Maxine is taking the evening off today. First evening off in 3 weeks. So, must celebrate by writing random nonsense. Read at your own peril.
DISCLAIMER: NOT AN ARNAV-KHUSHI STORY. NOT A LAU STORY. THIS IS ONLY AN INTENSE ANGST STORY. BAS. BOL DIYA.
"Is there a purpose to this madness?" she asked.
"There is always a purpose!" he growled.
"But this is too much even for you," she protested.
"It's all your fault. You made me. Ab bhukto!"
"I know. I'm sorry."
"I can't deal with being an arrogant tycoon who love-hates a girl named Happiness anymore! For crisssakes…she's called Happiness! I feel like a jerk!"
"You are a jerk. Deal with it."
"That's my point entirely. I am a jerk. I push her around. Her arms have my fingerprints tattooed on them. She's cried buckets, no..not buckets. Oceans. Oceans of tears because of me. I don't trust her. Though I don't understand why I don't trust her. But that's another story. Anyway, I push her around. Call her a wh**e. Treat her like a leper. Make her cry all the time. And yet..nothing. Even the hair isn't helping. Not too much anyway. I'm sick of it."
"Look at it this way. There is an MU. You think she's sleeping with your Jijaji. That's why you love-hate her."
"Look, this MU. It's flimsier than my Di's marriage and less believable than my Di's pregnancy."
"Shut up. She's preggers alright."
"Is she an elephant in disguise? I hear they have 2 year long gestation periods."
"Pregnant women don't have periods!" * giggle *
"Brilliant! This is why I did what I did."
"So you could escape my bad jokes? Surely not!"
"You'd be surprised."
"OK, let me be frank with you. Stop thinking. You don't need a brain. So stop pretending you have one."
"Stop trying to tell me I'm stupid."
"Stop being so stubborn."
"Stop telling me what I should stop doing."
"Why are you so mad?"
"Because they're not!"
"They love you!"
"How can they? I'm a jerk."
"A jerk with a face."
"How can they be so shallow?"
"Stop trying to pretend you're deep."
"Go drown yourself in my pool."
"It's only 3 feet deep."
"Try really hard."
"What do you want from me?", she asked, fed-up now.
"Nothing. Just leave me be."
"That's the one thing I can't do. You know that. They need you."
"This is for their own good."
"You sound like such a parent!"
"God forbid! I am never procreating."
"Well, not until the 395th episode. At least."
"Will she get pregnant the first time?"
"Probably. Happiness multiples quickly."
"But me and her. We'd probably make a mutant who doesn't know whether to smile or snarl. I don't want to inflict that upon any child. She'd be like a beta-version of Bubbly. Only, she'd be my Beti. The horror. No. You better make sure she doesn't get pregnant when we finally, err…consummate."
"You said consummate!" *giggle *
"Go to hell."
"I am pretty close now. The phone calls are driving me nuts. I haven't turned my phone on in 4 days."
"Too bad. Deal with it."
"Listen sensitive Steve….how long do you need?"
"I don't know. 11 days. 40 days. A month. Longer. Shorter. I have no clue."
"What will we do until you make up your mind?"
"Get them to actually write."
"Hey! They wrote you!"
"And look where it got me. I hate myself!"
"And the whole world loves you."
"And I can't for the life of me figure out why! Why do they like me so much? I'm a mean bas***d."
"With a face!"
"The world is so shallow. All people care about is looks."
"Says the man who waxes his chest."
"Shut up," he muttered, turning red.
"Aapke gaal. Bilkul tamatar ki tarah laal ho gaye hain!" she smiled.
"Shut up!"
"What will you do?"
"Whatever."
"What does that mean?"
"It means it's not your business."
"OK. When you're ready to come back, let me know. Until then, Happiness stays sad. Alright?"
"I don't know whether to laugh or just give myself a million paper cuts."
"Why?"
"I'm a mean bas***d who doesn't trust her and she's crying for me? Missing me? Why?"
"Because she loves you."
"Exactly. Why?"
"Love is blind. Also, it takes two to tango."
"Eh?"
"You love her too."
"Well, she's sweet. Thodi pagal hai. Par cute hai."
"So, you'll come back when you're good and ready. That's what you're saying."
"That's what I'm saying. Thank you for finally understanding."
"When you come back we'll have to do a big thing."
"Like what?"
"I dunno. She might fly into your arms. Or collapse in a weeping mess at your feet."
"Eh?"
"We need to make an impact."
"Why would she fly into my arms? Or collapse in a weeping mess at my feet? If I were her, I'd slap me for kidnapping myself."
"Ah-a! But have you really kidnapped yourself, or have you been 'napped?"
"You tell me!"
"I don't know yet."
"How do you not know yet?"
"Because I don't know when you're coming back man. 11/40/30? Imma confused."
"OK. Well. Anyway. I am now officially on hiatus. I need it to figure things out for myself. Don't call me. I'll call you."
"Alright. Remember, they love you!"
"That's why I'm on hiatus, remember?"
"Alright Barun. Not to be Gul for too long."
"Laters Gul! Try being Barun for one day. You'd go on a hiatus too!"
Gul's head: "He's fighting a losing battle, that one."
Barun's head: "I am never going to cut my hair. Never. Maybe they'll stop loving me then!"
Had fun? Want to pluck my eyes out and play gotis with them? Do tell.
Cheers!
Vidhya
Indian Premier League
Cricket
Arjun
