Akash: The sky looked dull and overcast, making me wonder if it would rain or not. I hoped it wouldn't as it would just be another bad sign that i shouldn't be here. My parents had already warned me about the implications of asking the Mahraaj for Monia's hand in marriage but i had not listened and so that was how i had found myself walking up the grand steps of the huge mansion that stood proud and intimidating, my stomach churned. I banged my head with my fist, oh how stupid i was, i had forgotten to eat my roti, that Ma had made me with extra gee. I would just have to have a face off with the Mahraaj with no extra gee chapatti in my stomach, to back up my confidence.
I had texted Monia a few minutes ago detailing my mischievous plan to her, and on queue she appeared beside me, her eyes held little joy that matched the weather's fiery quality tonight.
Manyata: he held out his hand and in the slight illumination of his palm, only one thought rang clear in my mind. I didn't want to hold it; layers upon layers of grease had formed there. Sometimes Monia wondered if Akash ever cleaned his hands. It was his mothers' fault who fed him so many extra gee chapatti; the oily residue had taken a liking to his hand. As i grabbed hold of his hand, i felt the gelling agent on his hand kick into place. Dear lord would i have to surgically remove his hand from mine.
The palace
Uday: Uday silently sipped his frothy cup of cappuccino, whilst he manically laughed at dadi Saabs, unfunny jokes; he craved for some live entertainment in this desolate palace. As he turned his head, he felt a ray of light bounce, reflect, jump, graze, scratch, nibble and scrape of this shadowed figure. Who was this mysterious dude? Just as the light finally encased this stranger, Uday couldn't believe his eyes, the stranger looked so so so... Khutta looking.
Every head including jay's turned to take in the new arrival. It was Chawl ka Majnu, come again to cause another pointless fight. Today i was going to chew him up like garbage throw him the dustbin were he belonged, but my thoughts aside Bhiraj was the firs t advance on the couple.
Akash: he approached closer like a tigerbilli pacing towards it's pray, readying itself to lunge at its dinner. The look of total fury, bitterness and repugnance in those cool muddy brown eyes surprised Akash, he never had thought he was loathed that much. This just made what he was about to do even harder.
"Mahaaaraajjj saaab, i have come tooo assskkk off Monia's haaa nnn d forrr marriaggge" Akash stuttered stepping out of the way so that Monia could handle the situation
Bhiraj: i had never detested something so much but today i believe this Chawl ka Bache had broken the records, he dare hold my precious daughters hand and have the audacity to face me and stutter out his proposal. It was preposterous and deluded on his side, if only he knew what i was about to do to him.
But instead Bhiraj laughed and spoke evasively
"And another thing beta you asked me about my 25th birthday present. And i told you that it was a talwar, one of the best in the world it can cut through anything in 5 seconds flat, the thing i didn't make you aware of was that i hadn't tested it on anything lately, how about your little friend becomes my volunteer."
Monia: oh no! If Akash found himself on the other end of Maharaj's talwar, he might chop his hand off and than were would i be, i might not be able to surgically remove his fingers from mine and have to live with one of his limb stuck to mine. Before i could throw up, i ran up the stairs carrying the deadweight behind me. As i reached the steps, a deadly smell attacked my nostrils, i turned trying to find the culprit and there dripping piss on the floor was Akash. Oh god i always knew his bladder was weak. I didn't think it was this bad. For his birthday i had brought him pampers nappies, i guess he hadn't worn them. Damn him
"Why did you pee yourself Akash?" the other family members were making there way to us from another staircase that linked the corridor together.
His answer made me want to bang him over the head with my knuckle
Akash: "Hansel and Gretel, did this exact same thing, i thought if we got lost we could find our way back to the entrance using my urine" he muttered, realising a little too late that Monia was pissed.
Monia: "you idiot, i live in this house, i think i could have got you back to the entrance in time"
I ran into my room pulling him after me but it was too late the other members had already come and there poised in Maharaj's hand, looking lethal and defiant was his 25th birthday gift.
A knock from the window sent the thunder rolling and the howl of wind and spray of rain water to slap against our windows. The whole room went chaotic. Screaming and verbal abuse were being thrown around like candy wrappers. Than through the rain and lightening a trademark sign appeared at the window, this however didn't calm the room but instead sent Vijay into more hysterics, he was running around the room, his arms in the air screaming something close to "Ganja papi aah Gaya!, Ganja papi aah Gaya!" His childhood monster
I shouted above everyone so that i could get their attention "it's only Chicki, Calm down Vijay bai"
Uday: Bhiraj had lost it; someone had pushed his limits and drove him over the edge. A monster had been born! The mortal combat soundtrack was eerily playing itself in the background. I guess Vijay had accidently pressed the stereo
Mahraaj roared like a lion, Vijay screamed like a girl, Akash squeaked like mouse and Uday ultimately laughed, but before any damage could be done a she lions voice screamed over all the others one that meant she was protecting her baby cub (Akash), this dazed the Mahraaj and his sword did a 360 in the air as all the eyes followed it, praying it would not land on them. A slice tore through the night promising danger and destruction in its path.
Chicki had taken the ultimate blow for her baby cub, the bun that had come from on side of her head fell to the ground like a piece of salami a silence had taken hold of the room, no birds tweeted, no lightening was even insight, and no shouting or even a drop of water was to be heard off instead all eyes were locked on to the protruding bun that rolled itself across the room and silently as if anticipating an uproar was to follow, Vijay did the only decent thing in his life. He opened the door and released the bun into its afterlife.
Vijay: "OMG ek bun tho anate hoh Gaya"
Uday: Chicki fell into Akash's waiting arms, her eyes filled with tears, her face contorted in pain as though she had lost a vital organ and the stereo malfunctioned and sad love song replaced the mortal combat theme.
A knock on the door, had released us all from the two love sick puppies, someone opened the door and standing cautiously in his hand he held the royal plate which contained Chicki's bun.
Mali kaka: entered slowly "i found this out in the bushes, it had rolled that far, also i realised i is a great weed killer. I thought I'd bring it back up"
Uday: Akash grabbed the bun and tried several different ways to attach i back on to Chicki's head but it was impossible than the only thing that might save the day for Chicki was the super glue that Vijay had produced from out of no where.
Akash applied several layers of 'ultra sticky super glue' to the piece of bun and tried to join it back to Chicki's head, it was impossible, aggravated and irritated he threw the bun sky high and a sharp intake of breath went around the room. At that precise moment Grijraj entered.
Grijraj: "what in god's name is going on?"
Uday: Suddenly the bun found it next victim, landing exactly in the centre of his shiny head, it stuck itself to him. Grijraj touched his head and had a seizure on the spot, there was saliva dripping down his mouth, his body was flipping like a fish denied of water.
Uday was filled with embarrassment, but like a very stone cold prince he channelled that embarrassment into rage at Akash.
"You dare do that to my father, i have had enough of your pantomime, you lowlife cow" i speed dialled the police.
The police arrived in the form of Salman Khan and the stereo malfunctioned once again, this time the song was Dabangg. He approached slowly analysing the whole room until his eyes landed on me, he nodded back at me and took a few step towards Akash, "you and you-" this time pointing at Chicki "are being arrested on the crimes, of vandalism, trespassing of property and GBH" (grievous bodily harm). Akash turned around so that he could be handcuffed but instead, Salman picked him up and threw him out of the open balcony windows, we could hear his small scream as he landed in Mali kaka's bushes and following in the same fashion, Chicki was also thrown out of the window with her decapitated bun.
Uday looked at Salman with gratitude "how can i ever repay you?"
Salman: Salman smiled "Mujpar asane karna hai, toh koi asane na karna, Ha nai toh!"
Salman shacked hands with Uday and walked out of the room
Uday: After a few minutes a scream penetrated the walls and found its way to the already confused and disoriented family. They all scrambled out to find jay rolling down the stairs. They looked enquiring at the Maid.
Maid: "She slipped on the clear solution that was on the stairs and fell down" the maid silently spoke.
Monia: Monia gagged and looked at her family members "guys, Akash peed on the stairs"
A collective ewww went around the group huddled together.
Uday: Uday sighed "he urinated on our 190,000 pure marble staircase that was designed by a French artist."
Vijay: Vijay nodded in disgust and than looked at everyone delivering his lines perfectly "maybe that's why he's a floor manager."
Guyz tell me what you think. I know its long but as soon as i got started i couldn't finish.
If you want me to do more One Shots
Please tell me, thanks⭐️
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