Please your PARENTS or YOURSELF?

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Depali Kulkarni

@lalalee

Inactive

Posted: 11 years ago

#11

I would listen to my parents if I think they are right. When I say right, I don't mean lawfully or morally right but what I regard as right. If I think they are wrong, I would disobey them. In both cases, I'm the one making a choice - whether to listen to my parents or not. Therefore, I bear the consequences without blaming anyone for my actions. Pressure isn't a board for projecting guilt. If that's the case, we should free rapists as it's social conditioning that made them rapists.

Parents don't want the best for their children. They want that what they think is the best for their children. When Indian parents demand a daughter-in-law of the same caste and reject the one their son chose on caste basis, how is that in the best interest of the son? When parents force their children to stay in dysfunctional marriages, that bring nothing but misery to both parties, how is that in anyone's best interest? If my dad expects me to follow Hinduism and ostracizes me (which he didn't) for not doing so, how is that in my best interest?

Parents should realize that adults are called as such because they are capable of taking decisions. They should also realize that their happiness is in their own hands and not in their children's. Children aren't happiness funds but are individuals with needs, wants and a Brain. The umbilical cord is cut off for a reason.

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

#12

What happens when parents' wishes, dreams and happiness becomes YOUR happiness?

Differs from person to person. Time to time.

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373577

Suspended

Posted: 10 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: Angel-likeDevil
What happens when parents' wishes, dreams and happiness becomes YOUR happiness?

Differs from person to person. Time to time.

Then there would be total harmony and no conflict 😊

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: zorrro
Then there would be total harmony and no conflict 😊

Conflict in the child's heart... I assure you. The child tends to become paranoid about future, paranoid about their parent's happiness ~ talking about cases where parents never expect anything from children. But the child, out of gratitude wants to smother their parents with their success, actions, etc. Anything that'd make them proud would automatically be linked to child's happiness.

The irony is, when parents do not expect... the child wants to do everything in the world to make them happy.

When parent expects, child feels burden, child would want to rebel... barring a few cases. Or maybe it's just my observation.

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373577

Suspended

Posted: 10 years ago

#15

That's a beautiful observation ALD. Stress due to burden of expectation could be the key.

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amidstthehues

@amidstthehues

Navigator

Posted: 10 years ago

#16

I think you can't pass a generalized statement in this context or always make right decisions, for that matter. Answer depends on and changes with the situation and type of adjustment, compromise it demands; also with the type of person you are. Giving up weekend plans to spend time with parents is easy; choosing career or making other bigger decisions under parental pressure is not. One should do what one sees fit in a situation. Depends a lot on the kind of relation you share with your parents.

Parents shouldn't let the kid feel indebted to them or emotionally blackmail him into fulfilling their wishes. They should know they didn't raise a pig to slay; it was their responsibility to bring up the individual they created. The child should be allowed to feel liberty while making a choice. Flipping the coin, if granted liberty, he should own up to his decisions, face their consequences and be responsible for his life. No blaming the parents in case plans backfire.

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incognito.

@incognito.

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#17

The answer to this very complicating may vary situation to situations. I for one, shall go with the latter, to take up decisions that would please me. Particularly because I've always had a very lousy relationship with my parents and this would always make me take up decisions that would take me far away from 'em. But then again, if I have to speak a bit more rationally, I do owe 'em a lot for my existence is because of 'em. I'd like to quote the genius here, Dr Gregory House for he speaks my mind and the truth, Maybe if he'd been a better father, I'd be a better son. But I am what I am because of him, for better or for worse.

However this certainly doesn't means you don't something that you believe is obnoxious and disagreeable under parental pressure or I'd say emotional blackmail. (Emotions are vexing for they make you suffer and vulnerable, by the way.) My parents, especially my father, has spent money on me hence I believe I owe him financial help and honestly that is what I can give back to him to compensate. Time or love isn't what I owe.

Point is, I shall do what I find right. I shall not do it to please my parents but for the sake of self-interest, after all that is what governs most of the decisions we make.

Edited by .enigma - 10 years ago

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