FF -My wife's diary Upd PG 13 15/11 - Page 10

Chapter 3

I woke up in the morning, saw everything around , my head is aching badly.. don't know what happened last night , I juss remember that I was reading her diary and weeping badly suddenly bell rang and it was Sonia , it was raining outside, I asked her to come inside, she started to talk and offered me drink, I wasn't concentrating on what she is saying, I started to gulp down the drink fastly burning myself inside. I kept on thinking what did I do? She had all expections from me and I didn't listen her once! I am the one responsible for my actions, I was lost in my thoughts suddenly everything blanked out. and I woke up now , saw Sonia beside me on my bed, I feel ashamed of myself, after knowing the truth I shouldn't keep this relationship with Sonia and how did I lost it? I slipped out of bed and went for long bath, water dripping on body, and I get flashes of her holding a sharp knife in dark with a swollen face. How I ruined everything. I was disturbed by sonia's knocking on door

S-Come out jaan, I have to leave.

Don't know why but her words were not responding to any organ of mine, I was complied in guilt' I had no words to describe the misery of 3 years what I did and what she had expected. Ofcourse jay you have put any end to every expectation on her side. She would just compromise and live? If I would be at her place , I would have left my husband or made him regret. But I came on to the point that I can never be able to stand for long in her shoes on first place. I was concluding myself but sonia's banging kept on irritate me and I was loosing my patience. I clothed myself and went out.

Sonia came forward and gave me peck on my cheeks , and clinged to my body.

S-I love you so much Jay, I love the way you are. '.

She kept on saying things but I didn't notice anything, I didn't have anything to say actually.She noticed my silence and cupped my face.

S-What happened Jay? Everything fine?

I still had no reply, I had taken wrong side in my life. All I think now , will she ever forgive me? Will she? I had no courage to face her. I looked up to Sonia and said her that I am not feeling well just want some moment alone. She understood and went away. I sat on my bed, my head in my hands, just then wind blew and my windows opened with a thud, I was lying in my own stress, then papers of the diary were turning by the wind. I had to read what she felt after her expectations broke.

15 September 2008:

My punishment is my survival , but till the end of my life , I will daily pray for my own death. I want God to take my soul away because I am nothing left. I am MARRIED , I am called Mrs Jay Sinha. What I thought jay wil love me ? Me? None loved me ever , then why did I expect this from him? My mistake and for this mistake I will live until I breath my last. I would never ask for anything, no complains and just would seek an end to my dark life.

Just I want to ask this, When we were on the stage of getting married, When he held my hand and told me he will love me forever, but wasn't his love wasn't that strong that he couldn't listen me once? Why to ask these Question Niki, When you know no will answer. None answered your questions from childhood then why now. It been 10 days I have been married, and in these ten days I was insulted , abused by every possible word from Jay. He must be thinking why I didn't respond. Because i got same reaction from childhood, my ears don't respond but the gaze hammers my heart. Everybody used to talk to me like this, I am habitual of this. But I feel bad that I made life of Jay as hell. Please God make life easier for him.

1st Oct 2008:

I am so thankful to Jay, it was my fault that I couldn't find his love, but his mother. She takes so much care of me. She kept on asking me daily about everything, I am sorry to her that I had to lie her about our life. I had to because that would make her unhappy. She whenever meets me , she kisses my forehead, nobody did that ever. My parents thought this is so low act but never knew the affection behind it. I love being around her, her love makes my life full. She taught me everything. The way she talks to me, I just want to cry all my pain infront of her. Because I know she will understand me. But I couldn't , I couldn't '.

5 Nov 2008:

I am having terrible Backache today, I can barely walk, I have to make breakfast for Jay and go to gathering with him. He never prefers taking me anywhere but when someone insist he has to. How will I manage? And I don't want to say no to jay as well that would make him angry and that is not healthy for him. Already his life is stressful because of me.

Where would I go after reading this? She thought it all her mistake? It was mine. Clearly mine. I am so feeling bad. But from which soil she is made of ? all I thought how to make her feel low and she felt how to keep me healthy. I was highly ashamed. I should be! I picked up my phone and tried to dial her number. But I couldn't press the call number. What would I say? I had no explanation to her. I wish I could do something for her . I wiped my tears , my voice was getting heavy, I wanted someone badly beside me and I wished above all that someone could be niki ! I was missing her, missing her a lot

15 January 2009:

Its going to be 6 months to our marriage , but we have never behaved as married couple, I still remember how he pressed my hand on the stage telling me his love will be forever for me. When we entered in our room and he kept his head in my lap , I loved all those moments and exactly those moments I have to cherish with him. After my past revelations destroyed our peace and our future, and the future of which I barely hope something will change. S we both are suffering but I used to of this but I feel bad for Jay he is going thru this because of me , dad always said right , I am bad luck for everyone.

23 January 2009:

Two days ago, Jay took me to shopping. Well he surely didn't want to take me but we were having some guests at our place and on their request we took them to Royal city mall. They all the gone to shop I was with them and Jay was looking for himself in the stores. The guests got busy in them selves and I was getting bored I was in jewelry shop with them, I saw a toy shop infront of it. I always loved Soft toys and Especially Kids, I was adored them. I directly went there and was soft toys, I found them on corner, was amazed to look at them suddenly someone handed me Soft heart shaped pillow which was always my favorite, I got happy to see that but not with the face of that person. It was Manish. I had wished not to face him in my life again but when I saw him I just stood there like a statue. I didn't knew what should I say or do. I wanted to run away from there but my feet didn't want to move.

M-"How are you Niki , I am sorry Mrs. Jay Sinha"

I kept on wondering what should I reply him, that how I am , how I am passing my life. He kept on staring me and it felt like he is reading me. he was noticing all the changes in me. ofcourse I lost all my aliveness and full of life code from my Life. His eyes showed concern for me as it used to do before. I didn't want to see that , I didn't want to believe that I avoided looking at his eyes and started to look here and there. Until he spoke again.

M- "Are you happy with Jay ?"

His statements were more than a fact than a question. Jay is not happy because of me and I am not happy because of Manish. His dragger looks were on me. they were attracting me minute by minute I had to answer him and I answered him with my stammered voice.

N-"you' mean I , yes I am happy with Jay"

I tried to say out that, but I wished inside whatever I said he took it that way, because I knew him , who could recognize that I had cried or in bad mood without facing me, so that person can read all happenings in my life by one glance. When I said this he left in anger, Angry on me or himself?

As he left tears started flowing in my eyes. I hated to see that concern , care and so called in his eyes. I had limited myself and I don't want to be loved. He loved me and after he left me, my life went into worst than ever.

25^th January 2009 :

It had been two days I had face him, that day I came home and didn't eat anything served jay and was waiting jay to sleep so I can cry to myself. Manish's reaction , questions and expressions were torturing me. isn't this life enough that more has to happen. Life please don't show me more days like this.

13^th march 2009:

Its jay birthday next week, I don't know what should I do? My death certificate would be better gift for him, because in these months I have just realized he hated me most and loathed me. I want to do something special for him, I don't know what should I do? Things never work for me well. And I have none to ask except my in laws, I cant ask them. It would make some suspects. I guess I have to do it on my own. What makes him happy?

What makes me happy? Huh I wish I could tell her that her jasmine smell , makes me happy. When her hairs are open and waving on shoulders that makes me happy. Her after shower smell used to make me mad, crazy for her.it used to make me very difficult to hold up. She was perfect element in my life to make me happy. But myself created whole mess. In her life as well as mine. I destroyed the peace in our life. Today I wish you had married Manish, I don't know what problems he had in his life, but he could keep you happy in any way. I still remember niki when I saw him coming out of that toy shop and he stopped and glared at me in rage. I didn't knew him but from his eyes I said loud and clear that he knew me. before he could speak up to me i moved some where else. Today I understood that stare. He had fire in those. He was angry as someone messed with his belongings. And I did and I am still doing. I don't know how to make up things , from where to start or even I left any chance for improvement?

Okay guys, sorry for the late update, my life is totally messed up and i am just trying to figure up things.

one more thing, please give ur views about JAY because the next update would be dependent on ur views, should jay be forgiven or niki should live peacefully? please please do tell them i am waiting for it. as fast you want update more faster i want ur views to pen down.

Precap:

"I wished three kids 2 boys and 1 girl, i would always side my boys and my husband would always side my girl, a happy family... but Jay stole all my dreams by just saying 'I CANT HAVE KIDS' , i am slave to him... he broke me by hammering me..."

Jay visits Nikita's Hometown to try things sorted out

Originally posted by: -madhvi-

update soon
and pm me plz

Originally posted by: heena_mehta

well written update!!!

totally enjoyed reading it!!

do continue soon n thanx for d pm!!

Originally posted by: tamannamalik

its jus amazing... i loved the story... i imagine sukirti khandpal as nikita and jay as ritwik...😊 its just fantastic... plz continue soon... cant wait... if possible plz plz plz plz change nikita's name to piya plz plz plz...

Originally posted by: kuttu

beautifully potryaed story. Getting to know what is in the mind of Nikita through a diary. And her husband gets to know her too. So when will they start to think about ending this facade. Will the family come to know of what has been going on in their lives. The story did bring some tears but hope to see a good ending.

Originally posted by: sdoll

Again an awesome update. Loved it dear. gr8 job.👏

Originally posted by: ifrah.

Wonderful update dear liked it :) and really sorry for the late reply..

Originally posted by: aminakhan

hey juz came by ur ff...its really awesome

plz add me to ur pm list..