"Yes .abandoned..that's the word" I immediately agreed.
Suman looked really pale and that urged me to instantly stop our little sojourn with my past.
Just as I was about to suggest it to her, she looked up and said "And then Shravan moved to the hostel right?"
The smile was back on her face and I could feel the rush of relief on mine.
"Yes, he moved to his dormitory. After that, I could only meet him occasionally during his semester breaks. Those ten days with Shravan at our house had left me with this constant urge to check on him, to find out if he was doing okay, if that undisclosed pain of his had lessened even a bit. I would keep a tab on my dad's phone conversations with Ramnath uncle and manage to get some news on him.
Shravan seemed to be doing very well in the class. He managed straight A's in his tests, he was the basketball captain, the debate champion and also grabbed the lead roles in the school plays" I replied after that gentle nudge from Suman to continue our chat.
Suman's face broke into this huge proud grin at that piece of information.
"She really loves Shravan to bits" I thought to myself smiling inwardly.
Meanwhile, our chat was interrupted when the server came in with snacks and drinks.
I took a plate of starters for us, while Suman grabbed two glasses of soft drinks.
I took a passing glance at the starters and froze. There were mushroom fritters amongst a host of other varieties.
I immediately darted my eyes to the server and said hastily "Suniye, jab aap bar ki taraf serve karne ke liye jaayein, toh please us black blazer walle sahab ke plate mein mushroom fritters mat rakheyega . Please dhyaan rakhiye" I pointed towards Rishabh to ensure that the server had got my instruction right.
The server nodded in affirmative and left.
"Woh. ..actually Rishabh has a severe allergy to mushrooms, and he wouldn't be so careful to check the plate before popping in a starter" I explained my anxiety to Suman who was looking at me quizzically. I am sure my little outburst of nerves there might have bewildered her.
"I can understand Seher" she said with a smile.
"So did you approach him once you joined Oxford?" Suman asked while reaching out to the glass in her hand for a sip.
She sure is curious about Shravan's London life, I thought amused.
"Yes I did. On my very first day at the university, I went to the seniors's wing to look for him. I didn't have to try hard though. He was already a star there. Almost everybody who was anybody in the university knew him.
And then I finally saw him. He was sitting on a bench surrounded by his friends laughing at some joke that one of them had cracked.
He looked so different, gone was nerdy and nervous teenager, the grown up Shravan was drop dead gorgeous, smart, captivating and of course extremely popular, if the crowd around him was any sign. Every bit of him seemed different, except for that one tiny detail that I couldn't afford to miss, those eyes, his laughter didn't reach his eyes. They were still the same, housing an enormous amount of pain in them, seeking the untraceable. " I filled in Suman with my memories.
Her knuckles around her glass had gone white, as I trailed off.
What was with the girl,I wondered. Why does she flinch every time I mention Shravan's pain?
Did she have anything to do with it? I couldn't help but speculate.
Meanwhile, my overactive mind forced me to steal another glance at the bar.
Rishabh was still with the same model, and to my utmost horror , I saw Shravan walk up to him and shake hands. The guys laughed at something and hugged. Shravan settled himself next to Rishabh.
"Oh wonderful. Couldn't get better I tell you. Now , we might as well ask the other guys to call it a night. With the two of them standing next to each other like that, the other men are nothing but a bunch of extras. The women are sure to make a beeline for the bar now. Darn, they must declare it a criminal offence for men to look that good." I didn't realise that I was wondering all this aloud in my exasperation .
"Touch'e" said Suman with a giggle. "Should have thought of it before marrying these hunks though" She added.
I looked back at her, our eyes met and we both laughed while raising our hands for a mild hi-five.
There was something very endearing about Suman, I couldn't help but relax around her.
"So where we're we?" She broke my chain of thoughts.
" You seem to be really interested in my story Suman" I smiled at her
"Hmm...it involves Shravan, Seher. A part of his life when I was not around "She replied.
I really didn't get her point, but I chose to let it go any way.
"So, I slowly started hanging out with Shravan's group. He was always polite, but we were never really close. Then I joined him as his debate partner, that sure did make us better friends.
Shravan did relax a little with me around , but that was it. He still had his guards up. I found it very surprising that someone like Shravan never dated anyone, while girls seem to be eager to throw themselves on him.
Shravan remained the same all through the college. We used to hang out a lot with our group but he treated me the same like he treated his other friends. Then, he passed out and after a year I graduated.
I was offered interships around almost every law firm in London, but I chose Shravan's firm.
There was a dual benefit in that. I could work with him around me and also there was no better lawyer than Shravan to learn from. He had earned a huge clientele and a fantastic reputation for himself.
He was a tough taskmaster as well. When he learnt that I was studying for my Indian law degree in addition to the UK one, he took it upon himself to guide me , since he himself had secured a degree in Indian law.
If I were busy during the day with cases in the firm, we used to meet up during lunch for the coaching sessions for my bar exams in India. He once told me that I remind him of someone whom he used to teach earlier. I still remember, his face had grown so tender at that thought, that it was difficult to believe he was the same uptight Shravan we knew.
You know Suman, I was pretty sure that he stalked someone's profile on Facebook. He used to log in, caress some photo with a smile which lasted only for a second before he would smash down the laptop screen in rage." I went on, pleasantly surprised myself , that I was being able to narrate all this to Suman with considerable ease.
I couldn't trace any hurt on my heart. What had changed, I reflected .
" I used to look out for opportunities to hang out with him. I was getting addicted to his presence.
Then out of no where, Shravan started distancing himself from me. He abruptly stopped mentoring me for my exams, and even made me assist the other lawyers, never him."
"I see " was all that Suman responded.
"I was always attracted to Shravan , and even our limited interactions had filled me with hope.
Then, one day, out of the blue, he told the partners that he had to leave for India.
I came to know that Ramnath uncle had called for him. Just like that, with no prior warning. I panicked. There was so much to tell him, to confess. I had so many feelings pent up inside me.
I prayed fervently that his plans be stalled, but that didn't happen, and finally the day of his departure arrived . Shravan had taken only a week off, but I had this sinking feeling, this sense of foreboding that he wouldn't return from India.
I somehow knew that his quest was to end, and that he was to find his peace ...away from me."
I still sprinted to the airport, I had to tell Shravan how I felt about him. It was important that he knew.
" Shravaannn" I screamed as soon as I saw him proceed towards the check in counter with his trolley.
He looked behind and was surprised to see me.
"Seher. ..what's wrong? All okay?" He rushed towards me.
"Don't go Shravan ...please don't go. I ...I love you Shravan. I don't know how..I don't know when, I mean...I just fell.." I could not complete, I was in tears and pleading.
He looked calm to me. He took in a deep breath and said " Seher. .I sort of sensed this was coming. Look, you are a family friend and a colleague. I have never ,even for a second looked at you in any other way. I am sorry." He sounded genuinely apologetic.
"Can't you try? Ek baar..mere liye" I just couldn't give up, not yet.
He shook his head sideways and ran his fingers through his hair in chagrin.
"I am a spent man Seher, devoid of love or any related emotion. I have seen enough in my life to realise that there's no such thing as love. And especially women can't love. They always have an agenda. Every time I have trusted a woman, she has invariably shown me why I shouldn't have.
Baar baar toota hoon Seher ,ab nahi. Jhoot jis kisi ka bhi ho, yakeen toh hamesha mera hi haara hai. I can't love Seher..I won't love. It hurts.
I have nothing more to add. Please go back and forget this ever happened."
He turned and strided off with his trolley, literally tearing away into the airport . He never looked back, not once.
To be continued..
This update is an outcome of a cancelled meeting, conceptualised in a conference room and typed directly on my mobile. Please do let me know if you find any disconnect anywhere in the plot. I haven't proof read since I was running short of time. I will be waiting as always for your views 😊
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