Breathing in some energy to conceal my emotional turmoil, I walked in the dinning hall. Like every time the whole family would gather, the dinner was set on the floor in a good traditional manner. Most of the family members were already settled and I could apperceive that my customary seat was kept safely for me: on Shahid's left. I had been sitting next to him in all occasion of gathering; it had become a routine. Although I was aware that I could easily be questioned about my tendency to remain close to him in all occasion, I did not care much. All I knew was that I had finally met the most dearest relative I ever had, my best friend-cum-cousin after two long years and I needed to make the most of my soon to end trip at his place. At many times, I had overlooked the various taunts I received for being shamelessly in his company days and nights. No one could understand how much I valued his presence in my life. He was, with all honestly, the only person who understood the real me. He wasn't too sweet not too bitter; he was just true and he knew how to throw the truth at my face even though I hated the taste of it most of the time.
"What's wrong?" my aunt wondered as she noticed the usual smile on my face was nowhere to be seen. Saba was my mother's younger sister was only five years older than me. We had a great rapport. Besides Shahid, she and his sister Sahar were the only persons for whom I had decided to travel alone to Saudi Arabia all the way from Canada, by myself, for two long months. Since it was Sahar's wedding I had to keep my promise and make it for the grand event.
"Nothing, just a head ache" I lied. I had more than a mild headache, what I had was probably heartache. I had just found out, or rather was frankly told; that my most special friend's parents did not appreciated me at all. My own paternal uncle and his wife hated my closeness with their son. According to them, we should either get married or break our apparently indecent relationship. I had time and again heard rumours that his parents were considering me as a morals-less flirt but I had never believed any of it. I knew they were upset with me for refusing to marry Shahid when they had proposed it to my parents, but there were some particular reasons behind my choice and Shahid was fully aware of them. I know he loved me, and almost certainly does now as well, but he never failed to accept my point of view of such matters. The respect he gave to my decision that time made me respect him even more. Maybe, it made also made me love him more. Yes I did love him, but I had never confessed and I know I would never. There was no point. We had different lives, which were impossible to bring together. It took me a lot of mature rationalising to accept this practical fact. Alas, I was conscious that Shahid was somehow still not willing to realize love not necessarily meant to be blossomed in the open. In our case, love had to be remained un-confessed.
"Ok, go sit on your place" saba said. I was not sure if it was right for me to go and sit next to Shahid as my aunt was expecting. Only an hour ago, I was given a clear warning to stay away from him since he was soon to be announce engaged to the neighbour's daughter. Sonia, the girl his parents had chosen for him, was an exceptionally sweet person. In the past weeks, I had befriended her as well. In fact, I had even attempted to set him up with her; it left him very upset and I had a hard time apologising. She was the only one that I believed, could be a possible right partner for him.
I felt uneasy when Shahid finally stared at me strangely for standing in deep confusion. His eyes telling me to sit with him made me feel discouraged. How could I be expected to keep my distances from him? It was just not possible. I saw his mother almost forcing Sonia to sit at his side: at my place. It saddened me, to think our precious bond was apparently going to break in few years' times. He would get married, I would get married and we would live our own respective lives. Sometime I wondered if I wasn't being too harsh on myself, or on him. Will it be so hard for me to settle in this Eastern country? Why don't I convince him to settle in the West with me? He would agree for my sake. But it wouldn't make him happy, I know. He knows his has the responsibility of taking care of his family business as the elder son. I for sure knew how this was important since I have seen my retired parents go through the pain of having been neglected by my bother when he shifted to the US to be with his girlfriend.
I took another available spot and sat quietly. I managed to ignore Shahid furious glares, he was obviously not pleased that I had changed the custom: sitting elsewhere. He had to get used to it. Our friendship was said to be disturbing him from meeting the rest of the world and I had to help him learn to enjoy himself without my presence. After all I was leaving in ten days.
Five days later, I came back to Shahid's house from the short stay I had at Saba's. It was easier to ignore him that way.
As I walked up to Sahar's room to put my bag away, I felt my whole body dragged into his room on the passage. "What the hell?" I growled as I saw him locked the door behind him. "That hurt!" I scolded, rubbing my arm.
"I don't care" he muttered. "Now, tell me why you are avoiding me since few days" he asked.
"I haven't" I pretended to be surprised at his accusation.
"Do you think I'm stupid?"
"You know I do, so why ask?" I joked as per my habit. I had to mellow down his irate mood. I turned to open the door by he stopped me. I faced him. "Let me go you idiot!"
"Shut up" he raised his voice and I shushed immediately, a bit scared of his sudden outburst. "Tell me what's wrong?" he said in a softer tone. "Someone said something to you, I'm sure, that's why you've been keeping your distances"
I gulped, trying not to become emotional. He knew me; it wasn't easy to lie to him. I still did. "What are you talking about? Why would I keep my distances from you?!"
"You just stayed five days at your grandma's! You didn't even care telling me. And of course you didn't bother answering my calls" he spat "I'm bound to think something is wrong, no?"
"No!" I shouted. "Cant you just give me some space" I added to his shock. "I'm tired of being only with you, plus, grandma was mad at me for not spending enough time with her, that's why I went"
"Why are you lying?" He looked at me intensely with his furrowed brows. It seemed as if he knew exactly what he was talking about.
"I'm not! What's your problem today?" I moaned. Then suddenly getting conscious that I was alone in his room with door locked behind us while the rest of the family were outside in the garden, I panicked. "Please, open the door and let me go" I requested calmly. "If someone comes, they will think'" I could not finish my sentence as he cut in my words.
"They will think that you're a shameless girl who is having an affair with me on the sly despite having refused to marry me" My eyes widened with disbelief at his saying. "That's what they will think right? That's what scares you so much that you've been ignoring me"
Leaned against the door, I lowered my head.
"When you know you're not doing anything wrong then why are you bothered about what people say? It's a small town here and everyone talks. They have nothing better to do. " He made me look up at him. His eyes showing the care he had for me.
"I don't care about people" I said "But when my own family point the finger at me, it hurts" Tears came down my cheeks.
"Listen" he said "I know my parents don't like our closeness" he admitted "And I know they warned you to stay away from me. Sahar told me. " He continued.
"They hate me so much" I cried "I knew they never liked me but hate?!"
"Shhh" Shahid took me in his arms, soothing my hair for comfort. "They don't hate you, they are just being narrow minded and can't understand our bond. No one can hate you."
"No they hate me" I moist his shirt with my sobs "Trust me, I'm not playing with your emotions, I swear I never thought of taking you away from your parents"
"I know, I just don't see why you are getting affected by all this"
I broke from his embrace and looked up at him with slight irritation. "It is damn affecting me to know that because of me only, you're parents keep on arguing with you. Till when are you going to dispute with them over me? I'm not worth it"
He cupped my face, wiping my tears eyes with his thumps. "You are worth it, and you know very well why."
"Please" I looked away. Of course I knew why I was worth it; he loved me. But I didn't want to hear it. It was too painful to know at this moment.
"You already know how I feel about you, then why don't you want to hear me say I love you"
His confession made me cry even more. "Because it's wrong. You know we cant be together" I reminded him "Dad needs me, he is getting old; I have to look after the family business .He only has me. No matter how much he tells me I shouldn't worry about him, I know cant afford to let him down, especially not after his last financial crisis." I said while he was all the time consoling me "If only you could understand me"
"I do" he said in a rather serious tone. "Brushing my hair away from my face, he gazed at me intensely "I love you enough to understand" Saying this he leaned forward and passionately kissed me on the forehead. His touch conveyed many emotions: it promised me that he wasn't going to expect me confessing my feelings, he was going to support me whenever there would be needs and that he would never break our special bond.
I still hope you will like the OS in general and leave your kind comments.
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