Marital Rape - Page 2

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not.here

@not.here

Inactive

Posted: 10 years ago

#11

probably have to approach a pro bono lawyer that works for free or a NGO

It is a difficult case in this situation

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aglaeca9

@aglaeca9

Dazzler

Posted: 10 years ago

#12

the saddest part is...even d lawyers or NGO's can't help them...
In a interview a judge himself self said that according to law they can't help when a lady prey of marital raped begged for justice...

I feel you can set them up under domestic violence but still punishment only for 3-7 years...then free to go..
Moreover only few women bring such cases into limelight... fear of society.. pressure of family.. bad name to family...etc..

Edited by mishtypiya - 10 years ago

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souro

@souro

Alumni

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#13

If there is physical violence involved, then it is easy. It can be termed as rape or domestic violence or if it is even more grave, then maybe it can be booked under attacking with the intent to cause serious injuries.

However, if there is no physical violence how do you discern it? Moreover, if demanding sex against consent is marital rape and denying sex to one's partner all the time is cruelty, then what do we say is the ideal amount of demanding and acquiescing to sex? Meet the demand sometimes and deny it sometimes, but it should always be the woman's prerogative what she chooses? However, if we define it thus, then what about the choice of the man? How do you propose to keep the balance in all this?

Edited by souro - 10 years ago

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desigal90

@desigal90

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+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: souro
denying sex to one's partner all the time is cruelty, then what do we say is the ideal amount of demanding and acquiescing to sex?

So this is the problem right?

There are many ways to address it...but forcing oneself onto the partner is NOT a solution. It's not an option. I wanna clarify that by marital rape, I mean a man using physical force to have sex with his wife when she's clearly saying no.

How is that going to solve anything? It will only fester more resentment, hatred, and kill all and any love left in the relationship.

That said, if someone is denying her/her partner ALL THE TIME, it IS a problem, I agree. I'm not saying, hey, if she's never in the mood, suck it up. I'm saying, if she's never in the mood, there is probably a reason for it.

Here are some possible solutions:

A)Talk it out. What's going on? Why is she never in the mood? If she's nearing her late 40s or 50s, chances are menopause is kicking in and can result in decreased libido for a woman.

Maybe something is wrong with her health. Does it hurt for some reason? Is there some hormonal imbalance? There are many conditions that I have studied where painful intercourse and decreased libido are symptoms.

What about mental health? Maybe she's stressed about something. Stress kills sex. For both women AND men (one of the differentials of a male unable to get an erection or ejaculate is stress levels). Are her emotional needs being met?

If she's very young and the problem presents in the beginning of marriage, there's probably a reason she doesn't want it. Ask her if she feels pain, if she's afraid, what are her concerns.

B) Go to a doctor if the above doesn't work. There are specialists out there.

C) And if you're from a strata that doesn't consider going to doctors for such matters and there's no other reason why one partner is denying it except there is nothing left...perhaps its time to consider if the relationship or marriage is over. You can't deny your partner intercourse forever, I agree. Then maybe come to terms with the fact that we should walk our separate paths since the remaining reasons are you are either not attracted to him, you are either unhappy, you can't stand each other anymore. If things have become that bad that you're forcing yourself onto a woman, you don't really have a relationship left, do you?

All in all, there is a reason why someone doesn't ever "want it". Rather than saying "screw it" and using your physical strength to FORCE yourself onto your partner, recognize that there are ALWAYS other ways around it and forcing yourself onto someone is NEVER a solution. If anything, it'll make things worse.

And also recognize that anytime there's an offset of power dynamics, like male vs female, be aware of the fact that the male has a responsibility to not abuse his physical strength. And that includes not using it to just force himself onto his woman. Because guess what...she has no choice. Chances are, you'll get your way for one reason only - physical strength.

And if she doesn't want it SOMETIMES...then yeah, suck it up guys. Honestly, a male has a stronger libido than a woman, biologically. This is one of the differences between men and women. Deal with it. Work around it. Figure it out. Convince her with words but do not use force.

It's essentially the same as when you're not hungry or completely full. You just do NOT feel like eating. How would you feel if someone used brute force to stuff food down your throat when you were completely full to satisfy someone else's needs? And while it sucks not to get your "needs" met sometimes, I assure you, it's worse to be forced onto.

Edited by desigal90 - 10 years ago

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souro

@souro

Alumni

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: desigal90

So this is the problem right?
There are many ways to address it...but forcing oneself onto the partner is NOT a solution. It's not an option. I wanna clarify that by marital rape, I mean a man using physical force to have sex with his wife when she's clearly saying no.
How is that going to solve anything? It will only fester more resentment, hatred, and kill all and any love left in the relationship.

That said, if someone is denying her/her partner ALL THE TIME, it IS a problem, I agree. I'm not saying, hey, if she's never in the mood, suck it up. I'm saying, if she's never in the mood, there is probably a reason for it.

Here are some possible solutions:
A)Talk it out. What's going on? Why is she never in the mood? If she's nearing her late 40s or 50s, chances are menopause is kicking in and can result in decreased libido for a woman.
Maybe something is wrong with her health. Does it hurt for some reason? Is there some hormonal imbalance? There are many conditions that I have studied where painful intercourse and decreased libido are symptoms.
What about mental health? Maybe she's stressed about something. Stress kills sex. For both women AND men (one of the differentials of a male unable to get an erection or ejaculate is stress levels). Are her emotional needs being met?
If she's very young and the problem presents in the beginning of marriage, there's probably a reason she doesn't want it. Ask her if she feels pain, if she's afraid, what are her concerns.

B) Go to a doctor if the above doesn't work. There are specialists out there.

C) And if you're from a strata that doesn't consider going to doctors for such matters and there's no other reason why one partner is denying it except there is nothing left...perhaps its time to consider if the relationship or marriage is over. You can't deny your partner intercourse forever, I agree. Then maybe come to terms with the fact that we should walk our separate paths since the remaining reasons are you are either not attracted to him, you are either unhappy, you can't stand each other anymore. If things have become that bad that you're forcing yourself onto a woman, you don't really have a relationship left, do you?

All in all, there is a reason why someone doesn't ever "want it". Rather than saying "screw it" and using your physical strength to FORCE yourself onto your partner, recognize that there are ALWAYS other ways around it and forcing yourself onto someone is NEVER a solution. If anything, it'll make things worse.

And also recognize that anytime there's an offset of power dynamics, like male vs female, be aware of the fact that the male has a responsibility to not abuse his physical strength. And that includes not using it to just force himself onto his woman. Because guess what...she has no choice. Chances are, you'll get your way for one reason only - physical strength.

And if she doesn't want it SOMETIMES...then yeah, suck it up guys. Honestly, a male has a stronger libido than a woman, biologically. This is one of the differences between men and women. Deal with it. Work around it. Figure it out. Convince her with words but do not use force.
It's essentially the same as when you're not hungry or completely full. You just do NOT feel like eating. How would you feel if someone used brute force to stuff food down your throat when you were completely full to satisfy someone else's needs? And while it sucks not to get your "needs" met sometimes, I assure you, it's worse to be forced onto.

I agree with no forceful sex, however I think there should be a provision for easier divorce as well. At present, divorce is easier said than done actually, with laws heavily skewed against men. Most of the times it's the man who has to pay through his nose to get a divorce. In India the situation is even worse, with anti-dowry laws and domestic violence act which takes the mere word of mouth of a woman to arrest a man and his family members. Cases happen where the woman blackmails the man for property or because she has an extra marital affair and men are completely helpless because she threatens to file false charges of dowry or domestic violence. Moreover, the woman is allowed to file charges anywhere in India and it's up to the man to travel to that place to attend court hearings. That is taken advantage of to harass the man, because then he will have to leave his job and life behind and keep on travelling to whatever city the hearing has been scheduled to, at which point most men feel like giving away whatever the woman wants and get back to a semblance of normalcy. Ultimately men have 2 choices, either give in to the blackmailing or see the woman file false cases and him and his family member getting arrested.

Edited by souro - 10 years ago

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desigal90

@desigal90

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+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#16

I'm not gonna deny that some women may take advantage of men with these laws.

But keep in mind how many women they protect, and why there were enforced in the first place.

I understand that a man has limitations and can also be manipulated, however, the consequences of that are less severe than a woman being manipulated.

This is a male dominated society. The woman is at a disadvantage whether we admit it or not. She NEEDS these rules. Most women do. And yes, while it may give some special cases where some women manipulate, the majority need these to be protected.

Power dynamics need to be kept in mind.

Will there be cases of males being harassed, I'm sure. And they need to be addressed and fixed. But before we get to worrying about men being manipulated by law...let's at least get the women caught up to the baseline and ensure their safety and health.

I think that deserves slightly more priority, don't you? Just like child protection laws.

Always ensure protection for vulnerable population.

Elderly, children, and yes, women in such a society.

Edited by desigal90 - 10 years ago

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desigal90

@desigal90

Trailblazer

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#17

You're not getting my point. I'm not saying a woman's suffering is worse than a male's

I'm saying that MORE WOMEN suffer than men do because we live in a male dominated soceity. And quite a good amount more. Across the board.

Even when it comes to jobs, men are paid more. Forget the situation of women safety and what an average woman goes through in Desi society at the hands of her in laws and husband. Rape. Domestic Violence.

Across the board, the woman is at a disadvantage and the more vulnerable party.

Originally posted by: souro

When we try to protect a child or elderly, we don't give them a gun and tell them they can shoot anyone they want to and the law will ask the person shot to prove that he did not deserve to be shot. But that is what has happened with current feminism and laws favouring women.

Do you really think most women abuse these kinds of laws? What you're speaking of are exceptions, and for the sake of those exceptions, that you shouldn't empower the rest of the women.

Suppose we remove these laws, isn't the situation without them unfair considering our society already places men at an advantage? It's only fair that we add some rules to TRY to level the playing field.

The situation will NEVER be ideal to give everyone equal opportunity. There's always room for improvement.

But rather than withdrawing the few laws there are ensuring women protection because you can't get COMPLETE equality, why not just leave them there because the situation without them is far more unequal.

I mean if you must speak of loopholes, society will always find a way to abuse laws and find loopholes. Then what should we do? Withdraw the remaining laws in society because a small percentage abuses them?

What about the majority? Why should they suffer?

Edited by desigal90 - 10 years ago

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souro

@souro

Alumni

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: desigal90

Suppose we remove these laws, isn't the situation without them unfair considering our society already places men at an advantage? It's only fair that we add some rules to TRY to level the playing field.

The situation will NEVER be ideal to give everyone equal opportunity. There's always room for improvement.
But rather than withdrawing the few laws there are ensuring women protection because you can't get COMPLETE equality, why not just leave them there because the situation without them is far more unequal.

Actually I'm not saying that those laws should be removed entirely. But as I said, that laws should protect everyone and not one specific gender. You have those laws, but it shouldn't be about believing the woman's mere word of mouth and acting on it. There should be something more concrete. Also, there should be provision to punish a woman by default if she misuses these laws and can't prove her charges.

Similarly, when you are talking about marital rape, make it balanced for both gender. If there is physical violence involved, sure punish who ever did it, but that is easily discernible and no one will have a problem with that. But otherwise, if it is something vague which is not easily discernible, then if there is to be a provision for women to always deny physical intimacy and get away with it, there should also be a provision for men to easily walk away from an unsatisfactory marriage without always paying through his nose or getting arrested under false charges. What you said, that men have higher libido than women and it's their problem they should deal with it and work around it, it swings the other way as well, women have lower libido and it's their problem and they should deal with it or let the man go.

Edited by souro - 10 years ago

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desigal90

@desigal90

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+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#19

I'm all for letting the man go. That's what I'm saying. That there never be any reason for marital rape. Ever

Divorce proceedings should be as manageable as possible if someone has a legitimate reason like this.

We are obviously going go assume that most people are capable of working on their differing needs but for the few that are stuck in an unhappy marriage, by all means, make it possible to end the relationship.
If a girl doesn't want it ever chances are she done with it as well and should set the man free. Both parties would hopefully be happy

Edited by desigal90 - 10 years ago

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souro

@souro

Alumni

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#20

Originally posted by: desigal90
I'm all for letting the man go. That's what I'm saying. That there never be any reason for marital rape. Ever

Divorce proceedings should be as manageable as possible if someone has a legitimate reason like this.

We are obviously going go assume that most people are capable of working on their differing needs but for the few that are stuck in an unhappy marriage, by all means, make it possible to end the relationship.
If a girl doesn't want it ever chances are she done with it as well and should set the man free. Both parties would hopefully be happy

In that case, I guess both of us are more or less in agreement. Over and out from my side then.

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