PART XXXX
"Don't Armaan...don't say anything....least of all sorry....it sounds so empty ..I feel like screaming right now.....yelling...wanting to know where it was that I went wrong...why did this happen to me...throw something at someone....destroy something just as something has been destroyed inside me.....I just...I just want to hit out at someone..."
"Try me" Armaan said gently.
In the silence that followed Armaan allowed her tears to flow as Anjali struggled with her emotions. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, but knowing Anjali, he held back. The last thing she needed was to have him sympathise with her reinforcing her vulnerability; his rejection of her love was damage enough already.
"I am sorry Armaan" Anjali finally broke the silence that hung heavy between them. Her face streaked with the remains of her tears, she sniffed, "Fine friend I am...I should be happy for you....and you are right...Ridhima is a nice person, in any other circumstances, we might have been friends.." she closed her eyes, hands clenched before opening them again to look squarely at Armaan, "I need to... perhaps, apologise to her...it was my problem and I made it hers... but what could I do Armaan? I got swept away in a vortex of emotions and helplessness-"
"Its ok Anjali, she doesn't grudge you anything...in fact far from it...I am not sure I would have been so understanding if I had been in her place...." Armaan held her by the shoulders.
"I am glad Armaan that the person you love, loves you-" Anjali's voice broke a little as she struggled to control yourself, " Oh God...I am sorry I made such a scene" she held out a hand to stop him when he shook his head and started to speak, "but I couldn't let go without taking one last chance....without telling you how I felt...if I hadn't, I would have always regretted not taking this chance at happiness" seeing Armaan nod understandingly, overcome by her emotions, she leaned forward on tip-toe and kissed him.
"What the hell?" taken by surprise, it took a moment for Armaan to register what was happening before he disengaged himself and pushed Anjali away, "Why did you do that Anjali? Are you crazy?"
"I am sorry Armaan.... but at least now let me express my feelings....don't grudge me this one indulgence now Armaan...." said Anjali pleadingly
"Anjali-"
"Please Armaan....its...I just ....wanted to ..say goodbye...bid adieu ...to all my dreams, hopes...desires...a final farewell to the spectre of a life that I had woven around you....close a chapter that has given me so much heart break and try and move on"
"Don't make this any more difficult than it already is Anjali....it's just that I like to be asked and -"
"And you much rather it was Ridhima than me...I understand" Anjali acknowledged wearily, "it was just a crazy impulse and I regret it...forget it" and she turned to walk away.
"Anjali" Armaan reached out and turned her to face him, "friends?"
"Always" Anjali nodded, "just give me some time Armaan"
***************
Ridhima stopped outside the library to catch her breath as she made her way to the steps. She needed to get someplace where she could sit alone and sort out her thoughts. Her brain seems to have stopped working after seeing Armaan and Anjali kiss. As the thought passed her mind, she almost tripped over a table tennis ball that had crossed her path. Mechanically she picked up and handed the ball to one of her class mates who smiled apologetically, "Hey Ridhima, sorry yaar! Sometimes a shot catches you completely by surprise, and you completely lose sight of the ball. Hope you didn't trip?"
"It's ok..it's my fault, I should have been looking around especially since I know this menace" pointing to the table tennis table, "is your favourite place TK" Ridhima smiled perfunctorily as she looked at him in consternation.
"Hey, you ok girl?" Ridhima smiled and waved him off as she started to walk away. Was she doing just that? Losing sight of the ball by a surprise shot? Quite unintentionally, TK seems to have triggered off her grey cells, she thought wryly.
She was still trying to figure what had happened. But shouldn't she be asking Armaan what had happened instead of reacting to what she had seen? Hadn't dad always said that presumption was the root cause of so much confusion and miscommunication? But she was not presuming, she had seen something with her own eyes, she argued as she settled on the berm and ordered a cup of Ganapathy's kadak chai. She needed that kadak kick now to get her grey cells working she thought derisively.
As she turned over the scene she had witnessed in her mind, she realised that even her shocked mind had been able to register the fact that it was Anjali who had kissed Armaan and not the other way round. Then why had she run away and not stuck around to hear the rest? She had reacted instinctively and bolted..... run away..... yet again...this seemed to be getting to be her circadian response to anything connected to Armaan now, she thought sardonically.
Hadn't she promised Armaan that she wouldn't behave foolishly again? Hadn't he, time and again, proved to her that he loved her and her alone? Why did she react like this then? Why had she not even bothered to give him a chance to explain? Why hadn't she asked him? Hadn't she promised herself that she would be honest in this relationship and not carry the burden of her conclusions , her fears all by herself? Then what the hell was wrong with her? It's just that seeing Armaan kiss someone, seemed to have left her bereft of any reasoning or logic, she admitted to herself.
She had just let Armaan down again by running away, she admonished herself as Ganapathy handed her a steaming cup of tea. No wait, she had let herself down. Hadn't she always prided herself on being rational, sensible, open minded and honest? She was far from all of that right now.
She was busy feeling sorry for herself, holed away somewhere, where she wouldn't need to face Armaan because she wasn't sure how she would react. Did she then, really love Armaan? People in love were supposed to keep faith, weren't they? Trust their partner? Was it then not love or was she, as a human being, incapable of any depth of emotion or strength of character? Or was she like those countless clinging women whom she despised? Was her faith so shallow? Unbidden, Armaan's dad's words came back to her. "Sometimes, it's good to talk about your fears, Ridhima...you might find that your insecurity exists only in the realm of your imagination....but you will never know if you don't communicate...." and what had she done? Quite the opposite..just run!
The hot tea broke herself recrimations and she yelped as the tea scalded her throat and she coughed, watering eyes blurring her vision. She felt someone pat her on the back as someone asked her with great concern, "Easy girl, do you need some water?" She shook her head and looked up gratefully as a hand gently patted her back.
*****************
Armaan wound his way down the library steps, ruminating over his conversation with Anjali. There was a heaviness that came with knowing that he had been the cause of great unhappiness for a dear friend, but also a sense of relief, of a weight being lifted off his shoulder, peppered with remorse. This was something he needed to have done ages ago, maybe then, there wouldn't have been so much heartache for everyone involved.
There was nothing between Anjali and him that could even remotely resemble attraction as far as he was concerned and could never be. Her unexpected kiss had caught him by surprise and his immediate reaction had been intense irritation and frustration at her dogged persistence, and, if he was honest, a bit of revulsion. If in the privacy of his solitude, he had even once been forced to consider whether anything would have ever come of his friendship with Anjali if Ridhima had not been there, he had his answer clear now. No matter what, he could have never fallen in love with Anjali, she was and would always remain a good friend – nothing more and nothing less.
As he replayed the entire confrontation in his mind, he stopped abruptly, causing the guy behind him to bump into him and drop his books. Apologising, he helped him collect his books as he moved towards the council room to mull over something that Anjali had said. In all that had been said, he had overlooked a strange comment that Anjali had made. "What is it about her that everyone falls in love with her? Why her" Was he over thinking? Making too much of an innocuous remark passed in the heat of strong emotions? But somehow he did not think so. Much as Anjali cared for him, even to her he couldn't be "everyone". It was strange comment to have made even in the anger of the moment.
All through her outburst, Anjali had been precise about her denouement of her own feelings and her resentment of Ridhima. This seemed to be too specific a grouse for it to be a passing remark. No, there was something about the comment that rankled him and his instinct told him there was more to it.
If it was something to do with Ridhima, he couldn't just let it be, he decided as he dumped the books on the table. If he was into clearing things up, let there be no ambivalence about anything, he resolved as he moved out of the council room to look for Anjali. She couldn't have gone too far, the council room being right next to the library. "But is this the right time to pursue this with Anjali? Shouldn't I give her some time to compose herself? Am I being insensitive and selfish again?"
"Right time to ask Anjali what, Armaan? I thought all that needed to be said between us has already been said and perhaps some that should not have" Lost in his thoughts, Armaan had not realised he had spoken out loud which had been heard by Anjali who was crossing the council room.
Armaan cursed himself as he took in her pinched face and puffed eyes. She had obviously cried some more after she had left. No this was definitely not the time, "nothing Anjali, just something that you said, but we'll talk about it later.. nothing that can't wait"
"If it has anything to do with our conversation right now Armaan, as far as I am concerned it will not be brought up again." Anjali looked at him squarely with an all too familiar determined set of her chin. "I don't ever want to talk about any of this ever again. I need to put this behind me. So - " she smiled derisively, "if there is still anything left to say or ask, just go ahead now"
"Messed up things, haven't I?"
"No, I have.." Anjali looked at him for a while before continuing, "Actually? Let's just not go there, shall we?" Anjali shook her head, the first hint of a faint smile that Armaan had seen on her face this morning, "Go ahead, and ask me what you want to Armaan, but nothing after today. Ok?"
This was the old Anjali that he knew, Armaan mused as he nodded his head, and she wouldn't allow anyone or anything to buoy her down. She was trying to restore normalcy and he would meet her more than halfway but he needed to set that niggling doubt to rest, "Actually, it was something you said inside... something which is bothering me..."
Anjali raised her brows with a derisive laugh, "I thought I said plenty inside that should be bothering you" then seeing the look on Armaan's face, "I am sorry Armaan, just ignore me for a few days" running a tired hand through her hair she said wearily, "tell me"
"You said something weird... something...about everyone being in love with Ridhima..what was it? Am trying to remember the exact words....wait..yak, you said "What was it about Ridhima that everyone falls in love with her?" Is there something that I don't know that you know?" Seeing the shock on Anjali's face, he knew he had not been wrong about there being more to that comment, "Is there.. is there.. someone else who is in love with Ridhima? Tell me Anjali.." he pressed.
"No, there's no one" Anjali hastily responded, shocked at her slip. She had been so caught in her grief that she hadn't even realised what she had let slip. Having promised Ankit that his secret was safe with her, she had let him down. If it was not enough that she was so wretched she had laid the grounds for dragging Ankit into her quagmire, 'it was just a slip of the tongue Armaan." she thought furiously trying to find a reasonable excuse. Armaan was no one's fool, but she couldn't betray Ankit's confidence, "it's just.. just that she seems to have appropriated all my friends.. all of you. Atul, Ankit and you..." she finished lamely looking nervously at the books in her hand.
"Anjali, look at me" Armaan held her arm as she tried to leave, "please don't take me for a fool"
"Let it go Armaan, its nothing."
"If its nothing, what the problem in telling me about it Anjali?"
'Why Armaan? Why is it so important to you?" Anjali turned around inanger, "isn't it enough that you love her and she loves you? How is it important whether anyone else loves or does not love her? Does it impact your relationship? Does it affect the way that you feel about her?" As Armaan shook his head, "then just let it go.. it's not important.. stop obsessing about Ridhima.. I understand that you want to shield and protect her from everything but how much more pain does everyone else have to go through for that? Isn't the loss of one friend enough that you want to lose another?"
Anjali registered the shock on Armaan's face even before she realised what she had said. Her books slithered to the ground as she covered her mouth with her fingers appalled at what she had said. In her anger and irritation, she not only messed up things for herself but for Ankit who had been a loyal friend while she had been an ungrateful wretch.
"A..t..u..l?" Armaan whispered, finding it difficult to articulate the name and even breathe as he braced himself for her confirmation. This couldn't be happening to him. For one wild moment, Anjali contemplated running off without responding, hiding somewhere so that she wouldn't do any more damage, but she couldn't. She finally shook her head, lifting her eyes to look at him sorrowfully.
"Ankit!" as realisation dawned Armaan stepped back in shock, "Ankit? In love with Ridhima? How? When? How come I never -" he ran his hand over his hair pulling it tightly in a bid to jerk himself back to reality, "Oh God!"
"I am so sorry Armaan..." Anjali reached out for his hand as he stared back at her unblinkingly.
*****************************
It took a lot of time and courage to finally post this part since I have been terribly terrible and absconding for a long while but I have had so much happening that I must admit I have given Maslow step motherly treatment! I penned this down on a flight from New York and while it has not come out exactly the way i wanted to write it, if I try to re-do it, i'll probably take another week!
Lots and lots of apologies and a big big hug🤗 🤗 🤗 for so many of you who have remembered me and Maslow and asked if all was well with me and when I was coming back! It really does feel like coming home.!! 🥳
And while I don't really follow Dill Mill Gaye any longer, and watch it only intermittently, somehow the new track takes away the magic of Armaan and Ridhima for me and makes me want to throttle Ridhima. So if you find something lacking, blame it on my disenchantment!
But its good to be back on IF, and now I have more time at my disposal so hopefully the next update will not be so late in coming!
Missed all of you! 🤗Loads!
Kumkum Bhagya
Tu Dhadkan Main Dil
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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