FF Ye rishta kia kehlata hai...Updated part 12 p36

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

eiliya

@eiliyafatima

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#81

Originally posted by: trinitynyx
I like the concept behind your work. However, I'd like to offer some constructive criticism.

The only real problem I see with your writing is grammer. Your grammer is ... not good, for a lack of better word. You don't seem to believe in it at all. I've noticed run on sentences and a lack of periods, commas, etc. These things are quite important when your writing. And boy, do you love your ellipsis (...)

I do like your character sketch though. I like the way you established your characters personalities early on.

Again, I'd like to say that this post is in no way meant to offend you or belittle your work. I've read other posts and people seem to like your writing. This post is my opinion and should be taken as such.

Good Luck!

hey dear thanx for commenting 😊

i actually like that someone criticize or suggest me something cause i m writing a FF for the very first time so just want someone to guide me, i will try to improve it though

what i like most about you is you didn't say that it good n all but you also criticize it as well 😊

thanx for your advice😃

Quote

eiliya

@eiliyafatima

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#82

SCENE 27:

scene shifts to the club "CRATERS" where anjali and angad are waiting for payal and khushi and after sometime Akash shows up with a girl and they both were shocked to see that...

Akash: Di aap log yahan kia kar rahe hain

Anjali: ye sawal to humain tum se karna chahiye hai, tum yahan kia kar rahe ho aur wo larki kon hai

Akash: Oh! wo larki wo meri GF hai, wait, main aap ko us se milwata hun, hey babes!! come here, i want you to meet someone...dI ye Ananya hai aur ye Anjali di hain, ye Angad hai my friend

Ananya: hey nice to meet you guys, lets go and dance Akash

Akash: yeah you go , i'll join you

Ananya: ok come soon baby!!

Angad and Anjali: (shocked to see all this)

Akash: kaisi lagi

Angad: bohat zor ki lagi yaar...kaha mili tujhe aur kab mili

Akash: arey yaar yahin mili bus ek ghanta hua hai humain miley hue

Angad: ek ghanta aur ye teri gf bhi ban gayi

Akash: yehi to talent hota hai mere bhai

Angad: () yar thora talent mujhe bhi sikha do

Akash: (smiles) yeah sure but not now, i have to leave so i'll catch you guys later

Angad and Anjali: (smiles) ye nai sudhre ga

Angad: dekha kitni khubsurat larki thi wo aur tum?

Anjali: main kia han?? tumhain wo larki achi lagi tumhara taste kitna bura haina angad aur kia main khubsurat nai hun...hmm dekho mujhe aur batao

Angad: (gazs at her from top to bottom, she was wearing a black mini skirt, with her brown hair open and a light make up to enhance her beauty, Angad heedlessly stares at her and was totally stunned )

Anjali: Angad...kia hua kahan kho gaye

Angad: (back to his senses)han...kia hua kuch nai dekh raha tha ke aaj tum pehle se behtar aur thori dubli lag rahi ho

Anjali: kia matlab main kia moti hun

Angad: ab Anjali sach to yehi haina

Anjali: acha to tum konse prince chraming ho

Angad: dekho wo to main hun and you know that too

Anjali: acha ye baat hai itna confidence haina tumhain apne handsome hone par to us red dress wali larki ko apni gf bana kar dikhao

Angad: bus ye to mere bayein haath ka khel hain, you just watch!!

Anjali: oh yeah!! i will

Angad: ( goes to the red dress girl and start talking to her and after sometime it seems that the GIRL is totally gaga over Angad)

Anjali: (thinking) kuch to garbar hai, aisa kaise hosakta hai...hmm pata krna parega (She moves towards them and joins them)

Angad: arey tum yahan kaise, acha main tum logo ke liye drink lekar ata hun

Anjali: (stares angrily to angad) Hi!! i m anjali, his friend

GIRL: ahh friend (😲) par aap to unki wife haina

Anjali: WHAT!!

GIRL: yeah he told me that you are his wife and you are suffering from cancer, have only few days left, so he wants you to live each n every moment of your life thats why you guys are here...you know that is soo sweet, you look great together

Anjali: (realizes whats goin on) acha to ye baat hai!!

Angad: drinks girls!!

Anjali: Darling tum mere liye meri favourite drink nai laye, tumhain to achi tarha pata haina ke muhe kia pasand hai

Angad: (😕) haa...

Anjali: main tumhari wife hoon namto tumhain to mere barey main sab pata hona chahiye na

Angad: (😲 gulps) yeah right!!

Anjali: hmmm

GIRL: Ok guys i have to go...hope to see you again, byee!!

Anjali: bye!! arey angad apni GF ko bye nai kaha tumne

Angad: (😵) to tumhain sab pata chal gaya

Anjali: han sab kuch, you know what your impossible

Angad: anjali choro na yaar ab jab tumhain sab pata chal he gaya hai to

Anjali: angad hoti haina mazak ki bhi tume mujhe apni wife bana liya jisey cancer bhi hai

Angad: anjali meri baat to suno

Anjali: bus Angad bus!! bohat hogaya (then she just burst out laughing)

Angad: (shocked)😲 ohh t tum drama kar rahi thi

Anjali: tumhain kia laga mazak sirf tum he kar sakte ho (laughing)

Angad: (smiles too and then just stares at her laughing)

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

eiliya

@eiliyafatima

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#83

SCENE 28:

then Payal and khushi arrives at the club and parking the car in car parking area just then someone hits khushi's car...and guess who non other than ASR...they both gets out from their cars and was flabber gasted to see each other

Khushi: TUM!!

Arnav: TUM!!

Khushi: Darn!! you hit my car

Arnav: what !! i hit your car, you hit my car

Khushi: are you sure i hitted your car???

Arnav: of course its all your fault

Khushi: OK!! fine then it has to be like that, khushi sits back in her car again and hits arnav car twice carelessly, and then gets off from her car

Arnav: WTH?? ye kia kia tumne

Khushi: well as you said, maine tumhari car ko hit kia tha na?? pehle to nai kia tha par ab kia hai, and dont worry dude im gonna pay for it, waise to is ki repairing ke 10,000 RS hote hain but i'll pay you 20,000 (puts all the money on his hand ruthlessly)

Arnav: (in a shocked state lookin at the money)

Khushi:(turns back) aur haan jo paise bachain unse apni aankhon ka check up kara lena, you need it (evil grin/smirk)

Payal: Khushi tujhe nai lagta kuch zyada hogaya hai

Khushi: ye to kuch bhi nai tha, abhi to shuruwat hai bus

Payal: acha chor tu apna mood theek kar bus

Khushi: han kisi bhi stupid ki waja se main apna mood nai kharab kar sakti

Khushi and payal goes inside the club and notices anjali and angad waiting for them, they both joined them

Khushi: hi anjali!!

Payal: hi!

Anjali: hey guyz!! khushi, You look stunning and Payal as always pretty

Khushi: thanks and you look gorgeous as usual

Anjali: thanks

Angad: aur main kaisa lag raha hun

Khushi and Payal: (confused as what to say)😕 (smiles)

Anjali: dont mind ye aise he baatain karta hai, tum bhi na angad

Angad: girls!! i was just kidding yar, meri baton ko seriously mat lia karo

Anjali: han please

Khushi: Angad wasie dekh jaye to tum itne bure bhi nai lag rahe

Angad: i know! i know! sab larkiyan yehi kehti hain that I M Hot!!

Anjali: (started LOL) really!! (khushi and payal joins her too as they cant control their laughs...and all the girls burst out laughing)

Angad: Ok guys bohat insult kar li tum logo ne meri, I need a guy whos on my side (right then he catches a glimpse of Arnav who was searching for them) Hey!! Arnav

Arnav: hey!! why are you not picking up my call

Angad: sunai nai dia hoga yaruse chor, tu idhar aa naa, mera saath de mere bhai!! main yaha akela par gaya hun in sab larkiyo ke beech...

Arnav: kon!! (he looks at Khushi as if he will eat her Alive)

Khushi: (smirks)

Angad: kia hua!! tumhara mood kharab lag rha hai, waise koi nai baat to nai hai lekin phir bhi

Arnav: Shakal he aisi hai

Anjali: wo to hai!!

Angad: chal chor, idhar aao beth bhi jao ab

Arnav: tum logo ne fazool main mujhe yahan bulaya hai main to yaha aana bhi nai chahta tha

Anjali: takey ye jo tumhara mood har waqt kharab rehta hai wo sahi ho jaye

Arnav: (thinking kuch logo ki waja se ye kharab he rahega)

Angad: Anyways guys lets hit the dance floor!! Arnav tu to nai ayega humesha ki trha haina

Khushi: choro na Angad hum chaltey hain, shayad Mr. ASR ko dance he nai ata ho

Angad: actually khushi ye to (arnav peeps in)

Arnav: chor angad, lets go dance!!

Angad: (shocked) tu dance karega

Arnav: han karunga, Miss khushi khanna agar tumhain itna he shoq hai dance ka to kyun na ek GAME hojaye

Khushi: GAME!!

Arnav: its a challenge ke tum jeeto gi ya main...

Khushi: i accept your challenge! i m in and i'll take it as a war

Angad: lo ye doo phr shuru hogaye

Arnav: good! just to let you know i never lose

Khushi: really!! then u should get used to it because this tim u will lose

Arnav: lets see

TO BE CONTINUED...

Quote

Zeba

@FebruaryFlower

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#84

Hey dear!!!

Love the updates!! Looking forward to the dance off between the two...Arnav sounds very confident this time, so lets see what happens.

Thanks for the PM!!

😊

Edited by FebruaryFlower - 14 years ago

Quote

paridhi22

@paridhi22

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#85

sorry wrong post😳

Edited by paridhi22 - 14 years ago

Quote

paridhi22

@paridhi22

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#86

Awesome update dear👍🏼 wow I can say our forum is having a bunch of creatives with endless thoughts and imagination power 😉. keep it up dear and as usual u rocked with ur ff update this time too👏

Quote

foram shah

@bhavika0611

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#87

Hey, bano, i guess this is your name 😳, thanks for sending me pms, And I'm sorry for being super late 😔. But dear i really liked your FF👍🏼. Initially i find it little slow , But as i go on reading i found it interesting 😛, specially the twist you had given to the story , I loved to see the whole lift scene in real. It was hilarious 🤣 and cute. 😉

I also love this confidebt Khushi, ASR ki to band baja di hai ussne.😆 The scene i liked most is scene 13, 14 , 20 , 23 , 28. You essayed their nok jok very well. Good work, keep it up 👏

And do not forget to send pms.🤗

Edited by -Fragrance-- - 14 years ago

Quote

Khushi

@Happy_Khushi

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#88

Hey!!!!
You're ff is really good!
I just started reading it and just couldn't stop reading it!!!
The lift scene was very funny and sweet.
The scene after that was cute too Anjali, Angad, and Payal pulling Arnaav and Khushi's leg was hilarious!!!!
I really like the confident Khushi you potrayed in your FF

Quote

eiliya

@eiliyafatima

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#89

hello all guys thanx for commenting ...

so this time a song sequence is on its way in my FF so plzz suggest me a song here...

whatever you wanted to see but it has to be passionate as well as romantic😍

Quote

eiliya

@eiliyafatima

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#90

Originally posted by: paridhi22
Awesome update dear👍🏼 wow I can say our forum is having a bunch of creatives with endless thoughts and imagination power 😉. keep it up dear and as usual u rocked with ur ff update this time too👏

thanx a lot dear, well no doubt ur FF is a must read too 😊