Core of My Existence(AR Story)Nextthreadlink150 - Page 72

Originally posted by: Ankita.M

Please add me in your list :) then I will surely.

Originally posted by: Ankita.M

Hello People, I know I had written a page before that I shall update today. But it was the first day of my job AND I have been running around for my entrance exam admission LOL. I have written half the part, and shall try and complete it tonight, but tomorrow by the end of the day the update is going to be up for sure.

Hey guys !! I have loads to say today. LOL just bear me for a minute. Guys I know all of us here have busy lives and leaving comments is tough, and I dont intend to force you for them, if you write them anyways I shall be thankful. I just request you guys to leave a like if you've read the part. My posts had more likes 2/3 updates before and now they've drastically reduced, which makes me think that my story is lacking somewhere. Please tell me if it is and I will change it :) so please let me know. AND PLEASE leave a like, thats all I want. I'll know you felt good reading the part.

As far as this part goes, I have written about certain things that may not be happening normally LOL, but since I am not a Doctor. I know this part or track, the topic may seem dragged, but its the last bit, before Riddhima changes to a new person 😉

Story is going to move to happier parts very soon.

Hope you guys like this part. And excuse me if it seems dragged, I wasn't in a proper form to write, and all the tension in my life just added to that .😳

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Armaan was standing in the same position, with the phone in his hand, lost in deep thought. How was he going to break this news to Riddhima ? He wasn't sure about how she would take it. She was already so vulnerable, and she feared losing him, this would just add to all the turmoil she was going through. But it would be impractical not to go ahead with what Tyler had said. It was for the better, but then again it wasn't going to be easy for the both. They weren't used to being away from each other, and it was going to be a task to convince her into this. She was so happy about the upcoming trip. But then they had to pay a price, take the pain, so that they could be in a happier place.

"Armaan, tu yaha kya kar raha hai ,Riddhima kabse aawaz de rahi hai," Muskaan came in the living room calling out for Armaan. She saw him lost in deep thought and when he didn't reply back to her, she called out again shaking his shoulder a little. Armaan came out of his reverie to see a concerned Muskaan looking at him questioningly. "What's the matter Armaan ? Kiska call tha, you look really worried. " Armaan just smiled slightly, " Nahi kuch nahi " , " Armaan". Muskaan looked at him sternly, and Armaan couldn't help but give in.

"We can't go to Paris Muskaan !" "WHAT ? " Muskaan looked back at him shocked, take a back at this relevation. She looked at him waiting for him to speak up but when he didn't say anything , she spoke up, " Armaan this isn't a joke, Riddhima is really excited for it, what is wrong with you ? "

" Muskaan there is a reason obviously , I am not fooling around, and that reason is far more important than anything else." Armaan sighed and looked at her and then all around, this wasn't the safest place to talk. So pulling her by the hand he took her to the balcony, he stood there looking towards the sky as if drawing strength " Riddhima's doctor just called Muskaan, he said that her reports show remarkable improvement, and they need to go ahead with her treatment now. " Muskaan looked at him understandingly, "But why does that mean cancelling our trip." "Its because she needs to be away from home, in their centre for the next two months."

Muskaan looked at him, shocked with the piece of news. As much as she knew Riddhima , she wasn't in the condition to bear this distance. They had just got married, she had just started getting back to her routine, her life , gotten over her insecurities , even though not completely, she had yet come a long way. This wasn't going to be easy for her. "She needs to stay there in their care centre for the next two months. They'll be going through therapies, exercise and medical treatments. They don't let the patients meet their family for the prescribed time because normally the family or relatives just tend to make the patient weaker by their concern , pity and in some cases even discouragement. I know that I won't let her feel any of these, but these are their rules, and they can't make an exception only for me. The treatment is not easy, but to make these patients regain their self confidence and make their heart and will stronger they need to keep them away from family. They need them to be ONLY under their supervision to make them realize that just because of any kind of injury or setback life doesn't stop and a lot can change without them being dependent and that too through their own efforts."

" They'll give me time every week to talk to her, and let me meet her every week. Through the last two weeks of the treatment, I'll be staying with her," he took a deep breath " That's when they'll try and make her walk." Armaan concluded, looking at Muskaan meaningfully. " I know ki is treatment ki koi hundred percent guarantee nahi hai, but we'll have to take the risk Muskaan, I can't give up hope, I can't let her give up hope, even before we give it a try." Muskaan heard him and nodded, " It's going to be the most difficult thing to do Muski, to see her go, to not be with her, not have her with me like she is now. It'll feel like am just living because I have to, not because I want to. But this is all for her, for us. If all goes well, she'll be able to walk again, she'll regain all she has lost in the last few months. Uska khoya hua self confidence , uski khushiyaan and that real smile of hers, the one that reaches her eyes'which I haven't seen from the last 6 months, who sab laut aayega. " his eyes were brimming with tears.

He sighed, "I know it's not going to be easy convincing her, but all of this is going to be worth it, isn't it Muski ? " He looked over at Muskaan realizing she hadn't said a word. He looked into her eyes which were brimming with tears too, for a reassurance that what he was going to do was the right thing for his Basket. He felt scared for the first time, to take this decision for her. She was her responsibility and even though her parents had shown complete negligence in this regard, he owed them this much. He knew they loved her, and the lack of confidence on their part had probably been out of the shock they themselves were in. He had taken her responsibility on his own and he couldn't afford to let anything go wrong. He knew she was his now, and he wasn't answerable to someone who hadn't bothered about them, hadn't seen beyond his ego. But at the end of the day he was the same man who had bought his Basket up, showered her with all the love possible, and made her what she was.

More than anyone else he was answerable to his Basket, whom he had promised to take care of, to whom he had assured that he would make everything alright. She had believed blindly in him when he had got her here , away from everyone. He couldn't play around with her life, her emotions.

Muskaan saw through this turmoil and his eyes said much more than his words. They all knew how much he loved his Basket, his love was selfless, his life revolved around her, but he obviously had his own fears, which he hardly got a chance to vent. He obviously couldn't let Riddhima know any of them, she was already dealing with a lot herself. So she went up to him and without saying a word just took him in a hug. He was thankful to her for being with him , that hug was her way to tell him that what he was doing wasn't wrong, and she was with him and she didn't know how much that gesture of hers meant to him. She caressed his back softly letting him shed his tears if he wanted to, because he had to make himself stronger now so that he could face Riddhima, give her strength and convince her to go ahead with this. And he did just that, as his tears of fear, loss, uncertainty and hope streamed down his face. She let him be for a while, then pat his back and got out of the hug.

She giggled slightly when she saw him wiping his tears out of embarrassment. Then she made him look at her and said confidently, " Armaan, tum bilkul sahi kar rahe ho, there is nothing more important than Riddhima getting better. It would be very foolish if we would give up on the treatment, for the trip. Trip par toh kabhi bhi ja sakte hai, that's not as important as Riddhima's health is. Moreover you should be happy na, the Doctor said there is a remarkable improvement, which means we have hope. If we are by her side and she is determined, she will be okay, woh theek ho jayegi. Aur sach poocho toh mujhe poora yakeen hai, ki she'll be okay by the end of these two months, atleast she'll be much better. Trust the love you have for her, and trust the same love to make her courageous and determined enough to get through this. Tu uske paas na hoke bhi uske saath hi hai." Armaan looked up at Muskaan on hearing those words.

He was reeling under the guilt that once she goes to the centre he wouldn't be with her, and Muskaan had caught him rightly. He felt a lot better, and looked at her smiling slightly. "Chal we have to tell her," and both of them shared a look of fear at that. They knew that it was going to take a lot from them to convince her for this, but it had to be done.

Dreading the consequences, they both walked towards the room. Armaan was surprised to see Riddhima sitting on the bed amongst piles of clothes around her, diligently folding and packing the same. She looked up at the both of them and frowned. "Where were the two of you, ye acha hai, sab kapde nikaal ke aaram pharmane chale gaye, leaving me to do all of it," Armaan and Muskaan looked at each other, seeing the excitement dripping in her voice, even through her pretence of being angry with them. Muskaan looked at him and nudged him to tell her , but Armaan didn't have the courage to tell her anything. He couldn't tell her when she was so happy, so hopeful and so excited. It would break her heart and he could never do that. He looked at her smiling and didn't have the heart to go break the news to her, so he just walked away from the room, leaving a hyper Riddhima and shocked Muskaan behind.

"I can't do this Muskaan please," Armaan said softly but yet sternly, when she prodded him for the zillionth time in the last few minutes. Riddhima had been mad at the both of them, and especially Armaan for just leaving her with the packing, and told Muskaan off too. But Muskaan had helped her pack the bags and kept them aside. Telling her to rest she had rushed out to see where Armaan was, unable to be in the same room as her, seeing the excitement knowing it wasn't going to last for long.

She had gone out to see Armaan sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. But he had to not responded to her or to anything she said. "Armaan don't hide this from her, she needs to be prepared for it, she is the one who has to undergo everything." " And you think I don't know that Muskaan, that is precisely why I am worried .Look at her man, she is so happy, I can't do this to her, not today at least. She has had a terrible day already, then that nightmare. She seems to have gotten over it only because of this excitement of the trip. I can't let her go through it all in the same day. I'll tell her tomorrow morning okay." Muskaan couldn't argue back with him when he laid out this reason. "Theek hai Armaan, but she is waiting for you, kabse tujhe bula rahi thi, even while she was packing her eyes only look expectantly, waiting for you." Armaan heard her and felt a pang of guilt, but he didn't let his emotions take over him this time. He had to be strong, this wasn't the best time to act like an emotional fool. Sometimes being practical was the only way out.

After coaxing a reluctant Muskaan to go and sleep, he walked towards his own room dreading the moment. For the first time dreading to be with her. Much to his relief he saw Riddhima sleeping, when he entered the room. He slowly walked towards her, praying she doesn't wake up. He went closer to see her sleep cutely, but with a frown on her face. He smiled seeing the pout on his angels face, thinking that she might have slept of mumbling curses to him. He lied down next to her, and kept staring at her, slowly caressing her forehead with his fingers. When he saw a peaceful smile replace the frown on her face, he bend down and kissed her forehead softly. He kept staring at her, while praying to the almighty to make everything alright. She didn't deserve all that she was going through, and for the first time ever, he cursed and blamed himself, felt guilty that she had taken that bullet for him. If he could, he would go in time and change everything, but he couldn't do anything now, but be by her side and pray to God to relieve her from this pain. Thinking about all of this he slept off next to her with his hand on her head.

Armaan woke upto his alarm the next morning, and subconsciously moved his hands all around his bed to pull his Basket closer, not feeling her around a frown took over his face. After a few minutes he got irritated and opened his eyes to see the other half of the bed empty. He was in a daze for a while but soon woke up wondering where his Basket could be. He went out in the balcony attached to the room, but didn't find here there, nor was she in the washroom, he ran out to the living room and then to Muskaan's room where she was still sleeping and didn't find here there either. He was worried, where could she have gone? Suddenly he remembered that he hadn't checked on the terrace adjoining the living room, and ran out, sweating out of fear. He took a sigh of relief when he saw her sitting on her chair, sipping her morning cup of coffee. He had been scared not seeing her in her bed. Normally she would keep sleeping till he would come and wake her up, or just be by his side till he would wake up.

Not seeing her there and with all the thoughts that he had been thinking about before sleeping at night coming back to him , he had felt terrified. He walked towards her, and went and bend down near her chair, " Basket ! Tum yaha kya kar rahi ho, I was wondering where you were ?" he told her softly, trying not to give away his feelings through his voice. Riddhima did not spare as much as a glance to him,

Armaan was surprised at the lack of response from her. "Riddhima ? " and again instead of giving him any response she just saw her rolling her chair around and move towards the living room. Armaan was shocked to no end at the cold reaction from her, and instantly got scared wondering about the reason for it. He went ahead and stopped her from going out of the terrace and that's when she finally spoke up . " Armaan please ! Let me go." Her tone was cold and totally devoid of any feeling. Armaan was scared more than ever, why was she angry ? "Riddhima what's the matter sweetheart ? " he spoke frantically. "Do you even care ? " Riddhima answered back bluntly.

Armaan was lost, what the hell happened to her ? "Riddhima.. ? " but before he could say another words he saw her glaring at him with bloodshot eyes and he instantly tried to hug her, but she didn't let him and just put her hands on his chest stopping him from giving her any support. "Riddhima kya hua ? Tum itni naaraz kyun ho ? Please let me.. " "No Armaan, I don't need your help. Just leave me alone now, since you've decided that for me already."Armaan knew it just by her glare and obviously her words that she knew about her going to the hospital. He was numb, he had completely no clue as to what he was going to tell her. He had rehearsed all he had to say to her a number of times, the previous night. But now when she had come to know of the truth from someone else and not him, he did not know what to do. Would she even believe him ? But he knew she would be feeling betrayed, that he wasn't the one to break the truth to him, even though it was unintentional.

Armaan knelt before her and took her hands in his, which she struggled to remove but his tight hold didn't allow her to. "Riddhima .. sweetheart I am really Sorry. Mai tumhe ye sab khudh batana chahta tha, but I just got to know last night, and before I could balance myself and tell you , you were asleep."

"Please Armaan ! Tumne mere liye itna bada decision le liya, who bhi mujhse bina puche and all you have to tell me regarding it is that I had fallen asleep? Do you know how I felt when I came to know about this through the Doctor who announced my own fate to me, thinking I already knew about it. I didn't know what to tell him. Forget that, I wasn't in the condition to think anything at all let alone manage to speak anything. " Armaan looked at her as she poured out all that she was going through. He felt guilty, but he had expected this reaction from her. He was only worried because he hadn't planned for her to know from someone else. He would have managed it somehow if he would have got the chance himself.

"Riddhima ! why would I do this to you, if it wasn't for your good. Tyler told me how far you've improved and this treatment further will really help. Agar mai mana kar deta , would that have been any more sensible than this ? " Riddhima just kept looking at him, her eyes conveying how she wasn't convinced, and dared him to give her one reason that was good enough t o justify his decision. "Riddhima , this is what we are here for. Hum yaha itni door apni family se door, isliye aaye the na, so that you could get treated. And we're so close to achieving what we want , tell me one reason for refusing to this treatment Riddhima." Riddhima looked at him and broke her silence, " Armaan ! Ye meri life hai jiska decision tumne khud, akele le liya . Ek baar poocha bhi nahi ? Even that's okay , kyunki tumhe haq hai, and I'd even forget that, but what made you think mai tumhare bageir do mahine reh loongi. How could you Armaan ? Aur family ? Kaunsi family Armaan ? The one that doesn't bother to know how we are, the one that didn't bother to even call and wish us luck on our wedding ? Meri family sirf tum ho, ONLY you, aur tumhe mujhe khudse door karne ka faisla lene se pehle do minute nahi lage Armaan ? "

Her words pinched Armaan, did she really think it was easy for her, did he she really think he would gamble with her life like that ? Didn't she know he wouldn't take any such decision if he wasn't assured that it was for her best. But she was not in the condition to understand any of this, it would be better to handle her calmly, and let her vent out her anger.

"Armaan mai roz issi dar mai jeeti hun , ki mai tumhe ek din kho dungi. Isliye nahi kyunki mujhe tumpe bharosa nai hai, isliye kyunki you are the only one in my life and I treasure you and love you like I haven't with anyone else. You mean the world to me Armaan, because your love is selfless, and unlike the others who claim to love me, you love comes without any questions, without demanding any answers. I have lost you too many times to let this happen again Armaan. I hate that feeling , and I really don't want to live it again. Mujhme himmat nahi Armaan." She looked at him, her tone softening with each word she said, almost pleading him to let her be with him and not to let her go away.

Armaan held her face in his hands and wiped her tears away, understanding all that she had said, and much more. He knew she didn't want to go only because she would have to stay away from him. They had lost practice of staying away from each other. In the last few months their relation had reached a new level. They both had achieved such a level of understanding that at times they would themselves be surprised that they had come such a long way, especially when it came to the trust they had in each other. There were times when they both didn't speak and even then the other would understand what he or she was feeling. And the real test of their relation was that it had grown stronger through the toughest of times and not let anything affect it. They both had grown totally dependent on the other, and even though the last few months hadn't been easy to say the least, they had been through everything there was, together. He himself couldn't manage a day without her, and didn't even want to try imagining how the next 2 months would pass. But was it a good thing that this bond they shared, that the love they had which should have been their strength was coming in their way as a weakness.

He knew it was easier said than done, and this was going to be the toughest for her. But was it justified that she shouldn't go for the treatment only because they couldn't stay without each other? They had to make their love their strength and they could surely get through this tough phase, just like they always had. Moreover the fact that if everything worked out the way it should, life would turn out to be perfect for them.

Even though these two months were going to be like two years for them but it would be completely unjustified if they would let these two months affect their whole life as well. If by staying away for two months, she could be cured for life, he was ready to bear the seperation, and he wanted to convince her as well, only because it promised of a better future.

"Riddhima, tum khud ek Doctor ho, kya tum apne patients ko ye suggest karogi? Will you let their emotions affect their own health and let them take a decision emotionally and not practically ? Riddhima this is the time to take important decisions in the best way possible, so that we have a better future. Ye waqt emotions mai beh kar, galat faisle laine ka nahi hai. Sirf isliye ke hum dono ek doosre ke bagair nahi reh sakte, kya tum apni aagey ki treatment nahi karaogi ? .. Aur phir shaadi ki raat tumne mujhse vaada kiya tha Riddhima, that you would do everything that is important for your treatment ? "

"Aur tumne bhi vaada kiya tha Armaan that you will be by my side through all of it," she looked at him through her tears, trying to challenge all the logical explanations he had given her. " Riddhima sirf physically PAAS hona na hone ka ye matlab nai hota na ki mai tumhare saath nahi hun . My love and prayers will always be with you, in the form of all the strength and courage that you will have during the treatment. Aur phir kab tum theek ho jaogi then all the time we would have have spent away from each other will feel worth it. "

"Armaan tum toh ye kehte the na, ki tumhe meri iss condition se koi farak nahi padta, you love me the same and always will. That you love me for my heart that loves you so much and nothing else is important. Phir ab kya ho gaya ? Why is everything else more important than the fact that I do not want to leave you alone here, and go for the treatment," Riddhima said her voice cracking. Armaan was taken aback at her words. He couldn't believe her, he felt so touched to see how much she loved him. Not that he needed any proof for it, but the fact that she did not want to go for her OWN treatment and her own better only because she didn't want him to be alone just proved it even more, and said all that she probably wouldn't ever express in words.

"Riddhima the truth is yet the same, and of course, I love you no matter what ,but iss sab ka tumhari treatment se kya lena dena ? When there is an improvement and a greater chance for you to get better, how can we not go for it ? " " Ye sach hai ki mai tumhare bagair nahi reh sakta, but anything that is for your better, for OUR better is my first priority. Kya tumhe mujhpar humare pyar par bharosa nahi hai ? "

Armaan was losing patience now, he could see she was going to remain adamant, her eyes conveyed how she wasn't going to relent. But even though he understood each and every emotion she was going through, he wouldn't express it or say it all aloud in words, because that would make her even weaker. He would sound heartless and inhuman, but he was sure she would see through it and understand him.

" Mujhe nahi pata tha Armaan that you were so eager to let me go? " and having said that she just went out leaving him alone, and he was left back trying his best to control the hurt he felt at her words.

"Riddhima, ..Riddhima , meri baat toh suno .. Riddhima.. " Riddhima just didnt hear him out and rolled her chair out of the hall room into the room, and banged the door shut. Armaan sighed .He didn't know where this argument was going to land them, but he had no intention of losing hope. He entered the room nervously , not knowing how to convince her. He opened the door softly and saw her sitting on the bed crying her eyes out. He rushed to her trying to hug her "Riddhima baby isme rone ki kya baat hai, try and understand Basket, mai jaanta hun its not the easiest thing to do but we have to do this "

Riddhima just wiped her tears and moving his arms away which he had around hers said " We have to do what Armaan, tum mujhe keh rahe ho ki mujhe tumse do mahine door rehna padega and you want me to be ok with thi, tumhe sach mai lagta hai ki yeh choti se baat hai. I am really surprised that you are pretending to be so cool about it. " Armaan saw fresh bouts of tears streaming from her eyes and sighed in frustration, he couldnt believe Riddhima was the one who was practical between the both of them, wasnt he always the emotional fool ? " Look Basket we have to be practical about this, aur sirf do mahino ki toh baat hai. "

"Sirf do mahine Armaan, sirf ? Is it really all that easy ? Maybe for you but not for me. You wont understand what I have been going through all these months. It is me who has to go there, stay alone, and yet be unsure about whether I will even get better after all this. Aur mai tumhare'"

"Oh God enough Riddhima , stop this now. It is not easy for me either, mujhe bhi tumhare bina rehna nahi aata. Like I am your only family, you are my only family too. I am not on top of the world knowing you need to be away from me. But everything doesn't happen the way we want it to in life. There are a lot of situations in life when we have to make a choice between what we want to do and what is the best for us and in those circumstances, we need to be rational, practical and not behave like an emotional fool. I don't believe I am telling you all this, weren't you who taught me to behave rationally in such situations, when I used to take decisions in a haste swayed by my own emotions. Mujhe pata hai it's a tough decision to make and even tougher to go through. But you are going to the best hospital, under the supervision of a doctor that is our close friend. The treatment isn't going to be painful at all. And when it is going to be, I'll be by your side ,like always Basket. Mai jaanta hun ki agar ye decision maine tumpe choda toh tum waha kabhi nahi jaogi, isliye the decision remains the same, you'll have to go for the treatment Riddhima." Armaan concluded after telling her all he had to, even though he had used a rude tone and harsh words, he knew only this would get through her adamancy. It pained to say all this to her, lecture her like he knew it all and behave like being a Doctor meant being devoid of emotions, but he knew she would want to prove him and his words wrong .

But he was wrong, because Riddhima had probably taken it all to her heart, or she was too lost and confused with her emotions to understand what she was saying, or maybe for the first time ever failed to understand Armaan. The Armaan who would tail her everywhere she went, who found hundred excuses to be with her every moment, and with whom she had frequent fights about how he always wanted her time, was today telling her to go away. And in this turmoil she said all she would never say to him, which she probably didn't even mean.

"You know what Armaan I didnt expect this from you , mujhe laga tha ki mera Armaan mujhse bahut pyar karta hai, irrespective of however our life is now, and however I feel about myself , I could see a new life through your eyes, a confidence that made me stand up for myself and my happiness, our happiness , but I was wrong." She paused and looked at him grimly and said, " Why would you want to be with me haina ? tumhe mujhse door rehne mai kyun koi problem hogi, I have to accept that am not the same now, maybe not even for you. "

Armaan looked at her astounded by her , he wanted to say so much but he couldnt utter a single word, he couldnt believe what she had just said. Tears blurred his vision, not wanting to break down in front of her he walked off from the room, shattered and hurt deeply by all her accusations.

He wasn't shattered by the words she had used, but more because her words proved lack of trust on him and his decision. For the first time she had not seen his pretence, his words and his silence. Their relation had gone beyond asking each other before taking a decision for the other, and this one was for the good. He had done everything he could to prove all she had said wrong in the last few months. But anything he did wasn't enough and each time something like this happened, her insecurity would come back. He knew it was natural, but it had to end, she had to go beyond these fears and understand that just because she was unable to walk temporarily it did not mean she was any less to the others around her. She was the same and so was their love, and even if she had her fears, her fear of losing him had to end, and it would only happen if she went through this treatment, face the reality and not run away from it. He was hurt, broken by her words, but his decision wouldn't change. She had to get this treatment done, because he trusted his love, their love enough to know that she would get through this safely and walk on her feet by the end of this wait. He had wanted to spend every moment with her before she left, assure her, pamper her, and give her so much strength that she wouldn't drop a single tear or feel any pain, but now he was left with no choice but to be strict. He would do whatever it took to rid of her fears, anything to cure her, and anything to get HIS BASKET back, even if it meant behaving unlike himself, unlike the usual lover boy Armaan.

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wow...

it waz so emotional...

both are so damn right..

cont. soon

love

aditi