Fiction : Harmless Heart

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BitterBerry

@BitterBerry

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#11

His POV

I could see lights and lights everywhere. Green, blue, dim, bright, purple. The whole college was decorated with the multicolor lights giving it a royal palace appearance. There were candles everywhere in the corridors and it was all empty. Oh I reached here too early for the celebration may be. No doubt I have gone crazy! Huh! So last evening Liza called me inviting me for the Diwali Celebration Party in her academy?? That was stragne! We never met after the day I dropped her home but she had a valid reason. And How possibly I could deny? Afterall SHE will also come.

How possibly anyone could stay stubborn like that? After the time she shut window right on my face, I didnt see her again! She managed to escape how easily? But doesn't she know I ain't gonna give up this easily. Well easily or with difficulty, the woman is someone I could never give up , and I am sure about my words. I need to look into her eyes just like previous time , may be she will believe my words. She is a woman perfect for anyone minus the disaster she is.

I do understand her feelings, her paranoma, her insecurities. I could go beyond the curtains, I could break the walls only if she'd give me a last chance. I am sure she aint gonna show me even her face if we will meet here. But who cares? I will talk to her no matter what!

I was walking in the empty corridor of the other side of academy. There was some noise at a corner and I walked towards the source. That part power was still off but there was a tiny source of light I could see. And I walked ahead, that was may be a torch but who is holding it?

'Who is it'? I heard a much familiar female voice and the focus of the torch was right on my face. Ah ! That was hurting my eyes that I forgot about the voice.

'Damn It', next moment I heard the woman cried out in frustration. The woman? Riya?? Why life is all unpredictable around this woman? And what is she doing here?

'Riya? Is this you? Answer me damn it..' , I started calling for her but there was reply. By the time the focus of the torch was not anymore over my face but I could see her one hand working over a metal box. What the hell?? What the hell she is doing there up?

'Riya? What are you doing there? Come down', I said concerned, may be she was working in there in the power box. Damn this woman! Next moment she pulled the pwer switch and the power was back. Huh!

I adjusted my eyes with the light only to found her climbing down from the ladder and was walking towards the opposite side of the corridor. She is walking away?

'Wait!! Riyaaa', I ranned behind her. She was still walking may be planning for a run. No I cant let her go this time. And I grabbed her wrist this time

'You cant just run away like that'! I said dragging her towards me as she was stil struggling like kids.

'what are you doing? Leave me'! She groaned.

'No! You cant go until and unless you listen to me and agree to what I am goin to say'! I said in a serious tone.

'I am not bound to listen or agree as well I am not interested, so YOU let me go, Or I will..', oh she was also saying in a serious tone. She was that determined to stay away from me?

'Or you will what? Break my bones..just listen to me once and I will let you go'?? I was neither ordering her nor requesting her. And I was surprised the way she stopped struggling.

'no ! First free me and I will listen'! Yeah this was predictably unpreditcable again and I let go off her hand.

'Finish it all whatever you wanted to say', she said fanning herself.

'You're a coward'!! I said .

'What the hell? You are insulting me'? She growled .

'Nah, just ebing honest with you and you are not being honest with yourself'

'its not like that'

'Then what'?

'I am not asnwerable to you'!

'Then listen what I am saying..you are scared and insecure too', I wont regret my words. She just narrowed her eyes.

'I am not', she was literally yelling over me.

'then why are you taking step back with my each forwards step'? Yes she was walking backwards may be unknow to her but she was and was about to hit the wall behind her. She is gonna hate it what I Am going to do.

'Stay still and listen to me, otherwise you will hate it what I am going to do', I was telling her in a tone that was actually affecting her.

'Wha..what are you going to do'? She shuddered.

'something filmy..like pressing you on the wall , my both hands locking you up that you cant escape', and she was already leaning againts the wall.

'Huh! Fimly.. ', she said and tried to escape again. No this time not easily.

'Cant you get simple things in your head? What actually you want Arjun'?? She said with despair.

'You remember what You have asked'?

'What'?

'I could see through you ..

Edited by Vampire-queen - 10 years ago

Quote

BitterBerry

@BitterBerry

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#12

'and If I could go beyond that

into the depth where you trust no one not even yourself,

where you think everything is unreal

into the That darkness you think will keep you secure',

I said it all and she didnt even blink her eyes. She was listening to me. She stopped all her struggle to escape and her hands are now by her hips.

' you have created a world within yourself that you are not letting anyone else to enter

because you think that anyone might hurt you

you always wanted to stay at a safer side not realising that you are hurting youself, but you dont want to be hurt by any outsider

you dont want to be changed from what you made yourself..

But believe me Riya , tears dont make people weak', she was fighting with her tears and may be she was strong enough to hold them back. But why is she crying? Did I hurt her?

'And why are you crying Ria'?? I would not ever forgive myself if she is hurt because of me. Before I could hold her she just slumped on the floor closing her eyes.

I too bent down sitting beside her. Right now she is making me feel like a criminal? What sin I committed that is breaking her inside? May be I just spoke too much!

'why are you so silent'? I asked taking her hands in mine looking intently at her face.

'You dont know, its tears decide only if you are weak strong...you just have to hold onto them or let them fall and..

And today I am feeling weak

You just have to make me weak', she accusing me!

'You know I could fight the wrold right now but never with you..

Yes, now I am weak in front of you..

Can you see my tears...yes you can and they told you I am scared, insecure, cowards and Weak'? What is just worng with her? She is taking it all opposite, I never meant to say in that sense.

'But why you want to fight me Ria..I am not here to defeat you or to make you feel weak.. I just want to tell you that..' will she even understand what I am trying to say .

'You have said what you wanted to said, I listened and agreed.. Now let me go', she said abruptly throwing my hand away and got up, and thankfully I was quick enough to grab her hand again!

'You didnt hear my answer Ria.. What I have always wanted from you..

It's only you Ria

I want to involve you in my life

I want to share my life with you..

You are the perfect person for me..' , yes I have already involved her in my life and she will have to give in.

'No one is a perfect person Arjun.. And now you are asking for too much', she said struggling to free her hand.

'I am a disaster and will create uncountable storms in your life

I am weak, you need a strong person in your life, who'd rather handle you

I am a coward , you need a fighter for yourself..

I even know black magic if you remember? Enough reason not to involve me in your life! Now if you are done with your words leave me, I have there a lot many people to handle too..',

'Listen one more I why I want you in my life..

Because I Love you..' and that instant second I freed her wrist. Surprisingly she didnt move an inches distance from her position. This is the last straw and I dont want to hear something that would turn everything uspide down. I wanted to become hnest with her and she made it the reason why I should not ask her to stay in my life? She just used my own words to offend me.

She turned back to look at me again. Her eyes were dry but anyone could say she was crying. And what I noticed she didnt utter a single word from her mouth. Now she is scaring me. But I should think otherwise..

'I know your brain has got some over work so take your time..', I should leave now. I have already messed up with her brain and also have seen the opposite results , not anymore.

I took steps ahead parting away but she was still there as if something froze her. I didnt knew these three words have that effect on her. Women women women nature. They will rattle about the whole world is against but only thing that would shut them up is these words. Why didnt I said it earlier , may be she could have taken it in other way.

'Riya, lets get out of here..no is here except us..come on', I went back to her, embracing her by my side securely, signalled her to walk through my eyes and now we are walking out of the corridor.

We reached the party area where now half of the college students were present and I heard someone calling Ria.

'Omg, Rii just look at you, I knew it.. You are still roaming like this here , for gods sake now stop this 'duty' things and get ready', Liza came out of nowhere and started giving Ria fashion sense, and noticed Ria was still in a Jeans and Black Tee while the rest of people are in traditional designer dresses.

'Woah! So you two talked'? She said looking continuously towards us and may be the way I was holding her. All the time Ria was silent and suddenly she started walking away towards the exit gate.

Edited by Vampire-queen - 10 years ago

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BitterBerry

@BitterBerry

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#13

Her POV

'You're a coward..'

'You are scared..'

'you are insecure'

was not her right? I was not hurt but it was still hard to accept because he told me all these. Its natural , no human would accept their faults at first even if they are wrong or right, but this time I cant escape on the name of Human Nature. This thing will hunt me for the life. Once again I was having those confusing opposite polar thoughts.

Is not he the man I have always wanted in my life, who could see through me. I dont have any doubt over the transparancy we have between us. A man who have guts to look into my eyes and tell me I am wrong but would still do anything to get me involve in his life. A man would handle my fickleness , and he handled that perfectly.

Still Why cant his eyes assure me with the love he have for me ? Why it feels like the feeling would fade? Why I cant leave my insecurities behind ?

He said he loves me! Even knowing how I am living , he is even ready to accept the way I am but why I dont feel the connection so strong that left me struggling with my own instincts?

And what the hell is making me cry uncontrollably? Since the time I left college and landed directed her in my room. I was still on duty, being the cultrural secretary of college I was supposed to be there in college handeling the guests but here I am still wetting my pillows.

Why someone have to come into your life who will make you weak that you would even afraid of seeing your own face in the mirror. Mirrors? Yes I have always wanted a Mirror who'd refelect what I am really! And something is holding me back from trusting even the reflection?

I am not expecting too much from life. Expectations hurts. But it is hard to accept the surprises life present! Never thought in my life that acceptance would be the reason of my turmoil.

After Mom and Dad's separation I have never imagined myself to be with anyone. There was no integrity in my life. I was engulfed in the nothingness that I found the world itself is a mirage around me.

Love, care, affection were only mere impractical words whose only failed examples I have witnessed. How in Earth , the creatures fought for food, and metabolism/enegry is the only source of survival, fell in trap of these impractical things? Is there any science for them too? Oh how can I forget the nervous system !! And I know , I am trapped here.

All those feelings people think made them alive will again bring hope, expectations, and in the end Pain. What should I do now? I could simply say a No to him. But I could not even trust myself if I'd regret it later. I should do something I'dnt regret later.

A soft soothing touch brought me back from the depth of my thoughts. I turned my head forcing my blurred eyes open to recognise the person. My luck, this time I got the right person who could even overlook my weakness. I lunged upon her directly hugging her tight.

And like the last time we were silent. I was only sobbing in low sound and she was soothing me caressing my hair. I felt secure..I always felt secure in her embrace , she was the only person after Liza who knows me inside out.

'Beta..you're fine'? She asked in the concerned tone that anyone in the hostel may have never heard. I was stunned hearing her voice, as if something is terribly wrong or she herself was drowned somewhere she could not come out.

I parted from her embrace looking up at her face. Her expressions were somewhat like something very big depends upon my answer to her question. The anticipation in her eyes told me that. I just nodded my head assuring her. And surprisingly she sighed deeply as if everything was back to normal with her.

'Then why are you Crying beta'? She asked a little less concerned this time. What will I tell her? Should I tell everything about whats going on in my life. Yes she knows me inside out but why would she listen to me. But there wasnt any reason she shouldnt listen to me. She understand me well and I was sure she will understand this time too.

She was the one who gave me courage to move ahead in my life, where I was lost in nothingness , she held my hand dragging me out of the lonlieness I was living or just sirviving like a living dead. And it was about my life too but now ,will she understand ? Will she understand about what I feel about love? I could not expect this really still I thought I should tell her.

'I 'm cnfused Madam...'

'confused?? About what'?

'About everything...life, affection, trust , and love..', I finally utter the word and her brow furrowed.

'about love'? I knew she'd be spot on . Lets face it with her .

'Actually Ma'am , there is a guy..'

'Guy'?

'Yes! He confessed that he loves me and...'

'And'?

Edited by Vampire-queen - 10 years ago

Quote

BitterBerry

@BitterBerry

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#14

'and he wants to involve me in his life...',

I watched her every expression while answering her questions. She was not angry, she she actually patiencely listening to me. Like I said before, she was always very patience with me.

'What do you think about him'? Yes that is question I wanted to answer. What I think about him. I would tell her and may be she will help me out of this. But no word came out of mouth,

'I ..I have always wanted to stay alone..' and could manage to speak this much. She knew my reasons! She was with me at the phase of my life when I made myself what I am now.

'This was not the answer of my question beta.. Do you trust him'?

'Yes..', yes I do trust him, still there is no assurance in it and that is what making me more confuse. Trusting someone means you actually giving them rights to hurt you and which would affect you in the worst way.

'Then what is stopping you beta? Think what your heart feels about him...', she caressed my cheek and got up from my bed. She didnt clear my confusion but I was relived to some extent. Dont know how but she managed to soothe my senses, I was able think properly about what I am going through.

'One more thing my child,

When you will reach North feeling the fasinating beauty of the Aurrors you'd need someone to tell that 'look this view is so beautiful...',

Just think who will be there with you to listen you, If you want to stay alone'?

I didnt get what she said at the first time but her words echoed in my ears. What she wanted to tell is , I need someone to share my happiness with.

May be she was right. Sharing happiness matters, I remembered when Mom and Dad used to congratulate each other for their buisness success and I never missed the smile they wore. They were happy.

I remembered when Liza said she was in love , she wanted to share it with only me. Because sharing it with me mattered to her because she was happy and that surely made me happy too. Though she had break up but once she used to smile.

Its true, happiness is happiness . Anyone cant cant explain them on the basis of true or fake . A smile is a smile, no matter for what reason..real , virtual ! But you are happy. So I'd be happy if I will share my life with him ??

The question and answers both now making sense for me. She asked me what is stopping me? Why? Because she she didnt want me to stop, she too want me to give into this.

And what my heart feels about him? Like each time I saw his face or eyes, his intimacy , all the things bringing that alien feeling back. He was right , I am falling for him more. And now I am sure, he could handle the disaster I am...

His POV

I just watched her exit and Liza came standing next to me. She was giving me those quizzical looks as if I am the only culprit around there.

'What exactly you two talked that she is behaving like a ghost'?

'I swear my words didnt kill her...' , I said with horror in my face. Its her best frined asking me about why she behaved that way. And I didnt want to be culprit of her infront of Liza. She trusted me and I hoped I maintained it. So without thinking anything other I told her every word what I said to Ria.

But her expression scared me again. Whats with these women all falling into silent after my words?

'Dont worry! She will be fine..she has guts enough to hear the truth about her just she'd take time to accept this. Nothing else', her answer relived me to a great extent. My fingers crossed, hoping only she wouldnt take it all in negativ way. I cant afford to lose her. May be one day she will open up in front of me, of what she is thinking, her wishes, her desires in life.

'Fine.. She could take as much time she want, because she is the one and only for me..', I smiled at Liza and she returned the same.

'Thank you so much Arjun.. She needs someone like you ...' she said turning opposite and uttered , 'And someone not like Him'. I thought of Thomas but turned to notice my only short time lost "best friend", between a bunch of girls with attitude as if he own the world and telling them something . The girls expressions were somewhat like they havent heard those things never before.

I looked at Liza who was just getting irritated.

'Hmm.. He is not the one for her , she was right', I said and both us laughing out loud .

Edited by Vampire-queen - 10 years ago

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BitterBerry

@BitterBerry

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#15

Next Morning

Darn! The whole college was looking like a dustbin. One day of celebration , Noise+Air and whole environment polution. Cant people celebrate Diwali decorating litchi lights? That'd be more peaceful! Ughh!

'Cursing again lady'? I heard the husky playful voice that sharply made my head turn opposite,'Just admit it! The world isnt responsible for God knows what your problem is', he added later with a bit of sarcasm mixed in his tone well that was a bit of hamless sarcasm, I knew it.

'You are not supposed to know anything about my curse , still it is not the world but whole college population responsible for this trash...', I looked around with disgust.

'And tell me why do you think you are the only one that can wipe the worlds dirt and made it a spotless sheet', now he has a misconception.

'I dont think... Its my duty..', he half opened his mouth for another reply then raised a brow questioninG, 'Duty'?

'Cultural Sect. duty'!!! Yes it was my duty to look after everything that was related to previous night celebration but unfortnatley I was not there completeing my duty and as a punishment my ever so lovely princi ordered me to clean the whole stuff with Assts.

He just gave a slight nod and rolled his eyes looking around. There were my asst. secretaries and most probably cursing me in their mind for the extra work they are doing just because of me. I should apologise and most importantly they are hell tired of working the night and the morning too.

'Guys '!! I called out aloud, 'Pack up'!! And I declared the day off for them. They were not that grateful formy action but well they were relived.

'You're sure you'd do it all alone'? Asked Sameera, my classmate as well as my asst.

'Yeah sure..you guys need rest! And I really am sorry about last night..', I couldnt ever explain them why I was absent but atleat I owe an apology to them.

'Its okay Riya, take care..' , she said and the rest of them followed her out of the field. He was still there watching it all and I felt his tensed and he started kicking the plastic bottles.

'Dare you try to make my work double..', I stomped my feet annoyed , as he truely was trying to mess around again with what I was doing.

'Ops..I am sorry, I didnt realise..' he fumbled with words, and I found him in deep thinking. And I resumed my cleaning work.

It is for some time I felt his eyes upon mine, they lingered there for a long time ..still I could not interrupt but he did !

'So'? He tried to start a conversation and I knew what is coming up, this time I was ready for it..ready for not to run away. Not at least from my own being. Yes its now fun proving him wrong! I . Am . Not . A . Coward! Though I understood his intention behind the words he used. He used to provoke me. To push me the extent , when I wont anymore be able to run away from my own being. And I truely would thank him one day for doing this but not now.

'So'? i raised a brow, 'What'? I waited for him to come up with words, because honestly I have stopped thinking about it. I needed a space and I am having it so I didnt need to think anything that would mess everything again.

'What did you think about last night'? He asked hesitated may be was not with what word he should up with.

'Nothing! It was ..erm..gross', I couldnt perfectly came with the word I wanted to use but instead this. He as expected didnt believe me and started throwing me those unbelieveable looks.

'It really was..and bit more brutual , absurding , insensitive and more likely unconvincing...', I was on a spree telling him and no words came out of his mouth. The horror of his face told me too many things. As if he is going to lose something very big..as if he was brutually being kept away from what he was craving..longing for a long time..he was breaking. 'You could have make it ..but you didnt and I liked that'. And I watched him relived..a deep sigh which told me how strained he was! If my later words would have left unspoken , I was sure the pain he was about to feel would have rip his muscles apart. For the first time, I paryed the almight for stopping me from doing something..something Like hurting him with my words. People say my words hurt! And I know it surely does. But I didnt want those same words to hurt him. And I realised it because I . Do. Care!

Next moment was a shocking. How in a swift motion he pulled me in a breathe taking embrace. Yes force literally sucked the air out of my lungs. His breathing was not normal.

'I ...I felt..' he was panting badly.

'I felt as if I'll have a heart attack',

'I was just..', well I cant explain what exactly I was trying to do. I was more a selfish at that time, but I am not a sadist, still I do have a tendency to make people feel tha pain and the suffering at times I felt. And I couldnt forgive myself for doing any sort of that ! But I couldnt help doing that!

Edited by Vampire-queen - 10 years ago

Quote

BitterBerry

@BitterBerry

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#16

There is a reason too , why I intent to do it. People often say they do understand others pain, their thoughts , their suffering but the TRUTH is they dont, untill and unless they went through the same. They should just say it when they mean it. And to mean it they will have to go through it.

'I havent become the woman , who kills with words only..', I whispered so that he could just calm a little bit.

' No you are really lethal with words..'

'So you are finally getting into knowing me'? I asked with a smile when he tightened his embrace around me.

'Yes..', he whispered and I felt him smiling too. I was never too intimate with anyone before. The alien feeling again too strong that will make you weak on your knees.

'Stop it.. I hate PDA', I instantly pulled myself apart, because I wasnt holding onto him.

'You could still show P . D . A' he said more elaborating it with a mischief .

I didnt get what was he saying. I was more concerned looking around if anyone there noticed us! But to my fortune there was no one. I looked at him questioningly.

' I meant Display of affecetion "Privately"' , he winked.

'How about in the fire escape? Or the locker room? Lemme guess in the libraray! You are more fond fo peace right'?

I averred my gaze from his face and picked up the broom-stick so I could continue with sweeping no but because I was uncomfortable.

He held those questionin look.

'Listen they are still the public places', I frowned . Sometimes he just could not get simple things into his mind.

'How about Home...'? He uttered the unexpected.

'Home'? I asked halting him in the middle.

'Your would be home ...Our home', I was controlling not to cry, though it wouldnt change anything if I would cry and if he is still ready to accept the weak one inside me.

'Are you sure you never thught about kids'?? He was teasing me.

'Yeah! Was thinking to adopt some', I replied with a smile still holding onto my tears. His mouth hung open . There are still too many things he dont know about me and when he would know he would surely forget to close his mouth.

' Really?? And what about kids father'?

'Father?? Cant afford to adopt..you know ? Would be too much to handle', I replied with a frown.

'You dont need to!! Huhh, we will have our kids', he was too frowning . And he said something noticable , 'Our kids'!

'No! How about satying single till I complete my M. Phil'? I said as I took out my phone to call for the BMC truck so that they would take the whole trash.

'and mingle around ? Are you serious Riya'? He asked with utter disbelief. Why everything I say just shock him to the core?

' well It wouldnt be my problem if you'd become jealous or insecure...', yes I was not testing my sense of humor. I was really serious. Very serious. I could change my mind later but for now simply NO to a relationship.

'But Riya that would be too long'? How could he even ask that? I would blame their genes. Men and hypocrisy. Wasnt he the one telling me to take as much time I need and now? Forget it...

'Too long for what? To wait? That easy to give up on me '? I knew he wouldnt give up but he better say that in words with complete assurance.

'You know I could never'! He said holding my hand.

'I could never give up on you'! He said in the intense in his voice that compelled me to believe him.

'I dot know you to that extent..', sometimes its good to be a little cold, 'And stop whinning about it, you still could walk away and...', before I could complete my words, his finger landed on my lips halting me from speaking further.

'Didnt I tell you about lethal words? Sometimes you shuldnt complete you words...', he said in a whisper closing the distance between our heads.

' I did that intentionally...and I am sorry about that Arjun.'

'And I felt as if I am going to lose you Riya..'

'You are not'! I replied honestly. There wasnt any reason to deny him.

'So you thought about us'? He asked his forehead touching with mine.

'Yes' , I did that last night and never after that. I cant cry more over it. I was more concerned for my eyes well and a bit for my heart too.

'What you thought'?

' I still need to earn some more dollars in my account and I could get Visa and then for journey to North', I know he would surely question so I answered before he asked.

'You still wouldnt be the one to pay for me Arjun and..', I dont know what will he think of me but I least care . To my goodness he didnt ask why but instead he asked whats next I was going to say. I wanted to say that I should better leave my words incomplete , but I didnt.

'And, I need you to be there so that I could tell you how beautiful the Aurrora looks..' , I bite my bottom lip.

'You know you are still a disaster..', he whsipered , his breathe hitting my lips.

'say a beautiful One' and We both were laughing after that.

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-Finished-

You guess what happened next!!😉

Edited by Vampire-queen - 10 years ago

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_shadesnature_

@_shadesnature_

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

#17

Ankita ..as I didn't read Ariya story sorry for that but I can say that you are the only one who give the longest of the longest update ...hats off to you dear for writing with so much of patience ...

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unisha

@unishaz

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#18

awesome.. Loved it.. Thanks for pm..

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Tabassum

@Arieltabi

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#19

Res
Mera xm khatam hone tak

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jeharshu

@jeharshu

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

#20

Its really wonderful dear
U showed different Ariya today
Loved their both determination
Really it was unique story
I loved it to the core of my heart
Nd thanks for the pm dear