….It’s Not Time Yet….(finalpt 8 pg 21 )pmz later!! - Page 15

It's not time yet'..

"Hmm'..Riddima. I need to talk to u" armaan fiddled with his fingers as he saw her packing akhil's bag. Riddhima has returned from her trip that very morning, she called armaan and came to his home to get akhil's things. "hmm'"she gave him a sign to continue still packing.. he continued "riddhima, listen to me calmly. And I say think calmly". "I know I had been quite unfair to u, neglecting u and everything. I know I have hurted u. but it wasn't intentional. I never intended to do anysuch thing. It was that I never liked being into relationships. When I was small it was only mom and dad. I was bonded to them only but had no other relationships. I don't like getting bounded into chains of relationships. I think it's becoz of a poem I read in my childhood. It has a deep impression on me. It never said against relationships but it mentioned of relations that bound u like chains till ur death, and it just landed in my mind that I wuld bounded into these chains devoid of my freedom. I was extremely afraid. Nothing culd replace the ideology I got at that time" he said explaining himself to her. He never liked being into relationships but after seeing akhil he remembered his time with his father, the bonding they shared, the love ,care showered by his father on him, the support he has from his father in career selection or for that matter any important part of his life when he was on divergence of two roads his father has always been there to guide, to protect him from all the bad factors. To help him in his teenage which was a little disturbing time when we get attracted to all bad things. He felt sorry for akhil that he won't get such support and more he felt bad for himself that he won't be there like that for akhil. He wished he would be there for akhil, to care him pamper him and guide him. That's when he decided to talk to riddhima. "but now looking at akhil and know what he misses, I want myself in his life" he said. Riddhima turned to look at him shocked, she dreamed for a day when akhil wuld be close to his father feel the love, she knew that there wuld be a time when he wuld need some one of his gender, there wuld be things he culdn't share with her. But she never expected the day wuld come soon when armaan wuld love to have akhil in his life, to have a healthy lovable relationship with him , but the decision culdn't be made easily there were things that needed to be cleared out before the major decision. "riddhima don't think I am taking him away from u. I just want to make my presence felt in his life. I don't want to separate u both" he cleared himself as he saw the shocked expression on riddhima's face. She was lost in her thoughts and his voice brought her back from the reverie. Riddhima turned away with a sharp look. He looked at her waiting patiently as she scribbled something on a paper and left.

~~

"Sapna, u sure she will like these" he asked his colleague as he made his way out from his office. "I hope so. But whatever it maybe she will surely love the smile on ur face, the happiness in ur eyes armaan. I am sure of it. All the best" she said looking back at him smiling her eyes truthful. " thanks sapna. U are the best, buddy. I love u sis" he shouted back at her moving out. Sapna was his colleague. She liked the type of person armaan was, but was unhappy when she came to after his personal life ruined because of his insignificant fears, she realized how some insignificant things leave a deep impression on u. she never tried pushing him to change his opinions, she knew he wuld never get into any relationship, his relationship with her too was a little professional not personal that they culd intrude into each others personal life. It was only from these two years he has opened up turned into a new leaf, she knew the reasons for the change and was happy abt it. " don't forget to cast the mallik charms" she shouted with happiness at his retreating figure.

All he culd do at her comment was to smile to himself shaking his head. " I hope u will accept riddhima" he thought to himself as he got into the car flowers kept safely in the back seat. He was happy with the way his life has changed. He didn't understand why he never realized it. He cursed the poet who has kept him away from this happiness over the years, but was it right to blame him. He never said to leave the relationships. He just mentioned bonding as chains, and he feared. Now he was happy he tried to have a bonding with his son. He was jubiliant at the bonding they had.

~~

"Mom, where are the tracking shoes. Mom, where are u?" he shouted for his mother. He has bought tracking shoes the day before, but he didn't remember where he kept them. It was the problem with the most of the people and so was his. Keeping things and then forgetting abt them. "Mom"He shouted for the umpteenth time. "AKhil stop shouting. Why do u always keep things and forget them. Can't u keep the shoes in the rack instead of letting them lie wherever u wish." She shouted at him irritated. It was always the same, when wuld he learn she thought to herself. She smiled inside as she knew this was a problem with every teenager. "akhil, grab ur other things until then I will find them. Now get out of the room" she shouted at him as he pulled everything from the rack and dumping them on the floor messing the room much more. " Mom, I came early for this only. I have packed everything yesterday only but didn't find the shoes I need them mom. Dad promised that we wuld go hiking. Please mom find them" He said pleadingly picking his already packed backbag moving out of the room giving space for his mother to search for the shoes. " no akhil u are still young to go for hiking. I won't allow it. Why didn't u tell me before" she asked watching him at the door. " Mom, please. It's fun. However dad is there to guide and protect. Don't worry mom. Please" he said pleadingly. He has planned for hiking over the last two weeks from the day his father proposed for hiking. He surely read abt hiking and it seemed adventurous and interesting. He was sure his father wuld make it more interesting and enjoyable. He always made their dayouts enjoyable. They had been doing it for two years now. He was greatful to his mother's business trip that has brought his father into his life. The meeting which he thought wuld be only for five days has ended up having his father in his life forever and ever.

"hmm''""what's happening?" she asked as she saw him playing game on his playstation. "Packing done" she asked her hands crossed across her chest standing by the wall looking at him playing. "Yes, my dear super mom. Everything packed and ready. All set to go. I am waiting for dad now. He wuld be here by six. He said so" akhil replied still too engrossed in his game. "AKhil but u are only ten too young to hike dear. Please take care of urselves" she said caring for his ten year old baby. "Mom, dad will be there with me. He will take care. Don't tell me u doubt dad. He wuld be hurt if he knows this " he said sadly on face but mischief in his voice and heart. "akhil I never said that. Don't u dare add spices to the original versions of the talks" she said glaring at him. "hey, dad is here." He rushed from the sofa hearing the car pulled into the driveway.

Riddhima stood there smiling at his son. He was surely mature for his age but now he was behaving childishly. The interaction with his father made him childish and he enjoyed the dayouts with his father. It started two years back when armaan asked for his presence in akhil's life. She agreed for it eventually after a lot of discussion with her innerself. She still remembered the day clearly. He asked her for his presence to be felt in akhil's life, she was shocked hearing it she scribbled her address on a paper and left the place having no idea of what to say. She culdn't think clearly. There were so many things to be cleared out before the big decision was to be made. What if armaan wasn't serious? What wuld happen if armaan later finds it not easy to be in relation and gives up again? Wuld akhil be able to bear the heart break ? wuld first of all akhil allow his father in their life. There were so many things to be cleared. She needed time to think. So she left the address indirectly indicating him to come to her house for the decision to be heard.

That evening

"Come armaan . feel at home" she warmly welcomed him inside the house. "Akhil" she shouted for him to come down. " Dad" akhil called running towards his father who stretched his arms for him. His eyes moistened with the addressal. He thanked riddhima through his eyes who was standing in the room as he hugged akhil. Riddhima too felt her eyes moisten. When she reached home with akhil's bag she felt drenched with too many thoughts in her mind. What was she to do. She thought for a lot of time but reached to no conclusion. She called her sister who was still on her vacation. Though she didn't think disturbing her sister wuld be appropriate but she needed someone to guide her at this point of time. And she culd think of no one except her sister. She called her sister who graciously listened to her problem. She suggested that armaan wuld never do the thing unless he meant it, he never liked being in relationship, but when he has asked for himself of relationship with akhil it meant he wanted to be in the relationship and wuld surely try hard to work it out. She supported armaan and even said that akhil wuld need a father figure soon as he was growing up and it was apt decision to let armaan be in akhil's life to care him love him and guide him. But if he asked u into his life u shuld think for urself what u want riddhima. All I want is ur happiness. Do ask akhil too abt it she replied hanging up.

Riddhima felt relieved with her sister's thought and decided to talk to akhil since he was the person armaan wanted contacts with. When akhil reached home from school. She talked to him abt what armaan said. She told him how armaan wanted to have a friendly father son relationship with him, to be by his side, to help him. He has dreamt of having a lot of fun with his father, he also respected and liked his father from the few days he has lived with him. He wuld surely love to be close to his father if only his father felt him as no compulsion and loved him and accepted him. Akhil was elated of it but had his own doubts. " but mom, do u think he wuld be able to do that for long, wat if he doesn't like after sometime." He asked his mother. "akhil, I don't know what to say dear. He has asked to be close to u. it's all ur decision dear. If u want ur father in ur life or not. I won't impose anything on u. it's for ur happiness I think of dear and I care of. I want to see u happy. I know how u have dreamt of having fun with him and all." She said. As akhil was in his thoughts she continued " he might have thought of it a lot dear, may be he really want to build up a relationship with u. but we can't say how he wuld find it later can we. Let's just go by the flow give him a chance. If he withdraws later we still have each other right. Momma still loves u and u love her right dear."she said trying to cheer him up and assuring him that even if armaan maynot like him later he still had mother who loved him the most . "Yes mom. So u going to call him." He asked. "no dear, I left the address. He might come tonight for dinner. So get ready" she said gently tickling him while he laughed. "Mom. What shall I address him. Wuld he liked to be called dad" he asked leaving for his room. Riddhima thought for sometime, she didn't know if armaan wuld be liked to be called dad. But this wuld be the first test for armaan to see if he was ready to embody this new relationship, to hold on to this responsible position of a father. If he felt uncomfortable then it wuld surely be end to this chance giving business and they wuld be back to their regular lives, she thought to herself. " yes dear. U wuld call him dad" she smiled at him with teary eyes. I hope armaan loves him she thought as she wanted her son to be happy with this new bonding, get all the love, care of father. Never feel hurted by armaan.

Back to present

" Mom we playing basket ball for sometime. Till then u have time to prepare the dinner" akhil said chuckling at his mom who was lost in her thoughts. She was in her thoughts when armaan asked akhil for a game which he agreed to. She was pulled back from her reverie with the duo moving towards the lawn that had the loop. The loop was set for akhil to play at home. She smiled satisfyingly as she saw the duo play. Armaan moving slowly matching the little steps of akhil. Helping him make the basket, as they hi-fied, their special happy dance, jumping like chimpanzees. She was happy that akhil was getting all the moments with his father, the love , the care and guidance.

~~

"Akhil get ur bags. Take ur own time" armaan said eyeing him to give some private time with riddhima. Akhil surely understood it and gave an all the best look to his father. His father was going to ask his mother to be back into his life. Quiet surprising it seems but he has changed over the year. Don't know what is on his mind but he shared with him that he was going to ask his mother to be back into his life. Akhil wished his mother accepts it, but it was surely her decision. He wuld give her ,her space as she has given him two years back. He wuld be by her side whatever her decision wuld be. Her life with his father was much more depressing than it had been for him, he never met his father so it was less depressing for him at that time but his mother faced a lot of ignoring and neglection which she still feared.

~~

" Riddhima, wuld u be back into my life" he asked her flowers in his hand as her back faced him as she was clearing the table. She turned all amazed by what she heard. She looked at him as tears brimmed her eyes. Was she hearing things or did he really ask her to be back into his life. She was awestruck. " Riddhima I know how much I hurt u, but now I want u to give me a chance to be in ur life as u have given me to be In akhil's life" he asked sincerely.

They stayed in silence for sometime, riddhima in her thoughts and armaan patiently waiting for her answer. "DO you love me armaan?" she asked boldly looking at him for an answer. He thought of her question to answer it. Did he love her. He didn't know yet, if people say that u can't sleep when ur in love, u miss them, u see them all the time, if that was what love is. Then surely he wasn't in love. He surely missed her but as some reliable source to share his burdens his ideas but in no other way. He felt bad at times when she was left alone when he and akhil were on their dayouts. They wuld go out for once a week every month leaving riddhima all alone. He felt bad when he returned to see riddhima waiting for akhil, she was alone. He felt, and it was the reason he wanted to share his life with her, so she feels no loneliness. Love, it seemed somewhat impossible to exist between them. After their marriage fiasco he never looked at her that way, to give pleasure to him or didn't bring them close any way. And even these two years didn't bring them close, they just had a common akhil between them to care for and nothing else. He culdn't answer her question, he didn't love her, but he didn't want her to be alone either.

"see armaan u don't love me. This relation ship won't work now either as it didn't before. That time too it lacked the love. So why ask for this?" she asked as he looked down. Maybe it wasn't right thing he did but he was sad that she was being left alone while he and akhil were enjoying their dayouts. It wuld be a wonderful threesome if she wuld be there with them too, but she won't accept to come. He thought it was only way, she wuld come thinking of a family outing. He wanted her to be happy, to be lively.

"Armaan see, u neednot worry that I am being alone while u and akhil go out. See I chose to be left alone, because I thought I need to keep myself alive. After I left u I realized there were many things I wanted to do but never did caring for my family reputation and all. And now I am realizing the real me. I am happy. U need not worry. I am happy u are concerned for me armaan. I love u for that" she said gently making him look up with her hands on his cheek. "thank you for what u have done for akhil and me. I really appreciate it. I love u" she said gently. "then why don't u be with me when u love me. Won't ur love be enough for both for us. Even if I don't know what love means" he asked her looking at her. " u know armaan what love means. The things u feel for ur family,mother father and akhil. Everything is love. The care, the pampering u do are all what u do in love. U know what love means. U only don't love me as in a wife but u surely care for me as a human being and as a friend. And let us be that friends instead of being as wife and husband. It's better to stay far apart and connected instead of being under the same roof and hating each other. As a couple we need to have more control on each other's life and thinking together compromising everything. I don't think u are ready for that. " She said.

He couldn't help but approve. She was right. He cared for her as a friend but not as a wife. It wuld still take time for him to realize and love her as a wife." akhil" she shouted for him, ending their conversation smiling at armaan who also smiled at her. "I am happy to have u as a friend and we will always be friends." He said happy that she didn't shun him for the proposal but understood his predicament. She surely knew and understood him a lot more than he ever knew.

" I am happy u thought of me armaan . I will surely be back into ur life even if u say no, to be by ur side but it's not time yet. I am waiting for the time " She slightly said to herself as she waved at the duo who were driving off to their enjoyment base the flowers still in her other hand her fingers slightly stroking their beauty .