Chapter 9 : Building Up The Storm
Standing before the glass window Arnav had his eyes fixed upon the rippling water of the pool.
The expression on his face was that of a man who had nothing in his lifeyet was forced to put up a facade that the world belonged to him.
For the world, he was still the same Arnav Singh Raizada who lived on his terms and beliefs but was he really the same person now? At least he didn't feel so.
Everyone was trying to rip his heart open. A heart which he once believed he didn't have.
"She loves you? Really, Saale Sahab? Is that why you couldn't touch her by now? Is that why she hasn't let you near her? You're delusional, Saale Sahab. The truth is that you can never have Khushiji because she is already mine. It's me who has loved her, touched her. And it's me she keeps wanting back. You're nothing, no one to her" The words came back to him, creating a pang and reminding that now he has a heart, battered and wounded.
"Why does it hurt so much, Mr. Raizada? That's the naked truth. Accept it" His clouded mind sneered at him.
"That's not true" His heart cried out as his hands went into a fist.
"Not true? How do you know it?" The same sneering tone asked.
"I know it. She said she loves me. She said she hates him" He knew he was holding onto a rotting straw.
Life had taught him cruel lessons.
Believe what you see, what you hear because the heart is treacherous.
"Stop fooling yourself"
"Shut up" He mentally screamed at the other voice.
Peace was what he needed the most.
His body seeked comfort but there was no source of it.
While he stood agonized at the window he heard the door creaking open and Khushi entered in making him involuntarily turn to look at her.
She looked tired yet charming in her own way.
No matter how turbulent his heart would be but seeing her every day before his eyes kept him sane.
All his hatred and anger at her was nothing compared to the love he had for her, love which was now compressed under thick sheets of doubts and misunderstandings.
Khushi gave him a fleeting glance and then hurried to the bathroom. She could sense that there was something wrong with him today. His shoulders looked more slumped than ever and his eyes more perturbed.
~~***~~
Arnav's heart slipped control the minute she gave him that fleeting look. He knew where rested the comfort he was seeking but would she allow him to be a part of it?
"Of course she would. Go and fall in her arms" The sneering voice beeped in his mind.
"This is my heart, Arnavji. It beats only for you. I love you, Arnavji. I have always loved you. I never loved Shyam. Only you" Khushi's words from the other day replayed in his mind, urging him on to latch onto her in his moment of vulnerability and desperation.
"She said she loves me" He repeated to himself.
"Kaha bhi na maine, nahi jeena maine,tu jo na mila
Tujhe bhoole se bhi bola na main bhi ye chahoon faasla"
~~***~~
Khushi took longer than usual in the bathroom. Knowing that something was definitely wrong with him, she didn't know if she wanted to face him.
The more she was trying to take a stand for herself the more she could see him getting miserable with each passing day.
Her heart ached for him, for herself, for them.
After a lot of mental resolve, she finally stepped out of the washroom and saw him loosening his tie.
Ignoring his eyes that followed her closely, she walked to the bed upon which the stack of folded clothes was placed.
She lifted the stack in her one hand and that was when she saw him walking up to to her. She looked at his face and could see he was conflicted whether to speak or not.
But he did speak.
"I hope you won't back out, Khushi" He said, staring down into her eyes, making Khushi aware how close he stood to her now. There was a storm building in his eyes and Khushi didn't know if she should look away.
But she did.
"Back out of what? I don't know what you're talking about" She spoke, after moving past him, and towards the wardrobe. She placed the clothes inside and tried her best to appear nonchalant.
"About the bed" Arnav replied.
Khushi could feel his eyes boring holes in her back as she kept facing the wardrobe, not looking in his direction.
"Last night you said I can sleep in it with you" He continued, reminding Khushi of their last night of shared concern.
She liked having the memory of last night. It was the first night in a long time where he had actually expressed some concern over her.
"You can" She confirmed, once again walking past him and rearranging the already arranged things on the dressing table. Why was he bringing up what she said last night?
"Good" Arnav replied and then undid his coat which he placed on the recliner. Then, he sat on the bed's edge and started removing his shoes.
"Tonight I need you in the bed as my wife" He said, getting up from and bed and coming to stand before her.
Khushi looked at his face in utmost shock.
"What?" The word fell from her mouth. She was sure she heard him wrong. He would never say such a thing to her.
"I said I want you to make love to you" He repeated, stepping closer to her, still looking at her face. Khushi noticed and dark gaze of his eyes and the way those eyes roamed over her face, searching for something. She instinctively stepped back, faltering a step and almost tripping.
Arnav quickly stabilized her by holding her by the shoulders.
"Careful" He said but the words came out strained. Khushi didn't know whether to feel excited or scared. She could see in his eyes that he meant what he was saying. The desire was dripping from his voice, from his face and most of all from his eyes. He was radiating a need, one that Khushi felt too scared to acknowledge. So, she stepped back a number of steps, letting his hands fall off her shoulders.
"Do you even know what are you talking about, Arnavji?" She asked, the voice coming out angry and outraged because that is what she felt most strongly at the moment. How dare he ask such a thing of her? What does he think of himself? More importantly, what does he think of her? Is she a rag doll he can use the way he want?
"I know very well what I am talking about, Khushi" He replied, taking two more steps towards her and she stepped back again, using all the space behind her and finally hitting her back against the wall.
"We are husband and wife and I have certain needs that you should fulfill" Arnav said, surprising himself by the crassness of his own words. He didn't want to make it sound so cheap. But, the words were out of his mouth and Khushi's reaction was instant.
Her face became red with anger and her eyes looked at him with disgust.
"That was mentioned nowhere in the contract. And it was you who had said that we'll be husband and wife only outside this room. Inside we'll be strangers. It was you who had said I don't deserve the status of being your wife. It was you who had pushed me out of this room on our wedding night. So what makes you think you have a right over me?" Khushi spat the words at him.
And despite being true, they pricked him. He clenched his fists.
"Yes, that was the old settlement. But, things have changed now. Your words have brought me to the realisation that we should have no boundaries in our marriage. Remember your words, Khushi? You said that you love me. So here is your opportunity to prove it. Love me. Give me full rights of being your husband. I want you" Arnav said, leaning into her body and placing his hands on either side of her waist.
Khushi waited for the nightmare to get over but it didn't. Was this really taking place? Was Arnav really saying these words? The feel of his scorching fingers on her bare waist approved that this was real.
She fought the tears, shivering head to toe in anger and hurt. She felt his fingers shift slightly and she instantly shoved him away.
"Do not touch me" She delivered the words laced with anger.
"How dare you ask such a thing of me, Arnavji? After all the pain and hurt you caused me, wasn't it enough? I can't do what you want me to do. I refuse to do it. And yes, I told you that I loved you. But, I am not ready to succumb my self-respect to a person who has absolutely no trust in me. I loved you for the person you were. And that person is no longer here. You're not the man I loved" Khushi said, her each word full of angst and pain.
A hollow laugh fell from Arnav's lips; one that twisted Khushi's gut.
"I knew that would be your answer" He said, stepping away from her.
"I knew you'd come up with a good enough excuse. You loved the person I was? Do you know who killed that person? It's you Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. You murdered the man I used to be. You reduced me to a man who has nothing in his life. The little peace I used to have has been snatched away. Now, I have nothing. You took everything from me" Arnav hurled hurtful words at her and Khushi flinched when she noticed the moisture gathering in his eyes.
"Arnavji" she said, her voice hoarse. He was hurting. She was hurting. And she didn't know how to end this pain.
"Stop looking at me like that!Stop acting that you care about anyone other than yourself. Stop acting that you care about me" Arnav demanded, once again holding her by the shoulders. This time she didn't ask him to not touch her.
"I care" She said the word in a broken voice.
"Then prove it, dammit!" He said, mustering his slipping determination.
"Let me love you" He pleaded this time, his entire being focused on her.
"Okay" She replied, finally letting her tears flow down. She had numerous times tried to make him believe her. But, if this is what it was going to take it for him to trust her, she would do it.
But on her terms. She wouldn't let him trample her self-respect.
Hearing her acceptance, Arnav's hands fell away from her shoulders, surprise written all over his face. Did she really agree? Did she really said yes to be with him?
"Khushi? Are you saying yes?" He asked, looking at her face while his hands cupped her cheeks. Did she really agree to belong to him?
"Yes" Khushi repeated and then removed his hands from her face.
Arnav looked at her with a hammering heart beat.
"But I have a condition" She said, after closing her eyes for once and opening them.
Arjun
Cricket
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