Life Out Of Control #2 - Page 20

Hey

awesome part!! and it was such a long part!!! great job :)

That was such an emotional part- Sara's passing away, shucks I dont know if any FF's done it before, but this part made me cry :'( I know how the hospital atmosphere isnt as happy-shappy as serials made it out to be nor is it as drab as we think it to be- this one brought out the sensitive side of doctors struggling with their emotions and professional demands pretty strongly. Such is life, and such is its grief, yet people like Sara leave behind such great motivating thoughts for their near and dear ones( Rahul here) that they live on forever .

Riddhima Armaan's interaction with the girl in her last times was also touching- Sara seemed to have led Armaan to finally break some walls in his mind too- he's losing those self-imposes restricitions against being with Riddhima

Riddhima's toh absolutely in need of Armaan and that was so evident
The park scene was Romantic :) bechara little boy was an intrusion but still cute !

I love where AR have reached now! Continue soon Sanaa!

what an awesome update... nnooo sara dead 😭 ... such a sad scene...but the letter was soo cute...

hey wow i just read the second ins it was superb,and were did u find a song so suitable,'taare vaste dil 'i mean the song with the name armaan arent that easy to find and the end part was too good a smile crept in while reading that.😊

hey sry replyn frm ma mobile to chottu reply hi krungi

hey..

wow

Chapter 8 - Kryptic Keerti, Amazing Anjy!

"Shit I'm late!!" Riddhma muttered to herself as she hurried along the corridor, at 9.00am sharp.
"Sirf teen din huwe hai, and already late? Keerti aaj pakka tera khoon pee legi!" Armaan was mumbling to himself as he rushed into the hospital himself.

They both ran towards the nurse station and collided with each other, to everyone's surprise.
"Ouch!!" Dekh ke nahin chal sakte kya?" Riddhima snapped, while Armaan replied in the same tone,
"Agar tu dekh ke chal rahi thi toh phir hum takraaye kyun?" Both rubbed their heads in frustration, before noticing the environment around them. Muskaan and Rahul were giggling at them openly, while Nikki was trying to subside her laughter along with Abhi. Anjali, however, just shook her head at them while Atul and Sid looked on, amused. However one person was not amused at all. With her eyebrows raised up, and a deadly look on her face, she glared at the watch, as though cursing it because it didn't go any faster.
"Just on time Doctors.." she stated. "Next time, I expect more mature behaviour. And, if you had been here 5 minutes earlier, this might not have happened."
"Sorry ma'am." They both mumbled with their heads down.
"So, Dr Sid and Dr Muskaan, you are going to Lonavla orphanage tomorrow evening. The children need vaccinations for yellow fever. Everyone else, usual duties. Disperse!" she commanded and they all flee from her like bees, except Muskaan.

"Dr Keerti.." Muskaan hesitantly called, just as she was about to turn and walk away.
"Voh..I'd love to, lekin I can't go to Lonavla." Keerti's eyes narrowed.
"Why, Dr Muskaan?" her demanding tone nearly scorched Muskaan like the glaring Mumbai sun.
"Voh..After my court marriage, since I'm shifting with Rahul, I..it's a very huge hassle..and..uhmm yeah. I'd like to have more time, if possible." She finished off lamely. Keerti's eyes continued to strip her, to see if she was saying the truth.
"Ok Dr Muskaan." The verdict was given, as Muskaan sighed. She was safe! "Tell Dr Riddhima to go instead of you."
"Sure, Ma'am. I'm sorry once again." One nod and Keerti swept off.

"Yaar, Hitler ka aaj mood kharab lag raha hai." Sid was mumbling to Armaan, in the locker room.
"I know. Subah subah I got on the wrong side of her!"
"Lagta hai Shubhankar ko phirse aaj raat bahar sona padega!" Sid joked, and they both hi-fived.
"Bechara.."
"Ridzyy! Oh..aap logo ne Ridzy ko dekha?" Muskaan interrupted them rudely.
"She went to duty." Sid replied.
"Kahan?"
"Path lab!"
"Great..see you guys..!"
"Hold on..Punjab ki express! Itni jaldi kyun hai?" Armaan asked, making Muskaan skid on the floor.
"Jaldi nahin hai..sirf Ridzy ko kehna hai that she's going to Lonavla instead of me tomorrow..then I have duty in the general ward with Rahul.." She closed her eyes, putting her tongue between her teeth. "Kaisi garbar kardi.." she muttered to herself.
"Ohhh..now we see." Sid replied in a teasing tone. "Yaar, you're already married! Abh toh ek doosre se chipakna band karo!" Muskaan felt her cheeks turn hotter by the second.
"Sid, agar ek doosre se chipkenge nahin, toh tujhse chipkenge kya?" Armaan replied with a wink to Muskaan. If possible, Muskaan felt her self blush harder! Was everyone out to embarrass her today or something?
"Aap dono.. Jao bahar mein. Baad mein dekhlungi!" she shouted between an embarrassed and an angry tone.
"Oyy..Humme dekhegi toh Rahul humme maar daalega!" Armaan shouted back for the whole hospital to hear, while Muskaan's mouth dropped low and she literally ran further away from their sight and their guffawing laughter! Armaan frowned as soon as Sid left. So Basket was going to Lonavla tomorrow with Sid? Sighing, he looked up trying to control his conflicting emotions. Was Sid actually good for her? But he was sure she loved him and Sid.

Riddhima was sitting in the canteen at a table in the corner, to escape all the noise. Her brain felt like it was hammering against her head, and right now nothing was helping it. She wanted to hide herself in someone's arms and feel their warmth embrace her. That would be the best cure for her headache. Well, not Anyone's arms. She'd probably run a mile if Jiggy offered to do that! Probably Armaan. Only Armaan, she thought to herself. She remembered how he took care of her the past few days. Sara's death was still fresh in her mind and she started feeling choked. What was wrong with her? Her father had warned her not let anything personal interfere with her work. He warned her against being over friendly with patients. Then how the hell did she fall into that trap? Was it just nature? Or was she really that naive to have believed that maybe, with a lot of faith, Sara would pull through? Either way, it wasn't enough was it? Her eyes started brimming with tears, but she blinked them back. She had to be strong.

"Heyy Ridzy, tu yahaan akeli kyun baithi hai?" Sid asked as he joined her.
"Bas aise hi." She replied, holding her head in her hands. He came right next to her, concern visible on his face.
"Tum theek toh ho na?"
"Yeah I'm fine.." she got up, and forced a smile at him.
"Tujhe kal mere saath Lonavla nahin jaana?" he was joking, but had a tone of seriousness underlying his words.
"Aisi baat nahin hai Sid. Just leave me alone please?" she asked in the most politest way she could, feeling her temper rise by the second. She just wanted to be alone! Couldn't he get that?!
"Siddy boy, tujhe Hitler ne bulaya hai!" Abhi called as he entered the canteen with Armaan. Armaan took one look at Riddhima, and knew something was bothering her. He let Abhi leave with Sid, while he himself went to where she was.
"Riddhima.." she looked up, recognizing his voice. His blue eyes held so much care! Where was it all when he left her? Why didn't he care when he chose to believe Sasha over her? Why the hell was she thinking about this now? Hadn't she let go of this? Hadn't she moved on from this? Didn't she still love Armaan enough to forget everything? Then why was she bringing this up again? Feeling frustration for herself build up, she looked down again.
"Riddhima are you ok?" he asked.
"Yeah I'm fine."
If they were still together, she would probably hug him then and there. In fact, she might not even be in the canteen right now. She would probably just meet him in the fire escape. He would hide her in his arms and shield her from the world. If they were together. It hurt knowing she couldn't do that anymore. It hurt so much being alone like this and watching couples all around her! She longed for his arms to be around her. Here she was, trying to please everyone and be the perfect person for them. Wasn't he the only one who had loved her for who she was?

"What Armaan?! Maine kahaa na I'm fine! Just leave me alone! Like you did a few months back! Where was all that care then? All for Sasha? Now she's not here, you choose to care for me? I don't need your sympathy!"

Shocked wasn't even the word for what Armaan was going through, after that short, sharp, cutting speech, that directly wounded his heart and shred it into tiny pieces. Her eyes widened as she saw the hurt she had put him through. How could she throw all her anger for herself at him? His blue eyes dampened right in front of her, as she observed his face drop. Her mouth opened of its own accord, but words failed to come out. He just continued staring at her, with a pained expression, while she felt her guts squelch within her.
"I'm sorry.." he whispered, his voice breaking. Looking down, he turned and left the canteen, leaving her frozen frame there, staring at his back.

She was still hurting! He thought to himself. She was still hurting a lot! Unknowingly, he had scarred her so much, that even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to refill the wounds that he'd given her! Maybe ever! He shut his eyes as he headed for the fire escape. How could he ever forgive himself? Not believing her was like blasphemy! It made his insides churn with self hatred. Why did she still love him so much? Even after the hurt? Her actions suggested all that very blatantly. But did he really deserve her? Like a nightmare, the question continued to hover over him. He could probably still tell her he loved her and she would come back to him. He needed her so much to live freely again! But why should he take advantage of her love like that for selfish reasons? He didn't deserve to live freely did he?
"Why do you love me so much basket?" he whispered to himself. As in response, a book dropped down onto his lap.
"what the.." he looked up to see Anjali sitting down next to him. "What's this?"
"The answer to your question."
He opened the first page to see Riddhima's picture stuck there, holding a teddy. Underneath it was written, 'My life.'
"Anjie!! I'm not going to read that!" he said, flabbergasted.
"If you don't, I'll read it to you!" she replied in a menacing voice that reminded Armaan of a lioness.
"I won't read someone's diary!"
"Technically, it's not a diary. She hasn't written a daily account of her life in it, plus it doesn't say 'personal' anywhere." She replied smartly. "So it's open to everyone who comes across it!"
"How did you get it again?"
"She forgot it at home and I brought it to the hospital to give it back to her. But now, I'm sure someone else needs it more than she does!" Anjali got up and without a second glance, or hearing Armaan's protests, left the place. Armaan looked at the book in his hand. It had a thick, smart leather cover, A4 sized. The page after her picture had a list titled 'most memorable' indicating what was inside the book, like a contents. Sighing, he closed his eyes, wondering if he should turn the page over. Maybe he should. And that was exactly what he did.

20th May 2010
He's back!!! Can you believe it? Armaan Mallik! Ufff..And he has not changed at all! Stupid, idiot, moron, jerk! And Keerti should go die as well! Hitler kahinki! She gave me duty with him for the rest of the week! And he's irritating me as though there's no tomorrow! Firstly, he followed me around the hospital..Can't he get it when he's not wanted?! Saala gadha!! What does he want?? Mann karta mere sandwich ke saath usse bhi kha loon! And he called me Jangli Billy! As though basket wasn't enough of a nickname at college! Why did he come back? Didn't the US suit him? It would have, after all that was all he was looking for wasn't he? Girls to time pass with. Lekin pyaar? Not even close! And to think there was a time I thought I was in love with him! Ewww'what did I see in him then? I hope if anything, that I can get along with him. Else how the hell am I supposed to spend the whole year of internship with him? Enough about him!

One week into my internship, and things seem so amazing! Sapna joined Sanjeevani with me..and there are other interns as well.
Abhi - very sweet guy! Amazing so far.
Rahul - He's nice. Lekin he's trying to hit on me. I can so tell it! He's good looking, and has those grey eyes! But they don't match Armaan's blue ones! Urgh not Armaan again!
Muskaan - She's so bubbly and full of life! Oh, and when she fights with Rahul, not only sparks but whatever's in her hand also flies! Directly at him!! LOL!!
Note - Rahul and Muskaan fight like cats and dogs! Itna toh main bhi nahin ladti kisike saath. Wow!! Their fights are actually sooo entertaining!
Nikki - hmmm..dunno yet. She's very pretty, so competition? Nahh, agar mujhe pyaar milega toh sirf mujhe pyaar karega. Kisi aur ko dekhega bhi nahin! IF I find my true love. Very filmy? I know! But I can't help it..:S

Overall, apart from Armaan haunting me..(Well maybe he's not that bad..I mean, he looks a lot more mature and I must say if I didn't know him, I'd probably fall for him!!) everything else seems so exciting. Hmmm.. Maybe Armaan and Nikki will get together! They should.. they suit each other! At least I'll be out of the equation then! But I shouldn't be caring about all that.. my main aim here is to be a good doctor! I hope I can make Papa proud!

Oh, this morning, Mumma ne mujhe kahaan Atul and Anjy are missing me! I wonder why they'd be missing me on their Honeymoon ;) Should ask them when they get back..!

Around the text, there were pictures of Sanjeevani, Riddhima and Sapna on their first day as interns, and individual pictures of everyone. Armaan guessed that she had stuck them later on, because he noticed that some pictures were taken at the interns' party. There was a picture of him right above hers, where he was winking at the camera, while she on the other hand was pointing her tongue out at it! He smiled as he caressed her picture. His basket!

27th May 2010
Urgh! Stupid interns party! Stupid Idea! Stupid Anjy..no very nice Anjy! Stupid toh Armaan hai! Stupid stupid Armaan! Arghh, can you believe it. Ek din mein itna apna pan dikhata hai, phir doosre din, he doesn't even look at me?! Why should I care? But I do! And I don't know why! I wish I wasn't affected by him! But I am..and I really have no idea why. What is it about him?! I was so, so sure that at least we were friends after what happened yesterday. Oops sorry, rewind!

Well, his 17 year old cousin, Minnie, got an accident and he was really upset. So we were writing a report together and I was helping him, (And he bribed me with 2 galaxies!! Mmm! But I still haven't received the other one!..I'll get him back for that!!!) when I noticed there was something wrong. He wasn't teasing me, he wasn't making stupid lame jokes, he wasn't even paying attention to what I was saying! (well he never does anyway!) I asked him and he told me. And then in the car, I agreed to finish the report for him and impulsively he kissed me on my cheeks! It felt so..beautiful. I've been kissed by guys before, and this time it felt so different. Am I starting to have feelings for him? No no no, please no! I really hope I don't fall for him! I don't want to go through another heartbreak coz I am so different from him! He wants to mess around with girls, and I take relationships seriously! Well back to why I'm irritated.. today he ignored me the whole day! Sort of took me back to the time he started ignoring me right after our end of year party! But this time, I'm not going to let myself fall weak! After all two can play at the game! I'll ignore him as well! Moron!

After Interns' party
I miserably failed! He was flirting with me. Kabhi paas aao toh kabhi door jao! Chahta kya hai yeh. But.. I had such a great time! Armaan danced with me ' note, he was the one that pulled me to dance with him - and he sort of hinted something. Shayad? Then he was so rude to me and he used Kuch kuch hota hai dialogue on me!! How dare he?!
"Kuch kuch hota hai Riddhima..tum nahin samjhogi!" Seriously?? What does he think of himself??!!! SRK?? Stupid idiot! He's not even close to SRK. But when we were dancing, the way he held me made me feel so special. Like I was the only person he cared about. Arggh, God, I asked you to keep him away from me! Then why the hell are my feelings developing again? I really don't want to get hurt again. And I need to concentrate on my internship and do well. I can't see Papa disappointed!

There was a picture of Armaan and Riddhima dancing closely. How did she get that, he wondered. It had a label underneath it which said,
'Admit it, he looks dashing!' Armaan grinned to himself. So she thought he looked dashing? He read through what she thought about their date, and she had captured each and every emotion very eloquently taking him right back to that day! At the end, she had written,
'A night I'll treasure and never forget! *blush*'
Then after a few more pages about their friendship, which she loved, a whole page was dedicated to 3 words
'I LOVE him!' He felt his lips tug as he dived back into his memories to that day when they all followed the radio and sang 'Is this love' for her. Then followed the times when she was hurt, Sanaya's return, her jealousy and how she wished she could get over her own hurt and just admit to the feeling that was pushed down inside her. His heart weighed him down as he read about her confusion and pain. It looked like there were many reasons she had to say no to him. And so there it was, listed.

Reasons not to be with Armaan:
1) If Papa finds out, he'll be so upset and I'll never ever be able to face myself again.
2) I have to concentrate on my internship ' Primary focus.
3) What if he breaks my heart again? Done it once, could do it again!
4) Even if I do forgive him, will I ever be able to forget what he did?
5) Major reason after Number 1 - What if he gets bored of me and I still love him this much? If he leaves me, will I be able to take it?

Ok, 5 good enough reasons not to be with Armaan!

Reasons to be with Armaan:
I LOVE HIM! And I do.. so much!

Yes, Riddhima, this is the most stupidest thing to do! Make a list?! Really? But we're not meant for each other. We're so different! He's everything and I'm nothing. And that's a fact!

Armaan felt his brows crease as he read that! It felt like she put her own heart into the pages of this book, and he didn't even have a clue! What the hell was she on about? She was everything. She was the one that gave everything to their relationship. For crying out loud he hadn't even taken her on a proper date after they got together! Once again, he cursed himself, but not for long as his pager rang and he was summoned to Keerti's office. Shutting the book, he hid it inside his lab coat and made his way out.

"Come in Dr Armaan." He heard when he knocked at her door.
"Yes Ma'am."
"Dr Armaan, you're going to Lonavla tomorrow instead of Dr Sid." Armaan's eyes widened in disbelief. What the hell? How was he'? Why? Wait, did that mean he got to spend some time alone with his basket? Slowly, he felt a smile form on his face. Ever since he heard that Riddhima was going to Lonavla, he was dreading the following day ahead of him! He would be without her! But now, now he was going with her. Just them two, for the whole day! Her words however, came back to him. They still seared right through his heart, as he recalled them. No, she wouldn't want to be with him. And neither did he blame her for that.
"Ma'am I've got a lot of work'"
"it'll be taken care of Dr Armaan!" Keerti's sharp tone pierced through his ears as he looked down, thinking of a way out.
"Ma'am Sid was supposed to go."
"DR ARMAAN!" He closed his eyes trying to shut the image of her nostrils flaring in front of him. Instead, a half dragon, half bull sort of creature appeared in front him, charging at him, with smoke flaring out of every hole in its body. The creature had an uncanny resemblance to Dr Keerti!
"Dr Sid, has an emergency with Dr Shubhankar! And he chose you to go instead of him! And you will go! Do I make myself clear?!"
"Yes Ma'am.." Armaan replied meekly, feeling like Jerry when he was cornered by Tom!
"Resume to your duty then. Now!" He scrambled from her office. If she had a bad day, why the hell was she taking it out on him?! Did he have something written on his face that invited everyone to throw their anger on him? First, Riddhima. Then, Keerti! Next? Maybe Shashank! He prayed not, and decided to shut up and concentrate on his work for the rest of the day. Putting the diary into his locker carefully, he braced himself for the next few hours at work. Hopefully, his afternoon would be better than his morning.

He smiled as he flicked through pages of pictures of their Lonavla trip. Underneath each picture, there was some text hand written, that he loved reading. For example, Riddhima had secretly taken a photo of Muskaan and Rahul in an eye lock and had written 'If Jerry was a girl, would Tom and Jerry fall for each other?' Then there was one of her and Armaan, where he gave her a surprise kiss on her cheek, making her turn a deep shade of red in front of the camera! Underneath that, she had written, 'Anji turned redder than I did! Promise! (Out of fury of course!!)' He smiled as he went back to those days. Then obviously, she didn't miss out the Diwali. In fact, it came under a title 'My best Diwali ever!' and she had proceeded to explain how Armaan had taken care of her and given her the necklace, of which the picture just had to be there, and her conversation with his Mum. He smiled as he flicked through memories which she had brought alive in each page, and felt his blood boil when she mentioned Arjun and Sasha's arrival, how she felt slightly insecure, and the way Arjun flirted with her at first!
"What the hell?" He found himself muttering, wishing Arjun was in front him right now so he could give him back a solid answer for flirting with his basket! True, Arjun and Armaan had occasionally swapped girls before, but this was Riddhima! And Armaan remembered telling Arjun that she was his life! Then how the hell..? Everyone had been right! Arjun and Sasha were no friends of his! The only friends he had were the ones that still stuck by him, today, even after what he had done! And of them, the only person he loved was the one that still loved him. So much, that she had captured every moment of theirs, in this book, never letting any of her memories fade away. And what had he done? Given her the most pain anyone could even imagine. Shutting his eyes, he proceeded forward.

He frowned as he saw the next entry was at least a month later. Obviously, this was during the whole Sasha fiasco, and she had not written any of it down! Except, when he left! Heart sinking horribly, he realized she had been crying when she was probably pouring her heart out! A lot! Feeling his eyes tear up, he brought the book up to his lips. How on earth had he managed to hurt the one woman he loved the most in the world?

He looked at the time. It was just past 10 0'clock, and he was shut in his room, reading through every page of this book as though it was a map to some treasure. Nevertheless, he continued turning each page over, knowing that what he was coming to now, was probably the crucial part, the reason why Anji and Nikki wanted him to go through this book so much!

January 1st 2011
Happy New Year! So Di and Atul held a small party at their house last night, and I did not want to go. Lekin di would feel bad, so I guess I had to put up with it! Anyways, it turned out to be kind of fun. Our whole gang was there, except..well, you know who. ARGHH I should stop thinking about him, but how can I? Back to the party, it was fun, until someone mentioned him! His absence at such a crucial time did it! Why do I feel like my life is lacking something?

I give up. I'm tired of forcing myself to believe he was entirely at fault. I mean, I had to be wrong somewhere too. Else we never would have drifted apart like that! Maybe I was too lenient with him and Sasha. But truth is,
Armaan I still love you. And I always will. Stupid, sad, soppy? Maybe. But I've given up trying to hide it from myself. The least I can do is face it myself. I just feel so..alone these days! It's not the same without him. I miss everything about him! His secretive winks across our lockers, his mischievous smile, him pulling me into random empty cabins or the fire escape! I miss everything about him! But does he even care? New Year and he hasn't even called! Arghh..he can be so infuriating! If he was in front of me, I would definitely wring his neck, shout at him, throw him the dustbin or better yet the gutter, slap him a good few times, and if he still doesn't get it bake his head in the oven! But if he was here, he wouldn't need to call would he? We'd be spending New Year the way I imagined us to be. Together. Maybe, we just weren't meant to be. Happy New Year Armaan!

February 1st 2011
Crap crap crap crap crap!!!! ARGHH!!! There's a new intern who just joined..and CRAP! His name is Sid, apparently Abhi's cousin. But here it is. He is completley like Armaan! Well no not really. Lekin, he reminds me the most of Armaan! Of the fire escape, the terrace, my balcony (which I still haven't opened), the beach, someone whom I don't know in the slightest reminds me of Armaan the most! And just seeing an Armaan persona there, but not the real Armaan..it's so.. hard! What have I done to deserve this..?? And he dresses similarly to Armaan! Stupid copy cat! And he used a clich dialogue on me! I told him
"You can take your big head, and go to hell!" Well I know it's a very old dialogue as well, but then I always use it! And he replied.
"Raasta toh batati jao!" What an idiot! And before that he called me Junior Hitler, then denied it! Arghhh..ek toh pehle se mood bhigrahuwa tha, upar se yeh Sid ka bachcha aake aur bigaad diya! I guess I need some sleep to sooth my mind! And no more Armaan! I HATE HIM! ( Yeah, who are you kidding?)

Armaan shut the book. He wasn't going to read any more of it. It was stupid of him to even open it in the first place. If she still loved him, and of that he was now 100% sure of, she would give in. And he would wait for that day! He put the book on the bedside table, and turned away from it. But, he had gone through most of it then what difference would the last few pages make? Stretching his hand out, he pictured Riddhima's glaring face inside his head, and immediately withdrew his hand again. No he couldn't. Well, he could put the blame on Anjali if he needed to. But he wasn't one to blame people for his actions. Else by now he'd probably have murdered Sasha and Arjun for ever stepping into Mumbai.
"Sorry basket!" he murmured and took the diary again, opening it where he left off. No wonder Anjali was still nice to him. Nowhere, had Riddhima mentioned why Armaan had broken up with her.

14th February 2011
Armaan called! Armaan actually called! My voice was shaking! After hearing his voice, it felt so, relieving! Please make him come back. Please! I don't know how I'll react. Frankly I don't care. Please Armaan, finish this training soon and come back! He didn't talk at first, but I recognized him! He said he missed me! Why Armaan?! If you love me so much, why the hell did you leave me alone like that? But does he?