I MISS YOU
"
Missing someone is sometimes bliss in solitude and at others an open wound which makes life a pain. Sometimes missing someone is worse than being dead because their lies much more pain in missing She sat on the couch flipping the pages of her marriage album but not once did her eyes fall on it. The memories were still very much fresh in her heart. Few days of happiness and then life full of pain. He went away. She doesn't know why but somewhere she knows that it would have been necessary otherwise he wouldn't have gone leaving her who was the love of his life behind. …it has been a quarter of a year but he is still not back. Just one phone call in all this time that too a short one
FLASHBACK
A week after his departure with her swollen eyes and a broken heart she sat near the windows with tears nearly dried and how could they not she had no one to wipe them for a week. They flowed endlessly. Her heart could no longer sense anything. She felt senseless and how could she not …. All the dreams of her fairytale world shattered in a minute…. The man she married by her will left her and she does not even know the reason why…. She had no one to support her, she was lonely, she could not return back because the marriage was against her father's will…not that her father wont accept her but her husband's insult and accusation about him were not acceptable by her…
Her phone rang for the umpteenth time when she finally listened…
She walked till the bed where her phone was and answered in a dry hello…no expression and no emotion on her face when she suddenly heard his voice and tears glaced her eyes
"ridhima I am sorry." he said… " I know I shouldn't have done this but believe me I had no option… and as it was my choice to walk out I wont ask you to keep waiting though I promise that I will return but I wont ask you once to wait for me because I don't know when"he said trying to control his tears..he continued " ridhima I know I have lost the right to say this but I love you"
Without letting her reply he kept down the phone and left her to be by herself all over again
FLASHBACK ENDS
It was now that she had composed herself from that incident…she was in a state of shock for a long time
As the pictures of the blurred memoried passed through her mind two tears unknowingly made their way down her cheek and fell on the photograph when she felt a hand touch hers and wipe the tears first from her cheeks and then from the album… she looked up and her face showed an expression of disbelief… she could not believe it….
The looked into each others eyes which were both full of tears as he sat on his knees and cupped her cheek in his hand she freed herself from his grip and stood up…after many moments of silence she gathered the courage to speak
She just said "why now armaan, why did you come back? As I started forgetting those days you came back…but armaan I am not the ridhima you knew… now I wont let anyone play with me…..i have been through a lot….i cant endure more armaan…..never….. you feel that I am a game that you will play for entertainment and then leave me just to be trodden by the hurting comments of the world…."
He knew she was right… " ridhima I had to go…. I could not help it….you could have been on risk because of me…. Ridhima I had witnessed a robbery and the thieves came to know that my weakness was you…. I could not let them harm you and the only way to do this was to leave you… I never told you before because I knew that you won't let me go I know that you would have said that whatever happens we will face together but ridhima if it were for me then I would have not done this but I can't risk you"
"armaan …. Humaari shaadi ka vachan tha na ki maut bhi aayegi to saath mein to kis cheez se darr gaye the tum….kyun chale gaye the.." she said still not able to compose herself"
" lekin ridhima ab main vaapas aa gaya hun na…. ab aisa kuch nahi hoga I promise…. Ab main tumhe kabhi chod ke nahi jaaunga" he replied helplessly
" armaan ab aisi naubat hi nahi aayegi… kyunki jis ridhima ko tum chod ke gaye the vo ret thi lekin ab vo pather dil hai…. Ab use kuch affect nahi karta"
He understood her pain and insecurities and catching her by the shoulders he slowly whispered in her ears
" ret par naam kabhi likhte nahi
Ret par naam kabhi tikte nahi
chahta hun ki meri humsafar pathar dil ho
kyunki pathar pe likhe naam kabhi mit te nahi"
as he said this he felt her hug him leaving the entire weight of her body on him and cry her heart out
"
As she read this diary she felt tears swimming in her eyes…. As she walked to her parents and said…. Aap log ne sach much itna sab kuch saha hai….???
He smiled at her and nodded … he said " Ria pata hai aaj ye diary humne tumhe kyun padhai hai?" she shaked her head in a no while wiping her tears. Ridhima smiled and as she touched her daughter's cheek affectionately she said " ria isliye ki tum samjh paao ki zindagi ki hi tarah pyaar ki har raah asaan nahi hoti lekin jab hum zindagi jeena nahi chodte to hum pyaar karna kyun chode?" he saw his daughter and sat beside her as he patted her head affectionately " ridam tumhe bahut pyaarkarta hai ria… don't let him go"
She nodded and then wiping her tears she asked " mom, dad ne vaapas aane ka decision kaise liya I mean dad ne to kaha tha you move on in life"
Ridhima smiled and said " ye tum apne dad se pucho" ahaana looked at him with questioning eyes when he turned somne pages of the diary and handled it to her…
"
After some time our days started getting back to normal….and then they were full of love…. Slowly both of us forgot the past and started to live in our present …. Our days were incomplete without each other….."
She turned the page
" today we got the best news of our life … we are going to become parents…. We will have someone who would be an angel to us…."
She again turned the page
" today while going for her regular checkup ridhima wanted to ask me a question….
I don't know how the insecurity again crept up inside her…."
She stopped reading and then questioned
" dad aapke jitne moments likhe the when you were away were not diary entries but stories and once you were back they are all by both of you or just you.."
Before she could finish her question he answered " vo isliye because we had promised ki iss diary me hum jo likhenge vo saath mein likhenge and when everybody lost hope that I was to return a person who was always beside us…come what may…sunshine or wind …. Noted it down here it was our best friend niki and even today she has not left our sides… she is there with us though not physically….. she succumbed due to a tumour which she knew of but never told us… she was a friend and the day she came over to our place o tell us that about the bitter truth she found ridhima alone…..she decided to hide her pain inside and be by ridhima's side… she forgot herself and lived the rest of her life just to bring back happiness in our life…. We cam,e to know when it was on its last stage with no cure left…. Often she was dizzy but she just said that it was due to migraine…. I wish I could have saved her like she saved your mom…." Lookinfg at her questioning face he continued "yes your mom was going to commit suicide after the phonecall but she saved her and thereafter she naver left ridhima alone….then I returned and we wrote our diary together… but that day's incident is written by me cause your mom did not want me to include and that moment of our life in that diary…."
As she continued reading with moist eyes she smiled
"….the question was armaan tumne vaapas aane ka kaise socha? It was not that she was upsat about it, she asked the question with a smile and I replied " tumne itna dard jo diya tha" "maine…kab??????" she asked shocked " acha vo radio city" actually there was a radio city segment every morning hosted by kids which she knew I never missed then one day due to some reasons that show was cancelled and instead they gave a segment of saying messages to your loved ones….she said for me "I wrote I miss you on all the bricks and wished that one falls on your head so that atleast you know how much it hurts to miss someone"
"sometimes when you miss someone you know that the pain is worth it because you are sure that the person you are missing would also be going through the same pain"
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