SS: Living Without You: Part 27 updated - Page 48

Part 25

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"One life ended and another began in one second, Khushi.

I was sitting there, tired, thinking of Mama, and then you walked towards me, stumbled, and fell right into my arms..." He shook his head. "You have the worst luck in the world, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. The worst luck. You had to fall into the arms of a monster."

Khushi stirred in protest.

"Yes, a monster. ASR, the rude, heartless monster. And you had to go and remind him of his Di's broken engagement in this house. Khushi, Khushi...", he sighed.

He freed his hands from hers and gently ruffled her hair.

"You thought that love was something romantic, didn't you, Khushi? Your first love. But...but you found that love was not romantic, not fun, not roses and stars, not joy... It was bitter, painful. Do you know why, Khushi?"

He lifted her chin gently with his fingers so that he could see her eyes.

"Because you fell in love with me. My life, my past, my present, my future, they are all bitter and dark, Khushi. The very blood that flows through my veins is tainted, Khushi. Every drop of it...", his husky voice warned her. He got up and paced the room, restless.

"I am the son of a wastrel who committed suicide after bankrupting the family, the son of a mother who committed suicide... A boy born as Arnav Singh Mallik...a boy who died with his parents, Khushi... He bled to death with his parents here, on the white marble tiles of his Papa's study... A boy who changed his name to Arnav Singh Raizada to escape his past...

...A man who killed the Chotey in him to become ASR, to survive in this dog-eat-dog world, to protect his family from poverty, to save himself and his family from being helpless ever again... A heartless monster... A Rakshas."

His sore eyes filled with moisture.

"I hurt you with my words, Khushi, tore the dori of pearls from your back, made you cry, terrified you... I hoped never to see you again because you had touched all my wounds, all my hurt... But I couldn't get you out of my mind.

And then you ran after me at the dargah. I insulted you, tried to push you out of my sight and life... But you still wouldn't leave me alone." He shook his head, as though in amazement at her folly.

"I ran away to Delhi, and you followed me to Delhi and rode your scooter in to my car. I scolded you and hid in my office, and you came to work in my office. I tried to get rid of you, but you left the office and came to my home. You and your Devi Maiyya couldn't let me stay away from you, could you?", he asked.

"I tried to throw you out of my house and life, and you took up residence in my heart. Khushi, Khushi... Only you would do something so foolhardy as to fall in love with me."

He caught her gently by her shoulders and made her stand facing him.

"How many times did I hurt you, Khushi? Do you even remember? Each time I hurt you, pushed you away, threw you out of my life, you returned to me. How could you return to me, Khushi? Why didn't you give me up for a lost cause?", he asked her urgently.

"I would hurt you. You would cry. A while later you would smile at the others as though nothing had happened. And come to me with some flimsy excuse. You didn't even have enough sense of self-preservation to keep out of my way! Like a moth to a flame, Khushi, you were determined to burn in my love, weren't you?"

He pulled her into his arms, holding her close to his heart.

"My love is a curse, Khushi. Loving me is like being cursed. Do I deserve you? No, I don't. Do you deserve me? You deserve so much better." He dropped a kiss on her hair. "But we are both to burn in this strange fire, Khushi. I don't know why or how. But there is no escape."

He remained silent for a while.

"Is it fair to you? No, it is not. Is it fair to me? No, because I didn't ask for this. But now, we can't live without this."

He looked into her eyes, his hand buried in her hair.

(Thanx, Shruti_P)

"I tried to fight this love, Khushi. I didn't recognise it for what it was, but I knew it was something strange and powerful. So I tried to fight it. But you had no idea, did you, Khushi? You flew into the fire and burnt for me, didn't you?

He remained silent for a long time. And then he whispered, "I warned you, Khushi, that I didn't believe in love and marriage. Because love meant death and marriage meant infidelity & pain to me, Khushi."

(Shruti_P, thanx a million!)

He smiled sadly. "Khushi, if you give up on us, you will continue to live on for your family. You will work, you will smile, you will make others happy even when you are sad. But I... I am not as strong as you, Khushi... I will just give up. Because life without you is not to be borne... August and part of September without you...It was hell... Looks like I am like my mother, Khushi. Ready to die for love..."

Khushi's tears fell in a silent stream.

"You should cry at your fate, Khushi. And you should have run away from me, as far and as fast as you could the first time you saw me. But now...but now it is too late. This shaitaan can't let go of his rajkumari.

You are at fault here, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. I felt no hunger or thirst, no longing for something unknown till you dropped in to my arms and told me that another world existed. Of beauty, of dreams, of love and life... Who gave you the right to cause such upheaval in my life, Khushi? Don't you deserve to be punished for it?"

"Yes...", she said simply, smiling gently through her tears.

He stood still for a moment, her answer surprising him.

"What punishment will you take, rajkumari?"

"Any punishment you give." Her voice was low but steady.

"Khushi..." His longing for her infused his voice.

"Any punishment you give.", she repeated.

"Will you be able to bear it?", he whispered.

"Yes.", she smiled.

"Sure?"

"Yes."

"Then...then here is your punishment. Marriage to me. You will be tied to me for the whole of seven lifetimes. That should be punishment enough for the worst of crimes...", he whispered.

She smiled.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Can you bear it?"

"Yes.", she replied.

"When? When will you marry me?"

"Whenever you want."

His eyes burned with hope. "On Diwali night. In three weeks' time."

She smiled. "Yes."

Part 26:

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