Part Twelve
Khushi was blank, leaning her head against the window of the taxi. The minute she learnt from the neighbouring women that Samrat Raizada met with an accident, she rushed out of the house along with Garima to see him. After waiting and cursing for fifteen minutes, she finally got a taxi. All those moments spent with Samrat came running back to her mind. The way he first met her, the way he hugged her, his big black innocent eyes and his childish toothy smile- all of it played in slow-motion right in front of her eyes. And then she recalled her harsh words to him- "Stay away from me... You both made me cry... I never want to talk to you, anymore... Don't try to come close to me, ever again... I don't love you, Samrat... You cause only pain to others... No wonder your Mommy left you and went away" and the worst one where she had said "You do not deserve any love!" She recalled how hurt he was when she said that to him- his big eyes were full of tears and his face had turned pink as he was about to cry. It was because of her that he had ran out of the building in frustration, and ultimately met with an accident. She hated herself. How could she say such things to that innocent child. She just wanted to see him safe. She wanted to see him smile at her. She would apologise to him and Arnav for causing all this mess. She hoped and wished to have just one chance to undo everything that happened today. "He'll be alright, Khushi", Garima said as she held her hand, "God does not punish the innocent. Just keep yourself calm, alright?"
Without saying a word, Khushi hoped Garima was right, but in her heart, she had a fear. The same fear that she had almost a year back for Rishi. A lone tear slipped from her eye onto her cheek. Life had been unfair to Khushi since childhood. First her Mom, then her Dad and then Rishi- all of them left her and went away. And today, she unleashed those suppressed feelings on a little child. She realised she was no different from the women she hated. She was not different from women like Pam and Kriti. She too had hurt someone for no fault, and that too, a soul so pure and innocent. She was the worst of them all. Samrat was not the one who did not deserve love. It was she who did not deserve any love in her life. But for what she had done this time, life or fate wasn't to be blamed. It was her own action, her own words, that caused Samrat, both, emotional and physical pain. Her guilt ate her up and she was finding it difficult to breathe. God forbid, but what if something happened to the little boy? Would Arnav and his family ever forgive her? Would she ever forgive herself? How would she live the rest of her life with that burden, with her soul stained by the blood of an innocent.
"Khushi" Garima called out, and Khushi looked at her. Garima knew what Khushi must have been going through. That poor girl never said a word to anyone all her life. She was brought up as an enthusiastic and a bubbly girl, despite the fact that her parents had left her forever. She couldn't hurt another soul. But Rishi's death took away all of her happiness. She was breathing and existing, but had stopped living long back. She knew that Khushi was feeling responsible for everything, and to a certain extent she might have been responsible too. However, it was important for Samrat to be safe right now. Keeping her thoughts aside, she said, "We are at the hospital" Khushi looked around and realised that they had reached. She was about to get off the taxi and run ahead, when Garima stopped her. "Khushi, listen to what I have to say" "Ma, can we talk later? I need to see Samrat!" she spoke in a desperate hurry.
"No Khushi, wait right here" Garima refused to let go. After paying the driver, she said to Khushi, "I know you're feeling guilty, and you feel that it must have happened because of you. God willing, Samrat will be safe. But I have one request. Just don't tell anyone what happened between you and Samrat" Khushi was too stunned to say a word. "You can tell everyone what happened once Samrat gets home safe" "But why, Ma? I cannot face them if I hide the truth! It is true! Samrat is in this condition only because of me!" "No, Khushi! Samrat is in this condition because of fate! I agree what you said was absolutely wrong and those words shouldn't have been said to a boy who has faced so much of sadness already. But, would you say it to him or anyone else, if you weren't angry? Would you say it if you knew that it would cause Samrat such harm? No you wouldn't! Whatever happened, whatever you said, it was all in the spur of the moment. I tried stopping you before you said anything that you would regret, but you did not listen. Now what is said and done is already finished. Right now, Samrat's whole family must be worried. If you tell them about what you said to Samrat, you will only increase their stress. So please, just pray that Samrat is okay. Once he is taken home and everything is alright, then you can tell everyone what exactly happened" Khushi was not in a position to think. She nodded her head as Garima said and then, both of them went inside.
As Khushi stepped into the corridor, she saw Arnav seated at the bench with his face in his hands. His white kurta had been stained by blood. Ratna was next to him and rubbing his back, consoling him. Two other men, one older and one younger, paced the room. Most probably they were Samrat's grandfather and uncle. Ratna looked up to see a shivering Khushi coming towards them. "Khushi?" she whispered and Arnav looked up. He saw Khushi looking at him and he immediately stood up. Khushi shivered when she saw him charge towards him. Much to her shock, he stood in front of her and cried. "I'm sorry for what happened today, for everything I did today, Khushi! Samrat became upset because of me and ran outside. And then the car... You should have seen him. My poor boy was covered in blood when I brought him here." He paused for a moment, and Khushi's heart tore into pieces on hearing about Samrat's condition. He spoke again, "Even if I hurt you in front of all, you came to see Samrat. If it was someone else, they probably would not have come. Thank you for being the bigger person, Khushi. And please pray for Samrat, please!" Khushi looked at his large hand placed over her right one. She placed her left hand on his, "No Arnav, it wasn't your fault. It was m..." she stopped when she felt Garima's hand on her shoulder. Garima said, "It was fate. Whatever happened, was because destiny planned it that way. Let's just pray for Samrat to be safe instead of blaming ourselves, okay?" Arnav nodded his head and Ratna helped him back in his seat. Khushi could no longer see Arnav's pain for Samrat. She just walked away from there and went to the corner of the passage.
Thirty minutes later, a doctor came out from the OT. Even before Arnav could talk, Arvind went and caught hold of the doctor's collar. "We have been waiting here for more than an hour and all that you could tell us was to not lose hope? Listen Doctor! You know who I am? Arvind Raizada! And you know who's in there? That's my grandson, my Arnav's son. So if anything happens to him, mind you, I won't hesitate to rip you apart. And after that I am going to get this hospital closed down, do you get that?" The doctor looked like he would faint out of fear. "Sir... sir..." he mumbled. "Speak up, you blabbering fool!" Arvind shook him by his collar. Ratna and Akaash were too shocked to say anything and Arnav wasn't in a position to react. A moment later, Akaash came to his senses and tried to keep Arvind away from the shivering doctor. "I'm just an intern, Sir, I was there to study the case during surgery" he said, almost on the verge of crying, and simply escaped from there. Ratna was surprised to see a different form of her husband. It was as if the old caring and loving Arvind was back. She thanked the Lord for melting her husband's heart. She only hoped her laddoo would be fine.
The senior doctor came outside. Arnav wasn't in a position to stand up. Akaash stood in Arvind's way before he could pounce on him, and asked him about how Samrat was doing. "The boy is absolutely fine. An ankle fracture, a shoulder dislocation, and a few cuts and bruises, that's all. It's a miracle that there are no major injuries." Arnav stood up and walked to him, "Are you sure? He was bleeding severely when I brought him here" The doctor placed his hand on Arnav's shoulders and said, "I'm absolutely sure, Mr. Raizada. A cut on his head caused the bleeding. Nothing serious, by God's grace. We've done the suturing. Also, we checked for any internal clots or damages. The good news is that none are found. You can relax" Arnav breathed in relief and thanked God and teh Doctor for saving his little boy. "When can we meet him?" An eager Arvind asked and Arnav simply looked at him. "You can meet him once he's shifted from the Post-Op to the Intensive Care, one at a time. Right now, we've put him under anaesthesia, so he would sleep for some more time. Once he wakes up, I'll be back to check on him. Anyway, the nurse will inform you more" Arvind nodded. Ratna just patted Arnav's back, "I told you, my laddoo is a strong boy. He'll be absolutely fine" Arnav nodded and hugged her. As he hugged her, he looked up to look at his Dad, whose eyes were closed as if in prayer. When he opened his eyes, Arvind saw Arnav looking at him and felt awkward. "Akaash, get me some coffee please. My head aches" he said and rubbed his temples as he closed his eyes, feigning a headache. Arnav only smiled as he thought to himself, "Deep in my heart, I knew that you love Samrat a lot. You are only angry with him because of my mistake. But today, no matter how much you tried, I saw that love in your eyes." He had made up his mind to forget his guilt and talk to him. But not today. It would be too much to handle in one day. He just smiled and thanked God that everything was alright. Suddenly, he remembered about Khushi. He pulled away from his mother. "I better find Khushi and tell her that Samrat is fine now. She was worried about him" Ratna only smiled at her son and patted his cheek. "Come back soon" she said. After he left, she just prayed that this unfortunate incident would bring some positivity by bringing Khushi closer to Samrat, and thereby closer to Arnav.
"Khushi" Garima placed her hand on Khushi's shoulder and consoled her. "Ma, if you're here to make me feel better, then forget about it. Nothing is going to make me feel better, ever." She said with a hiccupping breath. Garima patted her back as if trying to soothe her and was about to say something, but Khushi continued. "Ma, I should have listened to you. You stopped me, and in spite of that I kept saying things to Samrat. Ma, I was so rude to him. You should have seen his face. He was broken, Ma! It all happened because of me. Samrat is lying in the hospital because of me, Ma. I can never forgive myself for it. I wish I had one chance, just one chance to take back everything what I said. If I hadn't been so rude to him, he would have never been in this condition"
"What did you say to my son?" A voice behind both of them spoke. Even without turning around, she knew that it was Arnav. Slowly, she looked at him and saw his eyes red with anger. Garima stepped forward, "Arnav, it was just a minor misunderstanding. Nothing happened to..." Arnav raised his hand to stop the older woman from talking. "Aunty, I just came to tell you- the doctor just told us that Samrat is perfectly" Khushi closed her eyes and let her tears roll down her cheeks. Garima joined her hands in prayer and thanked God. Both the women moved towards the OT, but Arnav held Khushi's forearm. Then, looking into Khushi's eyes, he spoke, "Garima Aunty, you go. I need to talk to Khushi" Garima did not budge. Arnav, on seeing that Garima hadn't moved, looked at her and asked her to go. When she looked at Khushi, she too asked her to go. Garima had no choice but to oblige.
Once she was gone, Arnav held Khushi's hand and dragged her out of the hospital. "Arnav, you're hurting me!" she cried as his fingers bore into her forearm, almost piercing her with pain. He dragged her to the parking lot of the hospital and almost threw her to the corner. Standing in front of her like a raging bull, he asked her in a calm yet dangerous tone. "What did you say to my son?" She caressed the pinkish bruise on her forearm, without looking at him. He took a step towards her and roared, "I said WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MY SON?" Khushi shivered when she heard his loud voice. "I'm sorry Arnav, I did not mean to hurt him. Trust me" Arnav banged the wall, right next to her head and asked her the same question in a louder tone.
Khushi closed her eyes tightly and pushed him away from her. "I was angry, Arnav. I was angry at everyone and did not know what I was saying. Samrat came to me and unfortunately, I said some very rude things to him" Arnav took a step further, grabbed her arm and shook her, "What rude things?" She looked at his face. He looked like a predator on the hunt. Khushi closed her eyes and repeated the whole thing to him. She cried out, "I was mean to him, Arnav. I told him to stay away from me and said that both, you and he, made me cry. I said that I would never talk to him, anymore. I said that don't love him at all. I feel so horrible. I said that he causes only pain to others and that his Mommy left him and went away because he does not deserve any love! He was so broken, so shattered. I hurt him so much" she said and fell to the floor, weeping, with her face in her hands.
"How dare you?" she heard his growl and looked up at him. He held her by her shoulders and made her stand up. "How dare you, Khushi?" He shook her by her shoulders. "You knew how attached Sam is to you. He loves you more than he has loved anyone, including me. And yet you hurt him? It is only because of you that he is lying unconscious there. And in spite of being guilty, what did you do? You chose to hide it from me? If I hadn't heard you talking to Aunty, I would have never known that you were the one who almost killed him" Khushi closed her eyes as he continued to scream at her. "My boy could have died! Did you see his condition when I brought him here? He was bleeding, covered in his own blood! How could you say such rude things to him? You know what he said to me before he lost consciousness? "Please don't hate me, I am not that bad" Now I know why he said that. Because you filled his head with your shitty talk! None of us in my family have ever told him about why his mother left. Because we know how such things can affect a child's mind. Who the hell do you think you are to say such things? Do you even know his Mother? What do you know about his past, about my past? How dare you make such comments?" Khushi looked at him and pleaded him, "I'm sorry, Arnav. I said it in anger. I did not realise..." "To hell with your sorry!" he yelled at her. Throwing his hands on his face, he stood backing her.
Moments later, he turned around and spoke in a low tone. "You know, Khushi, I used to feel sorry for you. I used to think it was unfortunate that you had to go through so much of pain in life. I felt sad for you and felt that you were a victim of all this misfortune. But not anymore" he said, and Khushi looked up at his face. "You know what? You deserved it all!" he said in a harsh tone. Khushi felt like someone had punched her in the gut and she leaned against the wall to support herself from falling down. He did not care. Instead, he just kept talking. "Your parents left you on purpose, because they did not love you. Your Dad knew that you were not worth his love and he made the right decision by leaving you alone. And then, even your husband died. He must be so relieved to be away from you and is definitely in a better place now, since he hasn't to live with a bitter person like you. They all left you because you deserve to be lonely" Khushi felt like she was stabbed by a sharp knife and that knife kept twisting in her gut, causing her excruciating pain. She covered her ears with her palms. She did not want hear anymore, but even then, his voice pierced into her ears.
Arnav's anger increased every minute and with that, the words that left his mouth turned crueller and harsher. "I cannot believe that I trusted you with my son! When I saw you happy with him, I thought that you too loved him. I guess I was wrong. Because a person like you can never love anyone. Because a person like you can only make other's world darker. You had no right to hurt my son. Khushi Gupta, you are a ruthless and a stone-hearted lying bitch that is full of nothing but poison. How are you ever going to live with all that guilt, that you almost killed my little boy?" Pausing for a second, he continued again. "You said that you did not want my son coming near you, right? That you never wanted to see him? So be it! You will not see my son, ever again. And if he ever asks about you, I'll just say to him that you are dead to him. Did you hear me? You are dead to him!" And with those words, he turned around and walked away without another glance at her.
Khushi felt her body go numb and she fell onto the ground on her knees. By then, her tears had all dried up. She stopped crying. Her throat was parched and her lips were dry. What was left behind was a hollow, dark and an empty being. A part of her had died with Rishi and today, with Samrat's accident and Arnav's eye-opening words, even the rest of her died. She gave up fighting against everything. This is it. She couldn't take it anymore. She was tired of it all -the accusations, the harshness and the pain. She gave up fighting against the dark toxin that she was drowning in, and surrendered completely, even if it meant suffocating and choking in it. Arnav was right. She was a heartless and a cold-blooded bitch. Who else would speak such merciless words to a child? In her blind anger, she almost killed the boy she loved the most. She was a murderer. A cruel, heartless murderer. And maybe, just maybe, Arnav was right that she deserved to be alone. Perhaps even God knew that she was undeserving of anyone's love. And that was why he took everyone away from her. Whoever loved her had left her. That was her curse - to be left alone and die alone. With each passing second, she felt the bitter truth in his words. She wasn't capable of giving any love to anyone. Samrat did not cause anyone pain. It was she who caused pain to everyone around her. She was poisonous, who was surviving on the concoction of hatred and vindictiveness. And her murky venom only filled other people's world in tenebrosity. She did not realise it for some time, but a while later, her breath began to hurt and gradually her vision got blurry. She was unable to lift herself off the ground to stand up. She could still see a blurry Arnav walking away and she tried to call out to him in vain. Dread began to creep into her mind as she realised what was happening while her breathing was gradually turning heavier. Slowly, the place round her turned pitch black.
Arnav returned to the place outside the OT. He saw Ratna talking to Garima. Arvind and Akaash were seated in another corner. Garima saw Arnav approaching and she looked around for Khushi. Ratna noticed Arnav's change of mood. It was unpleasant, more like angry. "Arnav, where's Khushi?" Ratna asked and he did not reply. Garima began to worry. Garima asked him where she was, to which he said, "After what she did, she has no right to come near me or my son. I don't know where she is." His fists were still clenched in anger. "But she was with you" Garima said in panic, "Where is she?" Arnav frowned in annoyance, "The last time I saw her, she was in the parking lot and..." even before he could finish, Garima rushed out. Ratna looked at Arnav who did not respond, and helplessly, she followed Garima. "Ma" he called out to Ratna, and when she did not turn back, he too followed the two of them.
Garima got the shock of her life when she reached the parking lot. "Help, someone help. I need the stretcher" she screamed when she saw Khushi on the ground, with saliva dripping out from her mouth. Ratna called out to Arnav and asked him to arrange for a stretcher even before he reached them. Arnav wondered why, but did as he was told. Within a few seconds, two ward boys, accompanied by Arnav, brought a stretcher to where Khushi was fallen on the ground. The moment Arnav reached there, he was shocked beyond understanding. "She's having a seizure. It must have begun a minute back." Garima told the boys who lifted a convulsing Khushi off the floor and into the stretcher. "When was the last time she had a seizure?" one of them asked and she replied, "More than a year back, when her husband passed away." The two men immediately carried her into the ER, followed by Garima and Ratna. Arnav stood rooted to the spot as if the whole world had come to a halt. "Oh God! What have I done!" he thought to himself.
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