Life Out Of Control #2 - Page 29

Armaan wanted some time alone with her so he could tell her. And now when finally they were alone and no one was in the hall way, why couldn't he just tell her he needed to talk to her?? Why had it suddenly become so hard? Was it because of he was afraid of her reaction. Not really. He knew she loved him. Was it because he was still hesitating on whether or not it was the right step?

"Haan.." she nodded, and turned away, disappointed that he hadn't managed to get out what he wanted to say. She was sure he noticed, because the next second,
"Riddhima.." he called out almost desperately, making her turn again. "Uhmm.. I...good night." He whispered and dejectedly, turned around to go back.
"Armaan.." she called, her heart racing. She had to tell him. Just 3 words. How hard could it be? "I.. uhmm..I" his eyes looked hopeful. She saw Vidya coming towards them and changed her words. Why did take ages to say those words? Why was it so hard? "Just wanted to ask what time's our ticket tomorrow."
"In the evening.." his disappointed voice echoed around the walls.
"Armaan, you'll be fine on the sofa right?" Vidya put in, and Armaan just nodded. Vidya then pulled Riddhima into her room to show her the camp bed that was there for her, and other things. But Riddhima's head was turned as she followed Vidya, to look at Armaan. Their gaze not wavering, she was sure Armaan was still there when the door closed behind her.

Flashback ends

She got out of bed and tip toed out of the room. The slight raindrops pattering on the rooftops sent shivers down her spine. The bulb in the corridor was on, and she made her way to the living room. Despite the lacking of light, she could just make her way around and the first place she headed to was the couch. Funnily enough, the blanket was still folded up, at the end, and there was no figure lying there! The pumping in her ribs picked up pace. Where was Armaan?!

Riddhima had hardly talked to him after their bus ride. Well maybe she might have if he had tried talking to her, but somehow, it seemed so weird. He was sure he would blurt out his feelings the moment they started bickering in the bus. Hence he had gotten up quickly. During Vidya's story, he was sure he could see slight tears form in those beautiful green marbles of hers. Why couldn't he tell her?! Why was it so difficult for him to tell her how much he loved her? He probably shouldn't wait else it might be too late. And thinking back, he didn't want to wait anymore! How, he wondered had he managed to stop himself from taking her in his arms, and telling her just how much he was still crazy about her?! He was sure she wouldn't be able to deny it. She looked so vulnerable at that time; that wasn't her!

And as for the diary, he had to let her know as soon as possible what he had done. She was so unpredictable about these things, he had no idea how she would react. So how the hell was he to see her and tell her? He could probably wait till she came out of her room, but would she, was the big question! But then again, he could probably tell her during their ride back. That would give him enough time to explain it to her as well, if she blew! So he just headed out on the patio to observe the drizzling instead. Time flew and he had no idea at all when someone turned him around, with a look just short of fury on their face.

"Kahaan they tum?!" Riddhima's eyes blazed into his.
"Main toh bas.."
"Obviously why would you care?" Her tone became annoyed. "You enjoy the rain out here, while I am inside searching for you like a maniac! Do you know how many times I bumped into so many things in the dark, just looking for you?"
"Why were you.." but before he could finish, she continued.
"And I had to check the rooms twice! Two times!" she repeated s though it was a big deal. "Pehle laga bachche ke saath so rahe hogey, lekin nahin. Then I waited outside the main bathroom for a good ten minutes thinking you were there. And when I got tired, and tried opening the door, guess what, it was slightly open from before!" Her rant about her stupidness was not over yet! "Then I kept wondering where you had gone. Shayad meri wajah se you went God knows where. And why the hell can't you just sleep when it's night time?! When you have a comfortable sofa, you choose not to sleep, lekin when you have those hard seats on a bus, you can't wake up. Do you know how long I spent trying to wake you up gently? Phir keh rahe they 'aaram se utha deti'!" she mocked him and he raised his eyebrows, surprised at her outburst. She turned serious again, with pain and fury pouring out of her voice. "Tum kabhi kuch karne se pehle sochte nahin ho na? Mera dimaag khaane se pehle nahin. Uske baad bhi nahin! Mera kya hoga. Jab tum mujhe chod kar chalegaye tab nahin. Mujhpe kya beeti'"
"kya beeti Riddhima?" he interrupted her with so much force in his voice that she shut up. There was silence between them as she was wordless for a moment. What had she said? How had she let this slip?
"I..uhmmm..what do you mean?" she spluttered.
"Kya beeti? When I left for Australia, what did you go through?" he repeated slowly, but clearly, diving into her eyes. She bit her bottom lip as she finally tore her gaze away from his and looked down. The drizzling was still continuous, and a sudden ferocious wind swept by them.
"I don't know. Humme andar jaana chahiye." She tried diverting the topic as her voice was coming back to normal.. she was successful once again in hiding her feelings.
"Why were you so worried when you couldn't find me?" he asked deliberately. "Why were you even looking for me? What did you go through?" She remained silent. All her thoughts of confessing to him shrunk back in the shadows and she couldn't even decipher between what was right and wrong now.

"I went through hell without you." He finally admitted. Armaan felt everything built up inside him tumble out. No more could it be kept inside. "Seeing you in front of the car that day at the car park nearly killed me!" She looked up at him, shocked. "Seeing you break over Sara's condition made me want to hide you from all the pain in the world. Seeing your smile lost because of me, made me hate myself to no extent. Seeing that guy hitting on you made me want to tear his eyes out so he would never set them on you ever again! Vidya Aunty's story made me realize. I probably will never ever be able to live without you.." She felt her self freeze and could not remove her gaze from his, as she felt his hands come up and frame themselves around her face. Digesting his words, his touch, she stopped breathing. "Because.." he paused. She waited. It seemed like ages till he continued. Every word was uttered slowly and clearly "I'm still.. always was, always have been and always will be, in love with you..". It came straight from the core of his heart and he wanted to say so much more! But there just weren't words to express what he felt.

The words sunk into her as her eyes finally found light. After two months of torture and pain, she finally heard what she had been dying to hear. She was sure the world had stopped for her right there. His touch on her face felt so right all of a sudden! His emotion filled eyes expressed so much more than he had already said! She did not know when she felt water trail down her cheeks, but despite that, the smile would not leave her face. It was like a storm after a drought. Like a burst of light after eons of darkness. Like a gush of wind on a blazing day, or the first drop of water in your mouth after running for miles. She did not know how to describe it, or how to react. But her body had taken care of that on its own.

He wiped that small tear away with his thumb, his eyes fixed on hers. Her throat did not respond to her brain, as it froze the reply in itself. She closed her eyes, feeling his warmth revolve around her.
"Jerk.." she whispered as soon as she opened them again, and could co ordinate. Her hands made their way up to his face as she traced his jaw line. "Idiot.." Her fingers glided over his cheeks, making their way up to his fringes, as she savoured their feel. It was as though she was looking at him properly after a very long time! How she had missed those dimples!
"I love you.." he whispered.
"Moron!"
"So..so much.."
"You complete ass!" And the next second, she felt his strong arms encircle her body, just the way she had wanted them to so desperately over the past couple of months. Shutting her eyes tight, she let herself stay there for a moment. Yes, it was Armaan hugging her, and yes, it felt wonderful! Life had meaning again! And how beautiful the meaning was! Armaan! She put her arms up, to accept him. As soon as he felt them secure over his back, he pulled her closer to himself. How had he managed without her? He wondered to himself. She was a necessity to him. But now he did not want to go back to those painful memories. The feel of her in him was enough itself, to drown the past months as though they had never occurred.
"You prick! Such a prat!" she mumbled into his neck, tears getting the better of her. He felt a smile form on his face as he heard her continuous, choicest abuses at him.
"I missed you so much.." he whispered to her.
"Then why did you leave me?" she managed to reply, apparently content with amount of insults she had thrown at him. How broken she had been a few months ago. Maybe even more so than when he broke their relationship off. And here he was right now, telling her he still loved her! What took him so long? She felt like beating him up for being such a dweeb all along! But at the same time, pulling him closer to herself and letting it be that way for eternity! Needless to say, she chose the latter. As though scared to loose him again, she tightened her grip.
"Because.. you deserve better. Much better." At that, she split apart, looking at him as though he had lost it.
"Tum pagal ho?! Idiot! If I deserved better I wouldn't have loved you!" she exclaimed, looking into those deep blue eyes of his. "I can only ever..ever love you Armaan." She whispered closing her eyes then opening them again. "It has always been you.."
"And it will always be you.." her replied, kissing her forehead.
"I love you Armaan." She repeated. It was necessary for him to know that. "I love you a lot. Probably more than anyone ever before. Probably more than I did two months back. I don't know since when, but when you left, it was so.." she faltered trying to find the right word. "..hard without you! Maybe because.. because you brought me out of my small world, into a new one. Because, you became my reason to wake up every morning." She frowned at the last statement as she sniffed. "I know it sounds really over the top..but.." and before she could finish, Armaan silenced her by putting his lips on top of hers. Her eyes closed as she felt herself respond. How she had waited for that moment! Feeling his soft lips against hers, she gave in completely to him, and responded with equal desire.

Armaan felt her response and smiled. What he wanted to tell her just wasn't enough! So he poured it all out in that small union, bringing her closer to himself. His right hand cupped her face, while his left rested on her waist. Both her hands tightened around his neck as she felt him push his body against hers. After a few seconds, they split apart, and he looked at Riddhima's tears. He had hurt her so much!

"I regretted it so much! Breaking our relationship was the one most stupidest thing I have ever done in my life! The moment I said it. Riddhima I don't know why I did what I did. I probably will never ever forgive myself, but I can promise you one thing." He made her look directly into his eyes before he continued. "Main hamesha, sirf tumse pyaar karoonga. No matter what I say, what I do, what anyone does. I'll always be yours. Only yours." He whispered to her, his breath hovering above her lips.
"Phir se chod ke nahin jaoge na?" she asked in small whisper like a frightened child.
"Kabhi nahin. It was so, so difficult without you. Har pal sirf tumhaari yaad aati thi. Every thing was about you. I used to curse myself for making you go through so much, for breaking my promises.." he whispered, going back to those haunted memories he wanted to forget.
"Shh..Armaan.." she wiped away a tear that had fallen from his blood shot eyes, and kissed his cheeks. Her hand remained on his cheek and he turned his face to kiss it, as though he could not have enough of her. His tears scalded her, probably more than hers affected him as they were so rare. "It was my fault as well. If I hadn't been so lenient.."
"No.." he replied desperately. It was his fault! "We could have sorted it out. I should have believed you. I did.." he broke it off. "They weren't really friends. I gave up my time for people who didn't really deserve it. When I came back to India, I still looked for short term relationships. But when I realized that I loved you, everything else seemed pointless. My lifestyle changed. My views on things changed." He laughed slightly as he said the next sentence. "Probably why Arjun and Sasha couldn't understand me. But still, I continued loving you. So much. And I still do. A lot more than I did a few months back." He pulled her closer as her head rested on his chest. Both felt like a burden was off their hearts. Now, each second seemed lighter. Each moment, happier.

Riddhima smiled into his neck as she tightened her arms around him. They both needed each other and were probably more in love than ever, now. No matter how close he was to her, it did not seem enough. Finally, she pulled out, and looked up at him. His smile would not leave his face either. Staring into each other's eyes, they both joined their heads. She heard him give a long content sigh, and closed her eyes. Yes they were finally together. Finally.
"Riddhima.." he whispered, only to see her shaking her head. He frowned in confusion.
"Not Riddhima.." she replied stubbornly and his mind kicked into gear as he realized what she meant. She saw his dimples deepening as he whispered the next word.
"Basket.." she nodded at him as he just gazed at her.
"Do you know why I didn't want you to call me that anymore?" he shook his head. "It was so painful, to go back to those memories, when everything was great between us. But I realized later, that it's impossible to run away from those memories, and when you went, I actually learnt to love them again. They were so beautiful!" she smiled as she said the last sentence and it seemed like she was in another world.
"They were.." he whispered back, remembering how he had lived off those very memories.
"Armaan..promise me one thing.." she asked, pulling away slightly to look into his eyes. The sincerity and trust reflected, led her continue. "You will never, no matter what happens, ever leave me because you think I deserve better, like last time." Armaan did not reply. "Being away from you will slowly kill me. Even if you think it's the best thing for me! It can't ever be the best thing for me. Don't ever expect me to forget you, to move on, to fall in love with another guy.. it's impossible." She held his gaze.
"Riddhima what if.." but she didn't let him continue.
"No ifs Armaan. Just promise me." she asked desperately. "Please.. Don't ever think that by leaving me, you're doing the best thing.."
"I promise. I promise Basket, that I will never leave you. I will, however, always think of you before me. I will always love you no matter what, always put you before anyone in the world, always do my best to keep you happy.." He was stopped when she circled her arms around him again before he could finish.
"That's all I need. You." She replied and he pulled his arms around her.
"Basket.."
"Haan.."
"We have to thank Anjy. Especially Anjy."
"Kyun?" she asked, slightly confused.
"Because I wouldn't have understood anything, probably still gone on believing that hadn't I arrived, you might have gotten with Sid, maybe he was better for you."

Riddhima was so confused. Firstly, what had Anjali done? Secondly, how was Sid better for her? Hadn't they JUST had this conversation about how she loved Armaan more than anyone else? Then how the hell..?
"Armaan, Sid?"
"You seemed happy with him. I thought you should be with him. He might not hurt you the way I had. I thought you may have started falling for him, if I hadn't come."
"Armaan.." but he interrupted her.
"Until, Anjali gave me this." He pointed to her diary on the bench at the back of the porch. Her mouth dropped open.
"Armaan is that..? Crap!" she rushed towards it and opened it. It was indeed. She had it opened it to the first page and felt herself turning beetroot.
"Armaan you..this..it's personal!" she fumbled, embarrassed at finding out that he had read her feelings. Her mouth dropped open completely.
"It doesn't say that anywhere.." he replied, silently thanking Anjali for the dialogue, turning the cover of the book and looking around, making fun of her. But she was too shocked to register that, as she continued flicking through the pages. His dimples were evident. "So.." he took the book from her and read out loud. "Admit it, he looks dashing? Wow, basket, you already found me hot!"
Riddhima put her face in her hands apparently embarrassed to the core.
"You weren't supposed to read that. It has so many embarrassing things..you read everything?" she muttered in her hands.
"Yeah like when you called Sasha a cow for throwing herself at me numerous times? Actually you then said.." he flicked through the book. "Yup.. even cows are better." he said, making fun of her further. She just felt her cheeks burn more and closed her eyes as well, bringing her hands up pulling them through her front hair, then letting them rest there. He couldn't remove his smile from his face as he noticed how cute she looked when she was flabbergasted. Putting the book aside, he took his hands in hers and brought them to his chest. She could still not look into his eyes, still feeling blood present at the surface of her skin.
"Heyy..basket.." he whispered, hoping her had not gone too far.
"I'm sooo'embarrassed.." she replied and he laughed again. "Did you read every single thing?" she asked in a small voice, finally looking up to face him. He nodded, just to see her shut her eyes.
"It's ok.. Basket. I thought it's cute." He answered her honestly.
"You're just saying that to.. You must be thinking I'm a nut head! I hate you!" she was still counting off the embarrassing things in there and the list was just not ending! Starting with the time she had insulted him for being back up to the time she wrote every little feeling of hers down, feeling like an emotional fool. Then there were the bits inside where she cursed Sasha, and drew a stick picture of Arjun beating beaten up by her!
"I really thought it was adorable." He pursued, and seeing that it wasn't working, he pulled her into his arms once more, letting her hide her face in his neck.
"Crap, Armaan!" she whispered, bringing her hands up to clutch his shirt and bowing her head. "How could you.. Argghh.. I hate you!" Annoyance was taking over the embarrassment slowly.
"And I love you sooo much.. Basket," he concluded, smiling as he felt her arms go around him and her head on his chest.
"I love you.." she mumbled, admitting it, however slapped his back next. "But I still hate you.."
"And I still love you.." he replied, knowing she did not mean the last sentence. If anything, it proved to him that his old basket was back, and he was ready to listen to that phrase a thousand times if it meant she was back. "A lot.." he continued, feeling peace and serenity after a long, long time.

He sat down on the bench, pulling her right next to him and putting her arm around her. They did not know when they opened the book from page one, and started going through every detail of their journey together so far, laughing at each other in the process. The drizzling continued but with it, brought a new day full of promises, full of fun, and most importantly, full of the love they had renewed and deepened greatly over the course of a few short hours.