Here it is...FINALLY. Also, Sabz just to say how sorry I am there is a part in this specially for you (its your favorite KaSh moment <3 )
Exhausted and emotionally drained from the day, Armaan walked into his house ready to collapse and sleep a dreamless sleep. At this point in time everything in his mind was blank, he didn't have any room left for more thoughts or feelings. As he approached his bed to finally sit down he realized that the emptiness that he felt inside was actually liberating. He didn't feel as if his heart strings were tugged by some unknown force. There was no pull towards something, no anxiousness to achieve an abstract goal. All of it was a welcome change.
When he had returned to Sanjeevani some months ago, he would have never imagined that life would have come to this point. He could have never imagined that the Riddhima he had loved with all his heart would be the same Riddhima that he would one day free from his very heart. Even the happiness he had felt when he first stepped into Sanjeevani could not match the serenity and calmness that he felt at this moment. Even though saying goodbye to RIddhima was the hardest thing he had ever done, he also knew that it was the bravest. He could finally rest knowing that she did truly always love and maybe a little part always will, that was enough for him to accept the reality and move on. There were no more doubts. He had happily and with utmost compassion let go of his Basket, and the fact that he had done on his own terms was all the consoling that he would ever need.
Just as soon as he got close to his bed, he took a deep breath and fell. Laying there in silence and with only the company of his thoughts, he sighed. Good or bad, easy or hard, it didn't matter anymore; all he knew was the what happened today is what should have happened. There was no doubt that it was painful but that still didn't change the fact that now that he had spoken to Riddhima, he wouldn't have done anything differently. Now, finally tired of his own mind talking to itself, he got up to go and change and get some sleep at last. He was certain that this awkward feeling of nothingness would end with a good night's rest. He went up to the sink and splashed ice cold water on his face, trying his best to stop thinking and analyzing. He ran his hands through his hair, feeling the chill of water. The more he would think about that, the less he would think about anything else. It seemed to be working. He pulled out his excessively large t-shirt, which he would wear when he went to bed. He grabbed his own shirt and when he began to take it off, he noticed something. As his shirt was now over his face, neither on nor off, he recognized a similar scent. He took a deep breath and smiled to himself. It was Shilpa's perfume.
He remembered why he had this scent on him it was from his hug with Shilpa. He pulled the shirt the down and smiled to himself once again. How strange was it that she had shown up at the perfect moment? He was amazed at the fact that she had just let him hold her for so long, without saying a single word, without asking him what was wrong and most of all without making him feel weak and overtly emotional. He remembered that he had held her for about a good ten minutes in complete silence. In all those ten minutes the only thing that had been going through his head was that he wasn't alone, she wouldn't let him be alone. Even after he had finally let her go, he remembered that it was just a smile they exchanged before she was called away. Now that he stood here two hours later he recalled how easily she had managed to calm him down so quickly. In ten short minutes he went from an emotional mess to complete nothingness. A nothingness that felt a whole lot like relief and a feeling that allowed him to make his way back home safely. Now that he was here, he wished that he would have said thank you to her, maybe she was still thinking about what it was that was bothering him at the time? Maybe she was wondering why he was as quite as he was? Those questions however would have to wait. For now all he needed to do was get some rest before he literally collapsed.
He began to take off his shirt again, but stopped midway. He actually liked this scent; it made him feel less clueless. It was strange but it was also the truth. He decided not to question the feeling and gladly pulled the shirt back down. As he continued to change, something fell from his pocket. He looked down and saw the kangan that Riddhima had returned. His heart was caught up all over again, but right now he really couldn't deal with it. He knew that he didn't have the strength for more emotional trauma. He picked it up from the bathroom floor and walked towards a cupboard. He took a deep breath and placed the kangan, which had once symbolized his feelings for Riddhima, into a drawer full of clothes. He didn't do this because he was weak or rude or anything of that sort. It was honestly because he was just not ready to think about this and more importantly because he was tired about thinking about this. He looked back at the drawer and let out a grunt, he was so frustrated with all these feelings and even more frustrated with the fact that these emotions could upset him. Even though it was much less than it had been at one time, its persistence was still quite irritating. What would take to completely, and totally let go it all?
He shook his head in disapproval of his own feeling and went to lie down. He looked up at the ceiling and just hoped that eventually sleep would come. Though that didn't happen, something just as important did. Armaan's phone rang and just as soon as he realized this, it got disconnected. He leant over to grab his phone and looked at the missed call. It was from Shilpa. It was strange that she called at this hour and even stranger that it was only one bell before she hung up. Armaan kept looking at the phone for a moment waiting for another call and after while what happened was exactly what he had thought. She called again, he took a breath getting ready to talk to her, but just as he was about to pick up it was again disconnected. He couldn't help but smile a little. "Tum kar kya rahi ho Shilpa" he said to himself.
In another part of town Shilpa was pacing up and down her room with her phone in her hand and with a million thoughts in her mind. Why on earth was she even calling him? Did she even have the right to call him at this hour? So what if she was just worried about him was it appropriate for a friend to calling to be another at 1 o'clock in the morning? But she couldn't help it. When he hugged her tonight in the locker room she could sense that he was upset, she could sense that his emotions were at an all-time high. But when she was there with him, she didn't want to disturb him by asking questions, no matter how desperately she had wanted to. But that was back then, right now all she needed to know was that he was alright. She just wanted to know whether he had reached home safely. That was all. But here she was acting like a school girl asking herself the age old question, "Should I call him?" It looked like he was going to answer that question for her. As his name appeared on her phone, her heart skipped a beat. She was shocked that he actually called back.
S: hello…
[He didn't say anything. But she couldn't care right now, there was so much inside of her that it was bound to burst.]
S: I'm so sorry…mujhe bas pata karna tha ki tum dheek ho….dheek ho na?
[Armaan smiled. This girl really was there with him through thick and thin, even if it meant calling him at one in the morning. He truly was touched.]
A: tum ho na.
[He wasn't just saying that because it sounded cool. He really meant it. This was the first thought that came to his mind when she asked him if he was alright.]
Oh lord, why? Why did he have to say things that made her heart skip a beat and her knees lose their balance. Whenever he said something like this, the little girl inside of her could never help but scream. Once again she was sweating, her heart rate was through the roof and her ability to speak was all but destroyed. She would just have to stay on the line and hope that he said something soon before she literally fainted from sheer excitement. Lucky for her, he obliged.
A: tum abhi tak soyi nahin?
[Oh thank the lord, she thought. A question, that was also the best way to salvage a question. At least now she knew what to talk about.]
S: uhhh...woh actually meri night shift thi...
Wait, wasn't she just about to leave when he had hugged her? Why was she lying to him? But maybe he had misunderstood because if it wasn't the night shift than why on earth would she be awake at this hour?
A: oh...i hate night shifts...
S: yeah...
[His voice seemed normal. obviously he hadn't picked up on her awkwardness. She should be happy right? But then why did she wish that he had questioned her some more? Armaan could sense a certain hesitation in her voice, like she was hiding something. But given that she was the only person who cared to call him, he wasn't going to bombard her with questions. They would just have to talk about something else.]
A: toh...
[Oh gosh, he had no idea what to say. The silence became so peaceful that it would have been cruel to disturb it, but he also couldn't keep quiet for so long. She sensed that he too was having a hard time talking, darn he was already so worked up earlier and now she had to go and put him through this.]
S: umm Armaan...chalo...good night?
[NO! He didn't want to go. He wanted to keep talking. Even though he wasn't really talking, he still liked having her on the phone. She just seemed closer.]
A: uhh actually mujhe tumse kuch pooch na tha...
S: kya?
[Oh crap, think Armaan think. He clearly didn't do this often, what should he ask her?]
A: uhhh...woh kya hai na, I wanted to know do you need any more shifts?
S: kya?
[What on earth was he saying? She had gotten pretty good and sensing his feelings in the past few days but right now it was anyone's guess. Because she could not explain why they were talking about shifts at 1:30 in the morning. Armaan actually hit himself on the head. Really? This was the best he could come up with.]
A: haan woh I'll be handing out shifts tomorrow toh...do you want anything?
[As he lay there in his bed, with his phone to his ear, he realized why he wasn't too keen on letting her hang up. He didn't want to be alone. But he would just have to deal with it, he couldn't keep her on the phone forever just because he wanted to. Just say it Armaan, just say good night and get some sleep. Just as he took a deep breath and was about to speak, she spoke and what she said threw him off completely.]
S: actually Dr. Keerti ne kal meri shift Sanjeevani ki doosri building mein assign kari hai...
A: Kya? Kyon? Lekin?
All this while she too had been lying down, but his response made her sit up still. Was he actually upset that she wouldn't be there tomorrow? Wait, she wouldn't be there tomorrow. Why? How would he able to get through the day? How on earth would he be able to avoid some sort of emotional foolishness that he was so prone to, if she wasn't there to keep him afoot.
A: poora din?
[Shilpa's heart melted inside of her and again she fell back on her bed. The innocence that he had in his voice adorable and absolutely unbearable. As much she tried to fight it, the smile escaped her lips.]
S: haan...sorry.
A: Hitler bhi na...par tum parson toh aaogi na?
[Again, she nearly lost her mind. Armaan, do you even realize how adorable you are?]
S: kyon? phir se ladna sikha na hai?
[Instantly he chuckled. Of course she would say something like this. Shilpa, do you even realize how amazing you are?]
Without realizing when or how both Armaan and Shilpa had fallen asleep, with the phone still on. For Armaan this was the first full nights rest that he had gotten in the last few months. When he had been in that locker room a mere few hours ago he had thought that his torment would follow him for a very long time. But he was so pleased that Shilpa's phone call made him move past all that so quickly and so easily. At first it seemed odd that Armaan could be normal so quickly, but then again once the floodgates have opened the water generally calms down. It was a serenity that he did not know he could feel.
For Shilpa this was all just a dazed and dreamy experience. With every word he spoke, she could feel how much he really cared, how much he appreciated her. And that feeling of being needed and being appreciated was a feeling that she did not know she could feel.
The next morning as Armaan made his way to Sanjeevani, he was optimistic. He knew that if he truly believed that he can face any emotion than he sure as hell would. That was something he had learned from Shilpa. Oh right, he wouldn't be seeing her today. That thought saddened him a little. Despite that, he was determined to walk in and be the strongest that he had ever been. When he walked in and saw Riddhima in the locker room, he didn't hesitate, he couldn't hesitate. Now was the right time to start anew. He took a deep breath and spoke.
A: Morning...
[She turned around and smiled at him. A real smile.]
R: Morning...
There really was nothing else that needed to be said. The atmosphere in the room was enough to signal the profound change that had occurred. As Armaan and Riddhima looked at each other again, they simply smiled and turned to do their own thing. But what was absolutely delightful was that there was no sign of awkwardness. There wasn't a trace of tension. Not even a speck of pain. It was all so clam. Both couldn't have been happier. From that moment, things just got better for Armaan. It was shocking how much a clear heart could influence everything. He was so relaxed and unbelievably energetic. He was so proud of what had happened in the locker room this morning that there was just no way that he could have doubted his progression. He was amazed at the speed at which all this had happened. He was even shocked by the power that a simple heart to heart conversation could have. It was basically a giant Dimple Show in Sanjeevani show. Wherever he went he would flash that dimple and it was only received with pleasant smiles. However, there was something that was acting like a sore spot. At every break that he received, all he wanted to do was go to the other building. But something always stopped him. Sometimes it was an emergency page, sometimes a nurse would call him for something, and surprisingly he was getting an unexpected amount of calls from his patients. It was a strange longing that he felt, almost a need. And for the first he didn't disturb his feeling by a million questions, rather he let his heart feel whatever it wanted to. And if he was to be truly honest then he would have to admit that he sort of liked this feeling.
It wasn't all that different on the other side. Shilpa too tried her best to try and sneak into the other building but something always stopped her. And if it wasn't something else than she would somehow manage to convince herself that if she went to see him, it would seem like she was overpowering and just way too intrusive. But even then deep down, she was just hoping that someone would call her over for something. Alas, no such thing happened. She felt a sort of longing feeling, a feeling that tortuous but beautiful all the same time.
Even though it seemed like it would never happen the next morning finally came. And when Armaan walked into the locker room and to his surprise there was no Shilpa. Until now he had never actually understood how anxious her absence made him. Immediately he reached into his pocket to gran his phone but stopped just befor dialing. Maybe he was just over reacting. She was probably already at the Nurse Station, yeah that was it.
No, that wasn't it. He stood there among the others wondering where she was. As he handed out duties to everyone else, he was so tempted to ask where she was but he controlled himself. And he was talking less and staring at the door more. Shilpa wasn't the kind of person who would be late, she was always the responsible one. So why was she late today? Her absence worried him, he walked away from the nurse station perplexed and that was the last thing he needed on a day he had to do surgery. He was probably one a few steps away when someone called out his name, he turned and saw Sid running towards him. This morning just keeps giving him one surprise after the other.
A: Sid...abbey ruk...
Straight onto him. This hug was forceful, passionate, and most of all really out of the blue. As confused as ever Armaan stood there clinched in Sid's arms. He really had no idea what to do, or how to react. It was the moment of deer in front of a headlight, stunned and frozen. It would have to be Sid who would say something.
Sid: thank you...thank you
A: kis liye...
Sid finally let go and looked Armaan straight in the eyes, with his hands still on Armaan's shoulders. This was something serious, it wasn't Sid just being Sid. For once Armaan couldn't read Sid at all. He had always understood Sid's pain of seeing Riddhima hurt but this was obviously not that. Why on earth would Sid thank Armaan? This staring at one another was almost unbearable. Come one Sid, what is it? Clearly Armaan's confusion was obvious and Sid noticed it.
Sid: bas thank you
A: lekin...
Sid: pata nahin yaar kya kiya hai tumne par itna khush maine Riddhima ko aaj tak nahin dekha...
Armaan felt panic and relief all at the same time. Panic, because he was so shocked by the sudden nature of Sid's outburst and relief because of what Sid had just said. But the single most dominant feeling that came within a moment was that of joy, he was so glad that Riddhima too was feeling the same liberation that he was. He was so happy to hear that she too had found many reasons to smile.
A: sach?
S: haan yaar...kaise bataon tujhe ki bas sab kuch kaise badal gaya ho...
Armaan smiled from ear to ear. Never before would he have thought that hearing these words from Riddhima's husband could give him this joy, but they did. A lot more than even Sid could imagine. But before Armaan could voice his happiness, Sid spoke again and this time instead of joy it was confusion that overcame Armaan.
Sid: aur haan...Shilpa ko bhi thank you...
A: shilpa?
[What on earth? Why would Shilpa need thanking in this matter? What was Sid trying to say?}
A: Shilpa ko thank you? Kyon?
[Sid just smiled, and placed a hand on Armaan's shoulder.]
Sid: tu nahin samjhe ga yaar...
A: toh samajho?
Sid: rehne de yaar...I'll just go see her in the OT
A: oh nahin...aaj toh woh General Ward main hogi...
Wow. Armaan looked at Sid's face and his expression worried Armaan a little. He had that look one gets when you catch someone red handed. But what on earth had he caught? Sid simply put on a naughty smile, shook his head a little and put a hand on Armaan's shoulder.
Sid: lage raho...lage raho...
With that Sid walked off leaving Armaan standing there just waiting for all this to make sense.
And when that moment finally came, Armaan was truly stunned. He realized what he had been doing. For the past month or so every morning when he looked at his own duties, he would gaze down and look at Shilpa's as well. It had never struck him before this moment. It was strange how shocked he was at this realization, it was his own mind after all. Anyone in his place would be quite surprised, was it possible to do something without even knowing that you were doing it? Oh lord, the answer was yes. Armaan was overcome this wave of realization. Just then he realized that he actually did know why Shilpa was late this morning. He knew exactly where she was, even though he hadn't realized this before.
If the Nurse hadn't come calling for him, he would have probably stood there for another ten minutes or so just being shocked at his own self. He was actually glad that he had been interrupted, because he really was tired of thinking so much. Besides, if his thought process wasn't disturbed he may have actually gone looking for her. And even though he was still a bit unknown to himself, he did know that doing that wouldn't have been the best idea. He really needed to focus on being Dr. Armaan Malik at this moment.
Half and hour later when he finished his surgery, he started to walk towards the locker room. He was quite satisfied with his work, the look on the family's faces when the operation was successful pleased him to no extent. He walked through the halls of Sanjeevani feeling more like himself then he had in a while. "Itna khush maine usse kabhi nahin dekha", Armaan smiled to himself when he remembered this. Why hadn't he done this before? Why on earth had he suffered for so long? He walked into the empty locker room, he looked at one of the lockers and he got his answer; Shilpa. That was it, her strenghth and support was the reason for not only his happiness but the happiness of Riddhima and Sid also depended on it. Maybe that's why Sid had asked him to thank Shilpa. Sid understood that as long as Shilpa wasn't able to pull Armaan back on his own two feet then Riddhima would never be able to walk away and vice versa. Wow, Armaan thought, it was strange how one girl could have such a powerful on three lives. She really was something else. Again his thoughts were interrupted, but this time it wasn't a nurse. As soon as he heard some rumblings at the door, he turned and saw Shilpa trying to rush in.
S: crap...
She was wearing a beautiful orange suit, her hair wide open, her eyes were outlined by thick black kajal. It amazed him how happy seeing her made him. It was a strange but wonderful power that she possessed. But what made even happier was that when he saw her, he knew that he had been right. She was indeed where he thought she would be. He smiled and she returned the smile. It was obvious that she was feeling a bit uncomfortable.
Shilpa was both upset that her late entry had been caught but at the same time she was glad to see Armaan. Ever since their phone call that one night, they hadn't actually spoken much with one another. The hospital life had taken up so much of their time that chit chat was just not possible. So this opportunity made her heart beat. She hoped that they would talk, he seemed lighter and more relaxed then before but she couldn't have been sure. All across the hospital she had been hearing about this new excited Dr. Armaan, she wanted to see it herself. But not right now, for now she needed to come up with a quick excuse explaining her attire and the fact that she was late.
S: Uhh...woh...
[Darn, whenever he was around her it was so hard to think as it was but now to have to come up with a quick excuse, Lord that would be difficult.]
S: actually...
[He appreciated her effort at trying to cover up but he already knew it all. He smiled and spoke.]
A: aaj kya maanga?
[Wait...what? What was Armaan talking about she thought? There was no way he could have known, she never told anyone about this.]
S: kya?
A: come on Shilpa...batao na, gurudwara se kya maanga?
[OMG he did know. How? She was absolutely taken a back.]
S: tum...how?
[Armaan smiled and remembered that she had been equally shocked when many months ago he had spotted her in her white suit outside the temple.]
A: itna toh jaanta hoon tumhe...
[He winked, smiled and left the locker room.]
He left her standing there, utterly smitten. The ease that Armaan was giving off was just such a welcome change. It was like he had been trapped for so long. Where was this smiling and winking Armaan before? She didn't know how this overnight change had happened and to be honest she didn't actually care. She was glad that it had happened. She went to her locker and pulled out her change of clothes. Still having a smile pasted on her face. She changed and even though a good fifteen minutes had passed she couldn't get that wink out of her mind. He actually winked at her. A flirty wink. A kind of wink that could render any girl absolutely speechless. Much like she had been for the last fifteen minutes.
She took a deep breath and recited all the lines she had come up with when she was walking over to the General Ward. She would tell him that she was so happy to see him happy and that she wished he would stay this way. Simple. She had to let him know that she noticed but she couldn't make it awkward. So it would have to be done when they were working so that just in case things got awkward there was a distraction. She got to the doors and what she saw boggled her mind.
Armaan was huddled over cute little boy and whispering something in his ears. She also noticed a rather large box beside the bed. What on earth? They were suppose to be dressing someone's wounds and giving shots. None of which was what Armaan was doing. Though adorable, it was still confusing. She walked in and as soon as she stepped in, he turned. He looked to her and gestured her to come over. Oh no, this wasn't what she had planned. There weren't enough distractions. Nervously, she walked over and saw that when she got to him, his smile had disappeared. What had she done? No really, what had she done? He just looked at her for at least two minutes in silence and then spoke.
A: yeh kya kiya?
[Okay, now she was really confused and really scared.]
S: kya?
A: tum suits mein zaada khoobsurat lagti ho
OH MY GOSH! That was it, just like that all hell broke loose inside of her. Did he actually use the word 'khoobsurat' to describe her? Wait, did Armaan Malik actually just use the word khoobsurat? No one had ever said that to her. She could feel the sweat building up on her forehead and deafening thuds of her heartbeat. She could also tell that Armaan noticed, of course he would notice she was now cherry red. Even the little boy on the bed smirked a little. Oh no, she had to snap out of it. She just had to fix this, end this.
S: Toh...kaun hain yeh
[Oh lord. That was just too exhausting.]
A: uhhh...yeh hai Nikhil...kal admit hua tha and he had a little wish...
[Excellent, Armaan was engaging her in a conversation. Boy was she glad.]
S: wish? Kaisi wish?
Armaan stood up and pulled the box up to the bed. Both Nikhil and Armaan smiled. Shilpa was curious and also a little bit worried. But anything that would draw attention away from sweating forehead and burning cheeks was welcome. Armaan slowly opened the box and she could Nikhil's eyes light up. When he opened it completely what came out shocked her! It was an adorable little puppy. The one thing that could draw her focus away from Armaan. When he looked at the expression that she had on her face, he could tell how happy she was. It was the same look that Nikhil had on his face, Armaan couldn't help but smile and admire her glittering eyes.
A: tumhe yeh pasand hai?
S: of course I just love puppy dogs...
[What on earth was a puppy dog? Of course she would say something that stupid in front of him. She was hoping that he hadn't noticed but going the smirk that was building up on his face, he didn't miss it.]
A: puppy dogs? tumhe puppy dogs pasand hain?
S: nahin woh I ...
It was too late, both Armaan and Nikhil had broken the floodgates of laughter. Darn it. As embarrassed as she was, she couldn't help but join in the laughters. Her and her silly puppy dogs. Amidst the laughter, Armaan realized something. This was probably the only thing that he knew about her as a person. What she liked, what she doesn't like? What are her hobbies? What's her favorite food? Or anything like that. He realized how little he actually knew her. But, surprisingly that thought didn't bother Armaan. Rather, it excited him. There was so much to know about Shilpa Malhotra and he simply couldn't wait to get started.
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