|MayankNupur|-Perennial Devastations-|Chp3-Page15|

"You won't be successful."

"Stop trying; you're not good."

"You think you will become a writer? Don't plan on it."

Society told me I wasn't talented. Society told me I wouldn't be able to make writing poetry a career. Society told me I would fail as life continued. It was society who judged my talent and told me I, Nupur Bhushan, would be unable to become successful.

The worst part was, I believed every word.

Now there were constant voices of multiple people disregarding and judging me. I sat on my bed. The mental breakdowns were happening once more. With tears falling from my eyes, I scream, "Stop!" I desired help, the one necessity I regretted not receiving earlier.

It wasn't that I was not a happy person; it's the discouragement I've been grievously accepting my entire life. When I felt as if I am talented at a certain topic, I never found myself being better than someone else. I was always worse. When I found my happiness in something, such as a sport, people compared me to someone else. They eventually proved that I should discontinue the activity.

Yet, I blame myself. My cousin, Gunjan, treasured me. Gunjan and I went to the same school, and I never felt alone. Although our personalities are complete opposites, we were able to cope with each other. My foster mother, Tamanna, would perhaps give away her life in order to save mine. She made time to spend with her adoptive child. She never thought once that I was a huge mistake.Then why did I distance myself from them? They encouraged me to work harder and believe in myself, but I never took their advice. I cared about society's opinions more than those who loved me. When they noticed the changes, they attempted to help like every sister and mother would. I constantly made myself deny my problems, even though that was a lie. I told them it was a phase, and I'll soon get over it. Despite the denial, they would not be convinced.

Unfortunately, the distance grew immensely, and I left them. I regret every moment. Now, I am going to do the correct thing. That is to get help from a professional, a psychologist. Perhaps, I will finally be able to overcome this fear of failure because I know that society has no right to tell me what I can and cannot do.

Mayank (-Kanky-)

I am Mayank Sharma. I am twenty-seven and I think I have had enough. Sigh.

I never really gave a thought to my speaking so less. In actual practice, I might as well have been into expressing myself firmer but somehow, I never had a chance. I had to baby-sit my sisters, my mother would come home at seven everyday and ruffle my hair which eventually became her habit and something, I despised to the very core. Maybe, I think that is exactly how I would feel like a kid too.

My sisters have now grown up enough that I can't be a help to them in brushing their teeth, cleaning up and bathing. My sisters are twins, but they are stark contrasts of each other. One helps the maid in the kitchen and comes to me with her algebra problems. The other smears ink on my project files and puts sugar in the crust of my pepperoni pizza. They are Anna and Alisha, respectively.

My mother is a psychologist. And I was three when she got her degree. I and my sisters are step-siblings, you know. And I have not the slightest of an idea as to how big or decent a jerk my biological father is oblique was. Anyway, when my mother was there at the podium, delivering a speech she practiced literally for hours in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I could see tears shining welded to her eyes.

I had suited myself on my governess's lap and I was too young to react but my governess, Ms. Scout still remembers a tear or two escaped my eyes too. Well, I know I am a great deal sensitive but this is something I couldn't take up on. I dun remember my childhood much, anyway. Because it ended round the time Alisha and Anna came into my life. I would seriously sound like a woman if I actually tell you I had mothered them. I said it. Sigh.

I lack emotion, I think. I like life, I believe. Regardless, today is a big day ' I receive my PhD degree this evening. By the way, I am a microbiologist. And my mother has been a great support. I see my sisters excited today. Alisha thinks I'm gay, with no back bone. That's probably why I managed homework and feeding and bedding her when guys my age went bars and ran short of protection. Anna is a confidante. She loves me, my little kid she is. Equal affection harbors in my heart for both my sisters. But somehow, Alisha hasn't been reached with it yet.

Excited! Yes, coming back to the punch ' Alisha is excited to wear the new dress Mother has gifted her; she managed a B+ in term three. Anna is excited because she peeped into the room when I was rehearsing my speech and must have heard me announcing her name in my list of acknowledgements before Mother and Alisha. She is not here to witness the event. I just got a call from her, though. She says the seminar is going awesome.

It's depressing. My life, I am talking about. Bachelorhood is a great thing, I think but not with your sister doubting your sexuality. Matters get worse when you practically zip up on seeing your lady love. When you know she's agonized but you wouldn't say anything, do anything! Does Nupur Bhushan even remember me, I seriously think she doesn't.

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