It had been a year since he was gone, I had moved to the hostel'.even though I could remain at home as my college was just a 20 minute drive from home yet I knew that I did not want to remain home as I will get haunted the time I was alone' my condition was not as miserable now'I was stable'I had come to terms with it but the mere mention of the old times had tears glisten through my eyes' he tried to remain in touch with mails but not in direct touch as he knew he will make it more difficult for both of us. I knew he often checked out with my cousins If I was doing well but we rarely talked on the phone or chat. Phone talks were limited to greeting on festivals and special ocassions while chats were limited to how our studies were going, no personal interaction was taking place even though I knew that both of us wanted to remain in each other's arms and share so much. There was so much to tell. He was still stuck onto my memories and so was I to his. Not that we never tried but we never succeeded. 8 years was a long time indeed. Whatever little we talked we were awkward to each other'. Not the same in fact;'..both of us it seemed had forgotten to smile, to laugh or for that matter to live' we were doing well in our respective colleges with good grades and all but personally we were both incomplete'..one night while on the phone with one of our common friends I got to know that he was in India for the next month'. At first I was excited but then my ego came in between'I thought if he did not care to come to me why should I'. but the next morning I remember the flowers I received at hostel with a request to attend the party he was holding as he had topped his grades'.I was happy for him but a bit apprehensive about going to the party but then decided to go.
We enjoyed the party and even had a sort of normal conversation, the JUST FRIENDS type'. We were yet not the same as we were before'there remained an invisible wall'. Once most guests had left just the few of us were left..Me, him, few of our common friends and his sis'. As both our friends and his sister went up to clear up and plan something for passing time one of our old Hindi classics played on the player and both of us stooped in our tracks '.having memories of various dances ' we smiled and sang along the way we did back then'..
The song was'..
Pyaar hua, ikraar hua
Pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Pyaar hua, ikraar hua
Pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil
Malum nahi hai kahaan manzil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil
Malum nahi hai kahaan manzil
Pyaar hua, ikraar hua
Pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil
Malum nahi hai kahaan manzil
We both became jovial at just the mention of our favorites and he offered me a dance which I accepted that very instant'.shedding all the invisible walls we had formed over the last year'it felt as if these were olden times'.a feeling of excitement and positivity rushed through my blood. There was something about that day which made me feel that things were getting better. We were not getting into any more formalities now. Just when I thought we can start with a more friendly conversation we were interrupted by a call. As I attended it, my mother summoned us that very instant to my house and there was urgency in her voice, making tension rise in me. As soon as I told him about the phone call on his insistence after seeing my reaction we both drove home. As I got down at home I whispered a prayer into the heavens before entering trying to stop negative thoughts from entering my mind'when I felt his fingers entangle mine in reassurance. As soon as I stepped into the house I felt darkness around which made me scared but as soon as I opened my eyes again after blinking them in fear I was amazed by the beautifully decorated hall. I wondered what occasion was it just when everyone gathered around me and shouted in unison " HAPPY BIRTHDAY"'joy was too much to behold however the excitement I once had before my birthday was no more there'still I could not hold back my tears seeing all my family members around me. As I cut the cake that was brought and I accepted the gifts my eyes searched for him but he was not seen around. Once when all the cake cutting and wishes were over the light went off and after a moment a dim beam of light shone on my face. I looked around to get a hint of what was going but there was no one around. Just when I was about to call out to others I heard his voice " log kehte hain ki friends kabhi nahi bhulte'lekin aaj lagta hai meri bestest friend mujhe bhool gayi'. Pehle ki tarah ek baar bhi usne mujhse apna gift nahi maanga' ek baar bhi blackmail nahi kiya'lekin shayad galti meri hai'. Maine hi use itna time de diya mujhe miss karne ko ki vo mere bina rehna seekh gayi'. Lekin is baar main uske bina kahe uska gift laaya hun'aur ek promise bhi'ki is baar main usse itni der ko bhi akele nahi chodunga ki vo mujhe miss kar paaye'."
I was still shocked at his words. Was he really saying all this? The question did not last long as he reached me and settled on his knees and pulled out a beautiful ring " I love her so much'.aur is baar ye ring mujhe humesha uske paas rakhegi'aur vaise bhi'maine faisla kar liya hai ki is baar usse chod ke vaapis nahi jaaunga' bas vo mujhe ek baar maaf kar de'" he looked up to me and I was so overwhelmed that tears swelled in my eyes' I was too numb to say anything. His words had yet not sunk into me but as realization struck me I realized what he is giving up for me. Did I really want this? Of course I never wanted him to give up his bright future because of me. I looked at his eyes waiting for my acceptance in anticipation. I forwarded my hand to him as he slipped the ring in my ring finger and he stood up' "thanks for forgiving me"' "well'thanks for what..I never said I am forgiving you this easily'"
He looked at me eyes wide waiting for me to speak further. "you need to take up a punishment before you are forgiven."
"Then what was that?" he questioned
" Well I just forgave my love and accepted my gift, I never forgave my bestest friend'" I answered back as I rolled my tongue
"and what is the punishment.." he dreaded it looking at my expression'
I said in a more firm and serious voice... "Look Armaan, I wanted us to be together but not at the cost of your career... For us at this age it is most important... and look we can wait for a while' as in you return back once you are done with your studies.. And as it is I cannot leave hostel midterm.."
"But shona..." he tried to defend his point of view but I interrupted as I continued "Armaan' we love each other'we are committed and that is what that matters. Look if you ask me to I can wait for you forever but I won't let you take such a step for yourself' you are in the best of colleges with chances to be requited in best of companies,'.and it was all your dream and I just want to be your companion to travel to your dream not an obstacle in your path'"
I stopped and when he did not speak I knew that somewhere he is accepting what I am saying' "But shona I miss you there.. I need you there'. Life without you seems so incomplete'"
I knew he was trying to convince me somehow but I retorted " Armaan we can chat for hours on end over the internet just as we would have done here and then both of us will be having vacations when we can meet' and as it you are already more than half way through the 1 and a half year course' just six months to go..We can manage these distances 'can't we? You cannot back out now... in India you will need to get into a 3 year course to get your degree."
I cupped his cheek in my palm and saw him think deeply'he knew I was right'.suddenly I chuckled as I said "and I have heard distances increase love'" he looked at me and smiled a bit. I knew he would need some time to decide and so I decided to leave the matter there for the evening as I offered a dance to him' and he accepted'first time in history that a girl offers a dance but that dance was the best we could have' we heard many unsaid words in each other's heartbeats, felt many unfelt emotions in each other's arms'.
Tumse kahein ya hum na kahein
Behki huyi hain kyun ye dhadkanein
Haathon mein ye to haath hai
Lekin dil mein jo baat hai
Tumse kahein ya hum na kahein
Tumse kahein ya hum na kahein
Yeh raat chaand raat
Tum jo ho mere saath
Teeno ghumenge raat mein
Tum chaand aur main in raahon mein
Aur chalte hum teeno gaayen koi geet bhi
Har subah jaise tum
Main to hun jaise gum
Aankhon mein khul gaya ye sapna
Chaahe dekhun kahin, chaahe sochun kabhi
Yaadon ke rangon se nikhari hai jaise zindagi
Tumse kahein ya hum na kahein
Dil kehta hai aise hi rahein
Mehke lamhaa saare
Lekin jazbaat saare
Tumse kahein ya hum na kahein
Tumse kahein ya hum na kahein
Gunji hai har disha
Gaa rahi hai ye fiza
Sun raha hgai jise ye gagan
Aa gayi tum karaab, jaag utha hai naseeb
Main anjaani na jaani kya kehti hai dhadkan
Tumse kahein ya hum na kahein
Emotions travelled in our hearts as we tried to listen the unsaid words in each other's heart beats and the words of the song were like words of our heart.
Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship '..never
CID
41