SWARON SS; I DONT WANT U BUT U R MINE updt page 11 - Page 7

But should i tell him everything? Waise hi dance chod diya hai isne...agar asthma ke barey me janega toh dance me wapas jayega? Ya aur dur chala jayega mujhe better feel karwane? What do i do? God, swayam...you're just impossible! I think to myself and sigh, exasperated.

I turn back to him...only to find him making for the exit, with an angry stride.

"swayam?"

He pauses...like my call is an invisible magnet...half turns towards me and then...pulls away and continues walking away. I run. To him.

"i don't like anybody to give up on what they like best...i don't like them to change for others...get so affected by others that they lose sight of themselves."

"yeah and i'm not. I started dancing for you Sharon...and i cant bear it when you are not there with me...its TORTURE!" he looked quite deranged.

"swayam...tum dance nahi chod sakte...tumne promise kiya tha remember?" my voice rasps...his pain , my pain both join forces to wring my heart. I am trying to talk him into it...but all i really wanna do is hug him, comfort him...how i wish i could...just kiss him better, ease the frown away with my fingers...

"oh yeah Sharon, i do remember. How well i remember" his voice flames again."but i don't have to keep promises to you...you and me are over, remember? Mujhe kya pari hai aise ek ladki se vada nibhane ka, jisse mera koi relation hi nahi hai? I remember, unfortunately...but Sharon i wanna forget; thats why i left dance."

Okay...my stand-offish behaviour wont do...its only angering him further.i have to placate and atone for my treatment of him. If i'm there as a reward maybe...he'll come back to dance? Thats it...give him what he wants...yeah

"swayam...swayam...suno na...agar hum dono phirse ek saath ho jaye toh...toh tum dance mein wapas jaoge nah?" i stammer out...without meeting his eyes. For the moment, he needs to get back to dance, after that, well i'll deal with everything later. But if i have to do this to get him to dance...uske future ka sawal hai...aur mera pagal ...just walks away from everything he can be...for me.

"what the hell are you even saying Sharon?" he asks, his eyebrows pulled together into a deep frown...and his eyes still turbulent." If i dance, then we will be together? What does that even mean?"

"agar tum dance karoge toh we can try and be together...maybe? don't quit dance...swayam...for me?" i say tensed about his response.

"what the..."

Oh dear god...just what am i supposed to give him as a reason ...i don't even have time to think with him looking confused at my sudden turn-around and his blazing eyes boring into mine. My thoughts are scattered...and a jumble comes out.

"dekho swayam, mai aise kisike saath nahi reh sakti jo...jo..jo dance nahi karta ho.ha. nahi reh sakti...ok; so agar tum dance mey wapas jaon toh.."

he interrupts.

"Sharon...then i don't want you back"

Rejection swept over me. I had worked so hard to make him say this and move away for his own good...but it felt so bad hearing it; i felt as bad as i had felt that time after the charity event dance...when he walked away and i felt...afraid...that i had lost him.

I have always banked on his love..ignoring it, but...still basking in it...so much...even if the entire world was against me...he would understand, his love would be there; i guess i had always taken him for granted somewhat. Was this how he felt when i snubbed him undeservedly again and yet again? It feels so...agony. like the land beneath my feet is forsaking me...everything which was once mine is being taken away and i cant possibly keep it. my swayam. Does not want me. Excruciating.

"you don't want ...dont want me... back?" what did i think...i would just hold my head high and bitch at him till he left...making him feel rejected and he would move away...and yet i would somehow still have the safe feeling that one person's feelings were always there...his love was warranted? I had to see this coming. The moment when i would crumble.

But not yet; not until i hve somehow convinced him to get dancing again. Otherwise what was the point of me losing him? not yet Sharon.

next updt guys...hope u like it.