Chapter 6 - Keeping Faith
"Interns," Dr Keerti said, giving one of her rarest and choicest smiles. "I'm sure you'd love to welcome Dr Armaan back to Sanjeevani." Riddhima nearly had a heart attack at those very words. Her head shot up to see Armaan smiling slightly mischievously at the shocked faces of the others. Wow! No one had seen that coming! Involuntarily, a smile crept up on her face. What had Keerti said? Back to Sanjeevani? Did this mean Armaan was permanently back to Sanjeevani? Yes, there he was in his labcoat, grinning at their stupefied faces.
"Armaan..you're really back? As in for good?" Muskaan squealed.
"As in till we all finish? Abhi rephrased her sentence, and Armaan nodded.
"WOWW!!!" Nikki screamed, then covered her mouth, almost knocking Dr Keerti aside in an attempt to hug him.
"Welcome back buddy!" Rahul exclaimed, and hugged him next, while Sid just grumbled,
"Haan, aarti uttaro uski. Jaise World war 3 se wapas zinda aaya hai." Then smiled showing he was just kidding around, as he welcomed Armaan back.
Armaan glanced at Riddhima. For the first time since he had come back, he had seen that natural glow on her face! And didn't she look utterly divine! He smiled back at her as he stared deep into her eyes, to find the source of this happiness inside her. Obviously, it was with his return. She looked away, her smile not leaving her face, after she motioned him to turn to face Keerti.
"Dr Armaan, just because you're back I don't expect you to take things lightly. In fact, night duty, for the rest of the week with Dr Sid." Sid grinned at Armaan evilly, who narrowed his eyes back and grumbled inwardly. Trust Hitler to spoil it for him! But nothing could take away the elated feeling inside him after seeing Riddhima's eyes shine like that. "Everyone else, usual duty. Dr Armaan, come to my office in half an hour for a detailed briefing."
Riddhima watched everyone head off for their duty and Armaan at his locker, across from hers. He was really back! Now she could sneak glances at him across their lockers, like she used to before. She felt her heart beat faster with this new sense of positive energy that was rushing through her veins. No, she shouldn't be feeling this happy! But she frowned, not wanting to let anything disturb this mood of hers. It was the best she had felt in ages!
Armaan was done rummaging inside his locker and looked across to see her lost in her thoughts. He shook his head as he thought whether or not she would ever stop day dreaming. He loved her so much! The entire day of his could be spent by just looking at her this way. Somehow, she still loved him. But why? Hadn't he ruined her perfect life? But clearly, that shine on her face on hearing about his return suggested otherwise. He remembered the previous night. Everything Nikki said was coming back to him. Still he couldn't be with her.
"Riddhima.." she snapped out of her trance as she looked around to face him. He stepped closer to her. "Tujhe duty ke liye daer nahin ho rahi?"
"Yeah.." she whispered and turned to leave. He watched her go from the locker room, and unknowingly a smile spread across his face. He was back! And it felt wonderful, truly amazing to be back home!
"Yaar, Hitler hasn't changed has she?" Armaan grumbled as he pulled a chair out next to Atul in the cafeteria.
"Haan yaar.." Atul replied, tired to the core. He did a double take when he saw Armaan. "Armaan! Labcoat mein kya kar raha hai?"
"Armaan tune phir se Sanjeevani join kar diya?!" Ajnali screamed with excitement, and hugged him. "Papa ne mujhe bataya!"
Atul, after hearing this and making sense of the situation, was also over the moon.
"Mere bhai!!! Amazing! Simply superb decision!" Atul knocked the wind out of Armaan as he almost wrestled him on to the floor with a massive bear hug.
"Haan..Atul..can't.. breathe.." Armaan tried to get in, choking.
"Atul get off him!" Anjali reprimanded her husband, who let go off Armaan immediately.
"Anjali jal ne ki koi zaroorat nahin yeh mera bhai hai." Atul replied casually as Anjali raised her eyebrows.
"Shut up Atul. Poor Armaan couldn't breathe!"
"Oh haan..sorry bhai."
"It's ok.." Armaan replied, a little warily incase Atul decided to jump onto him again. He finally sat down on a chair opposite him, with the table acting as a barrier just in case.
"Yaar, itne saare Doctors hain iss hospital. Lekin Hitler ko main hi ek mila hoon. She cut my lunch time in half thanks to extra duty!" Sid complained as he came and sat next to Armaan. "Oye Raj! Jaldi mere liye sandwich le aana! Aadhe ghante main phirse Hitler ke paas jaana hoga!"
"Kaunsi Hitler? Junior ya senior?" Muskaan asked as she also barged into the cafeteria.
"Senior! Junior ki itni himmat?" Sid scoffed.
"Junior..?" Armaan asked.
"Ridzy, aur kaun. When I first came.." Sid didn't finish before he heard Atul,
"Meri saali ji ko aise matt bulao! Dr Keerti ko kahunga extra duty de voh tujhko!"
"Yaar..Atul. Give me a break! Anyways, for the first week while I was here, I can guarantee you she never smiled!" Sid glanced sideways, to see Armaan looking down at the table, guilt and pain screaming out on his face. He tried to hide it but unsuccessfully.
"Rahul, Riddhima ko dekha hai?" Armaan asked as he looked inside the locker room.
"Haan, voh toh ghar gayyi. Duty time is over right?" Rahul replied, busy looking into his file. Great! He had to talk to her about her patient, Sara. The case seemed really delicate and they had to transfer her as soon as possible. Even though Sara wasn't Armaan's patient, Armaan had taken it upon himself to check her after Riddhima had discussed her case with him. He went back to check on Sara, who was awake. Thankfully, she was stable at that moment.
"Ridzy kahaan hai?" she asked. "I thought she was my attaining doctor." Armaan smiled.
"Voh ghar gayyi hai. She needs her rest."
"Wait, so are you trying to say that by spending time with me, she's not having fun?" Armaan frowned. Now when did he say that?
"Why would I say that?" to his surprise, Sara laughed suddenly.
"No you wouldn't. I was just trying to act filmy. Meri poori khandan bohot nautanki hai. Waise have you seen Rahul?"
"Haan, voh toh locker room mein tha."
"Rahul locker room main kya kar raha tha? I thought he's not allowed there!" she sounded aghast.
"Wait, which Rahul are you talking about?"
"Tch..mera chotta bhai. He's 13 years old. Uska birthday tha kal.But he went on some school trip and was supposed to return today. He said he'll see me first thing. Shayad Mummy daddy ke saath aayega.."
"Sara.." he sat down on a stool beside her.
"Bad news?" she asked slightly concerned. He shook his head.
"Don't stress over littlest things.."
"Dr..Mallik.."
"Armaan."
"Dr Armaan, if I don't look after my younger brother on his special days, who will? Anyways, who knows whether or not I'll be around for his next one? So I'd better make his present memorable."
"What rubbish of course you'll be around.."
"Don't lie to me." She blatantly argued back. "Anyways, why live in fear and fake hope? That way I'll never be able to enjoy life as I've always wanted to."
Armaan stared at this 17 year old girl. She really was special! Now he could see why Riddhima had grown so fond of her over time. She was so frank and to the point! He needed to be like that. Maybe that would cut him and Riddhima a lot of trouble.
"By the way, Rahul always wanted this locket kyunki it's got a picture of Mum and Dad in it. I could gift it to him. Oh and he loves chocolates. Could you organize a box of that? He loves Cadbury products most..but sometimes prefers nestle. Lekin usse Ferrero Rocher bhi bohot pasand hai. What do you think? Mujhe lagata hai.." Sara rambled on about her brother's likes and dislikes while Armaan could not remove his eyes from her. For someone who was really sick, she could still talk non stop without breathing? No wonder she was on a hospital bed!
"You know Riddhima still loves you a hell lot." Sara suddenly said, which snapped Armaan back to reality.
"What did you say?"
"Arre bhuddu." Sara replied, sighing. "I think you should go and tell Riddhima you love her! She won't say no, if you're scared of being rejected."
"I'm not scared of that. I just don't want to take advantage of her love for me. Anyways, I don't deserve it."
"Tch..I'm the one going to die soon and you're the one who's acting like your life is over! Who are you to decide what you deserve and what you don't? Believe me, accepting everything with open arms is the best life you can have.."
"You're 17 and you're talking as though you've seen the whole world!"
"Well, not really, but the parts I have seen, I have loved tremendously. Actually, I've always been protected and stuff by my parents, happy with the life I had. But here you are, sulking in your misery. Ridzy used to do the same."
Armaan's brows scrunched up in confusion.
"I mean, she used to be so happy before you made the huge blunder." Armaan closed his eyes. Even Sara knew about the 'blunder', as she put it, but close people like Anjali had no idea.
"Exactly why she deserves much better."
"Doctor, if she did, then she would have gotten over you LOOONNGG before. Everyone has their weaknesses, and you know yours. If you look carefully, you might see hers." Armaan pondered over what this 17 year old told him. She made sense in some way.
"Dr Riddhima there's an emergency. Your patient just had a major relapse."
"Which patient is this.." Riddhima asked over the phone as she quickly grabbed her bag and put her essentials inside it.
"Ward number 105" the nurse read off. Riddhima froze for a moment. That was Sara's ward!!
She rushed to the hospital, taking her father's car. The house was full again, and her dad was at home. She almost ran to the ICU as soon as she got there and saw that Dr Shubhankar was already working on Sara's case.
"Sir, how is she?" Riddhima asked. She hadn't had time to change from her white and blue chooridar. Heck, even her dupatta was missing. Her heart was racing at the thought of losing Sara. No way. This couldn't happen. Sara was way too special to be lost like that! She glanced outside at Sara's parents and her brother, who looked like they were hanging on the final hope. The heart and liver machine, which Shubhankar had just attached to her, was beeping as it was trying to do its work.
"Dr Shubhankar, don't we need to operate on her?"
"Haan, lekin it's a very delicate case. Chances of survival are minimal." Riddhima looked at Sara who was breathing heavily through the mask and quickly injected her to stabilize her condition. She monitored Sara's heart beat, and to her horror, the rate was decreasing! She glanced at her family outside and could see only one solution.
"We have to take the chance don't we?" Shubahnkar nodded.
"Payal, get the OT ready now!" Shubankhar ordered, and a nurse rushed outside.
"Any allergies?" Shubhankar asked Riddhima.
"Yes sir."
"Inject her with suitable anesthetics then we can wheel her out."
Riddhima did the necessary and called nurses over to wheel Sara out. As soon as they stepped out of the ward, her father came to Riddhima with tearful eyes.
"Sara..?"
"We're trying our best. Main poori koshish karungi. I promise." Riddhima looked around at each of Sara's family member, trying to get them to believe her. After she said that, she saw hope increase in their eyes again. Please don't make them lose her, she prayed within herself, to the Almighty. Rushing to the Operation Theater, she got ready and entered in moments after Shubhankar to assist him. She had to try her hardest.
"Yaar, Hitler wants to kill us from over exhaustion!" Sid mumbled as he looked at the time. It was 1:00am, and he had taken a break from being at work. He sighed, wondering if this was life, what kind of a life was it? Then again, he had it easier, as he remembered about an operation being conducted. It had been an hour and a half since Shubhankar left rounds with Sid, for an emergency. Maybe he should go check just to see how things were going. As soon as he got there, he saw Riddhima walk out of the operation theater, dump her gloves and clothes and rush past him. What was she doing here?
"Heyy..Ridzy!" he called but she didn't turn back. Running, he caught up with her and turned her around, to find her eyes moist.
"Riddhima kya huwa?"
"Nothing Sid."
"Kuch to huwa hai.."
"Sid leave me alone! Can't I be alone for a short while?!" she said, exasperated, and at that moment her eyes caught Armaan coming towards her.
Armaan had been working continuously for ages on end. He was in the general ward when he heard about the operation. Out of curiosity, he inquired further and found out it was on Sara. Praying for the best, he continued with his work. Obviously, Sara's transfer had been near impossible. To begin with, the costs were sky high just to transport her, and despite all that, Armaan continued to try and make it possible. But the documentation had eaten up so much time that in the end Armaan had called Dr Harold and asked him for the best advice. Buy time for her. Therefore, she had been on the machine quite frequently to prevent her heart from overworking. He glanced at the clock. His duty was over and at least now he could head home. Damn it had been a long day. Before leaving, he went to check up on Sara's condition.
"Dr Armaan!" Shubhankar saw him when he came out of the OT.
"Yes sir..Sara? Were you operating alone?" he observed as Shubhankar was the only doctor present.
"Riddhima was assisting in the operation. However, Sara is in a very critical condition." Just that line made Armaan's mind kick into 5th gear. If Sara was in a critical condition then..
"Riddhima!" he whispered, and rushed from there leaving a bewildered Shubhankar staring behind. He saw her in the corridor, on the verge of crying, as Sid was having a question answer session with her, while she refused to reply.
"Sid," Armaan came closer, took one look at Riddhima and knew she needed someone. But if Sid was there, then why was she refusing to pour her heart out to him? She stopped struggling against Sid and watched Armaan. He motioned at Sid to leave as she stared at them horror struck. Was she some sort of a doll that they had to come and take their chances to throw their pity on? She didn't need this! As soon as Sid left her hand, she turned and ran away into the first empty place she could see. The fire-escape.
Sid was about to go after her, but Armaan stopped him.
"Main dekhta hoon." In response, Sid just smiled and let Armaan do the honours. She needed him the most at the moment. Though he didn't know the problem, he was sure Armaan was the only one who could make her feel better.
Armaan slowly swung open the door of the fire-escape and the sight in front of him wrenched his heart out. Riddhima was gripping the railing with her eyes closed and her back leaning on it. She was recalling how much Sara meant to her. Obviously, the loss of a friend was difficult to bear, but being there and not being able to do anything about it was worse! Sara was alive, but only just. She was sinking at a horribly fast pace. And no matter how much they tried, it was pointless. It felt as though Sara had finally lost the will to live. If she herself had given up, there was nothing much doctors could do about it. And it hurt.
Slowly, he made his way towards her and was now standing on the same step in front of her. He saw a tear make its way down her cheek and brought his hand forward, wiping it off. Upon his touch, she opened her eyes to find herself directly looking into blue oceans which held so much care, so much love, so much emotion, that she would never ever be afraid to drown in them. Her lips parted, but words failed her. She observed him putting a few strands of her hair behind her ear, and her heart screamed out for him!
"Sara.." she broke the silence, finally saying one name which occupied her mind. The pain, the fear, the desperation in those green marbles that were shining with water, were easily read by him. He shook his head in response, trying to comfort her through his eyes. Swallowing, she closed her eyes, and leaned forward, putting her head against his shoulder. Armaan couldn't see beyond the fact that she needed him right now, and without giving a damn to a voice inside his head which reprimanded him, he put his hands on her back then slowly pulled her closer into a hug. Riddhima's eyes shut tighter as she felt what she longed for in ages! Nothing felt so right in like years, like this did! She felt herself break down in his hold. It was the only thing that could ever make her feel so secured and safe. Her tears soaked through his shirt and in response, he just pulled his arms tighter around her, showing her he was there for her.
She gripped his shirt and turned her face to hide it in the crook of his neck. Feeling her shudder in his arms was like torture to him! He wished he could do something, anything, to rid her off this pain! But right now, all he could do was hold her close to himself and promise that with time things would get better. They had to.
She was already feeling like a load was off her heart. Sniffing, she thought of splitting apart, but then the realization of being in his arms stopped her. So she held on.
"Armaan..she's sinking. She's given up." Riddhima whispered. "Isn't there anything we can do?"
"We've tried our best. You tried your best. Just have faith, she might pull through."
"But..that wasn't enough. Armaan, her family had so much hope in us!" Riddhima recalled the scene just after they came out of the ICU. She put her arms around him, bringing him closer to her, as though he could erase those memories by his mere presence. Armaan just shut his eyes while his chin was on her head, and stroked her hair. "I can't tell them Armaan! It will be too hard!" she said tearfully.
"Ssshhh.. Riddhima. They'd much rather hear it from someone who's close to their daughter, than a random Doctor. Right?"
"No, Armaan mujhse nahin hoga. How can I tell them she has less than 12 hours? Aur voh bhi kyunki she's surviving on a heart and lung machine?" He pulled her apart, and cupped her face in his hands. Bringing his face closer, he kissed her tears away, as she closed her eyes on the feather touch of his lips on her skin.
"Riddhima look here." He said softly, his hands still framing her face. She opened her moist eyes and looked into his. "You are a doctor. This happens. It's life. It's your responsibility to tell her family. And the Riddhima I know will never back down from her responsibilities. You can do this." The faith in his eyes for her gave the courage and strength. She had to face up to reality, no matter how cruel it was. She had to tell Sara's family.
"You'll be with me?" she barely whispered.
"Always," he replied and kissed her forehead once, letting his lips linger there. "Abh chalein? Yahaan chupne se kuch nahin hoga." She gave him a watery smile and nodded, letting him lead her out.
"Doctor, Sara theek toh hojayegi na? Paise ki fikr matt keejiye. Please. Main kissi bhi tarha dilwadunga." Sara's father came up to Riddhima as soon as he saw her. Riddhima stopped in her tracks, but as soon as she felt Armaan's hand squeezing hers, she asked to see Sara's whole family. They all gathered outside the ICU, Sara had been wheeled back there, and Shubhankar gave her the go ahead. She looked to the side, at Armaan, who blinked once to assure her she could do this.
"Uhmm..Uncle. We tried our best. Maine, hum sab ne, poori koshish ki. Lekin.." she looked at their faces which were prepared for the worst blows. Closing her eyes, she felt a lump form in her throat again. No she had to tell them. Armaan gripped her hand in his and urged her to continue. "Lekin Sara is sinking. I'm so sorry. She's..she's not fighting anymore. We can't.. do much if she's not responding to the treatment. I'm really..really.. sorry." It felt horrible! Seeing their hopes come crashing down in front of her and not being able to do anything to help!
"But, Doctor, kuch toh hoga na.." her mother stuttered.
"It's the 21st century damn it!" Riddhima heard her brother speak for the first time, in a broken voice, and it was not because he was hitting puberty.
She tightened her hold on Armaan as she saw Sara's father silently look through the window at his only daughter. He was shattered.
"Sir, you have to be strong." Armaan said as Riddhima clutched his arm and silent tears dropped from her eyes.
"She was my strength.." the man mumbled, broken at seeing his life lying on her probable death bed, dependant on some machine to live. "Can we go inside?" he asked looking at Shubankar, who immediately nodded and opened the door for them. After that scene, Armaan felt his eyes well up for the first time since hearing this piece of news. Before he knew it, the dams had broken and he felt his cheeks getting wet. He pulled Riddhima closer to himself. Somehow, they were each other's comfort and they stayed in that position for what seemed like ages, looking at the scene inside. Sara's family was broken after seeing her condition. So weak, so fragile.
"We should go in right?" Riddhima mumbled and Armaan nodded.
"Doctor, are you sure, kuch nahin ho sakta?" Sara's father asked again. "Main kuch bhi karne ko tayyar hoon. Kuch bhi.." Riddhima let go of Armaan and went over to him.
"Uncle, aapka bharosa tootna nahin chahiye. She might pull through. It depends on her. Please Uncle, kuch bhi hone se pehle aise haar maane se kuch nahin hoga."
Armaan stared at Riddhima. This was the woman that was crying her heart out moments ago outside! Why was he surprised? This was his Riddhima. His basket. For some weird reason, she needed him as much as he needed her. He was done trying to stay away from her! He would take things back to the way they were. Slowly be it, but they would be back to the way they used to be. And he was going to make sure that happened.
"Sara meri patient kum, dost zyaada thi. Usko khone ka darr mujhe bhi hai. Lekin humme himmat rakhni hogi." Riddhima held Sara's parents' hands. "Aapko thoda aaram karna chahiye'"
"Nahin. Hum yahan se nahin niklenge." Sara's mother announced and somehow, Riddhima didn't have the heart to force her. "Theek hai. Main kuch laa sakti hoon aapke liye? Canteen se, ya kuch aur?"
They all shook their heads. Slowly, Riddhima went back to Armaan and linked her hands in his. He smiled proudly and guided her to a sofa at the far end of the room. Riddhima looked at him. She didn't only have to have hope for Sara. She had to believe in her love as well. That love which would one day claim her. She had to trust him to always be there for her. And after the events that just took place, that wasn't a hard thing to do.
The whole room was filled with silence and due to that, the beeping of the machine seemed magnified to ten times. But no one cared. They each watched Sara, hoping against hope that she would fight. After all, faith was all they had to rely on now. Words were only voiced when necessary. Otherwise, the hush prevailed. Amongst the taciturnity, one by one they all fell asleep in their positions after the exhaustion of emotions that overtook them. Armaan being the last one, as he made sure Riddhima was comfortable lying down on the sofa. He sat himself on the floor and finally dozed off, with his head near hers and their hands still linked, for quite some time before the sun could break through the horizon and bring with it a new start.
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4 real - Avril (Goodbye lullaby)
If I show you get to know you
If I hold you just for today
I'm not gonna wanna let go
I'm not gonna wanna go home
Tell me you feel the same
Coz I'm for real Are you for real?
I can't help myself It's the way I feel
When you look me in the eyes like you did last night
I can't stand to hear you say goodbye
But it feels so right
Coz it feels so right just to have you standing by my side
So don't let me go Cause you have my soul
And I just wanted you to know
I don't wanna look back coz I know that we have
Something the past could never change.
And I'm stuck in the moment and my heart is open
Tell me that you feel the same
Coz I'm for real Are you for real?
I can't help myself It's the way I feel
When you look me in the eyes like you did last night
I can't stand to hear you say goodbye
But it feels so right
Coz it feels so right just to have you standing by my side
So don't let me go coz you have my soul
And I just wanted you to know
Hold (Hold) me down (me down) Hold (Hold) me now
I'm safe (I'm safe) I'm sound (sound) When you're around (x2)
Coz I'm for real Are you for real?
I can't help myself It's the way I feel
When you look me in the eyes like you did last night
I can't stand to hear you say goodbye
But it feels so right
Coz it feels so right just to have you standing by my side
So don't let me go coz you have my soul
And I just wanted you to know
(I'm for real)
Coz I'm for real Are you for real?
I can't help myself It's the way I feel
When you look me in the eyes like you did last night
I can't stand to hear you say goodbye
But it feels so right
Coz it feels so right just to have you standing by my side
So don't let me go coz you have my soul
And I just wanted you to know
Edited by Sanaa629 - 14 years ago
Anupamaa
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
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