STRUCK IN CASE 4.1.26
7 year leap for Yeh Rishta
CASE IN COURT 5.1.26
Lokah fame Kalyani Priyadarshan cast opp Ranveer in Pralay
Chipka chipki 🙄🙄
Happy 300 Manvikians.....
I'm loving Munni-Hrithik encounters and pair
How Many More Indo Pak Movies Will Be Made
Jan Neta - Official Trailer | Thalapathy Vijay | Pooja Hegde
wonderful ff...
i luv it...
i hope u add me in buddy list... and pls dont forget to pm...
im waiting for ur next update...
Originally posted by: SaJanLuv14
You need to update this asap it's been forever in this ff!!! I miss it, I'm just a bit confused, u said this is a prequel and the next chapter will be the last chapter of this ff? D: I'm just confused how this ff flowed >_< will the last chapter will be the present of the ff?
miss this ff!
The song used in this one is one of my favourites, it's "Breathe Again" By Sara Bareilles, do listen to it if you already haven't.
It'll be a short chapter but the next one where it returns to the actual FF will also be attached ;).
~ Maybe it's sad that these are now memories. And maybe it's not - The Perks of Being A Wallflower ~
Arnav scrunched his eyes open, his head was heavy and he shook it slightly, trying to get away from the dull throbbing at the back of his head. He attempted to move his arm to bring to his head when he felt something weigh it down, someone against his chest, the slow movements of a chest, light breaths, soft flesh. His eyes snapped open suddenly, a shiver ran down his spine and he thought his world had suddenly collapsed. He lay there for a few seconds, unable to comprehend it all just yet; it was Khushi, snuggled into him, her naked body against his. He moved away from her, quickly removing his arm from around her waist, what was going on? And that's when the images came to him, one by one, he scrunched his eyes shut. Remnants of glass on the floor, the drip of his blood, "ARNAV!" Her voice, his pleas. He sat up suddenly, "No no no!" He mumbled to himself. He could feel his breathing quicken, his chest almost heave for air, he looked to her from the side, what had he done? What was he doing?
"I love you too Arnav. Arnav please stop this," her voice again, he couldn't get it out of his head, her tears, how she had held him. Their wedding flashed through his mind suddenly, how she had agreed, how it had all transpired, her silence, how she seemed to take his every blow her way without a word. He crumpled the sheets in his hands unable to take the weight of it all. Quickly getting out of bed he walked away from her, from what now he was beginning to understand, from the biggest mistake of his life.
----
She fluttered her eyelashes, a slow yawn escaping her as she finally opened her eyes, a tiny smile spreading over her lips. She kept her eyes closed, the events of the night before playing back through her mind.
"I'm so sorry Khushi."
"Please make me stop loving you Khushi," she couldn't stop the smile on her face, he loved her, all was not lost, she would be able to win him over and she would. She decided, in fact she was adamant that she would make him see the truth, she would bring it forward one way or the other. Khushi slowly opened her eyes, the streaks of sunshine piercing through the french doors falling onto her face but the next second her face dropped. He wasn't there, the sheets on his side were still crumpled, his warmth still lingering, but he wasn't there. She sat up on the bed suddenly, her eyes searching for him, they'd reached another turning point in their lives the night before and she now needed to talk to him. So where was he?
She felt her breath hitch in her throat, her eyes widened as her gaze finally fell on him. His chocolate brown eyes had darkened, the stubble more prominent, his jaw set, a distance to his gaze, his shoulders slack. Her gaze moved lower, to his hand that gripped a handle to a bag and she felt her heart stop and stutter. His words came to her almost as if from a distance,
"I've packed the stuff that I could find," he spoke with his gaze away from her, trained on a plant in the poolside. He couldn't face her, for more reasons than one, his grip tightened on the suitcase, he scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, gaining the strength he needed to say what he wanted to. "I'll be working late today, I hope you'll have left by the time I get back," he stated calmly, placing the bag on the floor.
She felt as if she could not move suddenly. She had thought things were finally going well, that they might talk things through, work something out. But she had been wrong? He had packed her bag? Was asking her to leave? She felt tears pool on the brim of her eyes then slowly trail down her cheeks as she tried to make sense of the situation. He saw it two, the tiny drops of dew, he averted his gaze, controlling the desire within him to just cuddle her to him, wipe her tears and kiss her worries away, but he couldn't. Too many things stopped him from doing that, from a tiny gesture that could have changed the course of their lives forever and stopped the unraveling of the events that would then follow. But he didn't and with that one decision he would eventually find out that he had written the fates of three people. He walked away, his footsteps hurried as he escaped, fled from her, from the truth, from his mistakes because he was too much of a coward to face them, too much of a coward to face her. So he left, leaving Khushi behind, her expression still frozen, her breathing slow, her heart rate rapid as she processed his words, as they repeated over and over again on her mind. "I hope you'll have left by the time I get back." Why was life being so cruel to her?
She finally wiped her cheek, her hands harsh on her soft skin, a steeliness taking over the souls of her eyes as her shoulders straightened, her hands fisted. It was finally time to move on, she couldn't fix things, she would never be able to make him understand and so she would leave, like he had asked her to and she would never come back. She would forget him, move on like she had always intended to.
Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns
She held the suitcase he had packed in her hand, tears streaking down her cheeks, dropping onto her top. She turned back one more time, letting her eyes travel over his house, where too many things had happened, where she had lost him. And yet she yearned to go back, to make things work one last time, but she knew it was a lost cause. They didn't have anything anymore; every time she got her hopes up, they just came crashing down, so she stifled her expectations, her dreams and climbed into the taxi, her mind already set.
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again
She remembered his touch, his warm breath on her face.
"Don't get too happy. I haven't been stalking you."
"Because I obviously sparkle in the sunlight too."
His banter, the conversations they'd shared all coming back to her. She let the tears streak down her cheeks in torrents, her hazel orbs swimming in their own little puddle. She watched the raindrops as they slid down the glass, slowly blurring the view out. She couldn't stop the thoughts from hitting her one by one, their first kiss, the taste of raindrops mingling with his taste. Their very first meeting; all those years ago at the airport and then when she saw him again; a different man, yet the same in all aspects that she'd known him. And then them again, in the rain, like the very first time as the drizzle had made way for sunshine, his love for her, his desires, how he had always had that way of cheering her up. And then what had happened, Shyam, his misunderstanding, their marriage, his grip tight on her wrist. She felt she was going to break down pretty soon but she held herself, she had to be strong. He'd been blinded by his own anger, his own misunderstanding and he'd ruined her, he'd left her with no one, not even her own heart.
Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn about
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore
But she'd move on, she'd build her life from scratch again, because what else could she do. She needed him, he'd ignited that spark of hope within her the night before then blown it out again. She felt her heart shudder than shatter into a dozen tiny pieces, today she would leave a life, a love that she would never see again.
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
****
He watched from the glass window, the hustle and bustle down below mirroring every thought that was passing through his mind. His fingers tightened on the glass in his hand and he scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, letting her eyes, her tears, her quivering lips flash through his mind. The helplessness in her face, all of the times that he had hurt her. He threw the glass onto the floor, letting it shatter into pieces, letting the golden liquid in it flow out onto the carpet.
I love you too Arnav. Please just stop this. Just stop this please.
Her gentle plea, the genuineness in her voice and he knew that she had not betrayed him that he had been wrong, that he was wrong. But he couldn't face her, he couldn't let her back in his life anymore, he was a monster. He had hurt the only person that he had dared to love, he hadn't trusted her, hadn't let her explain her side of the story. He grabbed a paper weight from the table and flung it against the wall, letting it shatter too, letting it break into pieces and clatter down to the floor. He didn't have the courage to talk to her and if he was being honest with himself he knew he couldn't know that she had been right all along, he didn't have that strength in him.
It hurts to be here
I only wanted love from you
It hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?
He had only wanted simple love in his life and when it had finally come his way he had destroyed it with his own bare hands. He fell into his seat, bringing his hands to his face, this would be his punishment, he would live with the guilt of all that he had inflicted on her alone for the rest of his life.
****
She walked in silence to the little room that she had managed to find, her fingers shaky on the keys that the landlord had given her as she struggled to put it into the opening, her tears still blurring her view. Tonight she would forget everything, kill the Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada she was and build within her a new Khushi Kumari Gupta, one that would be devoid of a past.
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Hold my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breathe, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again...
~
It had been raining that day from morning to night - the kind of soft, monotonous, misty rain that often falls at that time of year, washing away bit by bit the memories of summer burned into the earth. Coursing down the gutters, all those memories flowed into the sewers and rivers, to be carried to the deep, dark ocean."
- Haruki Murakami, The Elephant Vanishes
~
~End of Prequel~
~
It has been said time heals all wounds, but I do not agree. The wounds remain; in time, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissues and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. – Rose Kennedy
~
She snapped out of her thoughts suddenly, stifling down the tears that threatened to continue to flow. She moved the leaves away from her. She needed to stop this! She'd moved on remember? He'd told her to leave right? So why was he back? After so long what right did he have? Taking her finished mug of tea from the coffee table she walked back into her kitchen and opened the tap. She held her hands underneath the scorching hot liquid, letting it numb her skin then splashed it onto her face. She couldn't forget it, couldn't replace those horrible memories. What had happened, what she had been through, how everything had come crashing down and then continued until she had been pushed to the edge, until her feet were literally slipping off of a cliff and then all the effort. How hard she'd worked to forget her whole life, remove every trace of her past. She leaned against the sink, her knuckles standing against her skin as her grip on the cool steel tightened, she let her tears drip this time, let them take over completely. If she had learned one thing in life it was to always let herself cry because at least at the end of it she'd have let something out.
Meet him? No she couldn't, she couldn't forget the past and move on like that, meet him as if nothing happened, as if he hadn't taken her life and flipped it around completely. She hadn't realised up till now how naive she had been, how stupid to have let him play with her life like that. And then what she had lost because of him, because of fate, because of every godforsaken thing that she had let happen to her. Steadying herself against the sink she gulped down her tears then slammed the tap shut. She walked back into her room and reaching under the bed pulled out a box. Carefully pricing the lid open she took the little leather bound book from within it, she hadn't done this in ages but she had kept it, knowing at the back of her mind that memories were such that one day it would all come back and she would need to do this. Carefully flicking through the old pages she came to a blank sheet of paper, the journal half of the size of what it had been to begin with. Bringing out a black pen she began to write in it, pouring all that she could remember onto the thick white page, letting the ink sink in, her writing slanted and neat, like it always was when she wrote. She wrote quickly, wanting to desperately move on with her life.
****
Arnav sat back on the large couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table, lost in his own thoughts. It had been so many years and yet she didn't appear to have changed one bit. Her fear of him still scared him; she still saw him as the monster that he had been with her. He could see it clearly, her scars were still fresh, still only below the surface and maybe just maybe he was opening them. But now he wanted her back, no he needed her back god damn it! He needed her in his life, to guide him through things that she should be there with him through, that she should have always been there with him through if he had given her the chance. And he had wanted to, god knows he had wanted to but he hadn't been able to trace her, he had tried then finally given up, the pain too strong, the guilt too real and he had had to stop before he would have completely broken down because he didn't have that option anymore, she hadn't left him with that option.
He took out his wallet and looked at the two pictures in it, one old and frayed at the edges, the other new and bright, the similarities striking, the first of his life, the second of the person that kept him going, his strength, the one who had a hold over his every breath. His phone rang suddenly, snapping him out of his thoughts and he answered immediately.
"Yes darling are you okay?" He questioned, his voice gentle, a tiny spark alighting his eyes then smiled fondly back at the reply. A rare smile, one that he only reserved for her. If only Khushi knew, if only he had had the courage to tell her there and then, but he hadn't and he still didn't but he would, because he had to for his sake, for her sake. And he would, tonight at eight he would tell her everything, because more than anything she deserved to know. A tear prickled his eye then, one he let shed for the unknown, for the possibility that she would find out and he would loose everything all over again, but in this retched game that fate had played with him she deserved happiness whilst he did not so he would tell her, once and for all.
Writing here
Cause there's nothing left here
For me to do
But please know that
I'm trying to make up for my mistakes
And you're moving on
With guilty memories
But I was wrong
To ever test us
This broken road is more than I can take
He hoped to god that she would come meet him tonight, let him tell her what he had to say.
****
Khushi carefully ripped out the page that she had written on, leaving behind only the tiniest little scraps of paper, the only evidence of the tear. She folded it up then tore it down the middle, slowly but perfectly she put the two pieces together then tore it down the middle again and again until the pieces were tiny then collecting them all in the palms of her hands she stood up and walked over to the bin and dropped them into the depths of it, letting another tear slither down her cheek. She wouldn't meet him tonight, she'd have to make sure that he never tried to meet her again and for that she had already made plans. Moving back the lace curtain she watched as a car pulled into a parking spot and then a few minutes later as another one left, she watched until the skies suddenly darkened and the clouds broke through for rain to fall down to the ground, as the children playing around retreated back into their houses. She put her fingers to the cool glass of the window and let them slide down with the slow drops of waters. She felt her hatred for him re-surface, all these years later he had returned once again not caring what that would do to her and that made her mind up for her. No she would not meet him again, she had been younger then, not so exposed to the harsher realities of life but he had taught her and she had learned the lessons the hard way. And once you learn your lesson you don't put yourself in that situation ever again. If he thought he could come back into her life again, he had another thing coming.
****
Arnav clicked the car door open and slowly walked over to the path between the grass that would lead him over the hill and into the center of the park, he'd booked the place for the day. It was still the same, very unlike him, unlike her who had both changed in many ways, who had grown, who had grieved, unlike them the park remained the same. It's greenery still vibrant, the small pond down below, encompassed within the large granite wall still fresh with tiny rippled running through it as the wind moved the water to it's liking, just the same as it had been all those years ago when he had first visited Aberdeen. He felt the soft drizzle on his hand then, the first of the drops of rain that he hoped would not continue for long. It was 7.55pm and he prayed that she would come to see him, that her heart had at least decided to give him one last chance to make things right again.
So this is the way that I'll tell you
That I'll leave you alone if you want me to
But I've had enough of this life alone
I'll give it up this time I know
I don't deserve to tell you that I love you
There's nothing in this world I'd take above you
I'm dead inside
Bring me back to life
He watched the twinkling lights on the trees, how they all surrounded round the square, dazzling and sparkling creating the opening in the middle and felt the seconds and minutes tick by. He brought the little box out of his pocket and looked at the ring encased in the middle of it, with a sparkling diamond crested in the middle then shutting it put it back in the pocket. He walked around, that dreading feeling only inches away from the surface as the soft spots of drizzle became bigger and began to pelt their way down, drowning the surroundings in a curtain of water as it fell down drenching him from head to toe as he stood in the middle of it all refusing to accept the fact that had been gnawing at his mind from the beginning, he stood letting the rain drown him in his own misery, let it hit against him and slide down his face.
I'm dead inside
Bring me back to life
~
The boy never loved again, and he never forgot what he'd learned that to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed. – Cassandra Clare, The City of Bones
~
Yep I know you'll all have questions after this chapter ;). But you'll find out soon enough what's going on and even after letting her go why he wants her back in his life again 😉.
So back to the present and if you have sort of lost your way and really can't be bothered reading it all over again so let me know and I'll post up a "the story so far" sort of brief post to let you know what's happened 😊.
And yeh ya know what to do.
Please please do comment, they really motivate me to update soon especially now that I have loads of uni work to do as well.
And buddy me for PMs.
Blog links: https://unpredictablelovebyp.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/chapter-25-letting-go-of-everything.html
COVER BY AISHWARYA (Mystic_Muse) SUMMARY Suzanne Miller , an Indian Origin Canadian Citizen adopted by the Miller family, who goes on a quest to...
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