SS IPKKND: Reflections & Revelations (pt2 and 3) - Page 2

How many times had the same scene played out between them?, she thought furiously. The same insults, the same anger and the same tears, that always ended in her being most unceremoniously deserted on some god-forsaken road. How many times had she been left feeling smaller than a stray dog on the street for nothing other than having the temerity to say what was on her mind? No one else had ever dared to, but she had. And in so doing, she had so often become a target for his ego.

"I won't ask twice," his voice cut sharply into her thoughts. "Get in," he commanded.

"Why?" she dared to ask. Stop talking. Just leave. You know what will happen if you let this continue, her mind screamed. Unfortunately, her body seemed to hunger for more hurt. She was frozen. Just like then, she thought, remembering that night more than a month ago. It feels like yesterday, she sighed.

Standing in the dark coldness, her mind hadn't completely comprehended the scene that had played out in a span of mere minutes. One instance, she'd been asking been asking for answers that were rightfully hers, and the next, she'd been informed angrily of his low regard for her, her status, her thoughts and (according to him) money-grubbing tendencies. She'd been unable to respond to anything, a million memories crashing back that she wanted to throw at his face to prove that he was lying. And then he'd said the very thing she had been afraid of since all these confusing feelings had emerged in her.

"It meant nothing to me alright? You mean nothing to me."

With that one sentence, he had brought all her fears to life. It had meant nothing, and she had allowed herself to get so flustered over what could have happened, over what it had meant that being so cruelly brought back to reality had left her feeling numb. She'd stood there for what felt like hours, replaying the same scene over and over again in her head until her sister had forcefully ushered her into the house. A million things she had felt then, and not one coherent thought that could explain them.

But that was then, Khushi reiterated. Taking another step back, she subtly tried to increase the distance between herself and the man currently glaring at for her disobedience. She looked back up at him, noting that there was no trace of the quiet man she had observed almost a fortnight ago. No, she realized, this man isn't the same. This is Arnav Singh Raizada. And she was treading dangerous grounds by putting up resistance to what he demanded.

"Why?" she repeated, her voice low.

"Because I said so. Now stop creating a scene and get in the damn car," he barked. His patience was wearing thin and more than anything, Arnav was at odds on how to react at seeing the woman whose thoughts had been plaguing him for nearly a month and a half. He wasn't quite sure why he was insisting on escorting her to Raizada mansion. She'd been there often enough in the last four months to know the way. To be actually seeing her after so long however, was making Arnav act first without paying much thought to his actions.

Di and Nani still couldn't quite grasp what had gone wrong with him and Lavanya, not that he had bothered to explain. And the abrupt loss of being occupied with planning his engagement, wedding and the dozen other associated festivities meant that Arnav had been audience to multiple discussions about the who, what and why, with every talk featuring a lengthy speech on how much Nani missed her Khusi bitiya. Di had looked pained everytime she had been unable to get Khushi to come visit -apparently the girl had found a way to decline the invitation each time citing some prior commitment.

He had been discussing a new telecom deal with Akash that morning, preparing to leave for the meeting regarding exactly that when he had seen Di and Nani looking morose. He'd overheard Di trying to cheer Nani up by assuring her that she would try again to get Khushi to come visit that day. "She isn't home right now, Nani. Her bua told me to check back some other time. We'll call later or just drop by to see her. In any case, we have to give her back the sarees and jewellery."

"That bothers me the most Anjali bitiya," Nani had countered, gathering up the pet goat in her arms. "What could have happened that made Khusi bitiya return all the gifts we gave her with so much love?"

She gave it back? Arnav hadn't known that. "Let's go bhaiyya. Mr.Arora's secretary apparently just called to confirm the time," Akash had interjected, unaware of his elder brother's preoccupation with the new information that was neither related to the deal that they were talking about nor any other professional matter.

"I'm talking about my house."

Khushi stared at him, not bothering to hide the confusion that she was sure was evident on her face. "Nani wants to see you and as far as I can see, you are free right now. So you're coming with me," Arnav informed her. There! That's a perfectly satisfactory reason to take her home with me right now, he thought.

"No."

"Get in quick and stop wasting my time," he continued gesturing towards the parked car, oblivious to the fact that she had even spoken.

He's still the same, Khushi thought, exasperated at his selective hearing. Not that she had really expected him to change. Then again, she hadn't really expected him to be standing in person, in front of her and ordering her about either, as though the past month and half had never happened. You knew you couldn't hide away forever. "Devi Maiyya knows I tried," she murmured, her voice barely audible to her own ears.

Her position as the cultural instructor in the Raizada household had ended the night that they had (supposedly) succeeded in getting Arnav to see the light and give his consent to marry Lavanyaji. Regardless of whether or not the intended bride had departed without notice, Khushi had known that she would have to find a new job soon. After what seemed like a dozen dead ends, she had been called to interview for a position that had suddenly opened up due to the employee up and leaving with no notice. Ushered into an ill-kempt office and using the quietly received recommendation from Anjali-ji and Akash-ji, she had had no troubles securing the position. The serious, middle aged man she thought would be her boss had turned out to be just the office manager, who had left her at the end of the interview with an ominous 'good luck'. 10 minutes into meeting her actual boss, Khushi had understood exactly why the other worker had quit.

Apparently the previous employee, a 43 year old stout man with a penchant for sweating profusely and dousing himself in cologne had fainted due to stress. Not the stress of work, no. It was serving under the direct supervision of Aurora Telecom's heir apparent that had done the poor man in. At 30 years of age, Rohan Arora had been through 7 secretaries in a matter of 4 years - all who had either been fired or taken a stress leave for an indefinite period of time. He couldn't abide by laziness, deceit and most importantly, a boring personality. He could just as easily look a savvy businessman as he could a sheepish friend. After two weeks of putting up with his idiosyncrasies, some of them closely reminding her of him, Khushi had lost her cool and told him exactly what no other secretary had dared - to quit being a spoilt brat. Her quiet and unwavering attitude in front of his mood swings had earned her his respect, and his friendship. So when he excitedly told her about the possible partnership between Aurora Telecom and AR Enterprises for their new product, Khushi had barely managed to nod mutely and write down her notes. Each time she had had to speak to someone over at AR Enterprises, she had prayed furiously before and after every call that she didn't have to directly speak to him. To her immense relief, she had managed to avoid him. Until now, she sighed. In front of my office.

How many times before I learn to stay away? How many times before I object to being talked to like something he owned? When will I learn to say...enough?

"What the..."

"You are the one who told me to leave you alone and stay away your family. You accused me of trying to get close when all I was doing was trying to help. Thankfully, you have so graciously taught me my place when it comes to dealing with the Raizadas. You should be happy that I've learnt it so well to follow exactly what you told me to. You will have no interference in your life from me - just as you always wanted. So leave me alone as well," she ended with a deep breath, hating the slight quiver in her voice.

"How dare you? You..."

"What?" she carried on bravely, forcing her voice to be steady. "Let me remind you that I no longer work for you. You can scold, glare and curse all you want but I am a free woman and I decide what I do, not you. Never you. And even if I lose my mind and agree to go with you, what guarantee is there that you won't dump me in the middle of the road yet again? No thanks, Mr.Raizada, I have much better things to do than to dance according to your whims," she spat, gearing to walk away.

"Now that your work is done, you don't give a crap about my family, do you? Don't care that Nani and Di want to meet you? I bet you want to be paid for that as well. Tell me then. Go on. How much will it take to..."

"I'm sure you will be well able to explain to them why I can no longer come to your house," Khushi cut in, not bothering to let him finish his mantra. "Afterall, you did an amazing job of explaining that, my status and my worth in your life. As for what you think about my feelings for your family, that is upto you. I won't waste my breath trying to clear your prejudices. I have more important matters in my life to attend to."

"Yeah?" Sarcasm laced his voice. "A low society nobody like you? Important matters like what?" he challenged her, expecting the statement to be another excuse to deny accompanying him home.

"Yes, even low society nobodies like me have things to do. Because unlike you high society princes, us low society folk think engagements are important matters deserving of some attention. And unlike others you may know, I plan to take my engagement very seriously," she said, her fury at his assumptions keeping her tone cold and clipped.

"Didn't take you long to snare another rich man then!" he exclaimed, his eyes narrow. "That's why you gave back all the gifts my family presented you. Wasn't expensive enough for you, huh?" he prodded. "How much did he offer you?" he sneered after a moment, unable to keep the pettiness out of his voice.

"More that even you could ever give a woman Mr. Raizada."

"Cars, jewellery, money?" he scoffed. "What more?"

"Respect," she replied without pausing to think.

Rohan's sudden appearance with a request to speak to Arnav gave her an opportunity to leave. Walking briskly towards the waiting auto rickshaw, Khushi congratulated herself on having ended the conversation on her terms. This time, there wouldn't be any self recrimination. She will not spend endless hours replaying the same conversation, going over what she could have, should have said to retain her self-respect.

It was the first time since they had met, Khushi reflected, that she had been able to find exactly the right words to say what she wanted without holding back.

I should feel elated, she thought miserably, in the safety of the moving auto. Then why don't I?