One year of writing this story. Thank you, thank you and thank you. ❤️
Chapter 15: PromisesSuman parked her car outside Malhotra Mansion around midnight. She had spent the evening supervising her first catering venture for the sangeet of a high profile client's daughter in a five star hotel, a little farther from Delhi and despite the glitches and the inconveniences, it had went exceptionally well.
She walked into the house and finding it empty, she figured everyone had retrieved to their room to get some sleep. All of them were early risers in the family, even on weekends they would be all be up by 9. A feat that had Shravan whining and sulking for he couldn't cuddle with his wife to his heart's content on Sunday mornings, not that he didn't usually do.
She stepped into the kitchen and saw the dishes in the sink. Better late than never, she thought to herself. He had finally succumbed to her will and not skipped dinner like he had initially intended to. She didn't like the idea of him waiting for her to eat and he had made it a point to patiently wait for her, no matter how late she would be. However, when she was the one to wait, he would ensure that she didn't stay awake or neglected eating on time for him.
She tiptoed up the stairs that led to their room and opened the door. To her utmost surprise, she was met with darkness. He had half-closed all the shutters and blinds letting only a silver of moonlight filter through.
"Shravan, I am home! She whisper-yelled as she walked in blindly, trusting her knowledge of the surroundings not to let her trip. She held back a gasp as she stayed rooted to her spot for a minute, pleasantly surprised by the sight she met.
Her giant of a husband had left their bed and was now sprawled on the couch, his head resting against the armrest, his arms crossed over his chest and an open book on his lap as he snored softly, he was sound asleep and she couldn't help but smile at the size discrepancy between him and the modest couch.
She switched the bathroom light on and threw the clothes she had worn all evening before grabbing one of his t-shirt and her pyjamas and changed into them. She tied her hair up in a messy bun and stepped back into the room.
A sigh escaped her lips as her petite frame leaned against the wall. His mere presence made her feel so content and complete on a daily basis that she found herself worrying of the near future, of what was coming next. Everything had been right for so long that she was afraid that something will go wrong. Happiness and she weren't best of friends, like a hit and run case, they would meet each other at a crossroad and then go along their path.
In her wonder, she would often overlook the fact that his love or his presence in her life weren't temporary but in the contrary, everlasting. Even if they were to separate for some reason, he would meet her halfway and he would come back to her because fate had bound them to each other. And he left no stone unturned to remind her of the fact. The warmth of his skin, the light of his eyes, his feather like touches, his soft kisses and his beating heart where her reign stays unprecedented, they all coerced her into the idea. Time and time again, lest she would forget.
Lately, she felt like she was floating on a cloud of merriment, life had never been more fulfilling to her but what made her heart literally burst with happiness was the fact that she knew that when dusk would fall and her armour of steel would be lain off, she would come back home to him, her safe sanctuary.
Shravan Malhotra had many habits that she found endearing and in the time they had spent together, she had noticed every single thing that was him. Like when he would get embarrassed he scratched the back of his head and his mouth lifted in an adorable smile he tried so hard to hide or that no matter how late he would get, he never left home without kissing her forehead. But the one that really take the cake is when he preferred the couch instead of the bed, because no matter how short the period of separation may be, he couldn't go to sleep without her.
It only ended up with him tossing, turning and sighing. A lot. To swim through a peaceful slumber he needed to hold her close to himself, to breathe in her proximity. It amused her to think that a man of his build and who had lived alone for most of his life, found the bed too vast to his liking.
She picked up the book from his lap and folded the corner of the page he had been reading and put it aside on the table. She went to fetch a blanket and uncrossed the arms he had put across his chest and joined him on the couch. Resting her head against his chest, she placed a kiss on the crook of his neck and his arms snuggled around her as he smiled unconsciously.
****
"Stay still," Suman said as she tried to tie Mr. Malhotra's tie. Trying, being the key word.
"Sumo, ek minute." He went in the closet, picked up a small stool and placed it in front of her when he looked at her confused expression, he signalled towards it for her to step on to it.
"Itni bhi choti nahi hoon main," She remarked eyeing the stool, her arms wrapped around her chest in a defensive manner like they always were whenever she would get offended or upset.
"Sumo, please. Tum jaanti ho na mujhe tie baandhi nahi aati," He begged, his voice reducing itself to a meek whisper.
She sighed heavily and stepped on to the stool and for once in their life, they were at eye level. "Baandhni nahi aati to pehente kyon ho? She mused her thoughts aloud and he couldn't help but smile at her rants. Every morning, he would try to tie one and every morning ended up with her tying it up for him because he was incapable to do so.
"Tumhare liye," Shravan said cheekily.
"Wo kaise?" She asked holding the two ends as she started working on them.
"Yaad hai bachpan main hamare Maths ke teacher the jo tie pehen na karte the bas tabhi se tum kehne lagi thi ke suit aur tie pehne tabhi mard lage warna lage bekar," He quipped, reminding her of one the comments she had passed during one of their quite-essential banter session.
"Tumhe abhi tak wo baat yaad hai?" She laughed out loud realizing how long ago she had said those words.
He nodded and tucked a hair behind her ear. "Waise jitna interest tumhe men's fashion main tha utna agar tum maths main laga deti to shayad tab paas hojati." She looked at him her mouth wide open before whacking him on the arm.
"By the way, I could still reach up here." She finished tying the knot and her hands came to rest on his shoulders as he pulled her closer, his palms covering the small of her back.
"I know, but it's easier to kiss you this way." He pecked her lips to demonstrate his theory and smiled in glee when her eyes grew wide.
"Tumhari mujhe taarne ki adaat kabhi nahi jayegi na?" She mocked heartedly as he couldn't keep his gaze away from her.
"Taar kahan raha tha, main to bas..." He muttered to himself, the tips of his ears turning red as he looked here and there.
"Mujhe acha lagta hai jab tum mujhe aise dekhte ho," She told him with a smile making him look up at her with surprise visible in his eyes, he wasn't used to these kind of confessions from her.
Her lack of attention and her being oblivious for the better part of their childhood hadn't helped much in foreseeing her best friend's growing feelings for her. Though, little instances filled with infinite tenderness gave her hints. A handhold that lasted longer than permissible, sly furtive glances from behind a book and if she caught him staring by inadvertence, he would cover himself through his intellectual leaps or fumbling that left her open-mouthed in admiration or made her ruffle his hair affectionally.
But for that one moment when she caught him staring and their eyes met for a split second before he looked away embarrassed, she could see a sparkle of something in those expressive eyes. Something, so strong and raw that she couldn't quite place it herself but it hadn't left her indifferent. And for a long time, nearly a decade, she
"You have changed..." Shravan returned after taking a moment to say something.
"Really?" She asked confused and titled her head to the side, pursuing him to continue what he had in mind.
"You know when I came back from London, I thought that you would be exactly like I left you, lekin main ghalat that, tum badal gayi ho..."
"Afsoos horaha hai aapko?" She raised a brow indignantly.
"Bilkul bhi nahi." He rubbed his nose against hers making her laugh a little.
"Pehle wali Sumo mujhpe ghussa hoti thi, chilati thi, mujhe tang karti thi, kabhi bags uthwati, cycle ka puncture theek karwati, duniya bhar ki baatein karti thi, mujhse apna har chota mota problem share karti thi, taake main distract hojaon aur haar baar meri udaasi, mere ghusse par dhyan na dete hue mere hont muskuradiye. Lekin jaise taise hum door huwe aur wo bari hogayi, uske khayalat, uske dil ke band kamron ke peeche khazane ki tarah chupe rahe."
As he made her see herself through a new light, he realized how much she had changed. He remembered how she would crowd the air between them with her incessant ramblings and innocent questions, how she would tug at his collar and speak an octave louder to emphasize a point. Stubbornness still bore its teeth into her, she was adamant on making her own choices without being reckless. She had become calmer as a person, she listened and paid more attention to her surroundings, to him.
Love had made her senile and lucid, both at the same time.
"Lekin ab lagta hai ke tum khudh chabi mere haathon main de rahi ho, aisa lag raha hai ke hum saath chal rahe hai," He said happily.
"I am trying," She nervously smiled, sighing in relief that he had noticed her efforts.
"I know and thank you for letting me in." He gently took hold of her hand.
"To kya main bilkul pehle jaisi nahi rahi?" She asked somewhat perplexed at the conclusion he had reached.
"Nahi, ek cheez hai jo bilkul nahi badli, you still love to bully me." Her smile slowly faded at his choice of words.
"And I wouldn't do without any of it," He hurriedly continued and kissed the corner of her lips, the forlorn expression on her face was an instant give-away.
"Pehle wala Shravan hota to, I would have slapped me for kissing me," She retorted with a grin, playing along.
As she stepped off the stool, her phone rang, looking at the display, she mouthed
one minute.
"Ma ka phone tha, she'll come to visit in the week," She informed him and noticed the soft smile on his face being wiped away as he made a sound of understanding.
"Great." He forced himself to smile, he hadn't seen or spoken to his mother since her impromptu departure to Mumbai and the need to have a real conversation with her was increasing with each passing day but the outcome and the consequences of that particular exchange of words scared him to the core.
Sensing that the information had soured his mood and to whisk him away from the thoughts that troubled him, she gathered his shoulders around in her arms and raised herself on her tippy toes to meet him with a kiss. "We'll be okay," She reassured him and he nodded wordlessly because words would always fall short to convey how thankful he was to have her in his life. "We'll be okay," he whispered embracing her.
****
She walked from the living room to the kitchen after serving everyone dessert when a hand pulled at her and she found herself cornered by his tall figure against the door of the kitchen.
"Shravan! What are you doing?" She exclaimed looking here and there, in case someone saw them while he kept gazing at her, enclosing her within his strong arms.
"What am I doing?" He murmured in her neck as he peppered kisses down her throat and her shoulder earning a gasp from her as she tried to dodge him but to no avail.
"Koi dekh lega," She reminded him giggling as her hands wound up around his neck, her fingers caressing the hair at his nape.
"To dekhne do." He shrugged nonchalantly and kissed her cheek.
"We can't do this here," She refuted him, placing a hand on his chest to stop him from inching further.
He seemed to think for a moment before he bent down and whispered in her ear, "Accha to room main chale?"
"Haat besharam!" She exclaimed appaled at what he had suggested.
"I missed you," He whined sweetly when she tried to scurry away from him.
"You were gone only for a day," She muttered slowly.
"So, you didn't miss me?" He asked a gentle enough question but she could hear the undertones of mischief in his voice.
"Bilkul nahi," She teased as his grip loosened.
"Das baje chat je pe..." He said trailing off.
"I am waiting for you." He kissed her forehead and threw a pointed look at her that made her heart flutter as he walked towards the stairs.
***
Suman quietly ran up the stairs after everyone had been well sated by her delicacies. She opened the door to the terrace and spotted his tall silhouette sitting on the banister ledge while he admired the majestic moon filling the night with its parade of stars which shone like snowflakes on the sheet of dark brilliance.
A gasp left her mouth as she stepped outside and took in her surroundings. Her dreams could never do justice to the reality he had so beautifully carved out for her. He stretched a hand towards her and her feet walked on a path made of her favourite flowers. There were candles and fairy lights that lit up the entire place and in the middle there was a swing like one she had back in her home.
"Ye sab mere liye?" She looked adorable with wide eyes filled with childlike astonishment.
He nodded in acknowledgement and motioned her to sit on the swing as he came to stand behind her and took hold of the strings. Her head came to rest against his chest and she closed her eyes in bliss as he enveloped her in his warmth. His fingers flirted with the velvety skin of her jaw as he slightly pulled her head back and bent down to place a token of his love onto her forehead. "I'll always swing the swing for you." His voice a mere whisper to himself as well.
She sighed and her lips trembled. Uninvited tears prickled at the corner of her eyes and she wondered how lucky she had been in life that despite so many losses, she had found someone in the same lifetime who longed to love her like she deserved to, who longed to fulfil the cracks of her soul with cascades of joy.
"Shravan," She breathed out and held the hand that had been supporting her neck till now and dragged him in front of her.
Their eyes met and his lips curled up into a smile of admiration,. He didn't smile often, his smiles were reserved for special occasions and special people but the way his eyes slightly crinkled in the corners made his smile seem more genuine than other people flashing their pearly whites.
Tonight, something had changed in the way he carried himself. His past-self was lanky and discreet, he presented himself through books' references and words crafted out of his misery, his voice echoed choir of insecurities and his eyes brimmed with circumspection and an innocence unmatched he hid behind glasses perched up his nose but as he knelt down in front of her with quiet confidence, long gone was her under-confident Shravan, her chashmish.
Her present-self had taught him the language of resurgence, how to break and build back oneself with a stronger foundation, to fill the holes his childhood had created in his self-esteem. Holes, which her former-self had forged to the maximum.
This man oozed confidence and held promises in the palm of his hand, his voice possessed a baritone as strong as one of a poet and his eyes sparkled with unassailable credence and she felt captured by the emotions glistening in their depths.
"Sumo." Her name left his mouth in a shattering whisper. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest.
"Do you feel that, Sumo? He flattened her palms against his chest and held them there firmly. "It was out of place for the longest time. Sometimes, it hurt so much that I felt like I couldn't breathe. Now it needs you, it wants you. It was made to love you." His heart beat wildly under her palm and she smiled between tears.
"You have been the best thing that has happened to me since I was sixteen years old and I want to give you the world. I want to create a home with you, full of love and light... And sweets," He added as an after-thought and she leaned in to rest her forehead against his as she chuckled softly, the lashes of his eyes brushed against hers and their happiness mingled together.
"It won't be easy, it won't be without difficulties because it's you and me but I want this more than anything I have ever wanted. I love you and I'll love you every day for the rest of our lives and I promise you it will be worthy. I want a forever with you. So, will you marry me Suman Malhotra?" All his emotions, desires he had so desesperatly buried in the tomb of his heart were out in the open and it was not fear or hurt that made home in his chest like he had for so long thought but an unbundant amount of peace. A sense of liberation.
A huge smile graced his face as he pulled out a velvety box of his pocket revealing a ring, an oval emerald stone studded by little diamonds. Tears kept streaming on her cheeks as he slid on the ring on her ring finger.
"I love you," She lovingly placed a kiss on his forehead and breathed him in as she hugged him tightly. "But will you agree with me if I say that we should wait for a while?" She asked cautious of her choice of words and afraid that he would get offended.
"Why?" His brows pulled together in a frown and his voice lowered to a defeated whisper and she pulled back in order to see his cresfallen face.
She reached over to brush the hair at back of his head. "Look at me, Shravan," She commanded gently after seeing that his eyes were downcast. "Please, look at me," She requested. He looked up skepticism and disappointment evident in his eyes.
"I have waited so long for you to say these words to me and now that we are here, it's killing me to wait but we have to, because I want that day to be the most memorable one of our lives. You deserve to celebrate that day with the people you love, with your parents. You deserve to get rid of the burden of your shoulders. You deserve to get closure Shravan and no matter how long it takes, I am ready to wait," Suman stated with finality and his heart burst with love for her, all over again.
He pondered for a few quite moments, beaming he asked, "So, you are not saying no?" She let out a breath and shook her head in the negative. "It's more of a postponed yes." Her reply caused him to chuckle.
She pulled him into her again and whispered the only words she was absolutely sure of at that moment.
Shravan ki Sumo, Sumo ka Shravan." ****
"Dekh kitna pyara lag raha hai," Nirmala swooned talking about a five-year old Shravan as she flipped through the pages of the family album Suman had been looking at before she arrived, an hour ago.
Shravan sat on the opposite couch, observing the two essential women in his life, the one who had given him birth and the one who had breathed life into him. He had been observing them for an hour now and not a syllable had come out of his mouth. He remained rooted, impassive on the exterior but a myriad of emotions weighing him down in the inside.
"Is there a diary somewhere?" Shravan blurted out of the blue causing Nirmala's neck to tilt in astonishment.
"Or letters?" He pursued and Sumo heard the silent plea in his voice as she sat next to him. She found his hand and pulled it between them, squeezing it, giving him the courage to continue what he was about to do.
His mother's expression said it all as she closed the album and pulled it by her side. She was completely confused "What do you mean?"
"Have you ever written to me? Letters, emails or something my father kept away for me?" He asked and laughed, sounding apologetic and ashamed by the desperation and curiosity he had let on.
"No, I never..." She stopped short realizing what it meant.
"I wrote you, volumes." His throat clogged. He had written every day for an entire year, bunch of emails which became permanent in his deleted drafts, letters he had scribbled upon words no one would ever read.
"Was I a difficult child?" He had to gather a lot of himself to ask that simple question as the supposed answer had made him feel hollowed out throughout his existence.
Nirmala saw the soft roll of his throat as he swallowed and noticed the rapid blinking of his eyes, not a single ounce of emotion could be decipher and yet she knew that he was torn apart, something was eating him in the inside. "No, you were everything a mother could have asked for. You had always been ahead of the children of your age. Kinder, more responsible and composed. I never worried about you."
"Is it why it was easier for you to leave me?" A hint of disbelief could be heard in his voice. "Because you thought that I was stable enough to deal with you leaving me?" Sumo's thumb kept caressing the back of his hand.
Nirmala inhaled heavily and looked away, breaking eye contact with him. His questions made her feel uncomfortable for both had the knowledge that she had no plausible answer to give him.
"I might have been the most stable kid in the world par tha to bacha hi na. You are my mother, I needed you."He nearly whispered, his vulnerability still a tough subject to broach. "How could you think that I was going to be okay?"
And Nirmala heard it for the first time, the devastation in his voice, and she witnessed it for the first time, the heartbreak in his eyes.
"I lied to you," He admitted to his mother looking at her in the eye.
"It bothers me, your relationship with your other son bothers me, the care and love you emanate towards him bother me because every time you chose to go back to him, it's... it's like you are leaving me again," His lips trembled and his voice quivered and he hated himself for being so weak.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Nirmala asked, her sight of him blurring with tears.
"I might be your husband's son but I am not him. I'll never ask you to choose." His voice raised slightly so.
"I have spent eleven years without you, so when you came back my instinct reaction was to want you closer, mujhse jaldbazi hogayi. I never really asked myself the question, does having you in my life still holds importance?" He smiled wanly.
"Shravan, don't say that please," Nirmala croaked.
"Hamari priorities bohot alag hai, aapke liye aasan tha zindagi main aage bharna because you had found my substitute in Aditya but I never got the luxury of that. I never found a replacement for you." He murmured and she stayed quiet. The silence between them alleviated the heaviness of the room.
"I have hated women my entire life, I have said and done things you would be ashamed of and even though I needed you to show me the difference between the right and wrong, I don't hold you responsible anymore." And it was true, there was no accusation, no suggestion of blame in the way he had said it only sadness and an incredible amount of it.
Like a slap it hit her across the face. Had she turned blind and deaf on purpose? Had she in her indifference, ruined her own child, the flesh of her flesh?
"Your abandonment defined me for the longest time but now I take responsibility for my actions. I refuse to be reduced to what happened to me, I am more than the son abandoned by his mother," He whispered, blinking away the tears, his hold tightened onto Sumo's hand to control the trembling of his voice.
"Ek sawak poochon aapse?" Shravan's voice broke. He had to clear his throat, collect himself. "Agar Sumo aapko force na karti mujhse milne ke liye to kya aap zindagi bhar mujhe akela chod deti, kabhi mujhse milne na aati?"
His question once again was met with deafening silence and the sinking feeling in his stomach intensified tenfold. It's the worst pain he had ever felt. The absolute worst.
"You won't let me rectify my mistakes?" Nirmala asked grief-stricken as the severity of her actions hit her with more vigor.
"Bohot dhair hogayi maa," He paused biting the inner flesh of his cheek.
"I wish you had reached out to me. Only one time and if I had pushed you or hurled insults at you, then it would have been my mistake and it would be easier for me to forgive you, because I would have played my part in this but you didn't even try..."
"I tried Shravan." Nirmala sucked in a sharp breath as tears drenched her face.
In a strained voice he said, "I wish, you had tried harder." He let tears slip from his eyes, too tired to hide his sadness and regret. Nirmala broke down.
Kneeling, he took hold of her hands that were resting on her lap. "You are my mother. I owe you my life but I don't owe you my existence and I might not need you the way I did before but I won't cut you off, I might take more time than I intended to have you back in my life because somewhere I haven't completely forgiven you, but I'll work on it, I promise." And with that Shravan Malhotra freed himself of the shackles of his own loyalties, responsibilities and insecurities.
***
"Aunty please, ruk jaen." Suman ran after Nirmala who walked out of Malhotra Mansion.
"Aunty please aise mat jaen." She tried to stop her but the woman stayed adamant.
"Suman agar tum meri jagah pe hoti to tum kya karti? If you were to choose between self-respect and love, what would you do?" Nirmala cried causing Sumo to sigh and squeeze her shoulder reassuringly.
Could she choose? Is she ever was in a situation like this. Whom would she pick? Could she lay down her self-respect for Shravan? She had been in a situation like this one and she had chosen not to pick him. So if life was giving her another opportunity to choose, what would she do? Who would you choose Sumo?"You don't choose. You balance, you walk with both and someone who loves you will never ask you to choose. And if you are asked to choose then it's not love, its compromise. Your son does not question your decision of leaving his father. But leaving your husband does not forgive leaving your son. Choosing self-respect does not give you the right to trample love."
***
That night, when she laid down beside him, neither of them said anything. For the first time since they had confessed their feelings to each other, he slept facing his back to her. For the first time, the room was drowned in total darkness.
He wasn't sleeping, he was awake and she knew it. His breathing was laboured and he sniffled trying to reign in the sadness and hurt that made his shoulders quake. He forced himself not to cry, to gulp down the lump in his throat but the tears slid down anyway
"Shravan," she whispered in the darkness and touched his shoulder. He went stiff at once.
Strange it was how life seemed to plot against them. She had seen him in many vulnerable situations, she had witnessed him at his lowest point when he was battered beyond repair yet he did not face her when he was falling apart.
"Shravan," a silent plea for him to come back to her.
He rolled towards her so they were facing each other. She eliminated the distance between their bodies. Her fingers trailed slightly over his face, Shravan's cheeks were wet. Tears were flowing down his face silently. She wiped his tears with her thumb and kissed the bridge of his nose causing him to slightly smile.
He buried his face into her neck as she gathered him in her arms. He did not want her to see to which extent he was broken. She trailed kisses down the side of his head.
It's in human nature to fear those people who can see through us, we guard ourselves from giving too much away but when the mighty wall of intimidation is reduced to dust and the solid veil of armour is burnt to shreds of apparel, we have no choice but to face our deepest fears, to revive those memories which stole our peace of mind, to look at them in the eye and crumble down to pieces.
"I am here, I am holding you." His tears fell harder at her words as he allowed himself the rare moment to be comforted by the one who held his sanity enclosed in her fist.
And with each tear he shed and each word she whispered in the darkness of the night, the storms of animosity that brew within him turned to liquid and calm prevailed around them.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 16:
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/ek-duje-ke-vaaste/4800419/shraman-ff-holding-you-c18-pg-102Edited by KitkitMkb - 7 years ago
CID
Bade Achche Lagte Hain Naya Season
