Chapter 5: Reckoner
Fate was not helping her, she decided. She was in a dilemma for most part of the night when she had tossed and turned relentlessly psychoanalyzing every bit of Mayank's wink and the scene had replayed in her mind like a broken record. She had not been able to decipher the thought behind the smile and emotion behind his expression. It had thrown her off her game and made her wear mismatched dress which had erupted peals of laughter at breakfast table. She hadn't paid attention to Diya's jab or Gunjan's hurried explanation of her avatar either. Uday and Gunjan had finally shouted in each of her ear to get her attention back to reality. Only then she saw the amused expression of the people at breakfast table and realized her dress fiasco. She had silently excused herself without a tinge of embarrassment and got her dress changed. Her head was still stuck around Mayank and she was never going to tell her sister that it was because of a guy she was missing from reality.
She had seen Mayank talking to a girl dressed like a punk whose name was CJ or something right outside their class. CJ was one girl she knew who didn't care about how "cool" one looked or how important one's clique was. She liked CJ for the way the girl represented herself frankly and the way she didn't care for the rest of the world's approval. Nupur secretly wished she could have that kind of courage; courage to be what one wanted to be. In midst of the conversation, Mayank had suddenly turned around and had started down straight at her. She was taken aback by his sudden stare and wondered how he had known about her presence in the first place. She decided to ask him and she did as soon as CJ had left. He had smiled secretively and told her that her anklet though very thin and had only three bells each, made a sound which was very distinct and he had started associating that sound with her; carefree and synchronous. She had not understood his words but had merely basked in his all knowing way of explaining things.
The apology she wanted to offer had died on her lips when she had seen resonance of a smile. The ever stuffy guy was now wearing an expression which had a comforting edge to it. It was an expression that she had never seen on his face and it was also an expression which had made her stomach drop for the first time; it was alluring, calming and devastating. He had moved on from yesterday and there was no point in reminiscing an odd moment, was there? At least that's what she thought and shrugged the thought. The whole winking incident was put behind and she decided to hold back on her retribution for the moment. It was only morning anyway.
But after that small incident, the day had gone completely downhill.
She was made his partner for a class project. The marks from the project added to their overall semester aggregate and it wasn't something to be trifled with. With their contradicting beliefs and personalities she thought that their sociology professor was concocting a perfect disaster; either that or he had a truly sadistic sense of humor. They had argued every free moment from morning class till evening about their subject of study. By evening they had covered plethora of subjects yet they hadn't made even a single decision. While she was adamant on the subject ' mass communication and technology influencing mass psychology, he wanted to look at the same subject from a political angle. She had flatly refused his suggestion and he had scoffed at hers. And then argument had begun.
Had either of them bothered documenting every argument and counter argument they made on that day, they would have easily collected material enough to combine all four aspects and produce a stellar paper. But of course it wasn't so.
Their stubbornness was their worst enemy.
The argument escalated when they reached library as they had decided to do some further research on the subject of collective psychology before delving into influencing factors. Nupur was slowly losing grip on her anger and she did everything in her power to stay within the lines which she knew she shouldn't cross again. It seemed as if Mayank was having similar problems.
And then it happened.
Mayank stopped mid-rant as the hands which were turning pages of a book furiously few minutes before had stilled and a silence was spreading around him. He turned around to look at Nupur who was staring at the sheet but he could see that her eyes had no focus on what she was reading. A few moments into silence and she lifted her head to stare straight at him and it was then he saw the residue of hurt in her defeated expression. He had hurt her by his words without realizing the damage he was doing on their tentative acquaintance. She silently packed her bag and left library without as much as a goodbye or a backward glance.
He thought the guilt he felt was punishment enough for his words.
Back from college she had changed into track suit and had gone for a run to burn out anger and frustration from her system. She had learned early on that running helped her cool off and it also helped her think much more rationally. As she ran, she thought about the words she had exchanged with Mayank and felt a shred of guilt for her words. She would have apologized in before they left the library but Mayank's final words had truly hurt her. She wondered if it was a trademark of people in city to pierce through the heart with sharp shard of words. Or perhaps it was the only way he knew to communicate. As she finished the run, she could see the words swimming in her head so she head straight to the computer to get it out of her system before they disappeared.
The half smile tumbles my stomach
The half smirk messes my head
The half glower riles my skin
But his half heart stops mine.
I have a heart beat missing
Have you seen it in passing?
Once she posted her words, she felt slightly relaxed and looked at her last post. She saw that she had a comment for her last entry. It was him of course. Even if there were a hundred comments from people and none from him, she would have been disappointed. Not that she would accept that fact.
The drop of sweat tasted like smoke and loneliness; lay on your bedspread tonight, feet bare and heart wide open. When midnight arrives, the breeze will bring you mellifluent melody of my wind chimes the notes of which were made when my fingers whispered their solace on it.
--- Library_Guy
She flushed when she read his response to her entry. She had not bothered to edit her entry when she first posted and it had posed a certain conflict of her mind. Frankly, she had intended to document that state of mind and that's why she had added the library guy's existence to her real life too. But his response was more alluring and sensual when compared to his earlier comments. It was of course comforting there was no doubt about it, but this entry had a personal touch to it.
She shook her head of unnecessary thoughts and headed for much needed shower.
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His mother had noted his downtrodden mood as soon as she had stepped inside the house. Her son was exhibiting behavior and emotions which were almost impossible to find traces on him till date. But in one week of college there was a drastic change in her son and the way emotions played on his face when he sat contemplating in his room. She never intruded on this Mayank though he was her son. Every human had to have that space and personal bubble where they could be their most vulnerable self and not worry about world's view on them. She allowed him to brood and ignored his presence for the rest of the evening. She knew that Mayank would tell her if he wanted to. And by instinct she knew that he would be looking for advice of an older woman rather than a mother. And she would give it if he ever asked for it.
And he did.
When he confessed the way he had spoken to Nupur in college, his mother was truly surprised. She knew that he had pretty sharp temper but he was not the kind of guy who would get angry very easily and that too for reasons which he generally easily ignored. She could see that he was really feeling guilty about what had transpired between him and Nupur. As per her, a woman herself, the best thing to do was to own up the mistake and apologize. A true heartfelt apology could nullify bad blood between them and she advised him to it first thing in the morning or as soon as he set his eyes on hers.
His brooding face made it evident to her that he was still analyzing every word he had said to her and the words he got to hear in return. She had not met the girl, Nupur, but she felt as if she was seeing a reflection of herself in that girl - bright, spirited and acerbic. Maybe Mayank needed someone like that around him who could give him a dose of reality regularly and manage to teach him few lessons along the way. Mayank was still silently contemplating on his actions and found solace in his mother's words. His mother was his personal adviser and the closest friend. He was lucky to have a woman of that caliber as his mother.
He logged into college website and checked out his blog for comments. He silently prayed to see one there as at the moment, he really needed some comfort.
Clean her wings of red blood and make them snow white again. Balm them soon and patch them up. When she tries to fly, strap your body to her and carry her as fast as your legs can take.
Smalltown_Girl
There was something in her words which calmed him. He understood that she was asking him to apologize to the girl who he had managed to hurt but the way she had told it also gave him a sense of solace and an understanding. He only hoped that when he did apologize to Nupur, she would look him in the eye and forgive him. He also decided to think through Nupur's idea for their project and see if he could imbibe his own ideas on top of it. In that way neither will lose and it was definitely a win-win situation.
He wrote a short entry to summarize his day and logged from the website.
I am trapped under perfect cliches and drowning in my own undoing.
A sinner can never be a saint. Will I be able to carry her?
He hoped that when morning came, he could still look her in the eye and apologize for this behavior.
He wondered why it was turning into a pattern now.
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Music Companion:
1) "Solitary Man" - Johnny Cash
2) "Shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
3) "My side of the story" - Hodges
Please click for next chapter here: Revival
Sookie
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
