Posted:
Thinking caps on, you don't need very fancy or very large ones…since we are about to discuss what it would have been like had it been a declaration of love in a KEKTA show…
- The heroine would be decked in an embellished chiffon sari with a choker around her neck, a long chain dangling till her waist, kundan earrings that seem like they will tear their way through the unsuspecting lobes, assorted bangles in both hands and a few million rings adorning the fingers.
- The hero would be dressed in a suit.
- Both would be clutching identical cell-phones in their hands. The model…of course, the very latest from Nokia.
- The hero or the heroine would have driven his/her car off a cliff (in Mumbai), after driving through traffic like a maniac doubly possessed by the devil, amidst screaming horns and blaring lights!!!
- Depending on who ran off the cliff, he/she would be lying in a hospital bed, miraculously with just a scrape on the head. If it is the heroine, then god forbid we ruin her perfectly made up face with a plaster around her head, so it would be the arm.
- The counterpart would run through the corridors of the hospital with drum beats and a panicky music playing in the background and meet the same doctor who played a gynaecologist, oncologist, cardiac surgeon, general physician blah blah blah in some previous episode and face the bitter truth…'Unki condition stable hai, par abhi voh khatre se bahar nahin hai'.
- The door would be pushed open with a force that could rock the entire set and the love-struck patient inside would glance up to see his/her significant other standing by the door.
- The camera will flash between his and her face at least 10 times with the same looks of astonishment and concern and finally break time!! (God bless our souls!!)
- The patient will attempt to sit up on the bed and probably knock off a glass of water on the bedside table.
- The visitor will walk up to the bed and oblivious to the shards, will walk on with a purpose. Several shots alternate… of the feet on crunching the glass and the tear stained, yet still made up face, with a few shots of the patient's still stunned face thrown in liberally.
- After 18 minutes of eardrum-splitting god awful music, one dialogue, and all of India's jewellery on display, the visitor will finally reach the bed and with no precedence mutter the magic words, which will be returned in equal fervour by the patient.
- Again, alternate shots of the two speakers, only this time, they will be accompanied by the words too. I love you, I love you, I love you…..the background will be blaring with the sad version of the theme song or the title song. Sad=slow. No change in lyrics.
- And finally they will embrace and this historic moment will be captured and preserved in our aching heads with a pan-shot taken with the camera revolving around the couple to the beats of a war-dance!
- Some one outside dressed just as flamboyantly as the heroine in addition to a bindi that covers all her forehead in the most innovative and garish shape possible, will have witnessed this epiphanous moment and will wring her hands in displeasure and you will be witness to the plots forming in her mind within seconds, through the elasticity of her facial muscles contorting at the rate of 5 movements per minute.
- Of course this would be the 4th time the lead pair would have come together and separated, marrying others, dying, changing their appearance in the times between.
Welcome to the world of realistic television!
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