I had heard people say that when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed that it was never a good thing but I had just never realized that I would one day be a victim to that very saying. Why god!! Why me!! What did I ever do to you!! All I wanted was a good night sleep and you couldn't even let me have that!! And as if my day could not get any worse I have to spend the whole day with HIM!! Yes that's right!! HIM!! It was his entire fault that I Riddhima Gupta had not slept a wink!! And now here I was sitting across from him in his office as he dictated a letter that he wanted typed for a patient who needed a referral for a brain scan. Look at him!! Talking non stop!! I feel like strangling him!! Seriously God!! Are you trying to punish me!! I mean you give me one good day with him what happened now?!! You like seeing me like this don't you!! I already spent the entire night trying to get this'. this' this'. APE!!! Out of my mind and now you are making me sit here and listen to him talk!!! WHY!!!! Awww I wish Batman was here he would come flying through the door, pick me up in his arms and take me away from HIM!! But NO! Make me suffer more!!
"BG are you listening!!"
"Huh, um' yes' I am' you were saying"
"You were listening?? Okay what was the last thing I said?"
"Umm' You' said' umm' Okay what was the last thing I said?" I replied back knowing fully well that was totally wrong and that I had been caught not listening!
"Nice try BG but NO that's not what I said! I SAID Mr. Aryan Khan has been suffering from frequent headaches and needs to get a brain scan conducted so further tests can be done to pin point the exact cause of these headaches. Now will you please stop thinking about ME and get back to work!!"
"I'm sorry Armaan please continue I'm listening" Omg!! How did he know I was thinking about HIM!! Can he read my mind!! Ridzi be careful around this Ape he's tricky!!
Ha ha ha ha!! Look at her!! she's all flustered!! The second I said stop thinking about me she went all white!! Ha ha ha!! Aww man this is too fun!! But I wonder what she was thinking about?? I wish I could read her mind.
It had taken half an hour to finish that letter and when he finally stopped talking he said I could go for lunch!! I quickly got up and ran out the door for dear life
before he started talking again or for that matter read my mind again!!
=======================================================
"I'll take one coffee and a bagel with cream cheese please" I said smiling at the lady behind the counter.
"And I'll have the same except I'll have my bagel toasted" I turned around hearing the familiar voice and thanking god that it was not HIM I saw Muski standing there with a look of SPILL IT OR DIE!
"So''."
"So what" I said with a confused look on my face as I followed Muski to a table in the corner of the cafeteria.
"So'.. Don't play with me Ridzi!! What do you think of Armaan??"
"What do you mean what do I think of him??"
Oh god!! Why is she bringing HIM up for!! I just ran away from him to get some peace and now she HAS to bring him up again!! Will the name ARMAAN MALLIK ever leave me!!!!
"Ridzi!!!!! Do I have to spell it out for you!!"
"Yes you do Muski cause I have no idea what your saying!!"
"DO YOU LIKE HIM!!!!"
"I don't know??"
"What do you mean you don't know PICK one!! YES or NO!"
"Okay I pick No!"
"NO??"
"NO!!"
"WHY??"
"WHY you want to know WHY!! Okay I'll tell you why!! Because he'
"One coffee and bagel with cream cheese and one coffee with a bagel toasted with cream cheese! Here you go ladies enjoy!"
"Thank you!"
"You were saying!"
"Yeah He irritates me to no end, he talks to much, he keeps calling me BG and doesn't tell me why!! He winks at me with the biggest grin on his face, he thinks he's so cool, he's good at his job, he actually cares about others, he's funny, he's got pretty eyes, he's'.
"Ridzi!!"
"What I'm not done' I"
"RIDZI listen to me!! I think YOU LIKE HIM!!"
"Pshhhtt No I don't!"
"YES YOU DO!!"
"NO I DON'T!!"
"YES!!"
"NO!!"
"YES!!"
"NO!!"
"NO!!"
"YES!!"
I stopped and bit my tongue as the word YES escaped my mouth. I looked at Muski as she stopped talking and looked at me with a look that clearly said I KNEW IT!!!!!!!
OMG!! Do I really LIKE HIM!! I mean he is a really nice person even if he does annoy me a lot and he is a really good doctor! He's funny and cares for his patients. He's got gorgeous eyes! He's dreamy looking!! He's' NO!! NO!! NO!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!! You CAN'T like him Ridzi!! Are you forgetting that you're a widow!! And widows have no right to be going down this road!! And besides you only met him yesterday you don't even know anything about him just like he doesn't know anything about you!! Remember you are his assistant for a week that is it!! So stop all this nonsense and act like a professional and once this week is over you will never have to see him again!! But what do I say to Muski she's waiting for an answer?? Just tell her the truth she'll understand. I mean if she can accept me even after knowing my past then she can understand were I am coming from when I tell her the truth.
"I KNEW IT YOU LIKE HIM!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Muski!!"
"Oh I'm soo happy for you Ridzi!!"
"Muski!!!!!"
"He's going to make you soo happy!!!"
"MUSKANN!!!!!!"
"What?? I'm talking here!!"
"Would you listen to me!!"
"Okay I'm listening what!!"
"Look Muski' I know you feel that I like Armaan but I don't okay I mean I just met him yesterday and I don't even know anything about him so I can't jump to the conclusion that I like him. And even if I do I can't act on it'people like me don't have the right to be thinking about other men'. I' I'm sorry Muski!!... But I can't'. I hope you understand" I was about to get up from my seat as I could feel my tears threatening to spill at any second when Muski stood up and held my hand stopping me.
"I'm sorry Ridzi I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!! Please stay!! I promise I won't bring up anything that will make you feel uncomfortable or upset. Please we will talk about something else I swear!!"
I turned around and seeing Muski's earnest face I smiled back wiped my tears and sat down.
"It's okay Muski I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings' I guess I just didn't know how to react I mean I have never had anyone ask me questions like these before. It's all new to me but thank you for understanding it means a lot to me."
and with that we started a new conversation as if nothing had happened but I still couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened!!
==========================================================
"Dude she is so fun to annoy!! I can't even tell you!! I mean you should have seen her face when I told her to stop thinking about me!! It was hysterical!! And then the way she'
WOW!! It's been 20 mins and all he has been talking about is RIDDHIMA!!! Hmmm Riddhima?? Armaan and Riddhima?? That doesn't sound so bad! What if I' tried to set them up?? That's not a bad idea Rahul!! You're a genius!! I mean after Muskaan told me about what happened with Ridzi, I feel like doing something for her. I mean so what if she is a widow she deserves to be happy too. But before I do anything I need to know what they both feel, that way I will be able to create a plan of action. So MissionAR Starts Now!!
wines like a little kid oh man'"
"OMG Armaan!!!! ARE YOU FEELING OKAY!! You have been talking non stop about Riddhima for the past 20 mins!!"
"Dude I'm trying to talk here stop interrupting me!!"
"What?? Don't look at me like that!!"
"No I haven't!!"
"Yes you have!!"
"NO I haven't!!
"YES!!"
"NO!!"
"YES!!"
"NO!!"
"NO!!"
"YES!!"
I stopped talking and looked at Rahul's face as he smirked at me with a naughty look in his eyes as he had caught me red handed.
Omg!! Did I just say YES!! And that to for a girl I just met yesterday!! How can that be!! Dude you are loosing it!!! How can you like someone just from being with them for one day!! But then again people do talk about Love at First Sight!! Nahhh that's all Crap!! You don't LOVE Riddhima!! That's just pushing it!! Like is a different story!! I mean yeah she is pretty and smart and very fun to annoy, she's got the most sexy grey-green eyes that I have ever seen she's'. HOLI PAUSE!!!!!! DUDE!!! STOP!!!!!! WTH IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!! But could Rahul be right' Do I really like her!!??? Do I really like Riddhima!!?? No I can't!! I don't even know anything about her!! I mean fine I have been thinking about her since yesterday and MAYBE I was talking about her a bit to much but that could mean a lot of things right!! Like maybe I' I' I' Oh who am I kidding screw it!! I do like her!! OMG!!! ARMAAN MALLIK WHO NEVER CHASES CHICKS IS STARTING TO LIKE A GIRL!!!!!!!!!
"Sooo'.. YOU DO LIKE HER!!"
"Huh??"
"YOU LIKE RIDDHIMA!!"
"I' I' I Like Riddhima!"
"Are you sure??"
"Ye.. Yeah.. I think I am!! Wow! I have never felt like this before! I mean it feels like the most natural thing as if I was destined to."
"I'm soo happy for you man!! Riddhima's a great girl!! But does she feel the same??"
"I don't know dude! I mean we just met!! I don't think it would be good to rush into anything. I think I should take my time with her and with myself I mean I don't want to jump into anything and you never know all these feelings that I am having could pass, so let's just wait and see what happens and YOU are not going to say ANYTHING about this to ANYONE!!! OKAY!!"
"Okay I won't tell anyone!! I swear!! Now can we please go and have lunch I'm starving!!"
"Yeah let's go!"
So that's what's going on with Armaan! Let's see what Riddhima feels!! Man this is soo much fun!! And now for going through all that I think I deserve a cookie!!
It was finally the end of the day and I was in the locker room gathering my stuff after successfully ignoring my convo with Muski during lunch. It had not only shaken me but had caused me to think. I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder and so turning around I found Rahul standing behind me smiling at me.
"Hey Rahul!!"
"Hey Riddhima!! How was your day??"
"My day was fine!! How was yours??"
"It was fine the usual patients, surgery etc.. but umm' I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute??"
"Yeah sure what's up??"
"Umm not here can we meet at the park in about an hour?? If you don't mind??"
Okay what is going on?? Why does Rahul want to talk to me at the park and that to alone?? What about Muski!! Omg I hope he's not planning on cheating on Muski with me??
Nice one Dude!! Now she's looking at you like your crazy!!! Hurry up and do something!!
"Umm' see I wanted to umm plan a party for Muski it's her birthday in a few days and I needed a woman's opinion on some things that's all and I don't want anyone to find out or they might blurt it out to her that's why I want to go somewhere were no one will interrupt or find out!!"
Pheww!! Now let's hope she buys it!! PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES!!!
Awww how sweet is this guy!! He's planning a party for Muski!! And here I was thinking that he was trying to cheat on her!! Shame on you Ridzi!!
"Oh okay yeah sure I understand!! I'll see you in an hour!!"
"Okay cool see you in an hour!!" and so turning back I grabbed my things and
walked out the hospital towards the park waiting to hear what Rahul had to say.
========================================================
I sat on the bench waiting for Riddhima to come. I wasn't sure what was going to happen or for that matter if what I was doing was right or wrong but ever since I had run into her that day outside the school I couldn't get her tear stricken eyes and scared face out of my mind. Then when she had come over and told Muskaan what she had been through before and after her husband's death I didn't know why but I had developed a soft corner for her in my heart and she became like a little sister for me. I had grown up without any siblings and after knowing Ridzi despite for a day just being around her felt as if I had known her all my life. But after the conversation with Armaan in his office it had compelled me to re-think my decision about trying to set them up. I had realized that once Armaan knew about Ridzi's past that he may think differently about her and I didn't want that. I could have easily told him myself but I had stopped myself thinking that it was better that Ridzi told him herself once they had gotten to know each other better which was why I had asked Ridzi to come to the park on the pretext of planning Muskaan's birthday so that I could at least see what she felt about moving on and starting a new relationship with someone.
I really hope she doesn't take me wrong in anyway. I mean it was a lot for her to just tell Muski about what she had been through. Oh I hope this works out!!
"Rahul!!"
"Huh'Oh Ridzi Hi come sit down"
"Thanks' So what did you want to ask me about Muski's birthday??"
"Oh yeah I' uh' wanted to know do you think girls like it when a guy sings for her on her birthday or is that weird??"
"Well it depends on who is singing I mean if it was Shahid Kapoor or Atif Aslam any girl would die! But if you mean her boyfriend or husband then it would be really sweet' Wait' Are YOU going to sing??"
"Well' Yeah but you can't tell Muski!! It's a surprise!"
"Awww Rahul your soo adorable!! Muski's gonna love it!!"
"I hope so!!"
"So' was there something else you wanted to ask or'"
Okay dude it's time!! Best of Luck!!
"Riddhima??"
"Yes Rahul??"
"Umm I don't know how to ask you this and I don't know if I have the right to or not I mean I don't know you that well and you might think that I am trying to interfere in your life but'
"Rahul whatever it is you want to ask me you can don't be scared. I mean you have done so much for me in the span of a few days that no one else was willing to do for me for an entire year. I don't know if Muski told you this but not only do I consider Muski as my sister but I consider you as my brother so please don't hesitate just ask!"
"Okay' I wanted to know what you feel about Armaan??"
Oh god!! Here we go again!! I thought this whole what do you think of Armaan stuff was over!! But why is Rahul asking me?? Did Muski tell him about our conversation during lunch?? But then again if she had he would have mentioned it right?? Well if I want answers then I better answer him!!
"Well' I don't know I mean he's a good doctor, he's a nice person, and he makes me laugh with his silly jokes, and I can consider him a friend I guess, but to be honest I don't know anything about him and he knows nothing about me so I can't really give you a proper answer sorry."
"It's okay I can understand. If I were you I would probably say the same. Umm' I had one more question if you don't mind."
"Oh yeah what is it??"
"Umm' I can't believe I'm going to say this but IF and this is just hypothetical but what if a guy wanted to get to know you and wanted to spend time with you maybe even date you how would you feel??"
"Umm' Rahul are' are you'.
"NO!! I'm not talking about ME!! I love Muskaan!!"
"Okay' he he he'Good just wanted to clarify!! But with regards to your question' I' don't know I mean it depends on who the person is. I mean I have no problem trying to get to know them and being friends but dating' I don't think that would be right' I mean considering I'm a widow who would want to date me?? And besides I don't think that after someone found out about my past that they would want anything to do with me. I'm sorry but that's just how it is."
"It's okay Ridzi I understand you're not ready yet to move on. There is something in you that is stopping you from doing so. I know it's not an easy thing to do and that it takes time but I just want you to know that even if you are a widow someone will accept you!! Someone will love you again despite your past and I hope that you meet that person soon because you deserve to be happy and I don't care what society or anyone says!! And the day you realize that YOU control what you want your life to be like only then can you move on and finally be free from your past. And remember one thing that when you are ready to take that step that this brother of yours will stand by you!"
"Thanks Rahul!! Well I better get going its late and Muski's probably wondering were you are!! So I'll leave now bye!! See you tomorrow!!"
"Yeah better get going or Muski will kill me!! Bye Riddhima!! And do think about what I said!! See you tomorrow and drive safe!!"
And with that I gave Rahul a final hug and walked towards my car with Rahul's words playing in my head making me ask the one question I had run from'
Was I ready to move on??
========================================================
Monday, August 15th 2003
Dear Dairy
It has been one year today since HE died. It was today when my life shattered and broke into a million pieces. It would have been our 1st anniversary today had he been alive. I can still picture that moment when I had received that phone call stating that he had died. It still haunts me to this very day. I still get tensed when I hear the phone ring at times. You must be thinking that I'm crazy for still living in the past and that I continue to write about him even today despite the things that he had done to me and the prison like life that he had me trapped in and your right I am crazy and I should be moving on with my life but' am I ready?? This one question has been troubling me ever since I left Rahul in the park a few hours ago. I'm confused!! I have been forced to come face to face with reality. Yes I am a widow' but for how long!!?? How long am I going to be alone?? How long am I going to obey and follow the life of a widow?? Wasn't Rahul right didn't I deserve happiness too?? Didn't I deserve to be loved again?? Didn't I have the right to live the life as someone's wife again?? Didn't I have the right to pick up the scattered pieces of my life and put them back together?? If yes then what am I scared about?? Why can't I take that step forward and come out of the wall's that I have put around me?? Why am I still holding on to the man who only gave me pain and never loved me?? Why am I holding on to my past?? Why can't I let it all go!! I never loved him and yet I am still writing about him and living in his shadow!! What am I getting out of this?? Nothing! Then what is going on?? What is stopping me??
I suddenly stopped writing as Rahul's words from our conversation come back into my mind "There is something in you that is stopping you from doing so. I know it's not an easy thing to do and that it takes time but I just want you to know that even if you are a widow someone will accept you!! Someone will love you again despite your past and I hope that you meet that person soon because you deserve to be happy and I don't care what society or anyone says!! And the day you realize that YOU control what you want your life to be like only then can you move on and finally be free from your past."
ME!! It's me!! I am stopping myself!! I don't want to let go because I am afraid to move on!! I'm afraid to fall in love again!! I'm afraid to put the past behind me and start a new phase in my life!! I'm afraid that I will end up going down the same path that I did before!! But not anymore!! I'm going to move on!! I'm going to take that chance and dare to break the shackles that have been binding me to the past!! I'm going to take control of my life and run it the way I want!! I don't need LOVE it only cause's pain!! I'm no longer going to live in the shadow of being HIS widow!! Enough is enough!! I Riddhima Gupta am going to LIVE AGAIN!!! I'm going to let go of HIM!!
I put down my pen and for the first time in over a year I didn't cry tears of sadness because of HIM I cried tears of joy for ME and the new life that I was going to embark on.
So that was Part 3 I Hope You Enjoyed It!!! I updated early this time now wait for part 4!!
Index Is On Page 1 As Well As The PM Request!!
And Sorry For Any Errors and about the layout I tried to fix it but it wont! also the teal parts are Rahul's thoughts the purple are ridzi's and the blue are armaans!!
-Tashu-
XOXOXOXOX
Edited by -RougeDreams- - 13 years ago
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