Posted:
I am sorry guys I couldn't stop myself from making another post today...
The last ten minutes of the episode, Namik and Palak's beautiful chemistry and Namik's wonderful acting prompted me to write it...
*******
Do you know Sumo, how much it hurts?
tumhein to pata bhi nahi mein kabse tumhein pyaar karta hoon. Aur Sumo, is mein tumhari koi galti bhi nahi hai... Tum to hamesha se hi ek behti hava si thi. Mujhe tumhein bandhna nahi tha. Tum jaisi thi, mujhe tumse waise hi pyaar tha... Tum jhalli thi, badmash, mujhse apne saare kaam karvati thi, par mujhe ye achha lagta tha, kyunki mujhe tumhara saath jo milta tha...
Main to hamesha se hi akela tha. Mujhse koi dosti nahi karna chahta tha. Main padhaku types tha na. Mera ye rubic cube na hota, to shayad tum bhi mujhse kabhi dosti na karti. Akela hi school ata tha, akela hi lunch khata tha... Tumse dosti hui to mano meri zindagi ko naye mayne mil gaye. Tumhein hansta dekh mujhe hansi aati thi, aur rota dekh rona. Tum takleef mein ho ye mujhe bardasht nahi hota tha. Tumhari meethi neend ke liye mein raat raat bhar jaag ke tumhari assignments bhi kar sakta tha, aur baaki kaam bhi. Tumhara ghanto intezaar karne mein bhi mujhe kabhi bura nahi laga. Haan kabhi kabhi ye baat ajeeb zaroor lagti thi ki ham dost hain yeh pushkar aur mere alawa kisiko nahi pata... par mujhe kaunsa duniya ko dikhana tha ki tum meri kya ho. Kabhi kabhi mein sochta ki kya mein itna bura hoon ki tum mujhe khushi se duniya ke saamne apne dost ki tarah introduce bhi nahi kar sakti? Par fir mujhe lagta, ki jab tak tum meri dost ho ye sab kuchh matter nahi karta... Mujhe pata tha ki jab mujhe ek dost ki zaroorat hogi tum hamesha meri hogi. Tumne mujhe graduation party mein apna partner nahi banaya tab bhi, aur tumne mera letter nahi padha tab bhi... kahin na kahin mujhe pata tha ki tum hamesha mere liye ho. Tum bhi sochti hogi maine tumhein khat kyun likha? Ham achhe dost the to mujhe tumse seedhe seedhe hi kehna chahiye tha na... Par mujhe laga ki jab tum mujhe as a dost hi duniya ke saamne accept nahi karti, to kya pata dosti se zyada... Main shayad pyaar ke layak tha bhi ki nahi...
Par ek din... ek din sab badal gaya... Haan mammy papa ki nok jhonk to hoti thi, kiski nahi hoti... par maa ek din achanak mujhe chhod ke chali gai. Na kuchh kaha, na kuchh suna, bas chali gai. Kya aisa kabhi ho sakta hai? Kya ek maa apne bete ko kabhi chhod ke jaa sakti hai? Wo bhi aisi maan jo kehti ho ki wo apne bete se bahut pyaar karti hai...
Mein tumhein batane bhi aaya tha, par tum...
Shayad us din mujhe ehsaas hua ki meri tumhari zindagi mein wo jagah hi nahi jo mein sochta hoon. Tumhein meri company pasand thi, par mein tumhara dost nahi tha... hota to kya tum mujhe duniya se yun nazrein bacha ke milti?
Us din mein toot gaya. Mujhe lagne laga ki duniyaa mein sab matlabi hote hain. Shayad mein galat soch raha tha, par, mein aur kya sochta?
Das saal beet gaye, tumne to mujhse kabhi milne ki koshish bhi nahi ki. Na kabhi sorry kaha. Tum ek baar manaleti to mein maan jaata na? Par shayad, mein tumhare liye kuchh tha hi nahi ki tum mujhe manati bhi. Aakhir roothna manana - yeh haque bhi dosti ka hi haque haina...
Jab mein wapis aaya mein to tumse milna bhi nahi chahta tha. Par kismat hamein kahan alag hone deti hain. Mujhe laga ek baar tumhare saath waise hi behave karun jaise tumne mere saath kiya hai to shayad tumhein ehsaas ho ki mujhe us din kitna bura laga tha.
Par aisa kuchh nahi hua. Mein apni aur tumhari nazron mein bhi gir gaya shayad us din. Par tumhein to ek baar ye samajh bhi nahi aaya ki...
Tum kabhi nahi samjhi Sumo... Mujhe jab bhi tumse kuchh khaas kehna ho, ya jab bhi mujhe tumhari zaroorat ho... tum patanahi, kahan gum rehti thi.
Jaise jaise humari dosti raste pe aai, waise waise mujhe tumse fir se pyaar hone laga... Mujhe fark nahi padta tha ki tum Nirmala Ahuja se bhi rishta rakhe ho, ya kuchh aur... mujhe bas itna pata tha ki mujhe tumse pyaar hai.
Par shayad tumhein kabhi tha hi nahi. Tabhi to aate hi Aditya tumhare liye special hogaya. Uske saamne to tumhara na self respect aade aaya na usool. Wo shayad tumhari khud ki pasand tha isliye...
Tab mujhe laga ki shayad ab bhi tum wohi Sumo ho jise sabke saamne apni impression ki padi hai. Asli Sumo kaun hai, koi nahi jaanta.
Mujhe tumnse zyada khud pe gussa aaya. I hated that I loved you so much. Das saal... das saal...
Main jaanta hoon maine tumhein bahut kuchh kaha. Bahut hurt kiya. Mein to tumse nafrat bhi karna chahta hoon.
Par ye kambhakht pyaar hamesha beech mein aajata hai. Jab bhi tumhein dekhta hoon, kisi pareshani mein, kabhi bhi, apne aap ko rok hi nahi pata.
Aur dekho, aaj humari shaadi bhi hogai. Maine tumhare saath kya kya nahi kiya - bura bhala kaha... PCT pe ladai ki... usse pehle tumhein itni baar kaha ki main tumse kuchh kehna chahta hoon... par tumhein kisi cheez se farq hi nahi pada. Meine humari shadi ko ek formality bana diya, par tum na mujhse ladi, na mujhe roka. Mein to fir bhi tumse nafrat karta hoon aisa mujhe lagta tha, par tum... tum... tumhare liye to mein shayad hoon hi nahi... Do I even exist for you Sumo? How can you be so indifferent?
Is shaadi se kya milega hamein? Mujhe? Aakhir hai ki kya tumahre paas Shravan Malhotra ko dene ko, sivay dhoke aur fareb ke? Kal tumhein ya tumhare parivar ko meri zaroorat hogi to tum janti hoon mein pichhe nahi hatunga. Shayad mere parivar ko aisi koi zaroorat hui to tum bhi peeche nahi hatogi. Par jab koi nahi dekh raha hoga, aur mera saamna asli sumo so hoga, to wo to peeth ghumaye so rahi hogi... kyunki use farq hi nahi padega meri kisi bhi baat se.
Mein akela tha. Akela hi rahunga...
Aur tumhein mera dard ek pal ke liye bhi nahi chhuega...
dil ke mere paas ho itni
phir bhi ho kitni door
tum mujhse main dil se pareshan
dono hain majboor
aise mein kisko kaun manaaye
phir bhi ho kitni door
tum mujhse main dil se pareshan
dono hain majboor
aise mein kisko kaun manaaye
********
Today's episode reminded me of the movie Guide... One of my most favorite movie on ego battles. No one is wrong, no one is right. And both are hurting... Just because they have their ideologies, their egos, and their expectations... But more importantly a movie about the spiritual degradation and then his resurgance of a man, simply, plainly in love...A man who gave his all to this woman he loved, but the one time, he expected her to understand... But she was not wrong either... or was she? All characters were so human and so relatable... gray, and yet they garnered the viewer's empathy!
If you haven't , see this song - and you will know why I thought of this song/movie...
Din dhal jaaye haye raat na jay
tu to na aaye teri yaad satay
din dhal jaaye...
pyar mein jinke sab jag chhoda
aur hue badnaam
unke hi haathon haal hua ye
baithe hain dil ko thaam
apne kabhi the ab hain paraye
din dhal jaaye...
aisi hi rimjhim aisi fuhaaren
aisi hi thi barsaat
khud se juda aur jag se paraye
hum dono the saath
phir se wo saawan ab kyon na aaye
din dhal jaaye...
dil ke mere paas ho itni
phir bhi ho kitni door
tum mujhse main dil se pareshan
dono hain majboor
aise mein kisko kaun manaaye
din dhal jaaye...
tu to na aaye teri yaad satay
din dhal jaaye...
pyar mein jinke sab jag chhoda
aur hue badnaam
unke hi haathon haal hua ye
baithe hain dil ko thaam
apne kabhi the ab hain paraye
din dhal jaaye...
aisi hi rimjhim aisi fuhaaren
aisi hi thi barsaat
khud se juda aur jag se paraye
hum dono the saath
phir se wo saawan ab kyon na aaye
din dhal jaaye...
dil ke mere paas ho itni
phir bhi ho kitni door
tum mujhse main dil se pareshan
dono hain majboor
aise mein kisko kaun manaaye
din dhal jaaye...
And Namik is total bollywood material man... He emoted so well in that scene, it was sheer brilliance. I wish someone could tell him that I compared his piece with one of the most beautiful cinematic experiences in bollywood ever - Dev Sahab's four minute rendition of the above song... Like, he was too good...
Anupamaa
