SS: Allured part 1
Her eyes were fixated on the swinging motion of the pendulum clock. The regular clicks with each passing second made her fall into one of her usual dazes - a dangerous state of mind for her to be in. And then, shooting like rockets was the ocean of memories that erupted in her mind. His image came before her eyes and the lack of blinking was starting to make them fill up with water. She heard the sound of her name but it was hard for her to pry her eyes away. She was trying but she just needed a few more seconds.
Her eyes abruptly closed shut making her tears moisten the corners only to open them again to look into the eyes of her therapist.
"Khushi, are you okay?" Martha asked and Khushi numbly nodded her head with a fake smile.
"Have you started work again?"
Khushi looked down in embarrassment before shaking her head. "I...quit my job."
"Oh..." Martha sighed. "Khushi, I'm here to listen - tell me whatever you'd like to share. Maybe I can help," she said with an encouraging smile.
Khushi was about to look up but the sight of a fake white bird - decoratively sitting on a shelf - caught her attention. She was engrossed again but she was still able to speak. "I need more time," she hoarsely spoke then cleared her throat.
"I understand that it takes time to get over the passing of a loved one - especially someone like your fianc who was so kind and gentle - but you really have to try hard to at least continue with your day to day life."
"It's only been one month!" Khushi's voice rose as she bore her tired eyes to Martha.
"I understand! But look at what it's doing to you! You look sick! Your eyes are hollow and there are rings of darkness around them. You're hurting yourself!" Martha took a moment to collect her tone and she started speaking softly again. "You need to eat and sleep as you normally would. Depriving yourself of your basic human needs will not do you any good."
"I can't sleep," Khushi admitted.
"You can't or you won't?"
"I can't. Sleeping means spending hours in a day not thinking of him and for me, that's not possible."
"Look at me," Martha ordered and took Khushi's hand in hers when she did. "I'm here for your support. I'm ready to help you - more than willing to help you, but I can't do it until you're ready to accept it. I need to know once and for all; are you ready to move forward? It's not a crime. It's crucial."
"But I have don't have anybody else in my life," Khushi's lips quivered while her thoughts of her empty apartment reminded her of her loneliness.
"You need to get back out into society and if you don't mind, I'd like to refer you to some help groups who'll welcome you with open arms."
"No," Khushi roughly shook her head. "No help groups. I can handle things on my own."
Martha stared at her stubborn client but didn't push further. She wanted her to know that the option was there but if she didn't want it, there wasn't anything she could do.
"Okay then. I'll see you in a month but if you ever need to just talk to someone then you can call up and I'll have your appointment booked right away."
Khushi gave a faint thank you before throwing her bag over her shoulder and swiftly walking out of the building. She zipped up her jacket to her chin and scrunched her shoulders up as she walked through the harsh wind coming right against her. She stopped by the vegetable stand nearby her home and thought of the vegetables she could buy from some soup later that night.
"Roos," the shop owner called out to Khushi in her Belgian name that they made up for her because they found her as beautiful as a rose with her brown silky hair and red tinted cheeks. She blankly looked up at him to give him her attention. "My wife has made food for you," he said happily but Khushi tried to kindly decline the offer.
"Thank you, Nicolas but it's really not needed. You don't have to feel responsible for me."
"How could you say that? I thought we were family? You even said that one day when you were with Sebastiaan." Undoubtedly, even Nicolas felt the pain of losing a good neighbor and a man he was starting to love as a son.
The mere mention of him wanted to make her curl up into a dark corner and reminisce but the winds were like a heavy slap to her face; warning her against that very thought. But Nicolas' words were true. She remembered all the laughs she'd shared with the common people and how loving they were towards her. She'd come as a foreigner for some sight seeing in the small town of Durbuy but she never left.
She didn't know if it were his black-ringed light brown eyes or his impeccable smile that made her accept his coffee date that sunny day that she was roaming the streets. And the rest really was history. He swept her off her feet; gifted her boxes of sweet Belgian chocolate that made her laugh hysterically the first time because it was so clich of him but most of all, he made her feel at home - something she'd never experienced.
Life was essentially perfect. Who would have ever thought that a car crash could bring an end to such a fairy tale lifestyle?
"If you insist. I'm heading home right now anyways so I'll pick it up. Thanks Nic," she waved him off but the frown returned the moment her back was to him. She stood in front of her building and looked up to her apartment window. She felt bad that she allowed the flowers on the window ledge wilt to nothing.
She was tired. Tired of feeling so depressed and tired of feeling helpless. She wanted things to go back to normal but she knew that would never be possible without Sebastiaan.
She walked up the stairs and stopped at the second floor - debating if she really should get the food from Mary. She slowly walked towards their door and softly knocked. The door swung open and Mary's chirpy voice rang in her ears. "Roos!" She gained a tight hug from the sweet woman.
"Did Nicolas tell you I made dinner?" She asked in her adorable accent and Khushi nodded her head. "It's my favorite! Your favorite too - waterzool!"
Khushi couldn't help her rumbling stomach. The sound of the chicken stew with vegetables sounded delicious and the actual taste was just scrumptious.
"Mary, why did you trouble yourself?" Khushi asked and saw Mary hurrying back with a container. "I made extra!" She replied with a wide grin.
Khushi waited a moment before accepting the food and hugging the woman for her kind gesture. She her way up another floor where she went into her own apartment. A hesitant sigh escaped her lips. It was still empty. She sat on her couch without flicking on any lights and she ate away. Once finishing, she placed the container on the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest.
She stared out the large window and took some comfort from the droplets of rain that were hitting against the glass. She rested her head against her knees as a striking pain began in her head. But the one thing she forbade herself from doing was taking her over. She was falling into deep sleep. She was falling into a place that she really would forget about her worldly affairs. She was stepping into the dream world. A world that could easily become deadly.
******
Heyyy! This is the first part! (duh) haha. Ok this is the first time I'm writing something like this. If I suck, well...be nice about it! If it doesn't end up making sense...then I have the great advantage of calling it fantasy and we all know how a lot of stories like that don't make much sense! lol.
Updates will be frequent and regular so no worries there. Do I have anything else to say?? Well of course but it's all nonsense so I'll leave it at that. Take care everyone! (I am still trying to come up with a good epilogue for Unspoken. Sorry for the wait. :/ )
Anupamaa
Udne Ki Aasha
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