SanDhir FF: Of Broken Hearts (Chapter 20 (LAST) on Page 81) - Page 45

Originally posted by: ilovepyaar

Chapter Seventeen

This chapter is from Randhir's perspective because I felt like it was crucial to give an insight towards what he was thinking at this point!

He was disgusted. Not with her. With himself. He knew that she truly regretted leaving him. He knew that she was suffering as much as him, if not more. But he couldn't help it. As much as he tried to force himself to trust her, his mind was not taking it. It just was not allowing him. And he hated himself for that.

oh ho... toh yeh hai... he wants to be with her... but he couldn't get himself to trust her. and he admits that Sanyu is truly trying to repent.

If he knew - and yes he did - the whole time that he wouldn't be able to trust Sanyukta, why the hell did he sleep with her? Why the hell did he succumb? He managed to stay away from her for all these days - heck, all these years, and one moment changed everything. He told himself he hated her, but he knew he could never do that. So he told himself he would act like he never even knew her. Apparently, he couldn't do that simple task either.

AWH. He's ... he's confusssed!

Randhir punched the steering wheel hard and pressed his face against it, feeling fresh tears fall out of his eyes.

He felt guilty. He felt horrible. He couldn't control himself, and he slept with her, he bloody slept with her. He made love to her last night. And this morning - when she was hurt, he did it anyways. Despite her constantly telling him she was fine, he knew - he just knew that she was hurt... yet he didn't stop it. He should have stopped. He hated himself so much.

Okay... this is really bad. But I like blushed at this.. heck I am still blushing. Like I don't know. Just thinking about a guy's perspective when he has slept with a girl... it makes me blush more than a beet root. heheeh. I can't believe you wrote down his feelings so well ... like it's perf!

And I love the fact that he hates himself for not stopping himself. Just this whole paragraph was great.

As if matters weren't bad enough already, he pushed her just now. How could he do that? He was supposed to hug her, protect her, not raise his hand on her. He had done it gently, but he still couldn't help but hate himself. It was a knee-jerk reaction, but he hurt her. How could he hurt her so badly?

And this morning - this morning he lied to her. Was this the way of going about it? She broke his trust, but that didn't mean he had to break hers. It wasn't even like he was trying to seek revenge, but it just happened. He was hurting her. He himself was already a lost case, but how could he take advantage of her goodness?

Holy Ship. So... he said... that he was making love to her... but he knew he was hurting her... gosh. eeeks.

He was still in his parking lot, sobbing against the steering wheel, his heart feeling heavy, when he heard the door click open beside him. He didn't have to look up to know it was Sanyukta. He felt her warm hand on his shoulder, and he wanted to cry in her lap, he wanted to apologize a million times for the way he treated her, but he was scared. He was scared of opening up again only to lose her. He loved her a lot, and he didn't think he could deal with the pain of losing her again.

"Randhir," she muttered softly, caressing his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

So now he doesn't want to tell her the truth... because he feels like he's going to lose her. It makes total sense yaar.

He moved his face off the cold steering wheel and glared at her, his eyes bloodshot. How could she apologize when it wasn't even her fault? He was the one who overreacted and he knew. But the thought of losing her again was more powerful than anything else he was feeling.

She cupped his cheeks with both of her hands and wiped away his tears.

AWH. I love how you wrote in his perspective... it's just beautifully written yaar.

"Do you want me to stay with you Randhir?" she said softly, "I'll stay with you every second of the day. I promise. I will leave everything and I will be with you."

And here she was trying to ruin her life for him. He was starting to hate himself even more. How could he do this to her?

Randhir... you're overreacting yaar...

"Leave me alone Sanyukta," he said hoarsely.

She shook her head. "No, I'm not going anywhere Randhir. I promise... and I know my words might not mean much to you, but I promise with all of my soul that I will never leave you."

AWH! Sanyu you're making him feel even more guilty.

She was so innocent, her voice held truth, her eyes held promises, and Randhir's heart fell. He wanted to listen to her, but his mind told him to stop. Those were empty promises. She might mean it now, but when a difficult situation arose, she would go away again.

SHI* yaar... grrr. Randhir don't think like that.

He wanted to hold her tightly and cry, he wanted her to console him, and he knew that she would. But she had already wasted so much time on him, she had already given her everything to him that he just couldn't let himself take anything more from her. He didn't know when he could trust her again, but he couldn't see her hurt like this.

"Sanyukta I said leave me alone!" he bellowed, pressing his palms in front of her. "Please Sanyukta. I want to be alone."

"I'm staying with you Randhir," she said stubbornly. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Sanyukta I wish you married Sameer," he shouted angrily, "At least then you wouldn't stick to me like glue."

RD! SHUT UP. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT.

He regretted his words as soon as she said it. He saw her eyes gloss over, but she remained seated firmly.

"Say whatever you want Randhir, but I'm not going anywhere," she replied, adamant about staying with him.

"Sanyukta you told me you would do anything for me right?" he asked her.

"Anything except leave you alone," she clarified firmly.

He gripped her arm tightly and pulled her closer. He saw her wince, but he didn't loosen his grip. He pulled her so close that his lips were an inch away from hers. He could see her determined face - she was ready to take anything.

He let go of her arm and slid his arm under her leg, picking her up and placing her on his lap in the drivers seat. She was seated facing him and he could see her breathing heavily. She was turned on. And so was he.

Dang... this... is hot.

A voice in the back of his mind told him he shouldn't be doing this, but he pushed that voice away and sucked the base of her neck, her fingers wrapping around his hair. He slid her dress up and she fumbled with his buckle.

"Stop," he said, holding her waist and looking into her eyes.

"What happened?" she gasped, her hands over his crotch.

He was sure she could feel his hardness.

"Leave me alone."

"What?" she asked. "You're crazy Randhir. I want you. Shut up."

Then she pushed her lips roughly against his, causing him to moan.

"Sanyukta, stooop," he said, wanting to continue this, but unable to place another burden on his already heavy heart.

damn it... it seems like you're not going to make them ...😳😳

She managed to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants, not listening to him.

"Sanyukta!" he yelled as her lips found his neck. "Stop it!"

"Randhir!" Sanyukta replied, equally loudly, "Let me make you feel good dammit. What's your problem?"

She reached out to caress his cheeks again but he grabbed her hands and pinned them behind her back, fury in his eyes.

"My problem is you!" he bellowed, his own eyes stinging with tears, "You won't leave me alone! I lied about everything. I lied! I am seeing someone."

FUDGE. FUDGE. FUDGE. Fu**.

He felt his heart sink as soon as her face fell and tears welled up in her eyes.

She opened the door beside him, got up and then walked back into the house without saying a word to him. He punched the steering wheel hard once again, fixed his clothes, and started to drive. It was his fault. He was an idiot. He lead her on. He made her believe she had a chance with him after all these years, and he was the reason that she lost her virginity to him... he snatched everything from her. He detested himself so badly right now.

shit. wait. you're serious... you made him actually see someone else? hell. what is going on.

As soon as he reached his destination, the same place he had gone this morning, he knocked on the door of the house loudly. The door opened, and he faced a pretty woman who was his age. He let himself in without waiting for her to say a word.

"Vidhushi, I need a drink."

Holy... shi*. what in the world...

He went to Vids place...

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I AM GOING TO TAKE A VOW OF SILENCE NOW HAHAHA AND GO INTO HIDING. DO NOT KILL ME. THERE'S MORE TO COME! Next chapter, it's back to Sanyu's POV!