Part 33
Ashna had been determined to accompany Adil for his next appointment with the doctor. She was hopeful that the cancer must have some cure of which Adil was not telling her, as usual. However, after meeting the doctor, she didn't know if she actually had a hope or not.
Chronic leukemia ek tarah ka blood cancer hai jaha blood cells ka count abnormally increase ho jata hai. Well, iske causes pe nahi jaa ke main directly treatment ki baat karta hu. Ye disease kuch aisa hai ki iske immediate treatment compulsory nahi hai, though of course its always good. In fact, a number of treatments like chemotherapy, radiation-many processes work in such cases. Lekin Adil ke case me bone marrow transplant is necessary. But of course we don't have a donor aur waqt bhi guzarta jaa raha hai. Upar se Adil apne aap ko lekar kaafi reckless hai. He needs to be taken care of. He needs rest. In fact, ek perfectly fit insaan ko bhi rest chahiye hota hai, aur Adil to bimaar hai. Usse minimum rest dena hoga apni body ko. Lekin haan, main aapko koi false hope nahi dena chahta. Adil ke puri tarah se thik hone ke liye, bone marrow transplant ke alawa koi aur alternative nahi hai. So agar, Adil ko donor mil jaye to hi kuch ho sakta hai, but then ab to uske liye bhi waqt kaafi kam hai. His health is deteriorating!! So I suggest, you shud really try hard to get that donor!!
Ashna was well aware of the fact that Adil had no biological relation. He was staying in an orphanage before being adopted by the Raichands. So, even if he had any relation whatsoever, none really knew about it. And the way Adil reacted that day, she was sure, he didn't want to know as well.
Adil: Ho gayi tasalli? Mil liya na doctor se? Was I lying?
Ashna: I didn't say u were lying. Mujhe bas doctor se kuch baat jaanni thi. Tum mujhe itna batao what's wrong with finding a donor for you?
Adil: Donor?
Ashna: Yes, donor!!
Adil: Ashna do u realize bone marrow donate karne ke liye biological relation is essential?
Ashna: Yes.
Adil: And you do realize I don't have any, ryt?
Ashna: Pata hai mujhe ki tum apne biological parents ke bare me kuch nahi jante, lekin main ye janna chahti hu ki tumne kabhi kuch pata karne ki koshish kii bhi hai ya nahi?
Adil: Nahi, maine aisi koi koshish nahi kii. Kyunki mujhe unke bare me kuch nahi pata. Aur ye sab information Google pe to milta nahi, so tum hi batao koshish karta bhi to kaise?
Ashna: Tum jis orphanage me the waha se kuch pata kar sakte hai.
Adil: Har baat ka jawab hai tumhare paas!! Kaafi socha hai lagta hai. Waise waha se kuch pata nahi chalega!!
Ashna: Tum kaise jante ho?
Adil: Main jitna janta hu utna kaafi hai, isse zyada jaan kar kuch haasil nahi hoga!!
Ashna: Lekin Adil...
Adil: Ashna bas!! Maine kaha na, kuch nahi ho sakta. Please!!
He had tried to sound soft, but it came with a finality in his voice!! He seemed ridiculously unconcerned!! Ashna somehow realized that it might hurt him to think about his lineage. Of course it would hurt to think that he had a family somewhere around the globe who were just not bothered about his existence. Ashna could at least partially, if not fully, understand his state of mind and hence his disinterest. However, she could not relent her efforts, they didn't have time.
Two days later, Ashna tried again.
Ashna: Aise kaise keh dete ho tum ki kuch nahi ho sakta!! Itni asaani se haar kaise maan sakte ho?
Adil: Dekho mujhe iss bare me baat nahi karni hai.
Ashna: Baat nahi karni hai matlab? Do you even realize ye kitni bari baat hai? Tumhe shayad fark nahi padhta Adil lekin jo log tumhe chahte hai unhe fark padhta hai. Tumhe ehsaas bhi hai ki kaisa lagta hai jab koi insaan tumhare dil ke itna kareeb hota hai aur wo achanak...
Adil: Pata hai, isiliye tumhe jhootha dilasa nahi dena chahta tha. Kyunki mujhe pata hai kaisa lagta hai jab koi insaan tumhare dil ke bahut kareeb ho, itna ki tumhari zindagi ki adhaar ban jaye aur ek din achanak wo tumse bahut dur chala jaye aur tum kuch na kar pao!! Khair, tum uss orphanage ke bare me janna chahti ho na? (and he takes out his mobile) Here, I am texting you the name and address. Jo pata karna hai kar lo. Lekin ek baat yaad rakho, isse aage main tumhari koi madat nahi kar sakta, aur naa hi karunga.
Ashna: Thik hai, main khud jaa ke pata kar lungi. Thanks!! Waise ek baat aur, tum jo mujhse yu rudely behave karte rehte ho na, this is not gonna change my mind. So you better change your tactics.
Adil: I am not trying to change your mind here. Listen, mujhe pata hai tum par kya guzar rahi hai. It is difficult to take in so much. Maine jo kiya jaise kiya, it was all very wrong. I admit that. Lekin Ashna, isse kuch badal nahi jaata. Just because am being rude, doesn't mean am not being honest. Kuch nahi ho sakta, matlab, kuch nahi ho sakta Ashna!! Just try to sink that in.
Ashna: To abhi tum mujhse sweetly baat karke mujhe behlana chahte ho? Stop doing this Adil. Stop playing me. I know that you know which buttons to press, for me to act according to you!! Lekin ab bas!! Ye sab khel rehne dete hai, this is serious!! This is about our life aur main koi option ignore nahi kar sakti. Aur phir, tumhari problem kya hai? Agar tumhe itna yakeen hai ki mujhe kuch pata nahi chalega, I mean, pata chalne layak agar kuch hai hi nahi, then why worry Adil?
Adil: Fine then. Jab tumhari ye so called positive enthusiasm khatam ho jayegi and you get the reality check, hum tab baat karenge!! Meanwhile, itna dhyan rakhna ki kisiko kuch pata nahi chalna chahiye. And please, take care of yourself. Don't look so drained all the while. Mom mujhse already puchh chuki hai if something is wrong with you! Maine to jhooth bol diya, tum shayad na bol pao. So just take care!!
It has been a while since this conversation. Now Ashna realizes well what he meant by "Kuch nahi ho sakta". She had been to the orphanage and learned that there were no records as to how Adil ended up there. Mostly nobody cared to have distinct records at that time and at present none had any idea about something that old. So Ashna tried to know about the former staff who used to work there, somewhat like 30 years back!! She hoped somebody would remember something, that might help her. But as of now, her efforts were all in vain.
Here, everyday she watched Adil distancing himself from everything and everyone. She could clearly see why Rishabh was detained from Canada. Adil had slowly but steadily prepared him to take over, not just professionally but also on personal front. He was trying to get Rishabh closer to his Mom and also planned to replace himself wid Rishabh in Rashi's life. Whenever she would need her brother, Adil would conveniently send Rishabh at his place!! For example, Rashi had earnestly requested Adil to accompany her during her marriage shopping. She was as usual confident that her AB would comply with her, but this time Adil didn't. Rishabh came instead of Adil and Rashi was disheartened to say the least. Ashna wondered if Adil was so nave to believe that he could actually give his place away to Rishabh and none would even complain. Clearly, his plan wasn't working because Rashi had simply cancelled the shopping.
Ashna: Tum jo ye sab karne ki koshish kar rahe ho, it's not gonna work Adil. Itna asaan thodi hai tumhari jagah kisi aur ko de dena.
Adil: Matlab?
Ashna: Tum kya chahte ho? Aaj tak tum inn sab ke liye jo kuch bhi karte aye ho wo ab Rishabh sambhal le aur tum kahin gumm ho jao? Itna asaan thodi hai Adil. Tum chahe jo bhi kar lo, they are gonna mourn you!!
Adil: Listen Ashna...
Ashna: No you listen!! Tum jo yu sab se dur dur rehne ki koshish karte ho, dur se hi sabki parwa karte ho, khas kar Dadi and Rishabh se apni strained relationship tum thik nahi karna chahte, I don't think all this will help even a bit to reduce their pain. Dadi bhale hi tumhe har waqt taana de, lekin tumse aisi nafrat nahi karti ki tumhe kuch ho jaye aur wo khush ho. Tumhare accident ke waqt, kehne ko to wo mujhe console karne ayi thi, lekin unka dard bhi kuch kam nahi tha. In fact, accident ke baad se wo to kaafi soft ho gayi hai, ab zyada kuch kehti bhi nahi hai. Aur rahi baat Rishabh ki to wo kitna badal gaya hai ye mujhe tumhe batane ki zarurat nahi hai. Naa hi baki sab ke zindagi me tum kya maayne rakhte ho ye yaad dilaane ki zarurat hai.
Adil: Exactly. Tumhe mujhe kuch bhi batane ki ya yaad dilaane ki zarurat nahi hai. Kyunki naa hi main kuch bhula hu aur naa hi tum mujhe aisa kuch bata sakti ho jo main already nahi jaanta. I know Ashna, all this is not gonna help to reduce their pain. Lekin ghav ko agar marham mil jaye to ek din bhar jata hai aur dard bhi chala jata hai.
Here, there were 25 days to Rashi's wedding. Adil was of course happy, though content would be a better word to describe his feelings. In fact, everyone around him was happy and as far as he could remember, it was the first time in so many years that the entire family was unanimously glad about something. For him, it felt like may be this was what he had been pained for so long and now that he gets to have this share of joy, he finally has to let go. He had already prepared himself for the departure. Even if he lived for longer, he would do that alone and away from here. He couldn't be selfish and hope to grasp every tiny bit of happiness. He had already got all he asked for and now it was his time to let go.
Adil: Hey.
Rashi: AB!! Aap iss waqt ghar pe?
Adil: Kuch der baad phir nikalna hai.
Rashi: Oh!! Waise koi kaam tha?
Adil: Actually I'm here to say sorry Rashi. Main janta hu...
Rashi: Arre uss din shopping pe nahi aa paye mere saath isliye na? Its okay, hum phir kabhi chale jayenge. Shaadi ko abhi bahut time hain.
Adil: You should have gone with Rishabh. Wo aapna saara kaam chhor ke tere liye aya tha na?
Rashi: Lekin aapke kehne pe aye the na? Aur phir, aisa nahi hai mujhe Bhaiya se koi problem hai, mujhe bas aapke sath jana hai. In fact, iss shaadi ki har rasam me chahe wo kitni hi chhoti kyun na ho, mujhe aap apne paas chahiye.
Adil: Shopping bhi rasam hai kya?
Rashi: Wo maine ussi me include kar diya!! Please AB, aap har kadam pe mere saath rahenge na? Mujhe na bahut ghabrahat hoti hai kabhi kabhi.
Adil: Its ok. Aisa hota hai. Bhale hi tum Shaleen ko bahut waqt se janti ho, lekin shaadi ek gehra rishtaa hota hai. Jab log isse samajhne lagte hai, tab unhe iski gehrayi se thodi ghabrahat hone lagti hai. So its basically good ki tum nervous ho, kyunki iska matlab ye hai ki tumhe iss rishte ka sahi mol pata hai.
Rashi: (hugs him tightly) You are awesome AB!! Pata hai, aap har baat ko kuch alag hi tarike se samjhate ho. You just made me believe that feeling nervous is a good thing!! I love you so much AB!!
Adil: (holds her by the shoulder and looks in her eyes) You are happy right?
Rashi gets confused at the sudden question and moreover the seriousness written over his face. So, he rephrases his question.
Adil: I mean to say, ye jo sab ho raha hai, tujhe aisa to nahi lag raha ki ye sab bahut jaldi ho raha hai? Mera matlab hai ki...
Rashi: Mujhe aisa kuch nahi lag raha hai AB. Coz I know, aap mere liye jo bhi karenge wo sahi hoga. I don't need to torture my brain for such small things. Aap ho na!!
Saying so, Rashi leans in to his embrace again and this time Adil holds her tightly. As much as it hurt to see Rashi's unflinching trust in him, Adil couldn't deny the fact that he also somehow felt at ease whenever he was with his little sister. Perhaps because she didn't read into him like others and hence he didn't have to make efforts to conceal himself. He could just simply be!!
Here Ashna realized time was running out more rapidly than ever and she still had no clue about Adil's real parents. Adil believed them to be dead and now she has started to dread that might be the truth. It was just another of her restless nights and she hoped to get some fresh air. Hence, she was on the terrace. It was quite late and everything around her seemed to be in deep slumber, well except Adil of course. He was in the library. That was one of his favourite places; a place of solace. Just like this terrace had turned out to be hers!!
" You should get some sleep."
Ashna got startled at the sudden intervention of her thoughts. She turned around to find Adil standing at the doorway. He was here to take her, just like many more previous nights. She wondered if some times she deliberately waited here so that he would come to get her and she would be able to relish that care in his eyes. She loved that, didn't she? And then, suddenly she felt a lump in her throat as she feared this care might not last long.
Adil: Kya hua? Chalna nahi hai?
Ashna turned her back at him to hide her tears that had started to flow by now. She just couldn't hold them anymore. She was tired of concealing them all day long, in front of others!!
Adil walked towards her and stood right behind. He wished to wipe those tears but he dared not. He could not lose himself again.
Adil: Maine kaha tha tumse. Zyada umeed mat rakho. Ab dard ho raha hai na?
It irked her momentarily to see how unaffected he was about this thing. However the next moment she realized, all this was a pretence and unlike her he had to carry it out even before her. He could not bare his heart out like she did.
Ashna just turned around and hugged him tightly, to soothe herself or him, that she too didn't know.
Ashna: Why do you do it? Kyun aise behave karte ho jaise tumhe koi fark nahi padhta? Maine dekha hai tumhari aankhon me. Kitna dard, kitna afsos hai tumhe. Tum bhi chahte ho na ki tum thik ho jao? Phir kyun kuch nahi karte? Kyun apne parents ke bare me pata nahi karte tum? Kyun mere aisa karne se naraz ho tum?
Adil: (withdrawing from the hug) Kyunki kuch haasil nahi ho sakta Ashna. Cant you see that? Mujhe jitna janna tha main jaan chuka hu, aur kuch nahi janna hai mujhe. Haan, mujhe takleef hoti hai ye soch ke ki baki sab ko kitni takleef hone wali hai. Kisi apne ke chale jane se kaisa mehsus hota hai, janta hu main. Mujhe afsos iss baat ki hai ki main unhe phir se ye takleef dene wala hu. Jab Baba guzar gaye, wo bhi meri wajah se...
Ashna: (cutting him) That was an accident Adil.
Adil: Main phir bhi kahin na kahin zimmedaar hu uss accident ke liye!! Ye baat main jhutla nahi sakta. Aur ye main Dadi ya Rishabh ki wajah se nahi keh raha. Tab shayad mujhme itni samajh nahi thi lekin ab hai. Aur main janta hu unka gussa jayaz hai. Aur haan, main ye bhi janta hu ki iske bawjud unhe mere jaane ka dukh hoga!! They are gonna mourn me anyways!! Par tumhe jo lagta hai ki main apni jagah Rishabh ko dena chahta hu or something like that. Aisa kuch nahi hai Ashna. Itne saal Baba ki kami ko puri karne ki koshish me at least itna to samajh hi gaya hu ki kisi ek ka khalipan dusra kabhi pura nahi kar sakta. Main to bas itna chahta tha ki Rishabh pe achanak ye sab zimmedariya naa aa jaye. I just wanted him to get used to it. After all, kuch to fayda hona chahiye mere ye janne ka ki main bas kuch hi...
Adil didn't complete the sentence anymore. The eyes that had once smoothly captivated his heart and didn't bother to release it since, had now gone red and teary. They dared him not to say the inevitable. Adil felt a tiny part of him chuckle at her stupid faith and resolve, however the larger part of him obliged to those eyes!! He could do that, at least.
Adil: Lets leave Ashna.
Ashna: Ek baat batao Adil. Tumne sabke bare me to soch liya, lekin mera kya? Koi bhi marham mera ghav kaise mita sakta hai?
Adil looked back at her and felt a pinch at his heart. He didn't wish to answer her. For the answer he possessed was too nave and illogical. It wasn't planned by his mind, but crept out of his heart instead.
Ashna: Kya hua? Shayad jawab nahi hai tumhare paas hai na? Its ok. I understand. You actually didn't count me in all this right? After all why would you think that the girl who showed off to be so strong and independent, could actually turn out to be stupid enough to fall for you? I shouldn't have fallen for you right? Ghalti ho gayi na mujhse? I'm sorry.
Adil: Main sorry bolna shuru karunga to subah ho jayegi. Lets go Ashna, please!!
Ashna knew she would have to go this time. The earnest request that he made, was too much to ignore. She knew she would just comply with that. Deep inside, she was losing her hope and resolve. She now knew the next day was going to be as futile as the previous one. Or so she thought.
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Edited by Sumi_162710 - 11 years ago
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