ArHi FF: Yeh Saali Zindagi #4 Next thread link @page 1 - Page 67

ArHi FF: Yeh Saali Zindagi

Chapter 31-B

Conscience.

It is said that a man with conscience can never do anything wrong, for he will spend the rest of his life repenting for it while guilt eats away at his insides.

But no one actually told the whole truth about possessing the feeling called conscience in your heart.

Nobody told that conscience is nothing but a double-edged sword, hurting everyone who cares enough about this particular feeling.

While it is true that being conscious of your actions and intentions will always make you an honest and wise person, the fact cannot be ignored that if something wrong does happen by your hand involuntarily, your conscience will be the reason behind your sudden death or suicide.

Because it'll not let you live your life without feeling guilt and shame.

It is a very lethal feeling, capable of killing anyone.

For a decade, Khushi suffered through the feeling, which made her brave and confident enough to put herself into dangerous situations while helping others.

But helping hundreds or thousands of people never lessened the feeling. Maybe that's why she never got to feel above it.

Until today.

Listening as Arnav told her about his childhood, Khushi realized that she is not the only one going through this battle. Maybe everyone have their own set of mistakes and guilt.

She realized that Arnav has managed to feel above it, moving ahead unlike her.

She could do that as well. She could take his hand and walk ahead, not looking back at all.

After all it's her life and it's her decision to feel what she wants.

Khushi felt alive and connected to Arnav, feeling his strength backing her up and supporting her to stand back on her feet.

Helping her.

Not letting her fall.

Staring at her husband, she brushed back her slightly damp hairs away from her face, a genuine smile pulling on her lips.

As her eyes stared at his pensive face, she felt her heart beating fast, twisting open a lock that had managed to control her feelings till now. Rubbing her palms against her arms, she shivered against the cold breeze ruffling through her.

Closing her eyes, she savored the moment feeling as if Lavanya is smiling down at her, telling her to feel and let everything else go.

She never felt that way before.

Forcing her eyes open, Khushi turned to her husband, raising her hand tentatively and pressing it softly against his stubbly cheek, the friction prickling her skin with awareness. Titling her head as he turned to look at her, Khushi smiled "I know I am not alone. I am glad to have you by my side."

Arnav smirked, focusing his eyes on her, pressing his hands against her waist to propel her forward making her gasp and fall against his chest. Cupping the back of her head and hiding her face against his neck, he murmured softly against her ear "I will never let you go, Khushi."

Nodding her head, Khushi settled into his embrace, a goofy smile playing on her lips, knowing very well that the moment had changed many things between them.

Even though they need to leave soon, this particular moment will always stay engraved in her mind, telling her that her feelings aren't just one sided.

Maybe her husband loves her as well.

"My wife will take a cup of tea with a teaspoon sugar and one-fourth milk. Please send some sandwiches as well. Make it fast, okay?" Khushi smiled watching as Arnav instructed the stewardess sternly as she came to take their orders, not giving her any opportunity to decide for herself.

Bewildered, the woman nodded vehemently before scurrying off.

Letting out a chuckle, Khushi leaned against her husband, resting her head on his shoulder "Arnav, stop scaring the staff."

Looking adorably confused, Arnav exclaimed "I did not. I was just telling her what you will eat."

Raising an eyebrow in query, Khushi chided in a teasing tone "You did glower at her."

Shrugging his shoulders, Arnav relented "Okay fine. I might have done that but I am not sorry for it a bit."

Khushi laughed, feeling positively happy and energized "You are such a caring husband, Arnav. I never pegged you of being so considerate and caring about others."

"I am not." Looking mortified, Arnav retorted instantly.

Pointing at him, Khushi insisted "No you are a very caring and considerate man. You wouldn't have told me anything about your past if you didn't think that it will help me. You wouldn't have me about your mistake at all. You wanted to tell me that I am not alone. Now, stop denying the truth."

Squirming uncomfortably in his seat, Arnav confessed "That I did. Besides, I wanted to tell you everything about my past from past few weeks but I wasn't getting the right opportunity. Now that I have started it, I must tell you the rest as well. We might not get the opportunity again. It will help you whenever you meet my family and spend time with them."

Considering his words, Khushi nodded "Okay. I am ready."

As the stewardess walked toward their seat while carrying a tray, Arnav added cautiously "But first, we need to eat something."

Feeling her stomach growling silently in hunger, Khushi agreed.

"How are the preparations going?" Anuj enquired, walking slowly towards his wife as she instructed the servant to check on the decorations of the house. Even after taking rest for the last two weeks at home, he felt tired and old, suddenly wishing to just live the rest of the days of his life in peace. Nowadays, he didn't think about his political party and anything related to it instead his mind was focused on something else for a change, which made him feel like a changed man. It was refreshing to think well about someone other than himself.

Two weeks ago, Anuj had felt that no one is going to help him into becoming a good man but he couldn't have been more wrong as proved again and again by the woman in front of him.

Turning to look at him, Divya smiled "Oh everything is going great. The preparations will be over in a day or two. Everyone will enjoy the party immensely."

Running his gaze around the house, Anuj quizzed "What about flowers and food arrangements?"

Placing a hand on his forearm, Divya assured "Everything is arranged, Anuj. We are ready for the get together. By the way, have you discussed about it with Anjali and Arnav?"

Anuj frowned, his expressions going stiff "I will talk to them tomorrow. I just wanted to make sure that everyone is done. I don't want anything to go wrong for this party. It's the least I could do for Anjali."

"Sure. They will be happy you know. You are doing the right thing by trying to help them." Murmuring softly, Divya stared at her husband, successfully detecting his cause of concern, once again managing to surprise him.

He has misunderstood his own wife very, very much. He couldn't have got more caring and loving woman as his life partner.

And that realization made him feel sick, while thinking of all the time that they have lost due to his greed and selfishness.

Nodding curtly, Anuj looked away "Did the invitations cards arrived?"

"They did arrive just an hour ago." Divya informed.

Feeling tired, Anuj instructed slowly "Please send them to the members of all political parties. I want everyone in the party no matter what we need to do."

Divya frowned, twisting her hands together in worry "What about Vikrant?"

Anuj tensed, turning his head to look down at her sharply. Staring her down, he bit out "I will take care of him personally. Besides, he is in a hospital nowadays. We don't need to invite him."

"What if he did something?"

Exhaling slowly, Anuj smiled at his wife, pressing his palms down on her tightly clasped hands in an assuring manner "I said you don't need to worry about it. I will take care of it. Okay?"

Divya nodded, taking notice of his determined stance. She couldn't help feeling that her husband meant the words he had just uttered.

Drinking water, Khushi sighed in bliss, smacking her lips together before turning her gaze upward, looking directing in her husband's eyes. She looked eager yet a bit afraid in anticipation of what he was going to reveal.

As the stewardess pressed a steaming cup of coffee in his hands, Arnav looked around, making sure that their conversation couldn't be heard by others.

Once he was sure of it, he relaxed, burrowing further in his seat.

Taking a sip of the black coffee, Arnav sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he started speaking softly "After that incident during my school days, I changed you know. I realized that despite what my father always said, power and money isn't everything. I felt ashamed of the way I had behaved till then that I wasn't able to meet anyone's eyes. I refused to speak much for few days. It was then that the people I had bullied in past started picking on me, taunting and treating me the way I had done with them. You know what was funny about that situation? Whenever I tried to fight them back, I remembered what had happened last time when I had raised my fists on anyone and I just couldn't do it. I let them harass me as much as they wanted to."

Snapping his eyes open, he noted his wife's sympathetic gaze on him making him cringe in distaste "Please don't look at me like that. I never liked anyone pitying on me. I believe that I deserved everything I got."

"What happened after that?" Khushi asked promptly, making sure to keep her face blank.

Arnav smiled, staring ahead as if reminiscing the past once again "Akash happened. He saved me from everyone. I never knew that the students in our school respected my brother so much that his words were like orders of god for them. He helped me even when our relationship had been kind of awkward from past a year or so on."

"Why?" Khushi squeaked, swept away with the multitude of emotions she glimpsed in his eyes.

As his mind registered the question, everything about him changed. A moment before Arnav had looked nostalgic and sad, now he looked angry and grim. Clenching his teeth, he hissed the answer curtly "Because a year before that, we got to know from a relative that he is not our biological brother."

"What? He is not your biological brother? What do you mean?" Khushi demanded, looking taken aback, her eyes wide in shock.

Laughing harshly, Arnav whispered "What I mean is Akash is the only son of Ajit Raizada, my father's dead brother. He was only four years old when his parents died and my father brought him home. Everyone in our family knew that except us. When Anjali and I were born, it was decided that no one will tell us about it. They never wanted us to treat Akash differently because of it. But then one of our Uncles got drunk in a party and blurted everything in front of me and Anjali. I confronted everyone about it, hoping that it was all a lie. But my mother confirmed everything, telling me that even Akash remembered everything."

Tongue-tied, Khushi stared at her husband, not knowing what to say.

Sparing a glance at her, Arnav continued "I didn't know what to do and how to tell Akash that the truth will never change anything between us. But I was not sure about it. So I kept quiet. Anjali did the same. Sensing that we need time to adjust to it, Akash kept his distance with us until I got in trouble. He helped me in becoming a better man. I was so inspired by his selflessness that when it came to helping Anjali, I did everything I could for her you know. I took care of her in every way possible. But I must have done something wrong because she changed. I tried to lessen her hurt but I couldn't. I should have noticed the changes in her."

Smiling sadly, Khushi grabbed his hands, interrupting him quickly "You did everything you could, Arnav. You shouldn't feel guilty of what she went through. You cannot change the inevitable you know."

Shaking his head, Arnav insisted "No, I should have."

Khushi scowled, narrowing her eyes at him "No one can know the events of future, Arnav. Stop blaming yourself."

Leaning back in his chair, Arnav asked innocently "Are you sure of that?"

"Yes." Khushi answered.

Staring at her for few moments, Arnav smiled smugly "Then why couldn't you do the same thing Khushi? You didn't know what was going to happen that night. You tried to save Lavanya but you couldn't. You blame yourself for it but you know in your heart, you couldn't have managed to stop it. So my dear wife, no one can know the events of future. Stop blaming yourself."

Defeated by her own words, Khushi felt her mouth open in shock and astonishment. Staring at her husband, she smiled gratefully, tears filling her eyes. Resting her head against his shoulder again, she whispered in a broken voice "You are too good for me, Arnav."

"I know. So do you agree with me?" Arnav asked cheerfully, rubbing her back in a soothing manner.

Khushi smiled, lifting her head to brush her lips against his stubbly cheek softly "Yes, I do. Thanks for that my dear husband. But you must not feel guilty as well."

Arnav smirked, tucking her hairs behind her ear slowly, making her look up at him shyly "You don't need to worry. It's not what I have in my mind nowadays. Despite of what I want to think, I find myself concentration on only one person."

Feeling her breath catch in her throat, Khushi said in wonder "And who is that?"

Arnav grinned wickedly as he leaned forward, whispering the word on her lips "YOU."

Leaning back, Khushi stared at him in bafflement, her lips parting in surprise at his answer. Her gaze turned shy, making her face flame in heat and pleasure, her lips curving upward in a dazzling smile.

"Me?" She asked in absolute wonder.

Flicking his finger against her nose, Arnav winked, replying in a teasing tone "Of course. No one is more interesting than you, Khushi. The way you think and act is very refreshing."

Khushi opened her mouth, rummaging through her mind to reply anything but came up empty, choosing to just stare at her husband in wonder and happiness.

Arnav smiled, his eyes tracing her face like a loving caress that she felt to her heart.

Two weeks.

It has been two weeks since she had last met him. Fought him actually.

That night, when he had come to her, taunted and challenged her, making her understand things that she had chosen to ignore till then.

He made her realize how much she was hurting the people close to her.

He had called her out on her bluff, calling her a coward for hiding away like that. And what she had done in return?

She fought back, saying harsh words that she regretted now.

Because she didn't know the moment he walked out from the house that night, will be the last time she will be seeing him.

True, her brother and his wife met her everyday but he never accompanied them.

"He doesn't want to see you." Arnav had informed her regretfully, not wanting to keep secrets from her. Gathering the last shred of dignity and courage in her heart, she had smiled for her brother's benefit.

But in heart, she was concerned for him, hoping to see him again soon.

She wanted to apologize, knowing very well that she missed him terribly. Even though she knew she would never confess her love for him, she needed him in her life.

He is like a bright light, warm and full of energy, flooding her bleak life with happiness.

He is the voice of reason and sanity for her.

He is her everything.

Running out of patience at last, she knew she must do something.

Turning off the ignition key, she pushed open the door, stepping out of the car at once. Pressing the key to lock the car from inside, her eyes focused on the dark house in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, she strode forward, finding her way in the darkness and pressed the doorbell.

Standing there, she noticed the curtains draped over the windows, engulfing the house in darkness as no lights were switched on inside.

She frowned, realizing that he must not be home.

Arnav had said the same, didn't he? He was away on some book tour or something.

Still, she stood there, waiting for a long time. She knocked on the door and called out his name several times, feeling as if he is in there, looking at her silently.

Finally accepting defeat, she stopped, staring at the door for a last time. She turned away, reluctant to leave without seeing his face.

As she moved back to her car, she kept looking back over her shoulder, hoping to see him open the door and welcome her inside the home.

But nothing happened.

Pulling the car out of the parking lot, Anjali steered it towards the road, failing to notice as the door finally opened silently and a lonely figure stood on the porch, watching her drive away.

They didn't realize that this is their last meet for a long time, for which he will feel remorse and she will be unable to feel, nothing for a change.

Their life was finally going to hit the rock bottom.

"Why are we here?"

Looking around the small restaurant, Khushi whispered, her gaze curious and searching. As Arnav grabbed her hand, dragging her to a table nearby the exit, she sighed in exasperation before following him reluctantly.

"Sit." Arnav ordered, his eyes focusing intently on her.

Sitting down slowly, Khushi watched as Arnav said something to passing by waitress before finally taking the seat across the table. Running his hands through his hairs, he finally answered "To loosen you up a bit and to forget our present and responsibilities for the rest of the night."

Khushi protested at once "Arnav you don't need to do that. Manyata must be waiting for us at home along with Aman. Let's just go home."

Arnav shook his head in denial "No they aren't. They are already asleep. I called Aman when we were at the airport. They aren't waiting for us."

Glaring at him, Khushi whined "But that doesn't mean we have to come here."

Raising his hand, Arnav said looking annoyed "Khushi for once, do something without analyzing it in your mind. We are here for a reason."

Just as Khushi opened her mouth to fire her next question, the waitress returned, carrying a tray and placing it on the small table between them. Eying the small glasses of shots in front of her, Khushi watched as Arnav paid for the drink before turning back to her.

As the waitress walked away, he clapped his hands together looking excited "Okay here is the thing, I want to know few things about you. It will determine whether you managed to enjoy the small moments of life or not. I will name five things randomly. Take a shot if you have experienced them even once in your life. Okay?"

"But you were about to tell me about your past." Khushi argued.

Arnav smiled "I told you everything about me Khushi. The rest is related to Anjali and it'll be better if she told you about it. Now, are you going to do it or not?"

Relenting at last, Khushi grumbled "All right."

Picking up the first glass, Arnav said cheerfully "Ever kissed a stranger?"

Shaking her head in denial, Khushi watched as he downed the shot, looking triumphant as he remarked possessively "Now I won't let you."

"Dated anyone?"

"No."

"Got drunk?"

"No."

"Ever been on a fun trip?"

"No."

Khushi kept watching as her husband downed four shots in affirmation to his own questions, studying her as if filing all the options for future reference.

She felt frustrated, realizing that she has never done anything for fun.

Picking the next glass, he whispered, focusing intently on her "Ever fallen in love?"

Finally. Beaming positively, Khushi leaned forward, taking the shot from his hands and throwing her head back to drink it. As the liquid burned her insides, tasting bitter, she smiled at her husband, placing the empty glass back on the table.

Knowing that she had won the last round.

She watched his shocked expressions in satisfaction before asking hoarsely, already feeling fuzzy and light headed "Now can we leave?"

Clearing his throat loudly, Arnav recovered at once, studying her as if trying to solve a puzzle "Alright."

As they strolled out of the place together, Khushi asked "You didn't drink at the last question?"

"No I didn't." Arnav answered vaguely, walking toward the car where the driver was waiting for them, murmuring to himself quietly "But I didn't realize you would."