ASR: I cant live without you, Khushi - Page 6

Chapter nine: She realized she needed to move on with her life

The doc asked Arnav to see him immediately. Once Arnav was in his cabin, the doc came and informed that Khushi needs to stay one more day in the nursing home for some reasons.

Arnav got worried and asked him if there is anything to worry about. He knew that her condition with the recent operation and her long term illness was already pretty serious. But is there anything at the moment to be serious about??

The doc said it's hard to answer at the moment. Anyone could see the depth of pain in his eyes. And the doc was not oblivious to it. He patted his shoulder and went out.

She was thinking over and over as to why Buaji din't try harder to take her home? A lot of questions were pounding on her mind.

That night she gave in without asking him anything as in why he was taking her home, doing all the formalities when he clearly does not love her anymore maybe because she wanted that too. Yes she wanted Arnav around her. She longed for him.

Either it was the drugs(pain killers) the docs gave her or her mental and physical weakness that she wanted him to stay with her no matter what. She was not strong enough to turn him away. At that moment, he was the only thing she wanted most.

She felt embarrassed at her state of feelings and then turned around and looked for Arnav. But he was a little away turning opposite to her.

As much as he wanted to spend the night staring at his beloved wife, to whom he can't confess his love yet, he could not, for he felt embarrassing to stare at her with her still awake. He din't want to meet her gaze for he knew his gaze would give it all away making it clear to her how much he loved and cared for her.

He certainly din't want that to happen as he had promised to himself, that he will stay away from her emotionally till he finds the truth. So there he was with his back towards her and waiting for her to suucumb to sleep so that he can go back to his staring business again.

She felt disappointed as, in a state of drugs, she wanted his attention tonight. And suddenly she started coughing. Arnav hurriedly came close to her, made her comfortable, helped her to drink some water, asked if she wanted anything. By now, Khushi felt almost dizzy be the effect of the painkillers. And when she saw her prince so close to her, her heart felt joy!!! She held her hands dearly close to her heart.

Even Arnav was surprised by her gesture. But he was amused and was surprisingly waiting for what shw would do next. Because even he knew she was not in senses. And so it was easy for him to open up his mind towards her. Holding his hand and bringing it under her chin, she laid down on her right side facing him.

Then she said with dizzy eyes and childish voice "Please don't leave me, sit here closeee to me'' " trailing off, caressing his hand under her chin, as she could no longer keep her eyes open.

Arnav felt happy and relief knowing that she wanted him in this hour of unbearable pain. A wide smile, which was very rare, appeared on his lips. That was the feeling he longed for. But he again reminded himself to restrain from her. But then he thought, "Just for tonight, atleast". He smiled again and leaned very close to her to kiss her forehead and her cheeks and lingered longer time on every kiss J

The next morning, when he got up, Khushi was sleeping still in the same pose as of last night with his hand under her chin. He carefully took his hand away as not to disturb her and went on to see the doc and ask him about the test results and do the formalities to take her home.

He called Anjali to say that in RM no one should create any mess as he is bringing her home. No one would have anyways dared to do anything as it was made absolutely clear that Khushi was terribly sick. And though they had differences as of the current crisis, Arnav loved her a lot may be more than anything. And the DNA results had lightened the situation to a greater extent.

After a while, they reached home and she was in a wheelchair. Arnav helped her to go upstairs. As much as he wanted to take her in his arms, he resisted himself from doing so. Khushi noticed it and felt hurt. Arnav remembered the times when he had lifted her in his arms including their Suhaag-raat. In pain he closed his eyes.

Once in their room, he tried to help her to get settled on their bed. Khushi gave him a blank look and said " I am comfortable in the couch. I would not lie on the bed." Before he could protest, she turned away her wheelchair and stopped it near the recliner which was laid beside the pool outside the room when Arnav watched in pain and silence.

Though he din't interfere in her life most of the time, but he took care of her in every way possible. He was attending all his meetingsand work from home.

For one reason, he din't want her to get out of sight and for another, he dint want any of the family members to hurt her when he is away. In a way, he could not trust them too with his fragile wife.

Slowly she realized that though she needed him, but she should not for they can never be one. Though she was staying in RM, most of the time she was spending alone if not with Payal or NK in her room. The other times, she would stay in her room alone or with ASR working on his own and she being outside in the recliner beside the pool.

They won't talk much. She would not go downstairs. She would have her food inside. Sometimes Payal would feed her, sometimes NK would help her with her lunch or dinner but not breakfast as Arnav would be in the room during that time and NK won't want to face him after what he did with Khushi. He surely still could not forgive him. And he won't talk to him unless he has a reason to.

Khushi, as a matter of fact, found out, to her great surprise, that she din't want to interact with anyone of the family members anymore except for Payal and NK who had always been there for her. So she would stay on her own.

And Arnav, though he dint want to come in Khushi's notice, would always have any eye on Khushi to make sure she is doing well even without him. NK or Payal or Khushi has no idea they ASR always looks out for his wife and he knows when Khushi is with them or alone. When she is alone, he becomes more concerned and would frequently come back to his room with sundry excuses but actually to see if she needs something.

He is actually grateful to NK and Payal for giving her company whenever they can. Actually he likes Payal more with Khushi than NK. Sometimes, when NK helps Khushi with her food or will be spending time with her and cheering her up, Arnav will notice everything and gradually start to feel jealous of NK.

Though he knows there is nothing between them except a good friendship, but he would feel jealous wishing he could be there in NK's place spending quality time with his wife. NK also knows that Khushi loves Arnav more than anyone else but she is his best friend and he would always stay with her whenever she needs him.

Arnav noticed that NK is avoiding him since the accident. And he took advantage of that matter whenever he could. For he is just in the other room which had one side mirror glass on the wall through which only ASR can see Khushi but its not the other way around and mostly he can hear almost everything happening in the other room. So Khushi and NK or Payal were not aware that ASR would be staring at his lovely wife whenever he has time to.

When he would find that NK was flirting with Khushi or had spent enough time with her, he knows that he is doing all these just to cheer up, but his increasing jealousy had no bounds. He would clench his fists and like to snatch NK and throw him out and to take Khushi in his arms and hold her close to his heart and say "I love you, Khushi and you are only mine". He longed to do so.

But instead he would keep his patience and would simply return to his room with some excuse and would not leave for a long time to make NK avoid him and leave. Once NK leaves, he would have his relief but the problem with him being in the room is he can't stare at her openly because sometimes Khushi would catch him staring and he would give her a funny look for being caught.

As for Khushi, she was fighting with her emotions as well. She still does not know about her almost-alike- cancer for ASR forbid everyone to discuss it between them or with her. Slowly but firmly Khushi was coming to terms with herself. She was getting the facts clear that though she loved her ASR so much, they could never be one and staying like this she was wasting both of their time. She knew she had to move on with her life and she could not do that with him in front of her. So soon she had to think something for a solution and the decision would be solely hers.

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Chapter 10: Revealation

It had been three days since she returned to RM. Khushi was being so hurt by his cold behavior towards her. She felt like it din't matter to him no matter what happened to her. And this thing set in her mind.

She was so depressed and his coldness was killing her. She felt like she desperately wanted his attention. She wished if he could be hers at least for a day!! She tried to fake a smile when she was with Payal or NK.

The other family members had gone for Satsang that day. Though the weather was very bad, it had been raining all day, but Anjali insisted. So no one was at RM except Khushi and ASR. Though Dadi din't want to leave them alone but she dared not to speak as Khushi was already so sick.

Khushi had been upset with Arnav the whole day. In the afternoon she started getting a headache. ASR was in the other room. He noticed something strange with her through the glass wall.

So he came to his room with a file and sat down gazing upon it. He asked her if everything is okay. She hesitated first and then said "Nothing, its just a headache".

Arnav got concerned for he knew it might mean something else. Khushi was very weak and fragile. Suddenly she fainted.

ASR came running and hold her in his arms. He exclaimed "Khushi!!!" His voice broke "Khushi, kya hua tumhe?? Tum thik ho na??" He touched her forehead. She was burning with fever. He took her in his arms after a long time or so it seemed to him ;) and he laid her gently on their bed. He saw her hair was all over her face. He gently tucked her hair behind her ears.

He called the doc immediately. The doc came, checked Khushi and said "Mr. Raizada, she seems to have fever but……Did she have anything to be worried about??..."

The doc paused looking at Khushi. Arnav got tensed and asked him "What's the matter, doc?? Is everything fine??" The doc said "See Mr. Raizada, ……. I am only a doctor. I can give her medicines but you know, in this kind of illness, only that is not enough. Your wife seems to have lost it…..I mean, look at her….."

The doc was an elderly man. Kindness was evident in his face. He said, when Arnav was staring at her with a dull look, "Son, I am a specialist in this field , have seen many such cases though this kind of illness is rare. That day, you brought her in a wedding costume. Today, it's like I am checking a dead person. Do you think only medicines can heal her??..." " I have given an injection which should not be generally taken because it has its side effects.

But since you said she was having a headache and I am afraid she got fever because of that though its not natural, ….. Take care that this incident does not repeat. The headache is not good for her. It might lead to severe damages beyond repair….." "Well, this injection might get her intoxicated. So she might behave like one when she gets up".

He patted his back and went out. Truly Khushi had lost it. She had suffered enough. Arnav remembered her words what she replied when he asked her if she was trying to commit suicide "But when the car hit me and I thought that was the end, I was not terrified. I was happy that everything was ending. I felt the hurt, the accusations will also come to an end. In fact death was the only escapee I thought at that moment and I was happy".

He came back to reality with a jerk. He went close to her and sat there with a torn face. Just then the phone rang. It was Akaash. He said that the roads had been blocked since the place they went was very remote. So they have to stay there for the night. Anjali took the phone and told Arnav to take care. Then they hang up.

Khushi was still unconscious. ASR kissed her forehead, then her cheeks and then finally her lips. Khushi woke up after a while when he was still cuddling her. Arnav was embarrassed and then he noticed that she was intoxicated. And he continued kissing her on her lips.

Only thing which was going on in his mind was what doc said and implied that he might lose her forever. No other truth seemed to matter to him that night but Khushi. To his surprise, Khushi was kissing him back too only he noticed it after a while. It was so passionate and long and deep that after a while they were so dizzy the room was spinning. Then he leaned his forehead against hers and she was not the only one breathing harder than usual.

Her heart inflated like its going to crack and blocked her throat so that she could not speak. And suddenly she started sobbing. Arnav got tensed. He cupped her face in his hands when she spoke up finally "You love me, don't u??...Then why are you behaving so cold to me??...Why??...Arnavji, it kills me….What is it that comes in the way when you love someone?? I want you??? Don't you want me??? Please say something…..I am dying to hear you love me…You act so cold I feel there is nothing left to live for."

Instantly Arnav drew her close to his heart and sothened her hair. She continued sobbing. Then she pulled away demanding answers. Arnav said with pain in his eyes with a gesture begging her to understand "Khushi, the day I came back after being kidnapped, you told me Shyam was wrong….You din't have any proof….And I believed you…..But there are so many things I want to be certain of … as in 100% sure like the exact relation between you and Shyam??? If you ever wanted him??? And then ….. so many other things. I want to be clear Khushi…..I love you….I really do…and I had forgotten everything but that day when Dadi interrupted me, saying that you could do exactly what your aunt did, these things came back in my mind….Though she is not ….(then he remembered, Khushi does not know and he should not mention in case she remembers them when she gets up)……I know you are innocent and I am trying for proofs…..once I get them, everything will be fine. Before that I don't want to be intimate with you because then I can't complete my goal. Khushi I love you but she was my mother and its your aunt who destroyed everything, I need some time to accept you. I just need a clarification….thats all."

He hugged her again but she broke it with tearful eyes. Arnav was surprised "Khushi!!!!". She started "Aap mujhse pyaar nhi karte, Arnavji."

Arnav was fuming with anger now but he calmed down looking the twisted agony in her face. "Khushi, that's not good for you. Stop crying. Khushi, please….stop it. It might bring you another headache…."

Khushi replied "So what?...Why are you concerned?...Let anything happen to me…..you will be free….As for me, I don't want this life either….." ASR instantly took her in his arms and calmed her down. Then they both lay together on the bed. No one knew when they went to sleep.

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Chapter 11: ASR worried for Khushi

The next morning Khushi got up early after a long peaceful sleep in Arnav's arms. But the peace in her mind was not long lasting.

Once she opened her eyes and found herself in Arnav's embrace, she felt embarrassed and quickly got out of the bed letting him sleep alone. And then went for a shower.

And then mostly everything what happened the previous night came rushing in her mind. Arnav's words hurt her badly and she left crying in the shower for a long time. She understood that he loved her but din't trust her.

She needed answers before deciding what to do with her life. And she had found them. Not that she did intentionally what happened the previous night, but it came as a boon for her.

Earlier she thought that something might have remained in their relationship but that day she knew everything was over and it was better to move on and mentally she was preparing herself for that.

As for Arnav, he was expecting her to act differently after what happened last night. And she did. But to his astonishment, she behaved in an opposite manner. She was cold to him the entire day and it was irritating him.

On the other hand, the family came back from the satsang. And NK decided to tell Khushi about the pen drive and the will. And so he did. He was not aware that Arnav had told Khushi directly about his trust issues. But NK understood those issues long back on their wedding day. But he did not mention anything about Arnav to Khushi for he knew it would upset her.

He told her that the mechanic had called and that the pen drive can be fixed. So he will go and meet the mechanic in no time. But the fate had some other decisions.

Following that day, Arnav had to go outside for some urgent reason. And NK got a call informing him that he had been in an accident. So he had to leave immediately for Agra.

Nani, Anjali and Dadi left for mandir. And Payal had to go to buy essesntials. So, in a word, there was no one other than Khushi and Shyam in the house. And the pen drive was supposed to be collected by NK the previous day but he got busy with the family in the satsang and today he went to Agra.

The mechanic was calling him and found his mobile unreachable. So he called in RM's land phone no. Shyam picked up. And Khushi picked up at the other end. But Shyam replied first. So she thought its better to listen carefully.

The mec: Hello, can I talk to NK sir, its about the pen drive. Its urgent. His phone is unreachable. (the mec knew NK needed it urgently)

Shyam : (hearing about pen driva and NK, decided to play on) Speaking

Khushi: (was about to put down the receiver as someone else already picked up the phone, but by that time heard about pen drive, NK and Shyam's voice, decided to keep listening)

How can arnav still not trust khushi. He loves her so much, he only needs to trust his heart.