Time Travel Maneet part 1 pg 3 - Page 2

I have often wondered the comparative power of emotions to drive a person into action. Which is the most powerful one? Love? Hatred? Fear? It is purely subjective. I think it has been fear in my case. All my life, I have spent my days thinking of ways to avoid the things I fear. And I am almost an expert at avoiding situations now. It is the best way I could think of to remain happy. Yet today, I am doing the thing I fear the most. Diving into the unknown. I have waited for this journey since years, saving funds yet I was always scared to actually start. It was only when I was informed of my wedding that I realized that I would no longer get a chance to do this. And it was perhaps when 1 kind of fear overtook another that I finally dared to step out. I made elaborate plans of my journey, taking into account every possible way things could go wrong with me. And I had come up with an alternate plan for each of those situations. But today I realized that I was wrong to assume that I could predict even my own reactions.

Today was the first one of my planned meetings. I had spent many nights, praying to get a warm response from my mother's family. Yet as I recollect the encounter now, it seems that it was a false hope.

It is too cruel to accept that my mother was a liability on her family. I had always assumed that they did not contact me because my mother's death. Today I discovered that it was a convenient decision for them. They did not wish to associate themselves with the accusations my mother had carried to her grave.

I met her brother and his wife. When they saw me, they quickly ushered their daughter who was of about my age away. His wife did offer me snacks as I must have looked pale enough to faint.

I can still hear his reluctant words as he tried to shoo me away, trying to make me change my mind about the whole interrogation plan. But he caved in after a while. His words are etched over my mind right now. I think I should record them now so that I don't forget them soon enough.

"She always thought differently than us. She had demands that our parents could not fulfill. We were 4 siblings. My other two sisters were like they were supposed to be- quiet, obedient and homely. They accepted the part they were supposed to play in the society gracefully. And they are getting their rewards now. One of them is settled in Mumbai with a rich man, has healthy children. Other one is in Ludhiana. They both are happy. Sugandh, on the other hand, is dead. And you know what Geet, I don't think it was the cancer that took her life. It was her mind, her own self that that killed her in the end. She was always this way, thinking out of the box, doing things she shouldn't be doing. Maaji tried to support her sometimes. But that encouraged her to dream for things which she could never achieve! She started attending dance classes after a lot of ego clashes. But then she wanted to go out of the town for performances, she filled in college forms for faraway place! I think we were at fault too, letting her aspiration reach that level. She always brought embarrassment for us. She did not understand the society she belonged to. We were glad that she at least got married as we wanted her to."

"Did you ever try to find out if she was happy with her married life?" I had asked in a small tone. He looked at me as though I was barking.

"After marriage, it is the duty of every woman to accept the challenges of matrimony and take responsibility of her family. There is nothing I or anyone else for that matter could have done."

"Does that mean you will break off with every woman of your family once they are married?"

"It is an understood arrangement of the society. We don't break off with anyone. But to discuss your family's problems with other is disgraceful. Women of our family don't do things like that."

"Does this mean you never loved my mother?" I don't know what made me ask that question but it was almost reflexive. He looked at me, clueless, before answering.

"I loved her the most when she was young. I used to spend almost my entire time with her, teaching her how to walk, feeding her. But she drifted apart from me as she grew up. She started to challenge my answers, seeking explanations that were not mine to give. She lost her confidence in me as her guide. And that was when I lost her as my sister."

"You said my mother attended dance classes. Which dance did she learn?"

"I do not remember well. But I think it was kathak."

There was a strange finality in his tone which I took as a signal to leave. I asked him for any photographs he might have of my mother. I had very few photographs of her and I was surprised to receive a yes for an answer. He brought out an old photograph album after some time and handed it to me.

"I am glad that I can give this to you. I am tired to keeping it with me. Stop your search now and go back to where you belong if you don't want to end up like Sugandh."

She closed her journal with a snap as the door opened. It was Maan. Apart from her mother, this is another person in her life who confused her at times. His indifferent demeanor contrasted with his wild eyes which seem to be talking about a thousand things at once.

"Dinner" he announced placing the packed food on the table between us and settling on the easy chair. She began to serve the food, as he loosened his tie.

"Did you complete the work you were here for?"

"No. It will take me another day here I think. Can you guide me to this place?" she placed a small piece of paper in his outstretched palm. He examined the address for a moment before speaking.

"I think this place is near the old marketplace."

She nodded in gratitude before speaking again.

"Will you accompany me to this place tomorrow? I may need your help."

"Sure Geet. But you will have to wait for me. I have some prior engagements so I will be free only after noon."

"That is okay by me."

Geet was not surprised by the fact that he did not ask her why she wanted to be here. She had told him that she was here to visit her family. She knew that she would tell him the whole story before the end of this journey. But after the day's encounter, she was too disoriented to make the next venture so soon.

"How long do you plan to stay here Geet?"

"I will leave the town day after tomorrow if everything goes according to the plan."

They discarded their used plates and washed their hands before stepping out into the hotel veranda for a stroll. It was the typical north Indian summer night complete with sparkling stars.

"If we fail to understand a person, are we at fault or the person?"

"It is a bit of both I think. According to me, if a person matters to you a lot, you would try your best to understand them. When ego comes in way of reaching out and asking somebody about them, the importance of the person depreciates. But on the other hand if the person really values you and wants you to be with them, he or she would try their best to tell you what they feel. The world is not black and white Geet. There may be circumstances because of which it is not possible. It is not that easy, classifying people."

She did not speak for some moments after which he broke the silence.

"Are you sure of what you are doing Geet? Because it seems that the task is weighing you down."

"It is important to me. It is perhaps the last time in my life that I have the freedom to take such a decision. I am tired of questions my mind keeps posing to me. This time, I will not leave them unanswered."

"Sometimes the answers we seek are not what we want."

"Perhaps. But I wish to know. My mother has always been a source of inspiration for me. Since childhood I wished to be like her. Every time her subject was mentioned, I got strange reactions at my house. I always convinced myself that these people never understood her. But they are also my family and they are all I have left now. If my mother died in that house, misunderstood, then I have to understand why it happened."

"How many people do you plan to visit?"

"I am not sure. Right now, it is atleast five or six."

"Tell me whenever you need me." Maan was gazing straight into the vastness of the stars, his eyes unblinking. He slowly turned around to look at Geet and gently pulled her into a one armed hug. Geet was surprised at the gesture but rested her head against his strong shoulder and closed her eyes.