When you lose someone, does it hurt? Do you blame yourself for the loss? Did you regret the fact that it was gone because of you?
He gave me a choice, I was to angry to choose her and now she's gone. Just like the wind she brushed my heart and away she went traveling to a place in which is impossible for me to reach her. The pain me made from the mistakes we did were once easy to forgive, but never was once hard to forget. Returning to what once was is difficult. But all i'm asking is a chance for him to forgive me. Will he?...
My love,
It been years since were married. Years filled with pain and sadness. How come? Cause you was not there with me eventhough u was and it's all because of me. Paying the price of having to live without you is like living in hell. Months after our marriage I was pregnant. We talked about our child's name weather its a girl or a boy you didn't care. All you could think about is starting a family. I lost our child a couple of months ago, I didn't mean to.
You said it was going to be OK as long as we had each other. But how can you sit there, and blame me for everything. You said you always wanted a family, because you never had one before. I told you we could always have one at the right time. You were sited on a bed, the exact same bed where we fought and made love. How you comforted me and told me that everything will be perfect as long as we have each other. I guess you were never able to accept the tragedy and pain of losing our child. It was hurting me more than it possibly hurt you.
Yes, that child was our own, reasons enough for you to be hurt but that child was inside of me. You think I have forgiven myself for losing what could have been our bundle of joy? I was suffering emotionally and the last thing I needed was for you to fall before I completely lost it. I kept looking at you and continue to cry. You looked at me, stood up, and left. You left me with a big question mark. You left me with a lot of things in my mind. Could this be the end of us? We've been together for that long and I've never seen that side of you. Perhaps, what happened affected you so much but it was not you to just bail out on me, not explaining how you feel. Looking from the balcony, rain was falling and your mood matched the weather. You were so cold. I saw your car speed up and loosing sight of it into the darkness.
I perfectly remembered how butterflies were in my stomach whenever we kissed. How I cried the first time we made love. Treasuring those joy and laughter made me forgot how we are today. It's been hours since you left. I drank some coffee I needed something to keep me awake, the last thing I wanted to do was sleep. I turned on the radio and our song played... A touch of hot tears build up through my eyes. I was crying again. I felt lost and alone. You left me and now, without you, I'm be lost. I looked at the watch... 5 am. I felt numb from crying. I felt numb inside. I scanned the album where I kept our pictures. The happy moments together as I called them... The best day of my life I became Mrs. Vadhera ! I placed it back inside the drawer.
You were so excited to become a daddy. Either way if it was a girl of boy, our little princess/prince we were going to call her, Virika if him, Vihaan. I failed you... I failed us...! My phone rang. The lady said you were in a car accident. I rushed to the hospital and waited for hours. Hours has passed and still nothing. I fell on my knees in tears. I prayed, I was ready for a family, I knew that time I wasn't going to lose it. My heart was beating faster as each moment passes. I was scared. Was I going to lose you?
At last, the doctor talked to me and with that everything became crystal clear. He said you were in a coma and you lost control of your car and hit a tree. Lilies were found on the passenger's seat, you were probably on your way home, wanting to ask for forgiveness and reconciliation. I forgive you even before you left the house. The doctors gave me you stuff and a tiny velvet box. I opened it, it was a necklace you were supposed to give to me when you reached home. A note with it said...
Baby,
I'm sorry and i love you so much. You mean the world to me. Will you forgive me?
" Viren
I took the necklace and wore it. It looked perfect. But you were there laying on the bed unconscious. Weeks passed and you were still the same. How could you do this to me? How could you betray the promise we had about forever? I felt mad at you but then the anger faded with the tears that fell. I felt useless all I could do was cry but then I realized I have to be strong and have to bring u back to life . I passed out at work. My staff brought me to the hospital. I was over fatigue, depressed and worst of all, I was pregnant.
Yes, I wanted a family but that was when you are with me to share my happiness, spoil me rotten, full fill my wishes but u was not in the state to do all this . All blame goes on me. But still I had faith in God that one day u will be back to me and your baby.
After a month finally that day arrived, when u opened your eyes and called my name. It was a dream moment to see you looking at me with those loved filled eyes. Then I told u that I'm pregnant with your baby. The look on your face said it all that u r way more than happy and it was something so hard to describe what you was feeling. Finally I got u back, I got my love and moreover our symbol of love.
Virika, 5, will be attending pre-school this june. Too bad, I don't even want her to leave us not even for a second.Typical mother ! But U r always there with me and with our daughter. The daddy she loves the most. You are the world's best daddy.
Perhaps I m glad we got this chance again...I got u back again but still I cant forgive myself for the loss.Its something I had to be blamed for... but u try hard to make me foget about it. Maybe somethings are hard to forget in life.
-Jeevika Vadhera
"What u doing my love?" asked viren coming inside room.
I hurriedly tried to clear those tears coming out from my eyes. but he found out I was crying. With whom I was trying to hide. From him ? who had know me since so many years and know me better than myself. He kneeled down infront of me.
So again u was thinking about tht ? jeevika u know that its not something we can get back and why u blame urself. U was not at fault. It was circumstances. U feel down from stairs and I was not there. If someone has to be blamed it should be me not u. I was angry after knowing that we lost our first baby so I got my frustration out on u which I still feel guilty for. So please stop blaming urself and think about the present, we have virika with us and God has blessed us with her. From now no more crying about past and think about the future we have. And if u want we can have more babies I don't have any problem u see.
I slapped him on his chest. How on earth he can make me smile everytime ? Maybe that's what we call a true love. I replied back lets first take care of virika and stop thinking naughty all the time."
Virika came in our room holding a drawing book in her tiny hands. She came near us and said " mommy dada see I made family picture with all three of us holding hands" I was in aww after seeing that picture while viren picked her up and we all shared some family moments.
How hard it was for me in the starting after loosing my baby but just a smile on virika and viren face made me forget each and every sorrow and hardship I faced. Now I m complete with viren by my side and virika in my arms. I couldnt be more contented with life.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
