me and us.

Death and Death Bed ..What about this word. Did it have any relation.. Yes.. it did.. and that too.. Many ways it could be related.

***

All the worlds a stage, all the men and women are the actors and stage was set , it had seven stages. From Birth the drama started, it started as tiny infant , grew to an adult, then became a lover boy, realised his identity and responsibilities, he took responsibility of another as life partner, committed to her, lived with her and for her with their future seed, finally saw his future generation and became a child again in the bed lying, helpless, demanding and crying and whining like small child. He saw the death god, he wished, don't make me suffer, give me peaceful death. The death God, wanted him to strangle him for this sins, he made him struggle, all the family members cried, since he was suffering, finally in the bed, the death came and he was living in all the members of loved ones memories.

All good has to come to an end. All the open pores/ holes in the dam has to be closed so it will not leak. The life too, if there was some problem, if there was a chance to fix things, we try to band aid or M-seal it with glue, so we don't die each and every minute because of loss and separation. We live for one day. Tomorrow, who knows what was there in my fate or on my plate. I may live or I may die, I may be rich or I may be poor, I may be happy or I may be sad. In life, I want to be a person who lived the life as much as a good person without giving trouble to others.

Can't real time gals who were pushed to prostitution by own family members, have real good life after they have been saved. In reality very difficult. But there are cases where these women are been rescued by women welfare NGOS and given second chances to live.

Mummy said, don't use bad words. I said my breasts. She scolded, why in front of everybody, You talk in some language which everyone gets angry. I questioned her, On thanks giving day, the Turkey was served hot , directly from the oven, sizzling. Mummy said to Daddy, Oh my Sweety, why don't you have the breast portion. I was like, wth.. I say breast and she gets angry, she herself utters take the breast of the turkey to daddy in front of all the family members. Why is she not feeling anything awkward. For her one rule and for me one rule. I hated the partiality. I stomped my foot on the dining table chair.

Words, words, words. They had different meanings in different scenarios. Based on the situation some took easy, some took very personally. Some of the words were very light, but still had hurricane effect.

Eod, IF somebody scolds you are a bitch, you don't become a bitch. You should slap on the persons face and give a immediate reply with your sandal.

We do utter, Son a Bitch. If the person who insulted you we should call the person a bitch or bas***d, but why do we insult the mother who gave birth to her?? Don't know, again contradicted thoughts of mine.

******

Chapter 18: Part B

POV From a mid society gal like Khushi.. and her strggles ; ( Many can relate to this short story )

I was five then, I dint sing a rhyme in my class when the teacher requested. I stood still like a statue. I felt why I was dumb that time. Was I deaf too. Did I have any stage fear, why was I nervous, I broke my head. I dint understand any. I left the thought.

I was in class 8. I was humiliated in front of the whole class, since I failed in geography subject. The teacher pinned the failed answer sheet on my dress and made me stand outside the classroom and she dint give heed to my cries or pleas and my words that I said continuously .. MAM.. I WILL PASS NEXT TIME FOR SURE. PL FORGIVE ME AND IM REALLY VERY SORRY. I felt like jumping from the fourth floor of our school building.

I was now in my college first year. When and how I fell in love with my loving best friend, I dint know. We roamed, we chatted all thru the night, we shared kisses in the terrace, we bitched about all our friends, we had fun, we promised each other, whatever struggles may come, we will fight the battle and make our love story as part of history we said. But I dint know that he will leave me and go in the alter for another who was richer than me. Where did our promises and care and love for each other go .. I asked the almighty above, who was sitting like a stone.

I moved from the bad part of life. I was studying then. PG first year. My college friends and office colleagues made me re-live my life. They helped me to move on in life. One person became my very best friend. We were not lovers, lust and infatuation was out of the question. Best buddies till date. When one is in misery, the other one knows thru telepathy and calls immediately. Best friends made for each other.

I guess society. If you talk to a boy, it says You had an affair with a boy. It may say that the baby was born yesterday and went to school today karke. I laughed on the idiotic societies thoughts.

My own sibling doubted me, I felt like dying when he bad mouthed me and ill-treated me and put his foot on my gut ,when I cried in pain when he manhandled me. I felt, that the earth should shatter and the ground beneath me should swallow me.

To prove that I was innocent, I had to give the pariksha of life. I tried burning my hand. I took a razor sharp edged blade and cut on my veins. I saw the red blood. Drop by drop dripping. One by one. The blood started pouring. How did it find its way to flow downwards, I dint know. Was I dyeing.. I thought so.. I was dreaming something, like I was with my boyfriend, kissing and cuddling and fighting with him. I woke up after some time when I saw drips entering my body and I was bandaged and asked to meet a psychiatrist once I was discharged. Oh god , why did you save, I was fighting with him. The person sitting with the bloody eyes as he was angry with me and wanted to kill me then.

I was still weak. My heart and my feelings were ignored by family members. They wanted me to settle down with any tom, dick and harry. I agreed for marrying some X. But in the name of marriage and proposal, why were they shattering my hopes and faith and trust in the word called love and second chance I dint know. Was I a burden to them. Why did they want me to be packed off, I dint know. I felt, never to live and be a burden to others.

I took poison and swallowed the liquid in one gulp. My other sibling, saw the silence as the storm was gonna hit our family very badly. He took me to the hospital and got it burned. My heart burned when the poison dint come out, while I was vomiting to get rid off it. More than death, the process to remove completely from the body was very difficult. I died 100 times then. Did I win. Yes I won, with my family members , gaining their trust back. I guess many women in India go thru this agnipariksha, day and night to prove themselves, still when they are innocent. Society is like that. Can't help it. I dint want to be part of society. I wanted to rewrite the history. I took charge of my life. I dint want to dictate, nor dictated by others.

After this act, Once I came to home, mommy and me had a very detailed chat. I knew and became closer to my mom then. This was the first ever chat I had with my mother, I saw her as a very good friend. I started to admire her more. I knew she had a past, she was very rigid tight with me all thru. She was scared of male in home. Their domination and chauvinism. She dint have liberty for speech. She just told me that , IM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU AS A FRIEND, YOU CAN SHARE WITH ME ANY THING YOU WANT TO TALK. I NEVER DOUBTED YOU NOR UR CHARACTER/ PERSONLITY. YOU ARE TOO OUTSPOKEN AND EXTROVERT. MEN DON'T NORMALLY LIKE THAT.

I questioned her, why should I pretend and live. She answered me, that's how we are.. We cant get anything and everything in life. Compromise is the first thing you have to learn. I guess by compromising your stubbornness, be cool and polite, they will understand. Did mommys this small suggestion help me. It did. I was very polite and silent. My siblings couldn't bear my silence, they apologised and till now the way they treat me is different. Maturity comes by age and understanding over a period of time. Experience counts.

She did say one more thing. Why did you try this act. Dint you think there were people who loved you and still love you. Can't you let go off your ego and see the life from other side. What about me. If you were dead , what would have happened to me. I kept you in my womb for 9 solid months. You were born on a day for giving hope and life to others, how can you feel that the ray of light in ur life can be dark or doomed. How can you make my life empty. Grow up gal. No more you are the teenager. Act according to your age. May be I wanted this particular talk.

The importance of life in this world, I dint know till I got married and struggled so much to give birth to one more life from me and my partner. It is painful. In life struggles come, we are born to fight the battles on our own. I'm the question, I'm the answer, I'm the sufferer, I'm the learner, I'm the riddle, I'm the puzzle, I'm the solution, maybe I see many more like me, but don't want others to be like me, pray and preach and follow, I may preach, I may not follow, but try to follow, I pray to almighty who was not in one shape, but one soul called as supreme, he may be allah, jesus or rama, I dint give a figure for him, I prayed OH GOD HELP ALL, KEEP ALL HAPPY, GIVE THREE SESSIONS FOOD FOR ALL. This was my prayer to the lord, nothing more.

Why am I writing about birth and death so much. Why ? Why? Why?.

Was death the destiny for them. Were they destined to reach the destination (home) thru death only. Why in earth, can't they have a life, due to egos or parents pressure or so called society or what.

If a person was happy the society had problems, if the lady dint forgive, society bitched, if she forgave they asked why did you?. The men too was not left. Why did you blame and while pleading didn't your male ego permit and you dint feel ashamed bowing your head below her. I said, F of the society. Society doesn't create your life. You create your own rules for your own life.

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