A/n: Back with the first chapter! Hope you all like it!
Recap: Its been ten days since Khushi left Shantivan after the truth is revealed to everyone and Anjali finds Arnav unconscious in his room.
Chapter 1: What His Heart Seeks
"Doctor?" Anjali asked with worry, following the dejected figure of the physician out of Arnav's room. He stopped only by the door; it was apparent that he had wanted to get away from the family who were still gathered around Arnav. "The drips will give him the needed sugar Mrs.Jha'"
"Ms.Raizada," Anjali corrected hurriedly and the Doctor leveled her with a raised eyebrow before he nodded and continued, "Give him liquids for a few days and his health will recover. Nothing to worry," Anjali nodded, relieved, "But'"
"Anjali!" Nani's panicked call interrupted the Doctor's next words and he rushed before Anjali, seemingly having anticipated whatever had happened.
"What happened, Nani? Why did you'" Anjali's voice trailed off as she saw Arnav, and her heart felt suddenly too heavy for her to carry. No; not again was all she could think as tears of helplessness welled up in her eyes. Her steps stumbled as she slowly reached the bed and flopped beside her brother.
To an outsider, except for the occasional twitching and furrowed eyebrows, nothing would seem amiss but Anjali knew; she had seen this before. The Doctor was on the other side of the bed, checking Arnav's heartbeat; Anjali chuckled wryly. As if she didn't know who his pulse beat for. When he was sure he had done everything he could to make Arnav comfortable, the Doctor stood up and, giving Anjali a slight shake of the head, left. Nothing new; Anjali knew he wouldn't wake up. It had been a miracle that he had gained conscious the previous time; miracles never happened twice.
Anjali's tears overflowed the confines of her eyes this time; she couldn't take this. She couldn't live through this again; she couldn't deal with the despair, she wasn't strong enough to watch from the side as her brother lost the battle bit by bit, useless. The entire family stood around her but no-one dared to step up to comfort her. How could they, when they themselves hadn't fully digested what had happened; what had recurred?
The Doctor took his leave with a final word to give the patient some space; Nani alone stayed back for a few minutes. Anjali looked up as she felt the familiar comforting hand on her shoulder; it seemed too much like the past. Her mind strayed back to those memories; nightmares that she had wanted to believe they were. She had been all alone with her Chote then; her brother, the one human that had kept her still linked to the world.
Arnav had fallen sick right after reaching Nani's home and the Doctors hadn't given them very hopeful diagnoses. "Ma' Maa' Maa'" Arnav's endless anguished cries still echoed hauntingly in Anjali's ears.
"I'm afraid this isn't anything physical, Mrs.Raizada; there is no definite cure for these type of conditions. A psychiatrist may help but I don't want to give you false hopes." Anjali, who had come to ask what the Doctor had said, stood rooted to the spot.
"But what is wrong with Chote? You said his health is fine!" Nani voiced out the very thoughts that had been running through Anjali's mind.
"Yes, there is nothing wrong with the boy's health but I can't say the same for his mind. Think of it this way; when a child's favorite toy has been taken away from it, have you observed how it behaves? Once the initial hue and cry had subsided, it will back into a corner and you can see it is hanging on to its wish. Most often the child cries itself to sleep. It's the same way with Arnav only the fact that his mother has left him is so strongly fixed in his heart that he has retreated into a subconscious state where he keeps reliving the moment of loss. His mind refuses to wake up either because he is afraid to deal with the pain, he doesn't want to face reality; it all boils down to that."
Anjali hadn't stood to listen any longer; her Chote, was he in so much pain that he thought a coma was better than real life? She couldn't even begin to fathom what was happening with him but what good would knowing do? There was nothing that could help him now except their mother coming back but where would she go to bring the dead back?
Nani found Anjali at Arnav's bedside; her silent tears drenching the quilt draped over Arnav on which she had her head rested. "Anjali?" The desolation in the young girl's eyes broke any lingering hatred Nani might have harbored for her daughter's family. Anjali too had lost her parents, had been orphaned suddenly, had gone through the humiliation of a broken marriage, had suffered an Uncle's wrath, had wandered aimlessly along the streets with her brother as her only anchor. Still, here she was, holding back her sorrow because her brother was in pain. Because his problems were of more significance to her than her own ever were. Nani's prayer went out to the girl 'Devi Maiyya! Don't take away the only source of comfort for this girl away from her' she pleaded internally as Anjali held onto her waist and cried'
Years had passed; so much had changed yet so much hadn't. They were back here, where they had been fifteen years ago. It was the same hollow that was reflected in Anjali's eyes this time; it was the same pair of arms that held onto her for support; it was the same Chote's suffering that had driven her to the brink of insanity. But something had changed; this time, she couldn't bring herself to feel for her grandson. This time, he deserved it. Nani averted her eyes from the figure lying on the bed who seemed to be in a disturbed slumber for all appearances. She couldn't bear to see him in pain anymore; she didn't want to give in. Chote needed punishment; but this way? Her mind questioned. Was there even a way out this time? The same question seemed to have been running through Anjali's mind, for she asked, "Nani, last time' last time Ma's Kangan saved him. That was the only sound that registered in his mind enough to elicit any reaction from him. It was a miracle that Ma had given me the Kangans and the letter and I had kept it with me. But I don't even have them now. They' they're with Khushiji and'"
"Your Ma's Kangans will be of no use now, Anjali bitiya,"Nani replied firmly. "It isn't your Ma he is futilely searching for; it isn't her loss that has thrown him back into this state'"
"Khushi'" Arnav's breathless gasp sounded at that moment and halted the talks, as if answering Nani's words. Anjali became even more nervous. "You know what to do, Anjali..."
"But... but... no, Nani. I will not cause any more harm to Khushiji's life. It was I who brought her here causing her so much grief. I will not do it once again; let Chote be, Nani, but I cannot even think about causing anymore pain to that poor, innocent girl. Why should she suffer, Nani? What wrong did she do except fall in love with the most undeserving person on earth?" her gaze floated to Arnav who was lying on the bed; he seemed to be having nightmares again. "Khushi... Khushi don't go... Khushi I'm sorry..." Anjali's attention shifted immediately to him. Soon, his cries filled the room and Akash came hurrying; he was the only one strong enough to hold Arnav down when he started writhing in pain. The rest were soon out of their beds and stood at the entrance to the room; too worried to remain in their own rooms but knowing there was nothing to do.
It was a good half hour before Arnav's breathing eased and he fell back in a slumber. "I'll stay with Bhai in the room, Di. In case he wakes up again," Akash offered but Anjali shook her head. "I'll manage, Akash. Either way... you'll know if he wakes up," she replied with a wry smile. Akash nodded before he left, ushering his parents and the frightened Payal with him.
"How long do you think you can see him this way, bitiya?" Nani asked once the panic in Anjali's eyes had subsided. "Khushi bitiya is dear to me too, but I think you should leave it to her whether she wants to help Chote or not. Don't make her decisions without asking her first," With that, Nani too left to her room, leaving Anjali pondering.
'Don't make the same mistake Arnav did with Khushi' was what Nani had indirectly told her but Anjali felt conflicted. On one hand, she knew Khushi could, and certainly would be the only cure to her brother's illness but her conscience wouldn't let her bring Khushi back. She remembered the wide smile and the twinkling eyes; was she stone hearted enough to risk Khushi's happiness once more?
"Why Chote? Why do you get yourself in these messes?" with those words, she rested her head on Arnav's chest, the duvet muffling her sobs throughout the night.
XXX
"Khushi?" Payal's voice made a smile appear on Khushi's face; her first real smile in days. "Jiji? How are you?" she asked as a formality and could sense her sister nodding. Payal had never been one for many words, "And how are you, Khushi?"
"I'm fine, Jiji. Amma and Buaji have gone to the Mandir. They called me too, but... you know how Devi Maiyya and I are having a cold war so I didn't go," Khushi replied elaborately.
"Cold war, Khushi? Why? What happened? Since when is this?" Payal asked innocently, having no inkling as to when this had happened.
"Oh, Jiji! I told you na? That day when we..." Khushi's voice halted; it hadn't been Jiji who had accompanied her to the temple. "Arnavji..." the name slipped unconsciously from her mouth.
"Khushi?" Payal interrupted her thoughts when there was silence on the other side for more than a few minutes. All she had heard was Arnav's name and then nothing.
"Nothing, Jiji. I was just..." Payal couldn't ignore the way Khushi's voice sounded; she was crying.
"Khushi, please don't cry, Khushi. I can't bear to... Shall I come there for a few days?"
"No, Jiji. Don't; you'll only frighten Amma and Buaji. Eitherway, you'll be needed there more now." Khushi replied reassuringly, striving to keep her voice steady. She had heard about his illness alright; Nani had spoken at length to Buaji about it and it had all been reported to her. She refused to think or feel anything about it, though. She had left that house with a resolution to never return, or think about it and she'd keep to it. Khushi knew such uncaring was completely unlike her but what had affection and love brought her but heartbreak and anguish, over and over again?
"Khushi, Akashji wants to speak to you," before Khushi could refuse, Akash came online. "Khushiji, I know I probably am not the person you'd want to talk to now but I just wanted to apologise, on everyone's behalf. What we've made you go through was completely unjustified and no amount of apology can make it right but I had to try to atleast assure myself that..."
"Its alright, Jijaji. None of it was your fault, or anybody else's. I'm nto angry or hurt with anybody; what could you have done?"
"No, Khushiji. If I had been strong willed enough you wouldn't have doubted that I'd leave Payalji at the altar; you'd never have had to marry Bhai and suffer so much. You'd still have been our chirpy and a little mad Khushiji and Bhai would still be..."
"Please, Jijaji. Please let's not talk about... about Arnavji. I hold no grudge against anybody except the ones who wronged me. I'll never be able to hate anybody, definitely not the person who has given my sister such a wonderful life."
"You really don't hate anyone, Khuhsiji, do you?" There was that hint of trust and understanding in Akash's voice; a tone she'd have died to hear from someone else; but she'd never been that lucky anyway.
"I won't say I'm that good, Jijaji. I do hold a dislike for a few people still, like..." she made a thoughtful face, getting back to her old self slowly when the voice changed on the other side, making her drop her actions suddenly.
"Me..." Anjali's voice whispered and even through the phone, Khushi could hear her sorrow. It was funny how well she could sense Anjali's feelings. She had always been able to connect to her more than anyone else; more than even with her own sister sometimes. She had wondered at it before but she cursed it now, for she knew that in this state, if Anjali asked her something, she wouldn't be able to refuse easily.
"Di?" Khushi left her words hanging, not knowing what to ask her. Remembering her own words, she asked, "Why would I hate you? It should be the other way around, isn't it? I destroyed your picture perfect life. I took away your happiness; if it hadn't been for me your life would still be complete; it should be you hating me, Di."
"Do you still blame yourself for all this, Khushi? There is only one person to blame and he is gone from our lives now..." Anjali replied and Khushi thought she sensed a bit of relilef in her voice.
"Not one, Di; two. There are two people to blame, and the one remaining is more dangerous than the one that has left. Atleast he was bad through and through..." Khushi cut her scathing words short, not wanting to insult Arnav anymore; the very thought of him opened new craters in her already boiling heart.
Silence reigned on the other side and Khushi thought Anjali had cut the line when after a while, she spoke yet this time, her tone was different, "Khushi, I know you'd like to never return in our lives again and in any other situation, I'd want the same for you but... can I ask you something, something utterly selfish of me but I can't help it... not for my happiness, but for my self preservation. Will you grant me a wish, Khushiji?"
Khushi knew she was getting into a trap but this was Anjaliji asking her; all the times when she had shown her love, affection and care flashed through Khushi's mind but she pushed them aside; Anjali wasn't the only one with a streak of self preservation in her, "Anything Di; anything except my return to Shantivan or meeting Mr.Raizada," there was no need for her to elaborate which Raizada she was talking about.
Khushi knew Anjali had understood as she heard the broken sobs on the other side; her own eyes were rapidly filling up, hindering her vision of the Devi Maiyya moorthi that sat on the table. Anjali's tears had always had this effect on her, she had never been able to resist them but she had to, now. This time, she had to live for herself, not for anyone else...
"Khushi, please..." Anjali's voice pleaded, breaking several times over those two words but Khushi remained resolute.
"No, Di. I will never step foot in Shantivan ever again. Not for you, not for Nani, and most definitely not for Arn ... Mr.Raizada." She was about to place the receiver on its holder when Anjali's final words struck her like lightning.
"Khushi, I beg of you. Call me selfish if you want but I need my brother, atleast. I lost my husband, my ch... my child all in one day and I can't... I can't lose my brother too. Please, Khushi. Grant me this one wish; this one..."
Anjali waited with bated breath; the silence bespoke Khushi's predicament; she felt horrible about hurting Khushi so much but the only thought running through her mind was that she needed her Chote back. He might be worse than Shyam; he might be crooked, evil, but he was her brother and she simply couldn't exist without him.
"Alright, Di. But I have my conditions..." Anjali sighed in relief and urgently wiped her eyes, "Of course, Khushi. Anything you wish for; all I want is..."
"It doesn't matter, Di. I'm doing this for all the times you and Nani have helped me but this is the final time I'm doing this. I hope you won't trouble me once my work there is done?"
"Of course, of course..." Anjali assured her, her voice already returning to the joyous tone that made even Khushi feel better; she was doing the right thing, if Anjali came out happy. Even if that meant she had to go through hell in the forthcoming days...
Chapter2
A/n: Gosh, this took me so long to write; I only managed reading all your comments! Just so you know how to get quick updates!
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Precap:
"You'll go nowhere near that house, Khushi," Buaji's stern voice sounded through the house, shocking Khushi. She had never thought there would be this many hurdles in going to Shantivan...
Anjali woke up from her disturbed slumber as the tinkling sound was heard; at first she thought it was the noise that had woken her but then she saw, Arnav's hands... they were moving, clutching onto his shirt, right where his heart was. She looked at the entrance once before she quickly hid behind the curtains, watching the scene before her unfold. It was ethereal and made her heart clench.
'Devi Maiyya, why did you have to make their love so difficult? Why do you give them so much pain when they are together and when they are apart? Why can't you keep them happy?' her heart cried as she looked on, unknowing to the two people who hardly even sensed anything else, lost as they were in each other's presence...
A/n: Hope you liked it!
Edited by Nina90 - 13 years ago
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