Chapter 14 - Falling For You
Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
He sighed as he turned the pages of the case file without even glancing at its contents. Anxiety occupied his mind today. A feeling that had become quite alien to him since that night at the fair. Every day of his life since then had been bright, full of plenty of sunshine, like the weather outside today. Yet today sunshine and clear blue skies failed to cheer him up. She hadn't come in to the office today. He had known she wouldn't. Not today. But then, he had hoped that maybe... But the entire morning and afternoon had passed by. Yet, she hadn't appeared. And now he knew, she wouldn't anymore. He had tried calling her numerous times, but of course, her phone was switched off.
He slammed down his file in anger and put his head in his hands. He definitely couldn't concentrate when he had no clue where she was.
"Ghar ja Rawte." Sameer was standing near his office door, his forehead creased with worry.
He sighed as he got up and approached the window. Before Sameer could ask him what was wrong he said, "Uski maa aka aaj birthday hai. Woh apni maa se bahut pyaar karti thi Rathod. Unke har janamdin pe woh humesha kahin chali jaati thi, mujhe bina bataye. Khud toh mujhe dard baantne ke liye kehti hai... aur khud... Pata nahi kahan hogi..." His voice reflected anger now, mixed with concern for her.
"Uski maa..."
"Jab woh 6 saal ki thi toh uski maa guzar gayi. Pata hai woh us time bahut choti thi...lekin mujhe pata hai, uske liye apni maa ko bhula paana namumkin hai. Ek woh hi thi jo usse behad pyaar karti thi. Uske papa toh hote hue bhi nahi the. Aur ab... uska aur koi nahi hai..."
Rathod put his hand on his shoulder, his face grim, and said, "Tu hai na Arjun. Tujhe uske paas jaana chahiye. Waise bhi," he pointed at the files strewn across his desk, "tu concentrate toh kar nahi paa raha hai."
He turned to face his friend, smiled and said, "Thanks Sam."
"Aur sunn... Sakshi mil jaye toh... mujhe phone kar dena. Ya text kar dena."
He nodded and left the room. He had to find her. He wondered if she had eaten or not.
***
She wasn't in her house. Of course she wasn't. Nor was she in any of the places he knew about. She always liked to wander to a place unknown to him on this day. But then, he had always found her. And today he would too. He slammed on his steering in frustration as he drove through the roads of Mumbai, his eyes scanning the roads for her.
Why had she switched off her phone? He decided to give her a good talking to when he found her. At least she could have informed someone! He had asked Aisha too, but she hadn't been able to help. The sun was setting and he still hadn't found her. What sort of a police officer was he? Ok, stop, he said to himself, pulling his car to a stop on Marine drive, you need to think. Kuch toh choot raha hai.
As he glanced out of his window towards the sea, he was reminded of her love for the sea. The sound of the waves, the cool breeze. And there she was. He couldn't see her face but he knew it was her. She was sitting, clad in an orange kurti, the colour almost blending in with the colour of the sky beyond her. She was sitting with the knees hugged close to her chest, her head resting on them. Loose strands of hair were flying now and then, from the breeze.
He sighed, got out of his car and started walking towards her.
She didn't move or react when he settled down beside her. It was as if she had been expecting him. He glanced at her face, into her dark eyes which held a distant look in them.
"Mujhe pata tha tum aaoge." She said, her eyes still looking beyond, at the setting sun. The last rays of the sun hit her face, leaving a golden glow on it. He couldn't take his eyes off her as the sun bathed her in a golden light. He forgot about his anger. Forgot that he had wanted to shout at her a while ago. She was safe and beside him. That was more than enough for him.
"Tujhe aaj ke din kaise akela chod sakta hoon...jab tak tu yahan thi, tab kabhi tujhe akela mehsoos nahi hone diya..." His voice was soft.
She nodded and faced him for the first time that day. "Yeh 15 saal mere liye bahut mushkil the Arjun. Maa ke jaane ke baad mera khayal rakhne wala koi nahi tha. Papa toh... Khair, phir tum mil gaye." Her eyes went back to the sea, a faint smile on her lips, and continued, "Phir se kisi ka intezaar karne lagi thi. Pata tha, ki koi toh hai jise meri parwah hai. Ek choti si ladki ke liye uska dost hi sab kuch ban gaya tha. Phir woh bhi chin gaya mujhse." The smile had faded again, replaced with a melancholy look. "London mein sabko apne parents, bhai, behen ke saath dekhti thi toh itni jalan hoti thi. Summer vacations mein sab ghar jaate the. Par main hostel mein hi rehti thi. Akeli. Sochti thi, ki koi toh hota jo mera ghar pe intezaar karta. Akhir main hi kyun? Ek mumma hi mujhse pyaar karti thi...woh hi kyun door ho gayi mujhse?" Her eyes glistened with tears that she was now struggling to hold back.
He wanted to comfort her, wanted to tell her that she wasn't alone anymore. He was with her. He couldn't see the pain in her eyes, that distant look. It was unbearable.
"Par ab koi hai jise teri parwah hai. Tera best friend. Aur woh tujhe kabhi chodke nahi jaayega." He smiled and put his arm around her, pulling her close.
She smiled, brushed away the tears from the corners of her eyes and rested her head against his chest. The sun had now set beneath the sea, leaving a scarlet glow in the sky. He stared at the open sky beyond, trying to capture the moment forever in his heart.
They sat there like that until the sky darkened and the stars came out, listening to the waves crashing against the boulders below. This time he didn't pull away from her. He knew she needed him and he needed her. He wanted to keep her close to him forever and never let her go.
His phone rang and he jerked upright, startling Sakshi who had snuggled closer to him as the night had grown on. He groaned when he saw the name flashing on it. Damn, he had forgotten.
The loud voice on the other end made him jerk the phone away from his ears, "Dammit Rawte, ek phone. Phone kya, ek text toh kar deta. Kahan hai tu? Sakshi mili? Woh theek hai?"
"Easy Sam. Haan woh mere saath hai. And... sorry. Main bhool gaya tha..."
"Seriously Rawte. Hum sab yahan pareshaan the."
"Mujhe pata hai... I am sorry. Hum abhi aate hain."
"Chalo...ab theek hai. Waise kaafi late ho gaya hai. Tum ab seedhe ghar jaao. Hum bhi bas nikal hi rahe the."
"Haan..." he disconnected the call and glanced at his watch - 10.00 p.m. Damn, how did it get so late?
"Rathod sir the?" She was looking at him, still a bit startled from his sudden movement.
"Haan...woh usne kaha tha phone karne ke liye. But main bhool gaya..."
"So typical Arjun."
"Typical? Khud ko dekha hai?" The anger he had felt before now came out, "Subah se kahan gayab ho gayi bataya bhi nahi. Mujhe kya, Aisha ko bhi nahi bataya. Phone toh kamse kam on rakhna chahiye tha? Woh bhi nahi. Pata nahi kahan thi... theek se kuch khaya bhi ya nahi. Main poore din koi kaam nahi kar paya...woh bhi sirf TERI wajah se! Aur phir mujhe kehti hai typical!"
She laughed at his anger and said, "Tum gusse mein bade cute lagte ho." She held her ears and said, "Sorry baba! Tum toh jaante ho na main kaisi hoon. Main nahi chahti thi ki tum bhi mere saath upset ho jao. Aur main subah anath aashram gayi thi. Wahan ke bachchon ko cake dene. Ab se socha hai har saal jaoungi." She was smiling now, "Aur haan, maine khana kha liya tha. But abhi bahut bhookh lag rahi hai."
He smiled at her and stood up, extending his hand out towards her.
"Chal phir. Aur tera woh scooty kahan hai? Dikhayi nahi de raha..."
She laughed, took his hand and said, "Nahi main auto mein aayi thi."
"Hmmm. Mujhe door rakhne ka ek aur plan. Too bad Miss Sakshi Anand, yeh unsuccessful raha. Waise itna dimaag thoda cases mein bhi laga liya kar. Team ka fayda ho jayega. Samjhi ya samjhaaon?"
She hit him playfully as they walked towards his car.
It was nearly midnight when he pulled his SUV to a stop at her house. He glanced at her sleeping form beside him, a lock of hair gently falling across her face. She looked so peaceful and happy that he didn't want to wake her up. For a moment he sat in his car, watching her sleep beside him. And then, he slowly walked around to her side, opened the door and grabbed her bag, trying to locate her house keys.
He returned back for her after unlocking and leaving her front door open, gathered her gently in his arms and walked back into the house.
She moved in her sleep, her mouth curving into a smile as he laid her gently on her bed. He covered her with the blanket, tucking her in. He knew he should go back, but somehow he couldn't make himself get up from her side. He sighed, pecked her forehead and turned off her lamp before forcing himself to leave her side.
One last look at her sleeping form, face lit up by the faint moonlight and he knew. He wouldn't be able to live without her anymore. Yes he had lived away from her before, but then he had been a mere child who had been living away from his best friend. But now, things were different. If he lost her now, he would never be able to recover. He would wither and die.
He wondered when it was that he had started falling in love with his best friend.
His mind wandered away as he swerved out of her drive. He needed to talk to someone and clear his mind.
Had had felt himself change since the day at the fair. His mind wandered back to the day she had entered into his life. He had forgotten how to smile. And today, he could feel happiness beginning to lurk inside him. He could feel his heart again. He could feel it leap when he saw her. His mouth curved instantly at the sight of her. When she wasn't with him, he was still thinking about her. In fact, these days she was the only thing that occupied his mind. Wasn't this all too soon? Guilt enveloped him again as he thought of Roshni. He stopped his car and rested his head on the steering wheel. Roshni wasn't coming back anymore. She had left him for good. But then, should he be moving on so quickly?
Cars whizzed past him and yet, he couldn't move. He felt clueless. Isn't this what he had wanted? To be able to move on from those painful thoughts? To have something else occupying his mind other than his wife's last look? But then, what if he moved on, gave love another chance...and what if someone hurt her? After all, he won't be able to quit his job. He will always remain an obstacle for all the criminals out there. Sikandar was dead, but...what about his gang members? His accomplices. There was an endless list of people who wanted to kill him. He had somehow survived the pain of separation once. He couldn't go through it again. The pain would be unbearable.
She wasn't just a girl he had falled in love with. She was his childhood friend. The one who knew him inside out. He had already lost her once, he couldn't lose her again. What they shared now was a strong bond, stronger than love. He needed to talk to someone.
***
"Rawte? Itni raat ko? Sab theek hai? Tu theek hai? Kahin Sakshi ko kuch...?"
"Yaar main insaan hoon. Jawab ek ek karke hi de sakta hoon. And... I am sorry ki main tujhe itni raat ko pareshaan kar raha hoon. Sakshi theek hai...but, I needed to talk to someone. And tujhse better yeh baat koi aur nahi samajh sakega."
Sameer nodded grimly, beckoned him inside and asked, "Chai?"
He smiled and nodded. It had been so long since they had shared a cup of tea in his house.
A few minutes later they were sitting on his balcony, a warm cup of tea in their hands.
"Tu usse pyaar karta hai." Sameer looked towards him, his mouth twitching.
He sighed, lowered his gaze and replied in a low voice, "Shayad..."
Sameer started laughing, seeing his friend's bashfulness.
"Shayad nahi. Mujhe teri aankhon mein saaf dikhayi de raha hai. In fact... kuch dino se hi mujhe lag raha tha. But aaj tujhe uske liye fikar karte dekha, toh yakeen ho gaya tha."
When Arjun hesitated he continued, his voice now solemn, "Arjun, main jaanta hoon tu kya soch raha hai. Woh wapas nahi aane wali hai Arjun. Ab beeti baatein yaad karke kuch nahi hoga. Woh jahan kahi bhi hai, I am sure woh bhi yehi chahti hai ki tu aage bade. Its time Arjun."
"Phir agar kisi ne use hurt karne ki koshish ki toh?" His eyes reflected fear. No matter how much he wanted to admit his love for her, every time he was scared of the consequence.
"Rawte zaroori nahi hai ki jo ek baar hua how oh dobara ho. Bachche jab ek baar girte hai toh woh chalna chod dete hai kya? Roshni ke saath jo hua woh ek haadsa tha. Jo hona hota hai woh hokar hi rehta hai. Use na tum rok sakte ho na main. Aur phir agar woh tere paas rahegi toh woh zyada safe hogi. Because I know you will protect her. Aur hum sab bhi hai na? Apne dar ko ab mita de Arjun. When life gives you a second chance, you should take it. Sabko nahi milta."
He nodded, his mind repeating the last sentence. He was right.
He looked up at Sameer again, questioningly, "Ek aur baat hai... Agar woh mujhse pyaar nahi karti toh?"
Sameer burst out laughing at this and said, "Tu pagal hai kya Rawte? Best friend woh teri hai aur tujhse zyada samajh mujhe aati hai! Par shayad use bahut pehle se hi tujhse pyaar ho gaya hai..."
When he looked confused, Sameer added, "Nahi mujhe pakka nahi pata. But aisa laga mujhe. Baaki tu usse pooch." He winked at him and then continued, "Waise...tu use batane kab wala hai?" Excitement danced in his eyes as he looked at Arjun.
"Batane wala hoon matlab? Abhi? Itni jaldi?"
"Abhi nahi toh kabhi nahi Rawte."
He rolled his eyes and said, "Waise tu itna excited kyun ho raha hai? Propose main karunga ya tu?" His eyes glinted with mischief as he added, "Waise tere liye toh hai koi aur..."
His cheeks reddened slightly as he asked, "Kya matlab hai tera?"
He winked and said, "Aisha? Maine dekha hai tujhe uske saath. Badla badla toh tu bhi hai Sam."
They looked at each other, and burst out laughing. He wondered how suddenly everything was so perfect in his life. Maybe you just need to believe after all. Believe that things would be alright one day.
He wanted to run to her then, to take her in his arms and confess his love for her. But no, he would wait. There would be a right moment after all. And he would know when the time came.
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Sooo how was it? Tell me one thing, do u feel the story is getting boring or slow? or you think the pace is fine? please do feel free to criticise it 😊
thank you sooo much for reading 🤗
Kumkum Bhagya
Arjun
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