Part 9: Unstoppable Force versus Immovable Object"Are you there. Hello?!"
"I am here, Payal."
"Why are you so silent? Anyway, then what else?"
"Same old. Same old. Corporate slavery etc. You tell?"
"It has been five months since Aakash and I got married and you have just gone completely silent. You don't love me anymore."
"Oh shut up already. I am going to rechristen you Whiney the Payaloo from now on."
"Hmm. But you know it is true. By the way I had gone home yesterday and dad and daadi were also complaining that you don't call these days. Is everything alright?"
"Everything is fine. I have just been busy. Stop being fanciful."
"Fine If you say so. Anyway what else?"
"Lets see. It has been a warm few days. Murray won Wimbledon and didn't even hug his mum. Ass. And we are waiting for Katey and WIlly's baby to arrive. Breathlessly."
"Thank you for the update, BBC Network."
"You are welcome, Whiney the Payaloo."
"Anyway, then what else?"
"You have asked me that a dozen times. Care to be more specific?"
"Fine. How is my brother-in-law?"
"Which one?"
"How many of them do I have? How is Arnav?"
"How should I know?!"
"The two of you live in the same city."
"We have about 8 million people in this city. Just saying."
"Here in Bombay we have about two and a half times that number but I am always running into people I know. So."
"He is your brother-in-law. You should know better."
"Aakash says that he has gone missing since the wedding. I thought you would know. Since the last time I saw either of you... well you guys were in a somewhat cosy and compromising position."
"Eh? I has passed out. There was nothing cosy about that."
"Well, from where I saw. Arnav carried you all across the ballroom, trawling all of Sheesh Mahal and to your room and tucked you in. Daadi was saying he very reluctantly left your room. So don't think you can brush aside whatever I say. So what do you have to say about all this?"
"I guess I am not so heavy after all. My diet must be working."
"Stop trying to be cute now."
"How can I stop being something that I am."
"Shut up."
"Sorry. How is my jeeju?"
"He is fine I guess."
"You guess? Trouble in paradise, already?"
"Shut up."
"What does he is fine I guess even mean?"
"Means he is fine. He is busy.I have been busy too."
"Instead of conducting the Spanish Inquisition on your poor, baby sister you must spend time with him then."
"Well, he is not in town. I am all alone in this penthouse. It is kind of scary."
"Aww. Go home. Between daadi's drama and dad's wry observations, you will be all cheered up."
"Hmm. I guess. But I have to be here to take care of Aakash's plants."
"Oh. Wait, is that a euphemism? Don't tell me Aakash's plants are code for something."
"Shut up, Khushi. They are real plants. Actually they are your Arnav's plants, that he left in the care of Aaaksh when he left the country. So Aakash is kind of paranoid about it. He worships his brother and his plants. Much like Bharata worshipped Lord Rama's slippers when he was banished from Ayodhya."
"Ummm. Arnav is God? And he is not MY Arnav."
"Are you saying that you have not met him since you got back there?"
"Yes, we met a couple of times. It was nothing special. We just hung out and stuff."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Movies, cricket matches, concerts, tennis matches, concerts.. the usual. Happy?"
"That sounds like more than a couple of times."
"You said Aakash is fine, I GUESS. So I am allowed to say couple, when I mean more than two times."
"Hmm. I am sorry, Khushi. It is your life."
"Oh not that, please. I am really tired. Just had a really long week at work. Is everything fine... between you and Aakash?"
"Yeah, things are... fine."
"But?"
"I don't want to behave like a suspicious wife, but Aakash is meeting Anagha often these days. Is that weird?"
"You mean he is hanging out with her?"
"No, not like that. They are working together because of the joint venture thing. I guess it is nothing."
"Of course, it is nothing. Plus Anagha is married too, remember?"
"According to the Times of Bombay that shaadi is on the rocks."
"What?! Already?! But seriously, Times of Bombay is the source of your marital woes? That is the stupidest thing I might have ever heard!"
"Hmm."
"I will speak with Anagha."
"Don't. You are right, I am being silly. Anyway, what else?"
"Stop asking me that. I feel so much pressure when you do that, like I need to invent things to make my life seem exciting."
"Huh! What are you going to after we hang up?"
"Make me some dinner. Probably use up the last of Maggi packets that I brought back with me from des."
"Maggi? Are you depressed? You only eat Maggi noodles when you are completely depressed."
"What? No. I am not depressed. Why will I be depressed?"
"When did you last meet Arnav?"
"Some days back."
"How many days back?"
"Okay fine, we are no longer friends. We had a disagreement. Khush?"
"Ah! I was right. Something is wrong. You are depressed. Lovers quarrel."
"We are not lovers. Your brother-in-law is an asshole and I am fabulous. Anyway, I need to pee. Can we talk later."
"You are disgusting."
"Why? Because I want to pee?"
"Bye, Khushi. This conversation is not over."
Phew! Sisters, Khushi said out loud to her empty room. Sometimes there was not enough Maggi in this world.
**
"Arnav I come here for two days and you ignore me," Anjali pouted as she sat cross-legged on her brother's very plush bachelor pad in London.
"Di, cut the histrionics, will ya. Besides your visit was a surprise. Had I known you were coming then I would have planned my schedule around it," he said as he tried to find his cuff links.
"Looking dapper, bro," his brother-in-law Abhimanyu walked into the room just then.
"Yes, isn't my brother, most handsome," Anjali Di preened with some kind of maternal pride. Abhimanyu kissed his wife on her cheek and sat next to her.
Arnav rolled his eyes. Was there any subject on which Di and Abhi's views did not converge, he wondered. That must be an interesting and comfortable relationship to be in, as opposed to two folks who could agree on nothing, he thought to himself.
"So you are hoping to sell the new book today?" Anjali asked, looking at him thoughtfully.
"Yes, that is what my agent says. This studio has wanted to buy the rights of my book, it is a big production house. Let see," he said. He was not the most social person around and frankly meetings like these bored him, idiot MBAs pretending they understood literature, when all they were interested in was money. Two of his earlier books had been turned into small, independent films that won a ton of critical accolades. But this was the first time that an international production house with deep pockets wanted to produce his story. Arnav wasn't keen on it, but his agent Lauren was if nothing else, very persuasive. And so here he was dressed like a character from Mad Men.
Anjali Di's visit had come as a surprise. Abhminayu was in this part of the world on work, and Anjali had decided to tag along for a whirlwind two day trip and spy on him. He smiled thinking about it. He wouldn't put it past Di to persuade her husband to concoct a fake work trip so that she could do some sleuthing.
"Why are you smiling like that? Care to share with me too," Anjali Di asked, squinting her eyes.
"What? Now I shouldn't smile either?" he asked indignantly.
"Of course, you should smile. You have a beautiful smile, lil brother," she said and pulled his cheeks.
"When did you say you were leaving again," he asked, as he dodged Anjali Di throwing a phone at him.
"I don't believe that both my husband and brother are abandoning me in this strange city and leaving me to myself," Anjali Di said looking accusingly at her husband and brother.
"Sorry Di. Tomorrow I will spend the day with you, okay," he said earnestly.
"Fine, but what shall I do today," Anjali Di demanded to know.
"Look around the city. There is plenty to interest you. Shop, eat, hit on random men," Arnav went on.
"I am a one man kinda woman," Anjali Di said, getting a grateful smile from her husband for that.
"Monogamy is overrated, you know," he said, knowing full well that nothing bothered his sister more than anything that took away from the sanctity of marriage.
"i think I will go and meet Khushi," Anjali Di finally announced. Hearing her name like that, startled him.
"Khushi," he said.
"Yes, Khushi," Anjali Di said, her tone and expression not betraying a thing.
"Yes, yes. You must meet Khushi. What a pretty girl.. I mean nice girl. Plus Payal has sent her some stuff that you need to hand over to her," Abhimanyu concluded embarrassed.
"Looks like someone here has a crush on Khushi. Di maybe you should be worried" he said, looking at his embarrassed brother-in-law.
"Come now, Arnav," that is not how I meant, Abhi said, looking crushed.
"Shush, Arnav! I trust my husband and in this instance, appreciate his fine taste. At least he is honest about whom he is fangirling on," Anjali said, a hint of challenge on her face.
Arnav was not comfortable the turn that this conversation was taking and was determined to steer it back to other topics.
"Fine, do as you please," he said.
"Do you think Khushi has plans for the day. It is Saturday, I am guessing she is not going to work," Anjali Di said thoughtfully.
"How should I know? Call her and ask," he said.
"I thought the two of you are... you know... friends or something," Anjali Di said, by now her face openly curious.
"Well, I am not her stalker, that much I can tell you," he said wryly.
"Khushi is going to Cornwall today," Abhimanyu suddenly said.
"And we have a stalker!" Arnav said, finding that his brother-in-law was annoying him a little now.
"I mean that is what it says on her Twitter-feed," Abhi said sheepishly.
Anjali Di giggled, as she peered into his phone to read Floydgal 09 aka Khushi Gupta's tweets.
No Arnav, you will not Twitterstalk her, he sternly commandeered his brain. He will only think of Balwant Kaur now, the filmmaker of some of the biggest Hindi film movies and convince her about the merit of his script. He was a storyteller and that is all he had to remember today, And not for one moment think about the crazy minx he couldn't get his mind off.
"Okay, it is decided, I am going to Cornwall too with Khushi. I will be back tomorrow," saying this Anjali Di.
"What the heck," he muttered.
"Aww brother, don't sulk. Impress the pants off Balwant Kaur. Or Salwar. Or chudidhar. Only metaphorically, of course. Please tell her that Smash it like Dhoni was my favourite film," saying this Anjali Di and Abhi left.
Sisters, Arnav thought as he enjoyed the brief moment of quiet before heading to meet Balwant Kaur.
An hour later when he finally met her, he was relieved to realize that she was a middle-aged, motherly kind of lady.
**
"Sorry Di we couldn't spend any time together," Arnav said as he helped his sister and brother-in-law with their luggage.
"That is okay, kid bro. I had a great time in Cornwall.Khushi is crazy. I can see why my husband is crushing on her. I think I have one too," Anjali said picking the luggage from her brother.
"You guys are the creepiest couple ever," Arnav said as he hugged his brother-in-law and sister.
"Take care of yourself. And call us once in a while. Good luck with Balwant. I hope there is good news," Anjali Di said placing her arm on him.
"Thanks, Di," he said. Airports and long goodbyes depressed him, so he put his hands into his pockets and impatiently looked around.
Anjali Di and Abhimnayu waved at him and started walking towards the departure gate when suddenly Anjali Di walked back towards him.
"Arnav, I forgot to hand over the package that Payal had sent for Khushi. Please hand it over to her at the earliest," she said and quickly turned away and ran towards the departures.
"What the hell! I thought you met Khushi precisely for that reason.." but by then she was gone.
Now he will have to call her after all. This annoyed him and excited at the same time.
No Arnav, you should not call her. Make her call you. Yes, that is what he needed to do.
**
You have 1 voicemail
Khushi, this is Payal.
Where are you?
I saw that your FB profile no longer lists you as a lesbian and that you are now single. We need to talk.
To delete this message, press 0.
You have deleted 1 message.
**
Arnav Raizada inks an undisclosed sum deal with Ostrich Books
Indian-born and now residing in London writer Arnav Raizada has just inked a what is to believed large deal with Ostrich Books. Asya Raichand, Editor-in-chief of Ostrich Books, UK announced the same at a press conference today. The ambitious work-in-progress book has got enough attention already and if sources are to be believed, prominent filmmaker is in talks with the writer for a big-screen adaptation of the upcoming book, which is speculated to be a love story. Arnav's agent, Lauren Kent said that it was too early to discuss anything.
Arnav Raizada has been one of my most prolific young voices of the sub-continent and was recently placed among the Top 50 of the Thinking Woman's Sex Symbol from the sub-continent.
Sex symbol. Pshaw!
Who allows these idiot fangirls write reports, Khushi thought and junked the tabloid into the bin.
Later in the night, she felt thirsty and came down to get her some water. After she was done, she picked the paper from the bin, tore out the article and placed it into a little box.
Someday I will burn it all, were her last thoughts as she drifted into sleep.
**
You have 1 voicemail
Arnav, why haven't you delivered the parcel to Khushi as I asked you to? This is all very embarrassing for me. What will Payal think of us? I want you to deliver it in the next 24 hours.
To delete this message, press 0.
You have deleted 1 message.
**
"Hey Khushi!"
"Jeeju, whats up? How come you remembered your aadhi gharwaali?"
"I have been busy. Khushi, I needed a favour from you."
"Yeah, sure. Anything for you."
"It is Bhaii's birthday tomorrow."
"No."
"Eh?"
"I am not going to throw him a party."
"Haha. I know. Actually Bhaii doesn't like to make a big deal about his birthday. So he doesn't need a party. My assistant Aman was supposed to deliver a small present to him, but he needs to return today. So I was wondering if you could go and take him a present."
"Hmm."
"I guess you must be busy. That is alright then."
"No, jeeju. I will do it. What is the present I should get him?"
"Get him a couple of plants. He will be happy. Anything else, he will glower. But plants, don't get any glowering."
"Aww. So cute. I mean. Whatever. I will buy him plants."
"Thanks, aadhi gharwaali. I owe you one."
"You are welcome. And since you owe me one, take good care of my sister, okay? And make sure to hide her phone somewhere. Please?"
**
"And that ladies, is how you get an unstoppable force to meet an immovable objects," Aakash told his wife and sister when he hung up.
"I wonder what there quarrel is about?" Anjali said.
"Me too," Payaal agreed.
"I bet even the pair of them don't know why they are quarreling, Aakash concluded.
**
"Why do you need to bake a chocolate cake at 10 in the night?" Daadi demanded to know.
"Because it is 4:30 in the evening here. Do you approve that as cake making time?" Khushi asked, taking on the long suffering tone.
"Are you making cake for a boy," Daadi demanded to know, as always getting to the heart of the issue.
"Yes. For your future son-in-law, Harry Prince of Wales," she said, sticking her tongue out at the phone.
"He already has a girlfriend," Daadi said in her sure tone.
"Yes and that is the only reason why the pair of us are not in a relationship with each other," she said laughing.
"Do what you want. 3 eggs, 1 cup of flour, 1/2 cup of oil, 1/2 cup of sugar, 1/2 cup of cocoa, 1/4 cup of buttermilk, 1/2 tsp of baking powder, 1/4 tsp of salt and a lot of love," Daadi rattled off.
**
Dear God, let this cake come out well and not stick to the pan. Please, please, please. I will stop using f**k in any of my sentences if this comes out perfect.
f**k.
Sorry God, one last time, okay? Okay.
But yay, she finally had got the chocolate cake right. Well done, Khushi she said and patted her own back.
Maybe she did bake it with a lot of love. Hmm. Should she attempt frosting? No, there wasn't enough time. She had to go to Arnav's house right away.
Just then the doorbell rang.
**
"Arnav"
"Khushi"
"Can I come in?"
"Hello."
"Khushi, I asked, can I come in?"
"Yeah, sorry. Sure. Please."
"What is that strange smell?"
"Chocolate cake."
"What?"
"Oh that. Sorry, that is compost."
"What?"
"Yeah. You know for plants and stuff."
"Oh-kay. Anyway I don't want to intrude. I came here only because Anjali Di forgot to give you this package from Payal the other day."
"Package?"
"Here. Take it. Seems like Payal put together a care package for you."
"OMG! OMG! OMG!"
"What is in it? Everything okay."
"Everything is perfect. I love you."
"You keep saying that. This is becoming a bit like the boy who cried wolf. One day you are going to say it like you mean it and I won't believe you."
"In your dreams, Raizada."
"I am glad that Anjali Di gave me a dreamcatcher then."
"Hmm. Do you want to eat Maggi?"
"I want to eat what?"
"Maggi 2-minute noodles. Which takes about 10 minutes to cook. Payal sent me about 50 packets of it. I love Maggi. I always eat it when I am depressed."
"You are depressed now?"
"I also eat it when I am happy. Or lazy. Basically anytime."
"Are you saying you are willing to share something that you love so much with me? I am touched."
"Yeah whatever! You swallowed your pride and came here. Plus, it is your birthday. I can be nice to you for 24 hours."
"How do you know it is my birthday?"
"Because I was asked to deliver a present to you. On behalf of jeeju."
"Ah. My apologies on behalf of Aakash. I am not a birthday person."
"Of course you are not, Mr Wet Blanket."
"Hmm. What was that about being nice to me on my birthday?"
"It is only 11:40. Twenty more minutes to before I start being nice to you."
"I see. So what present have you got me."
"The compost."
"What?"
"I mean, the plants too. But mostly just the compost."
"Did you bake the cake for me?"
"No."
"No?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
"Thanks, Khushi. I love you too."
"What?"
"I mean, I love chocolate cake."
"Kameena."
**
"Thanks, Khushi. The cake was lovely."
"You are welcome, Arnav. I am glad you came over."
"Me too."
"Let me get the trishul for the maggi."
"Trishul?"
"Fork."
"Umm."
"Haven't you heard that joke?"
"Do I want to know?"
"Once Shiva asks Parvati where is my Trishul? Parvati says, Rajinikanth lekar gaya. Maggi khaane ke liye. Hahahaha."
"Worst. Joke. Ever."
"Whatever, you thinking woman's sex symbol."
Beep"It is Asya. I need to run. Thanks for the Maggi, Khushi. And thanks for the compost."
**
Hey Dad, It is me, Khushi. I am willing to meet this boy you have shortlisted for me as a matrimonial prospect. Call me when you wake up.
**
Part 10:
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/88022235 Edited by TabassumR - 12 years ago
330