SwaRon SS- It all starts with a cup of coffee - Page 14

So this is the last update of this SS..Thanks to all those who regularly commented!!If you liked this long update, do hit the like tab and leave your comments!!Read on..

Chapter 4

Perseverance

I went to the college today. I knew that my algebra classes had come to an end. I had to find a new algebra teacher. Because I knew Swayam was not going to teach me. There was no algebra lecture. In the economics class, he had to sit beside me. I was not keen on talking to him, neither was he. At least that's what I thought. I was a bit uncomfortable. He kept passing glances. I was not capable of facing him after what happened last night. The 45 minute lecture came to an end and without wasting even a single moment, I went outside the class. Away from him.

It was 4 and our dance rehearsals came to an end. Thankfully I knew, I still know how to juggle between my personal life, and professional life. I did not show my insecurities in front of all the dazzlers. That's when I saw him. And I was again H.E.L.P.L.E.S.S.

I was pretty sure that he was not going to come to the canteen at 4 to teach me. I went there, sat on another table and ordered a cold coffee. Yeah. I was getting accustomed to his likes and dislikes.

I hung my head and I wanted to sleep. Though my head was not paining at all. I wanted to go home. But somehow I didn't feel like. I sensed a person in front of me. I looked up and saw that it was Swayam.

What was he doing here? My algebra tuitions had ended. And still? What was he doing?

Unpredictable, isn't he?

"What about our usual table Sharon?" he asked.

"What?" I didn't understand.

"I mean why did you choose this table to sit on? Our usual table is not occupied right?"

Our usual table. What was that? Was he referring to the one where we used to sit everyday and he used to teach me?

"I wanted to sit here" I replied daftly.

"Oh ok. Where are your books" he asked.

Books? What books? Study material? Why?

"What books?" I asked.

"Algebra. Don't you want to study?"

Ok. Was he still interested in teaching me? Wow!!Amazing. That was awesome!

"You want to teach me?"

"Of course" He smiled.

"Cool then. I'll get them" I said.

I went to the girl's locker room to get my books. He is a wonderful being. I know that he has great qualities, but this quality of his is definitely the most captivating one.

Perseverance.

I knew it was going to be difficult for him, as well as for me. He was going to teach someone who STILL loves him. And I was going to learn from someone, who is aware of my feelings. Then a thought struck me. If he could make a fresh start, forgetting all the past, I could do the same too.

Yes. I decided. I would let him teach me. And I was not going to get distracted. I would study hard and make him feel proud.

Ok making him feel proud was a bit too much. He was my teacher, not my dad.

Though this question kept bugging me. Why on earth did he decide to teach me even after a humongous confession? I was going to ask him.

Tired of thinking too much, I went back to the canteen. He saw me and smiled warmly. I sat near him and he began teaching.

Though, in that hour, our hands met quite a number of times, I pulled mine back as soon as I could. I was finding in difficult to study with him. He must have felt that way too. Still, he was not making a fuss out of it.

He finished teaching me for the day.

According to me, he is very open.

"Sharon, what's wrong?" He asked me when I refused to sit with him after 5 pm.

"Nothing" I said.

On the contrary, I am not open. I like keeping things to myself. I couldn't see him as a confidante, not any more. I was hurt. It was the first time, and maybe he noticed it too. He saw my wary eyes and the dark circles under them.

"Oh come on Sharon" he began. "Do you think I am blind? I know what's bugging you and trust me, whatever you said yesterday, and the way I responded, I shouldn't have done that. I am sorry for that. I wanted to stop you but then I thought that it was better to let you go. I know you are not very open Sharon."

Was he reading my mind?

"What...what do you exactly want to convey?"

I was not even choosing proper words.

A slight ray of hope lit in my mind. I was hoping that his following words would make my day, but I guess, destiny had something else in store.

"You are a very good friend Sharon"

Well, you need not tell me that. I know that I am one. Please say something that I want to hear.

"And, I don't want to lose you..."

What..???I began dancing, in my mind.

But then

"As a friend...I don't want to lose your friendship...These two weeks have been very special, as well as memorable, for me. I did not want to say this yesterday but..."

Say what?

Maybe he was having second thoughts.

"I didn't fall in love with you."

Damn!

"Sharon, last night, I felt that you were joking. But when I saw you today, I came to know that you are serious. You...You really do love me"

Yes, I do.

"Yes" I admitted. I wish it was a joke.

"Enough Sharon. Now ask him the reason for teaching you." A voice echoed throughout my mind.

"Swayam, I thought you were angry"

"Angry?" he giggled. "For what? Because you love me? Sharon, loving is a natural phenomenon. You don't choose to love. It just happens. It happened to you too. You started loving me. Why should I get angry? It all depends on your heart. It's totally out of your control. And if at all it was in your control, you wouldn't have fallen in love with me"

False.

"See, love makes people blind. I never fell for anyone. I won't say that loving is a crime. But sometimes, it is just not the right time to ask. Look at Rey and Kriya, they are so happy. I know you wanted the feelings to be mutual, and it is perfectly alright. It happens to everyone. But that doesn't give me any reason to be angry with a dear friend."

Woah! Was he a philosopher in his previous birth?

I knew what I had to say.

"Swayam...I just wanted to say thanks...For keeping such a calm attitude...If someone else was there in your place, he wouldn't have done such a thing...Thanks..." I smiled.

"Sharon you are always welcome...And thanks to you too. For being such a good friend."

I was not his friend. After what I felt for him, I couldn't consider him as a friend. He was something more than that. I didn't tell this to him. My eyes didn't make a contact with his. I am not very good at lying. Avoiding an eye contact, I assured him that I would definitely be in his good books.

"I'll always be one of your best friends Swayam." I said

"And the best student too" He added.

I laughed.

"Keep smiling. And please don't ruin this beautiful face of yours by thinking about the past." He smiled.

Well, maybe Rey had given him some tips for flirting. Then I thought the other way. Swayam was never like that. How can his personality change overnight? Maybe he really did think that my smile is good and my face is beautiful.

My face turned slightly red. I can't control my blushing. As a matter of fact nobody can. He must have thought that I was cringing. It was six and time to go home. I kept his words in mind, though I thought that they were not going to help me overcome my obsession for him. Wait a minute? I was not going to overcome my obsession for him. Why should I? It's not easy to forget a loved one. Huh!

It is said that past always comes to haunt the present. I never really believed it until now. The past few months, I have been working diligently. To brush up my algebra. For the final exams. And I hope to score an A. It was not easy. To study with someone whom you love a lot. To learn from someone who makes you forget everything. But I did, maybe I am the only one who has succeeded in doing that. I love Swayam and this love has grown intense over the months. It can't turn into infatuation though. My heart has grown fonder of him. Maybe it's the same for him. I don't know. After that day, I never spoke to him about my love life at all. He considers me as a confidante now and Rey, who was once upon a time my best friend, has been replaced by Swayam. Rather I should say that I am Swayam's best friend now. I have lied to him many a times saying that "You are my best friend" etc...But I believe that the love of my life cannot be my best friend. Even if I am his. Rey doesn't drop me home anymore. I bring my car to college...When I don't, I have Swayam. He drops me home. I have never mentioned this, but I know that one day he will realize that he loves me. I really hope so. Fingers crossed.

Coming to the present, my final exams started two weeks back. Today was the last exam. Algebra. It was a kind of "agni pariksha" for me. I had to score an A. I studied hard the whole night and I called up Swayam at 1 am. Poor boy. But my sweetheart. He picked up the call and answered my query. He is beyond perfection.

And coming to the exam, it was pathetic...Argh!!I have never seen such a horrible question paper in my entire life. I am going to flunk. And Swayam...oh god...its okay if I fail but Swayam cannot flunk his role as a teacher. No ways! He'll feel so bad. And then he'll think that he is responsible for it!!NO!!

I was having these kinds of thoughts and someone came and tapped me on my shoulder. It was Swayam. Cool. How was I supposed to tell him that I had never given such a horrible exam in my entire student life?

"How was the exam Sharon?"

Oh god.

"Nice!! Really good. This was the best exam." I managed to put up a stale show. He didn't notice it, or at least I thought that way.

"Good. I hope I helped you enough"

Was that a question to ask?

"That's not a question to ask."

"Haha ok. By the way you look tired. Didn't get enough sleep?"

No.

"I did. I slept immediately after talking to you."

...And woke up four and a half hours later to study again. My head started paining. Yeah, I was one of the sleep deprived girls. Ugh. Swayam noticed this and he asked me to go home. I was planning to do the same.

"Bye" I said. I was going to meet him only after 2-3 weeks but he promised to stay in touch.

During these two-three weeks ka vacation, we talked a lot. On the phone, on facebook, via e-mail. We kept in touch, in some way or the other. We didn't meet, particularly because I thought that I could cure my obsession for him, since maybe, we were not going to meet after the result day. Well, I was wrong. The Dooms Day according to me finally came. I went to the college, hoping to see a clear area in front of the notice board. I was not interested in sharing my results with everyone. Because of algebra. My overall grade was going to come down. I saw him having a look at the notice board, along with everyone else.

"Sharon!!" He came excitedly towards me.

"Hey...you saw your result? How was it?"

"I stood third"

"Wow!!Congrats!" I congratulated him.

"Hmm...thanks...You didn't check your result?"

"I don't want to" I mumbled.

"Sharon...you have secured 88%...that is B+!"

"What?" I couldn't believe my ears.

Ok. This was creepy. How on earth did I score 88% even after flunking a test?

I checked the notice board myself. Indeed it was. I had scored 88% in my final year. That was not bad. And maybe I had not flunked algebra. That was good. And in my life if at all I become the principal of any college, I'll remove the subject "algebra". If it is really necessary as a subject, I'll request Swayam to join my college. In this way I'll be able to spend time with him. Uh huh!

"That calls for a celebration Sharon!"

"To celebrate your rank?" I asked Swayam.

"No. To celebrate the fact that you passed your algebra exam."

"How did you..." I asked when I realized that he was aware of the crappy exam all this while.

"Sharon...you are not very good at lying are you?"

I hung my head in embarrassment.

"Yeah I guess." I admitted.

"It's okay. I understand. CCD?"

"Yeah sure." I agreed. Drinking a cup of coffee with him always meant spending time with him, more than anything else. That's what mattered to me the most.

I had always thought that to love someone you should understand him completely. You should get attracted towards him. When he is around, you should feel secure. All these traits were visible in Swayam. That's why, I fell for him. Actually no. I don't love him for a reason. I love him...because...I just love him. I don't know why. I wanted to ask him once more. But then I was scared about rejection. Positive vibes did not take a place in my mind. Negativity crept up to my mind. I had faced enough that day and I was not ready to handle heartbreak. I decided that if he loved me, he would definitely confess. Maybe today, maybe some other time. But I was going to indirectly ask him.

"So what are your plans?" I asked.

"I haven't thought yet. What about you?"

"Hmm...Same here..."

Should I ask him? Should I refrain from saying anything about love?

"...And wedding?" I asked.

I am crazy.

"What?" He giggled.

Now clear his doubt!

"Marriage plans?" I cleared.

"Well, not so soon...maybe at the age of 25 or 26... I don't have any college sweet..." He stopped there.

"...Heart?" I completed for him. "That's right...studious people don't love anyone." My heart broke into a million pieces as I said these words.

"No nothing like that. It's just that I didn't fall in love with anyone." He tried to keep my sentiments intact. This is a sophisticated way of saying the same thing.

Ok Why was he not confessing? Maybe he had forgotten about that day.

"Why such a sudden question by the way?"

"I just asked..." I began. "Now that you have become my best friend, I ought to know, about your future plans and all" Best friend. Huh!

He laughed. "You are kidding me right? We still have another year to go..."

"Nope college has ended..." I told him.

"That means our friendship has also come to an end?"

I never considered him a friend in the first place. I wish he could read my mind.

"No why will it...You'll always remain my best friend..." I lied.

"But why did you say, we have another year to go?" I added.

"Well because, you never know...Where you'll be next year. As of now, I am not leaving this city. Don't know about next year...And I know it's the same with you"

"Yeah" I admitted. I was not going to go abroad. At that moment, I wanted to go home and break this news to mom. I had switched off my mobile and kept it in my bag so that no one could disturb me on my coffee date. My mom was going to get angry.

We talked for the next half an hour. I had spent almost the whole day with Swayam. And I couldn't ask for more. Just a teeny confession. I prayed to god.

Well, all good things come to an end. The coffee date came to an end too. It was me, who ended it. I wanted to go home and spend at least 10 minutes with mom. I used to be busy during the exams and even in the vacations. I wanted to spend some time with her and share everything.

"Bye...I'll go" I said.

"Yeah sure... Shall I drop you?" He realized that it was getting late.

"No I'll go on my own..."

"Ok Then I'll get going too"

Duh. What was he planning to do there alone?

"Fine" I got up to go.

As we walked towards the main door of the coffee shop, I prayed to god even more to make him confess. He did not. I opened the door of the car when I heard someone calling out to me.

It was Swayam. I turned to see what was wrong and he came running towards me.

"I just wanted to say that..."

"Say what...?"

Without wasting a second more, he wrapped his hands around me and hugged me. I felt queer but I wrapped my arms around him too...His arms were warm and I loved the warmth. I finally felt that he would confess to me.

"I love you..." He said

My happiness knew no bounds when I heard these three words. I didn't want to hear the three words following them. My happiness was limited for a second though.

"...As a friend" He continued.

It was confirmed. He had moved on. He had forgotten about my confession entirely. Maybe he did remember some part of it. But then why did he say that he loves me a friend? Anyway, for me, the latter part of the sentence is untrue and he very well knows that. I wanted to ask him if he had forgotten about the incident.

"Swayam" I began as we broke apart.

"Have you forgotten entirely about that..."

"No Sharon. I remember each and every word of what you spoke. It's just that I have never been attached to any friend other than you. In these months, I developed a liking for you. And I am sure you know that I like you."

I nodded.

"As I said before Sharon, I didn't fall in love with anyone during my college years. And I can't help it. Neither can you. So it's best if both of us live with the present and not think about the past so much. You are a very good friend Sharon and I can't lose you. I value your friendship a lot but I like you only as a friend. I don't lo..."

He wanted to say "love you" but he didn't. It would have sounded rude.

"You don't love me." I sighed.

He hung his head, as if he was ashamed about something.

"Swayam, don't be ashamed. It's fine." My heart ached as I said those words.

"I am not" He lied. Why was he sad if he didn't love me?

I could clearly see that he was lying.

"You are not good at lying either Swayam." I smiled. "I'll get going."

"Do you know when are we meeting next?"

"I'll call you up when I wish to meet you" I still had the smile.

"Ok then bye" He said with the sweet smile of his.

I sat in my car and sighed again. Am I not meant to be with Swayam? Does destiny have other plans for me? Are we meant to be together? I know one thing for sure; I can never fall in love with anyone else. Because I am truly in love with him. I just love him, though it's not the same from his side. But that doesn't mean that I should stop loving him. I wanted to escape his sight because I knew that I was going to cry. Silent tears started trickling and I wiped them. Though I knew that the wound, that was the result of those tears could only be cured by Swayam. Not by me, not by anyone else. I want him to reciprocate my feelings but today I pledge that I will not talk to him about my love unless he takes the first step. I don't want him to feel ashamed. I don't want to force my feelings on him. I want him to experience true love himself, genuinely. And I am sure; he will realize one day that he does have feelings for me, as in more than a friend. He is an open book and the day he realizes his feelings for me would be the best day of my life. I love him and I know that he will start loving me too. Soon.

Originally posted by: Neeti96

Res

Originally posted by: Neeti96

Res again

fab fab update

Originally posted by: sweetcherry95

fab fab update

waiting for next

Mihika it was amazing
Though I want swaron to be together at end but still I loved it..