Banner By .annihilation.
She stopped immediately when the words flew out of my mouth. I mean those words in a heartbeat. I can take any pain she wants to inflict in me. Because I want to set her free from those demons that are eating her up from inside like a cancer.
She turned with a mocking smirk plastered in her pretty face, a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "It's easier said than done", she exhaled as if she doesn't believe in my words. To be honest I don't blame her. Three F*cking years and pain cannot be healed so easily.
Her eyes help no hope even though her hands were telling different story. She was nervous. I could make that out because she was clutching and unclutching her fingers. She used to do this very often when she was child. Even thought we never really got an opportunity to speak to each other during those days, she had always been very shy and nervous around me.
After a fraction of a second her eyes dropped to my chest. I know she can see the damaged skin because two of my top buttons were open. I saw something swim across her face. She took an almost invisible gulp and quickly returns my gaze.
"What you are doing is fruitless. I don't want to be healed". She laughed but it was a sad laugh. "A wound can be healed with due course of time, Mister. But a broken soul can never be healed. And I am not only broken but I threw those piece one by one in different directions. Each monster took away one with them. I am a ragged doll who is just breathing. That's the only thing I have learnt in those three years. I breath and to f*ck. So don't spend your precious time on me because you will get nothing out of it.
I watch her talk because I don't want to interrupt. I know it took a lot of courage to speak up and I don't want her to stop. It's killing me that she thinks so low of herself. I want to yank her and embrace her tightly and never let her go. Then I want to kiss her senseless to stop the "F" word coming out from that sweet mouth of hers.
I watch her lips form those words and she was aware of that very fact that I was watching her. She licked it unconsciously and my entire body froze. The blood rushed towards south making me aware of the unchanged chemistry between us.
She glanced once again towards my chest and spoke in a small voice, "You shouldn't be standing here and keep your wound unattended. It can get infected".
When I refused to say anything she growled at me "say something damn it. Why aren't smart your mouth working now?"
"Because I want to hear your voice. Twenty-five freaking days it took you to give some kind of reaction. And now that you have, I want to you to take out every single thing that you have planned to hide.
I saw her beautiful blue eyes go wide. I took few steps towards her and saw her retreating the same two. I stopped immediately and looked at her. "Pour two, three more cups of hot coffee if it means you will react, I will embrace them without complain".
She shivered as my gaze caressed her face lovingly. I can see the same vulnerable little girl with two piggy tales hiding behind the curtain and watching me leave her house on the last day before I went abroad. I still remember her last look as if she wanted to say something to me. Her eyes were sad as it is now. I desperately want to hear what's going on in her mind. Tell me Radhika, share all your pain with me. I promise to share this journey with you. I want you to know that you are not alone in this. I just want you to take the first step and I promise to take the rest ninety-nine. But that first step you have to take so that I know you trust me.
I took another measured step slowing closing the distance between us. I am determined now to keep the conversation going.
"Don't", she held her arms to stop me. "Just don't do this", she stated.
From vulnerability it turned into anger. Good, I thought. I want her to show emotions. I am glad that I can affect her.
"Those men might have taken all the pieces from you. You might have left those pieces with them. But I am not here to find those pieces. I am here to give you the new ones if you let me", I watch her intake sharply and then without a single word she turned and left. I wanted her retreating back as she ran increasing the gap between us.
"I wont touch this wound Radhika, unless you are the one who comes and treats it. I promise you that", it was loud enough to stop her.
"I wont come to you Arjun. Quit it. If you want to get infected then it's your choice. Trust me when I say that I don't have a heart to feel guilty about what I have done".
She was panting due to the exertion from running.
"You will Radhika. I know".
"You know nothing Arjun".
"Your heart wants to trust me. But your mind rejects. You know you can trust me but you cant let that happen because you are scared. I don't blame you precious. But please trust me...I wont hurt you".
"I am hurt enough in my life Arjun, you cant hurt me any further".
"Then why are you running away from me?"
"Because..."
"Because what Radhika?"
"Because I DON'T WANT TO F*CKING HURT YOU. Look what I have done to you. Cant you see the monster I have become?" for a moment I saw a spark in her eyes. But to my discomfort it was because she had tears in her eyes. Oh baby dont cry. No matter how much I wanted to go and stop her from hurting but I let her cry. "why don't you understand that there is nothing left in me Arjun. I am nothing but a piece of sh*t used by hundreds of men. You can never be my first. Every time you when you will touch me I will think of those painful ugly moments of my life. How they treated me like a piece of meat. How they threw me in the gutter and look the life out of me. How they used me mercilessly for their sadistic pleasure. I wasn't a human for them; I was just a piece of toy for their special needs.
While pouring her heart out she didn't realize that I was standing in front of her.
"I cant give you what you want Arjun. You deserve so much better".
I flexed my finger and then put my palm against her heart. She jumped but didn't try to remove my hand.
Thump Thump Thump, her heart beat against my palm. Thump Thump Thump, my own heart answering her. I took her hand and put it against my damaged skin.
Shocked would be an understatement. From her facial expression I know she knew what was happening. Our heart was beating together rhythmically.
Thump-thump ; Thump-thump ; Thump-thump.
I took her other hand and placed it against her own heart and covered her hand with mine.
Can you distinguish between them Radhika? Can you tell me which sound is yours and which one is mine?
She looked at me. More tears slid down her cheeks.
"You cant. You know why?"
Then she pushed me, bruising me even further, wrenching her hand from mine.
"No I don't know and I don't want to know. You are an emotional fool Arjun. "this" she pointed towards our heart, "means nothing".
"It means everything damn it. It means you have the most important part still left inside you. And I will protect that part in a heartbeat. You know why? Because it is mine. You are mine. And I love you".
"No..." she is fanatic now. "No you cant love me".
"To bad precious, but I love you. I loved you every single moment. Then and Now".
"No...no...no".
She turned before I could hold her and sprinted towards the house.
"Run as much as you want to Radhika. I will love you till my last breath".
"I don't care whether you live or die. I would never love you back".
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