"Saale Saab?"
I had heard those words thousands of times. Ever since Di got married to him.
But I had never heard them infused with as much menace as they were now.
My first instinct was to slam the phone down.
Luckily, common sense took over.
He has been stupid enough to call me on my cellphone, but I wasn't going to waste this opportunity to try and figure out his whereabouts.
Somehow I had to force myself to talk to him, no matter how much I wanted to throw the phone against the wall right now.
But before I could speak, Shyam continued, driving further chills across my body.
"At a loss for words, Saale-Saab? Never mind. I haven't called to hear what you have to say anyway..Are you still there, Saale-Saab?"
Taking a deep breath, I am finally talking to him now.
"I'm here. Why the hell are you calling me, you son of a..."
"Mind your tongue, Saale Saab. Tell me, have you managed to figure out my hiding place yet?"
I cannot believe the confidence that comes across in his voice. My blood is boiling now, but I have to exercise all the self-control I can muster.
"That isn't my job. The police will do that, and then.."
His laugh slithers through the phone again as he cuts into whatever I had been going to say.
"Of course. The great ASR would never dirty his hands with things like finding out where I have hidden myself. Left it to the cops, have you? But tell me one thing, Saale-Saab.."
I am holding my breath, well aware from his tone that he is about to say something horrible.
And I am right.
"Have the policemen taken Khushiji's statement yet?"
"Don't you dare take her name, you F*****g B*****d!!"
More laughter, infused with sheer evil this time.
"Her name? I would have taken much more than that yesterday, if only your guards hadn't come down those stairs.."
"SHUT UP!!"
"Why don't you put the phone down, if you don't want to hear what I have to say? But I know why you are still talking to me. You are trying to find out where I am, aren't you? But it's of no use. I'm using a cellphone I've stolen from someone, and I'm throwing it away after this call. There, now that we have got that out of the way, can we talk about the real purpose of my call?"
I can't answer him. The rage that is blinding me has stolen the power of speech as well.
"No words again? Just listen to me, then. I know that you will go to the police about this call. I know that you will go to any lengths to try and put me behind bars. But for all that to happen, she has to give them the proof. She has to give them her statement about what happened that night.."
"Just where the hell are you going with this?"
"Do you know what kind of questions the cops will ask her, Saale-Saab? Do you know that they will want to know exactly what I did to her, in great detail. Where did I place my hands? Where did I touch her? What article of clothing did I take off? Did I touch her intimately..."
"You f******g..."
"So much anger..it's not good for you. But that's exactly what they are going to ask her, Saale-Saab. And that is something for you to think over. What is more important to you? Putting me behind bars, or saving what's left of her dignity? Because giving that statement will be the verbal equivalent of what happened yesterday, just remember that. She will have to relive every moment, experience everything once again.."
I can't take it anymore.
I throw the phone against the wall, where it breaks into pieces.
That did nothing to reduce the sheer rage and frustration I felt, so I turn to the nearest object, which happens to be an antique statue.
Seconds later, I stare at the ground, where it now lies scattered in a thousand small fragments.
As I look at it, I realize what I have been doing wrong.
My latest mistake.
My newest sin.
I have been running away.
I have been running away from facing her.
All I have really focused on until now is my anguish, and although her suffering has had a deep impact on me, I haven't really done anything to alleviate it.
But that's not the end of it.
This phone call has brought home to me the fact that the madman is still on the loose. The danger that has brought Khushi to this state, still exists.
Free to strike again, at any time.
And I have done nothing to stop him.
Yes, the police has been informed, and detectives have been involved.
But what exactly have I done?
Nothing.
I have done virtually nothing to make her safe.
There is no end to my shame.
But that ends right now.
I have to shake myself out of this stupor and focus on taking immediate, decisive action.
For her.
Always, for her.
I turn around and head for the stairs with the intention of going to NK's room.
I knock on the door, and wait for him to answer.
Is he asleep?
I have my answer as the door is opened the very next second.
NK is very much awake, his red-rimmed eyes and unkempt appearance telling me that he has never been to bed.
Once again, I question his attachment to Khushi.
But this isn't the time for speculation.
I step inside and close the door behind me.
"Nannav? What's wrong?"
"He called. Just now."
NK doesn't ask me who 'he' is. It must be evident from the look on my face.
"On your cellphone? Or the landline?"
"My cellphone."
"What did he say?"
I tell him, disgusted again at having to repeat those words.
Anger transforms NK's face, and he turns away, clenching his fists.
A moment later, he turns back, apparently calm now, and I envy his control.
"Where is your phone? I know he said he's going to throw away the phone, but maybe we can still.."
"I threw it against the wall. It's broken."
NK looks at me , for a moment, then sighs.
'Nannav, I haven't said anything for years,but I can't keep quiet any longer. You have to listen to me!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You have got to learn to curb this irrational anger, Nannav! It's completely unproductive, impairs your judgement, and now, it has even hurt others! None of this would have happened if you hadn't let your rage control your actions in the first place! All you had to do was ask Khushiji what the truth was!"
"Do you think I don't know that? Do you think I don't regret..."
"No wait, scratch that. I was wrong. There was no need to ask Khushiji anything. Even a blind person could have seen that she wasn't even capable of such a thing! Everyone knew that she had eyes only for...oh, forget it! Why am I explaining this to you? You didn't understand her then, and you don't understand her now. She has been silent for a whole day,and you haven't even gone to see her! What kind of man are you, Nannav!"
"And just what the hell am I supposed to tell her? How can I face her after what I've done?"
"You're a coward, Nannav."
"Shut up, NK!"
"Yes, you are. But I've just realized something. This isn't the time to stand here and argue about your faults. This is the time for us to take action. We have to think. How can we find out where he is? If only you hadn't broken that.."
I try to curb my anger and think rationally.
"The SIM card could still be there."
"That's the first useful thing you've said all night, Nannav. I'll go and try to find it. Maybe our detectives can use it to find out something, I don' t know. And we'll let the police know, too. They are coming back in the morning to record her statement.."
I turned away, unable to face him anymore.
Everything he had just said was true.
Everything.
I was a heartless, soul-less coward.
And she was being punished for it.
I hear NK leave the room, and turn around towards the door.
Without any forethought or planning, my feet take me to the room next to his.
The guest room.
Where she is sleeping, sedated again by the nurse.
I reach the room, and find the door wide open.
I don't allow myself to think.
I step inside, and look around.
The nurse is sleeping in an armchair by the bed.
Moonlight streams in through the open window, and falls on the one face I never tire of seeing.
Khushi.
She is asleep, just like I knew she would be.
Her hair is loose around her face, the black waves almost covering the pillow.
Her hands are loosely held on her chest, and her breathing is deep, and even.
I go closer, drawn to her like always.
She looks peaceful.
As if the horrors of the past two days have never happened.
As I watch, her eyelids flutter once, and then close again.
Does she know I'm here?
One of her hands fall off her chest, and comes to a rest by her side.
The palm is facing upward, and the moonlight falls on the intricate patterns of Mehendi that adorn it.
A beam of light falls directly in the center.
Where there is a single letter.
A.
I stumble back, the significance of that 'A' hitting me hard.
How could I have forgotten this?
I step out of the room in a daze, and slide down to the floor, my back resting against the wall.
I can still see her through the door.
Memories rush back now, things that I should have remembered earlier.
"You're engaged? And you didn't think it's necessary to tell me?"
"Aapko isse kya faraq padhta hai?"
"Hello, Shyamji?"
"Have you all forgotten that there are other Shyamjis in this world apart from mine?"
"Wait Babua, let me call our paying guest, Shyam.."
"Shyamji must have gone out on some work, Buaji."
"Shyamji is out of town on some work, Chotey."
"Khushi? Is this about your fiance? Has he hurt you?"
I close my eyes as the clues I had forgotten, now hit me from all sides.
How could I have been so blind?
Why didn't I pause to think about what should have been so glaringly obvious?
I could have stopped him, stopped this evil act, if only...
NK was right in asking me, what kind of man am I?
I think about that time again, and drift further and further into my recollections.
The next thing I know, someone is shaking me awake.
I blink my eyes open to find that it's daylight now.
I realize that I must have fallen asleep outside her door, and look up to see her face.
But the door is closed now.
NK stands before me, and he is saying something.
"What?"
"Anjali Di, Nannav. We just brought her home. I thought you'd want to see her.."
I jump up immediately, ashamed that I had forgotten all about her.
I know I have to face her now.
There are things she must be told, things that she needs to know.
But deep inside, I'm afraid.
How will she react to this?
Will she break down completely?
I don't know if I could handle that..
But my Di surprises me.
It is an hour later now, and I have just finished telling her everything.
The whole truth, right from the beginning.
Mami is there with her, and shock is written across her face.
But Di still looks outwardly calm.
She isn't looking at me, but staring down at herself instead, where one of her hands rests protectively against her stomach.
But there have been no hysterics, nothing like what I had expected.
And then she looks up at me, and shocks me with her words.
"Thank you."
"What?!"
"Yes, Chotey. Thank you for telling me the truth. Thank you for not hiding it from me. Thank you for not thinking that I'm too fragile to handle it. But most of all.."
She looks down at her stomach again.
"Thank you for telling me this, so that I can protect my Raajkumari from him."
"Di?Are you sure you are okay.."
"Are you shocked that I have taken this so calmly? But I have had two days to think about it, Chotey. Two days to deal with the horror I have witnessed. Two days to come to terms with the fact that my husband is a monster. And two days to realize that my biggest priority is now my unborn child, and her safety. And now that you have told me the truth, all the missing pieces are in place, and all my questions are answered. And I will remain this way, Chotey. Because the doctors have told me that any extreme emotion isn' t good for my child. And I will focus on her, and only her from now on. But before that.."
I look on, stunned as she comes up to me.
Where has this strong woman come from?
"Before I do anything else, take me to her, Chotey. Take me to Khushiji.."
I am beyond astonishment now, and I take her arm in silence, not knowing what to say.
I lead her out of the room, and walk towards Khushi's.
When we reach the door, I know immediately that she is awake.
I don't know how I know that, I just do.
And when the nurse opens the door, I am proved right.
Khushi is sitting up in bed, staring straight ahead.
She doesn't move even when we go right up to her.
I look at her now, willing her to look at me, just one time.
Di moves closer, and sits down beside her.
She takes her hand in both of hers,but Khushi still doesn't look at her.
"Khushiji.."
Her only answer is silence.
"Khushiji, Chotey has told me everything.."
Khushi still doesn't move.
And then Di shocks me yet again.
She puts her head in Khushi's lap, and I know from the tone of her voice that she is crying.
"Khushiji, I..I am so so sorry! I am just as responsible for this, maybe more than anyone else! "
Di raises her head, and clutches her hand again.
"There were so many times I thought there might be something wrong..so many clues I ignored..I was so deluded, Khushiji!"
Khushi shows no response.
"I could have prevented this, Khushiji, if only I had seen what was in front of my eyes..And for that, for everything that has happened, I am sorry! I know that words are not enough, but what else can I do? Tell me, I'll do anything! Please, Khushiji, just speak to us!"
Khushi still stares straight ahead, resembling a pale statue.
I can't take it anymore.
I go up to Di, pull her up gently, and take her place beside Khushi.
I have to do something, anything to bring her out of this.
And so I reach for her hand..
"Khushi, I.."
Before my fingers touch hers, a voice interrupts the charged moment.
"Nannav, the police is here."
I look around at NK who has just entered the room, then back at Khushi again.
Has her face lost some of that stillness, or is it just my imagination?
I have no time to ponder this, because NK continues.
"They need to see her now. I can't put them off any longer."
I look at Khushi once last time, then rise from the bed reluctantly and turn to leave.
I hear NK telling the nurse to bring Khushi down in a couple of minutes.
I head down the stairs, trying to focus on the information about Shyam's phone call that I need to convey to the policemen.
But when I reach the living room, there is no one there.
HP informs me that the cops have gone down to the poolside, and I start walking there at once.
Halfway up the stairs, I hear their voices, and realize that they are on the stair landing.
Their voices are subdued, and I can only hear them clearly when I get close, although I cannot see them yet.
"So that's the picture of the victim? It's the first time I've seen it."
"Yes, that's her. I got it from her sister right now. I just need it for our file.."
"I know. She's very beautiful, look at that hair, and those light eyes! "
"Makes sense, doesn't it? It's always the pretty ones who manage to make the married men stray.."
My blood boils in rage, and I take the last step that brings me face to face with them.
The angry tirade never leaves my lips.
Because I have just seen who is standing right behind them, unknown to the policemen.
Khushi, and her nurse.
Her face is even more pale, and I realize that she has heard those disgusting words.
She is staring at the policemen with an arrested expression, and her hands are clenching and unclenching even as she begins to sway.
The cops turn towards her as well, but I can't think about those B*****ds now.
I have to focus on Khushi.
But before I can take one step towards her, or even speak one word, she turns around and runs back the way she came.
Her nurse is taken by surprise, and stumbles against the wall.
I push past her and follow Khushi, but just as I reach her room, she slams the door shut, and I hear the lock click into place.
I bang on the door , and yell out her name.
"Khushi! open the door, dammit!"
NK comes up behind me, and starts slamming his body against one half of the door.
I do the same on the other half, even as the horrible scenarios running through my head threaten to paralyze me.
What if she has tried to harm herself in anyway?
What if...
The nurse comes up to the door holding up a key, and shoves us aside.
She has the door open in seconds, and we rush inside.
Only to come to a shocked halt at the scene before us.
Khushi is standing in the center of the room, an object clutched in her hand.
My first reaction is that of relief, when I realize that she is unharmed.
Until my eyes go down to what lies on the floor , scattered all around her.
*********************
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Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
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