Dear Shinz
Forgive me as I do not remember if we spoke before, but I will not forget you now.😳 I always seek out that light that eludes my grasp. Poetry, one of the finer forms of art. I seek its enjoyment through my unsuccessful efforts and its perfecting light through others. Thank you for the pm
I loved how you took the expected, 'I wish I could fly far beyond the sky' and added atmosphere by separating that 'reach far beyond' and 'soar into the sky'. You reminded us that it is not only the physical flight but the spiritual one too, as well as their horizons. Magnificent.
I loved this line, '
what is difficult to put in words, and yet more difficult in my heart to keep,'
This was insightful indeed. Your precision in noting those peculiar and 'missed' emotions that reside fleetingly but have the influence of an eternity. Brilliant.
I loved '"the dawn, the dusk, the evening twilight, each so unique and yet so complete,"
Succinctly and beautifully you captured 'missed' opportunities, the many and diverse chances that are freely open to us.
Finally that last verse reminding us our human weakness, essence of desire the fuel of wishes, that is more, we always want more! We wish that if we had this and that, this thing and that emotion, this chance and that opportunity we could finally live, when we could easily begin living right now with ALL that we have been granted already. Superb.
I loved the manner you lit up the word 'wish' but illuminated its aspect of missing; missed opportunities, chances and feelings; missed emotions. Most infer with wish the future only, but you remind us that it is linked to our past. Excellent!
As for take me as I am, I won't say anything, for the form was good but alas I am at odds with its substance. It is not about wrong or right, just different temperaments. We have different definitions of love. As this is not about my way of thinking, nor a post to discuss your way either, but a thread for betterment, I will move on.
I loved how you chose a difficult subject to broach, and jumped into the deep end of emotions. I loved 'the words just form on my lips and freeze, not wanting to be spoken and becoming the final speech' Just beautiful!
I loved 'to feel safe in the embraces of the ones i know." Reminding us of why we part, so that we may grow in new soil, uprooting ourselves for a better buds, better flowers, thereby better fragrance for our loved ones too. We risk much but in hopes of grander still.
Very beautiful. Excellent execution upon all three. Well done.
I have left a few things unsaid, as I am unsure of the level of honesty and type of response you would like. If you wish me to edit and add them, please pm me.
Love Sabah
Edited by a little faith - 14 years ago
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