Hey I need help!!!!
Please Help!
This pilot Episode of my new ff!Please read it and following it is the scenario for Episode 2!Please read and give me ideas if you find any loopholes in it.
Pilot Episode:
786
Bismillah-ar-Rahman-ar-Raheem;
(Begin with Allah's name the Most Merciful and
Beneficient.)
ff:MazHab-Allah is The Greatest!
Disclaimer: Any Resemblance of any kind to any Serial,Movie,Os,Ff,SS etc is Purely co-incidental.
This ff is on a very sensitive issue and both criticism and appreciation both are welcomed but in limit of manners.
This ff is not meant to hurt anyones feelings and if this hurts anyone's feelings then I am sorry from bottom of my heart.Islamic content used is this ff is being used after lots of research and is 100% authentic.
Episode 1 { MahaBeginning }
( Khan Family is Introduced!,Tabrez to become MPA?,Rukhsar is expecting Twins?,Will she deliver both boys?,Shah Zamaan meets with an accident! And Much More...! )
Episode opens up with a view of a very big Haveli (Palace type of House.),Inside it there is a woman sitting watching Tv and another Woman is sitting with her picking pebbles from rice plate.A little boy comes running and says,"Daadi Ami A faqeer (Begger) is outside and he says that he wants Khair (Money) from Rukhsana bibi,I have told him that no Rukhsana lives here but he is not listening!".
The old lady smiles and removing her glasses says,"Beta I am Rukhsana!". The boy is astonished and says,"Really Daadi Ami your name is Rukhsana?".
The lady nods in positive and she then calls out to woman who is watching tv saying,"Baano beta go and give Khair(Money) to Faqeer Baba (Begger!)".
Baano says,"Amaa please give me few minutes ,I am watching soap and today they are going to reveal who is Frightening Gopi Vahu as a ghost!You please tell anyone else I can't leave!".
"Beta Allah says the one who comes to your doorstep for help is sent by Me so don't make him wait!Please go and give Money to Fakeer!".
Then Maryam (Maid) enters and says,"Baano BibiJi I think they are just fooling us and Rashi is the one who is scaring Gopi vahu because she doesn't want Gopi's Husband Ahem to unite with her!".
Baano says,"Ok na Let me watch!you go and give this Khair to Faqeer Baba.!".
Maryam leaves with Money and Comes back with Money and says that Faqeer Baba left before she went to give him money!Rukhsana becomes sad on listening to this and says,"Look what happened because of your this stupid drama,Faqeer Baba left empty handed from my doorstep!".
Baano makes face and says,"Don't worry Amaa nothing happens!,and why are you cleaning these rice there are innumerable servants in this Haveli they will do it!".
Rukhsana doesn't answer.Rukhsar comes and Rukhsana says,"Come Rukhsar sit carefully!".Maryam(Maid) comes and happily says,"Bibiji Rukhsar bibiji's eighth month has started na?."
Rukhsana smiles and nods in positive.Rukhsana asks,"Rukhsar beta where are Alizay and Saba?".Rukhsar answers that they both are playing with toys. Maryam says,"Those our neighbours were talking things that how Alizay and Saba are not of two years fullu and Rukhsar bibi is again on verge of Delivering other child!".Rukhsana tells her to go and work and she asks About Gul khan and Tabrez Khan from Baano and Rukhsar!Rukhsar says,"Amaa they have gone for a Daawat (Feast) and tonight they will come late!".
At Farm House:
Gul khan and Tabrez and other guests are sitting and watching dance of Nautch girls who arendancing on Munni Badnaam Hui.Tabrez touches his sexual organ in seductive way and says,"Pink!" And winks at Gul Khan.Gul khan signals to a servant and Dancer wearing Pink dress is taken in a bedroom ,Tabrez also heads towards that bedroom behind that girl and locks the door.Gul khan thinks,"Bhai will enjoy this feast a lot!" And smirks.
Gul Khan takes a sip of whisky and holds wrist of another girl and tells her to come with him and the girl agrees happily and they also head towards a room!
Next Day:
Gul Khan and Tabrez Khan are sitting in Otaaq (Otaaq is a Bungalow in which men's affairs are dealt and women are not allowed there!)
Gul Khan says,"Bhai you failed in elections that was a miserable defeat!".
Tabrez turns sad and says ,"Yes Gul I took part in elections for seat of MPA (Member of Provincial Assembly) and I thought that out of my 5000 acre land only 4000 acre is cultivated and other 1000 acres left because of shortage of irrigation water so I thought once I become MPA this problem will be solved but I failed in elections and that Akbar Qureshi won this seat!".
Gul khan says,"No problem , maybenext time!".Tabrez thinks,"Not next time this time only!".A servant comes and says,"Chote Saeein(Junior Lord,Tabrez was called Chote Saaein and Gul Bade Saaein as Gul is elder brother of Tbrez!) Munawer has come to meet you and he is crying outside!Tabrez tells them to send him in and he says,"He forgot that he is just a peasant the way he went to that Akbar and Tried to degrade me by saying lots of negative things about me!".
Munawer enters and he removes his cap and puts it on feet of Tabrez and cries for forgiveness and asks Tabrez to return his land otherwise his Family will die of hunger but Tabrez kicks him out!
At Haveli:
Rukhsana is feeding apples to Rukhsar and says,"Beta Daai Ama is coming today to see you so get ready!".
Baano says,"Whats the use what will Daai ama do if she (Rukhsar) is carrying daughter?".Rukhsana says,"Talk good if you don't look good!".Baano makes face and Rukhsar smiles and agrees to get ready to meet Daai Ama.Baano says,"I know Daai Ama has knowledge and she will tell everything that Rukhsar is carrying girl and again drama will happen in our Haveli like it happened on birth of Saba and Alizay!".
Rukhsar gets tensed and Rukhsana shuts Baano saying,"Allah will bless my Tabrez with heir! And what have you done just by giving son to Gul khan?".Baano says that she has given birth to a son and her Shah Zamaan is only the Heir to the family!
Daai Ama enters and greets everyone.Daai Ama checks Rukhsar and happily announces to everyone that once again Rukhsar is carrying Twins.Rukhsana thanks Allah for double happiness! Baano asks Daai Ama if Rukhsar is carrying sons? And Daai Ama says she doesn't know gender and in fact no one can tell gender but She is getting vibes that this time they are boys!Baano feels in secured and Rukhsar smiles in happiness!
Tabrez returns Home and is super happy on getting this news!He decided to go to city for Sonography and Rukhsana and Rukhsar get tensed but no one can say anything and Rukhsar and Tabrez leave for city!
Baano smirks and says,"Now everything will be cleared!".
Rukhsana says,"Baano beta girl or boy just pray it can come to this world because now Tabrez's wish for heir has grew so much that I am scared what he will do if...!".
At Haveli:
Shah Zamaan Comes running and asks for Money from Rukhsana for snacks and Rukhsana gives him money and he happily leaves!Baano says,"Amaa I told you na that Evil Rashi is scaring Gopi disguised as ghost that too of Gopi's Husbands lover!".
Rukhsana does Tauba Tauba ( Seeking Forgiveness from Allah) and leaves saying that she is not interesting in all this!".
Soon Alizay and Saba comes running and Saba says,"Daadi...!" And she makes a signal with her hands and Rukhsana understands and says,"Oh so you are here to listen the story??"Alizay nods and Rukhsana makes them sit on her lap and says ,"Ok today I will tell you story of Allah's beautiful Prophet Yousaf (A.S)."
Rukhsana starts the Story she says,"Hazrat Yousaf (A.S) was son of Prophet Yaqoub (A.S) and he had a brother Yameen and he aslo had 11 step brothers .Hazrat Yaqoub ,their father used to love Yousaf the most and other 11 step brothers of Yousaf didn't like this .One day Yousaf saw a dream and that dream was Sun ,Moon and eleven stars were respecting him ,when he went to his father to ask meaning of that dream his father understood the meaning hence he instructed Yousaf not to share that dream with anyone ,not even with his brothers.One day Yousaf's step brothers made a plan that they will take Yousaf to play ground around jungle and they will dump Yousaf in Well,then they will slaughter a lamp and will put blood on all over yousaf's kurta and will tell father that a Animal ate Yousaf.They all followed the plan same like the planned and dumped Yousaf in well and when they reached home Yousaf's father denied to believe their story and he said that they are lieing but he will wait as he has belief on Allah!There a troupe stopped near the well for drinking water and One man found Yousaf (A beautiful kid ) in well bucket and he thought he will sell This boy in Egyptian market and will get a nice price!The man hid Yousaf in his luggage...!" Rukhsana stops and says that they will continue the story next day as she is tired Rukhsana stands up to go but Alizay stops her by holdinh her hand.Rukhsana smiles and at the same time a servant brings Injured Shah Zamaan in his arms inside.Rukhsana and Baano are shocked and Rukhsana asks What happend? And servant answers that Shah Zamaan met with an accident!Episode ends on shocked face of Baano!
MahaPrecap:
Tabrez Khan is sitting with few men and he touching his moustache with a smirk on his face says,"If you will do my work I will do your work!".The men agree to Tabrez's condition and Scene shifts to Gul Khan standing in a Mosque and thinks,"In my life first Time I had entered a Mosque Allah Help me today!."Tears start flowing from His Eyes!
Scenario for Episode 2:
Shah Zamaan is taken to the Hospital and Undergoes a surgery because of Internal bleeding.
Here Rukhsar goes through a ultra sound and Tabrez Khan asks for sex determination test where doctor bashes him as it is illegal.
Tabrez and Rukhsar return to village and on returning home he notices a woman with her cattle in his crops and as a punishment for her act Tabrez gets her hair cut!(Which will be a glimpse to Tabrez's cruelty for readers).
Shah Zamaan will be unable to recognize Gul Khan and Gul Khan will try to make him undertand that gul khan is his father but Shah Zamaan will Laugh his heart out and will immitate him this will prove that Shah Zamaan has lost his Sanity!This will be a shock of his life for Gul Khan.
Gul Khan will be shattered and leave for Mosque to offer Namaz but once he will reach mosque is shock state he will remember that he doesn't know how to offer prayers!Gul khan will sit and cry there ,he will ask for forgiveness from Allah for his all past sins.Here he will get fee flashbacks about his major sins in past!(Sins or mistakes will not be revealed and this will produce Suspense for readers!)
Please do inform me if you have any ideas!:-)
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