since the day virat shared his feelings with me i sarted feeling closer to him and i know he feels the same i can see it in his eyes... u know i was really fond of eyelocks and stuff.. i always though what is that magic that keeps two people looking at eachother but now i can understand it i mean i can feel the same looking into virat's eyes... we dont say much stuff to eachother but we cant stay away from eachother...doesnt it sounds weird??? it is i guess but thats what is happening between us... i fight soo much with my friends with di with mottoo with nemo but with virat i dont know but i dont fight i just do whatever my heart says dimag ko to jaise lock laga k chabi phenk di meine...
"ile stop it there is nothing like that samjhiii" i was trying to stop the ever so stupid ile from teasing me.. i think she's enjoying mine and virat's closseness more than me urghh what the hell im thinking am i liking it ????
"ok so if there is nothing then why he comes here without any work and insists to drop u hostel always" she said winking at me
"haww nai wo to he always has some work with princi and his home is near my hostel so i go with him na" i tried to cover up being all innocent
"acha thats good u know what he's quite hot and sexy i was thinkingg"
" shut up ile how can think like that tera dimag kharab ho gaya hai aur kuch nai" i didnt let her complete and wowww she caught me right there
"hahahahaha manvi look at ur face u look like i have asked u for ur fav candy" she said poking my cheeks
i ignored her comment and went away for my practical fuming in anger...
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" manvi u fought with ileana again" karan asked me while we were walking in the corridor towards our ground
"i fought oo ya i fought karu she was teasing the hell out of me" i said grinding my teeth
"goshh kido hold on itna gusaa why r u so mad at her" he asked trying to calm me down
"ooo so ladyfinger didnt tell u why im angry acha hai khudi pocho im not gona tell u becaz u like talking her side "
" haww kido i love u na aise kaise i will take her side" i know karan knows everything and he's just trying to hear it from me.. goshhh what sin have i done to get this day :-/
"hmm i know acha i can see very lovy dovy eyelock u and ile r having these dayss sach mein why the hell r u guys trying to hide it from me and ria " i said ponying towards ile who was standing a bit far and watching karan with a dreamy smile :-p
" umm no there is nothing like that" i laughed out loud to hear the same thing from his mouth which i was telling to ile
F**K!!!!!!!!!!!! ye kya hai... i was saying the same thing areee this day is surely a bad one...
************************
i was sitting with my books aparently but was immersed in thoughts... "hey dont doubt virat cant be in my thoughts every time na i was actually thinking about maa... she called me today and told that my so called chacha came to meet them with lots of sweets and stuff becaz of my scholarship and as usual i fought with her for telling them about me being in sydney and even letting him in our house... goshhh why does it happens to me all in one day... pehle hi sabne pagal kar rakah hai and now maa...she never made us hate our father's relatives its just they stopped meeting us after dad just becaz they were scared of our responsibility and them come she expect us to still love them or even feel happy to listen about them... no doubt i cant hate them..shhh its a sceret they are my chacha my dadi and all but i cant love them either..i feel like slapping my self for not hating them but its not in my control..its been soo many years i was 12 when dad died and since that day im keeping every damm feeling of mine to myself...im sick and tired of it maybe because i know virat is trying to make me believe that he is there for me but with which realtion i should open up... i know im scared!!! scared of lossing my control in front of him.. scared of doing something wrong.. im here to make my career not to love someone... wait a minute from where love came in???? goshh manvi u really need to sleep..." i came out of my thoughts and found myself crying and wetting my whole pillow nothing new happens all the time...
i went to wash my face so that the cold water can lessen the pain in my eyes and most probably my heart...
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"hey everyone vas happening" i said winking to ria as i entered the corridors and saw my karan' ile and ria waiting for me... waise i intentionally said this becaz ria a biggg 1D fan
"hey manvi why so happy" ria asked me seeing my smile that was touching my eyes
" umm nothing just feeling light" i said to divert their attention especially karan's who was concentrating on my puffy eyes becaz of my whole night crying session
"ya i know why are u feeling so light" karan said glaring at me so i can tell him everything later..
" acha i have to go for my class chal ria" i literally draged ria from there giving karan dont-u-try-that look
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i was sitting on a bench in at the back side of our ground when karan came and sat beside me..i knew that he was looking at me but i decided to ignore
"ok so now u r going to to ignore me like others hun!!!" karan questioned me but it sounded like a fact.. i actually was doing that
"im not ignoring u"
" hmm maybe im blind mannu but im not blind like others who cant see ur eyes who cant see the reason behind ur big fake smile" i know he was angry on me
karan knew about my problems and all but wait i never told him the whole thing and he never asked...karan lost his father when he was young too so sometimes nai nai actually often he knew what was going on with me and i always said that i hated him for that but deep inside i loved it
"karu look in fine its just..." as usual i was trying to tell him in short words about what happened...those lines which karan never understood too
"mannu im here "
" wo they came home yesterday to meet maa di and ayesha and as usual mom was trying to" i tried but like always ended up confusing him even more
" acha thek hai im not going to bug u for this but mannu tu hi kehti hai that u dont care about them so why do u let them affect u this way" that was karan's line whenever he saw he like this in the past few months
"hmm" that all was i could say... i just picked up my bag and began walking towards the gates and he didnt stop me..he knew i wont come with him today
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i was walking on my way to hostel it was getting dark... suddenly my eyes fell on some jerks standing my the corner of the front street and were gawking at me... i felt disgusted and began walking faster when i saw them walking behind me... i was finding it difficult to reach the hostel first becaz of these yukkyyy faces following me and then becaz my all energy was drenched becaz of crying...i dont know when but one of them suddenly came in front of me and held my hand...they were laughing and trying to touch me...i felt horrible...every girl would feel this on being touched by any stranger...i kicked him and began running when a car stopped beside me and i was pulled in by the driver... i was about to shout when i saw it was virat... was he a stalker or something...my trail of thoughts broke by his voice
"what are u doing alone.. were'nt u supposed to drive back with karan" virat said and anger was visible in his rising pitch of voice
"i...i...i wasnt feeling so i came...by...by myself" i was stammering seeing him this angry...his eyes were blood shot red which were scaring me... hey have a break its obvious guyz i havnt seem him this angry before ok!!!!
" sit here i will be right back" he was about to go out when i held his hand firmly and stopped him
" virat please dont creat a scene lets just go" i was trying to calm him down but this pissed him more
" manvi first u come back hostel all alone and when these filthy jerks wre...ur ttying to stop me" he almost shouted at the top of his voice
"take me away virat... plz take me away " i said in low voice as tears came out of my eyes...this made virat come out of his anger he held my hand tightly and drove away
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we were sitting at the same place virat brought me a few weeks ago and shared his pain and today i was feeling like i can breakdown in front of him any minute...he was holding my hand and was waiting for me to say anything but i was soo immersed in my thoughts to feel that... finally virat spoke seeing me shivering from fear...i was trying hard to control my tears and becaz of the previous street scene i hate to admit but i was dammm scared!!!
"manvi ur fine"
"hmm..ya ...ya ...i...i..a..am...ff...fine" my voice was trembling badly...virat held my chin and raised to make me see into his eyes that held soo much concern and worry
"i know ur not fine manvi..stop pretending all the time to be strong coz i know ur not" he said wrapping his arms around me and i didnt felt like stopping him...
"u know virat this is the first time someone said this to me...sabne...sabne hamesha dekha par kabhi nai pocha ake mujhe...no one dared to ask me any reasons...tum kyun smajhte ho...i dont know...kyun karte ho aisa...what magic do u have that i feel like telling u everything...i feel like letting all my tears away...i feel like... sabkuch bol dena chahti hon virat... i cant keep anything inside now..." i said hugging him and felt like im confusing virat like i confuse everyone with my cpmlicated words no one ever found the meaning behind them
" i dotn have any magic manvi but u know what u have a magic to cut u off from the world even from ur close ones but ye magci hamesha to rahe ga nahi...its just ur losing it and sometimes its good to lose something that makes u suffocated" he was looking in my eyes and i dont know when but i said stuff i never wanted to
"main thak gayi hon virat...bohat thak gayi hon...12 sal ... i was just 12 from that day till now i have kept everything just in my heart...but im tired...i cant...i just cant..i hace become really week virat... mujhe kamzor nai padna kisi k samne...people hurt u when ur week i cant let anyone hurtme" i was sobbing and wetting his shirt again and again hugging him
"ur not week manvi...infact u know what" he said cupping my face in his palms that were really wet with tears
" u know what ur becoming strong enough to share things...im not asking u to say anything but today u said things that had soo much meaning behind them...i know u think i cant understand but believe me i can... i really can" he said the lst line kissing my forehead
and i felt so good...i hugged him again this time digging my face in his a bit revealed cheast and confessed my feelings not completely but after that i knew he understood the unsaid words behind it too as i felt his grip getting stronger... actually becoming possessive and concerned even more than before
i said "thank u virat... THANK U FOR MAKING ME STRONG"
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tilll the next update that is going to be after 17th june when my exams end bye bye...hope u all will understand...im going for a few days but with the promise to get back with more long and regular updates...till them keep loving and spamming me 😆😆
love u all
~~~~amna~~~~
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CID
35