NEW FF: love will live on...till deathANSWERS;PG12 - Page 4

Part 3

The first month of school had finished and Dev, Radhika, Maya, Nathan, Tina and Matt had become great friends. They were in the same classes and were studying to become specialized in cancer.
One day during their class

"ok class. You are all here for the same reason," the professor began , "but before you become doctors, you need to understand the pain our patients go through. You know…I mean how hard it is for them to live their life knowing that something is wrong with them. Agreed?"

"yes miss,"

"any comments on that statement," she asked.
Radhika's hand went up. The professor noticed this and smiled. Ms. Rao, was very happy to have radhika in her class. Radhika was one of her favorite students and ms. Rao was always interested in the statements and questions radhika asked, because everything radhika said made sense, everything she said had a moral behind it and in cases like this radhika understood what the patients went through.

"yes radhika,"

"miss, I have an objection to that statement,"

"please say," she continued smiling.

"you can never really understand what a patient goes through unless you're in his/her place. You can try, but you won't be able to imagine the pain patients, in this case, cancer patients, these being the people who suffer a lot, day and night, you won't, you really won't be able to imagine the pain and believe me I've had relatives with cancer, and you won't want to be in their place. That's what I had to say," radhika said with a lot of meaning. Ms. Rao, was very touched. She nodded.

"radhika, "

"yes miss," she looked up from her book.

"I'm saying this in front of the entire class, this being a class of over a hundred students. Radhika, I have never met a student who was so determined, so loyal, so educated, so understanding and so full of wisdom as you. The things you say make me want to cry because the things you say: all of you make me proud…to be teaching in this institution,"

"Thanks miss,"

"ok, am…where was I…right. You all are going to write an essay, however long you wish, be it one page or one hundred pages, about an illness or illnesses. But the catch is, you know what, I'm going to give the description. Listen carefully, make notes if needed.

"Go back to a time where you are anywhere between the age of 12-15. At that age, unfortunately, you were diagnosed with an illness or illnesses that affected your entire life, your outlook on life, everything. You are required to do this to so you will be able to try to be able to have an idea of what goes on in our patients' minds. This age range is selected because, though it pains our hearts to see people in such a condition, many of our patients are teens, people who have their life ahead of them. Also teens tend to be more express in such cases but at times remain quiet."

"ok, so that's your topic. Today is Monday, it's due Friday,"
The bell rang and the students left.

"radhika, how am I going to write this?" dev asked her.
She smiled, "you got to think and think hard," she said smiling. He smiled at that comment.

That week went fast for dev, and slows for radhika.

"ok class, how was the assignment," ms. Rao asked. The class made a sound at that. She laughed.

"ok, who wanna go first?"

A couple of people shouted out radhika. Radhika looked at them surprisingly. Radhika shook her head in disappointment. Seeing this everyone began chanting her name. her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
"radhika, I think the crowd has spoken," ms. Rao said.
She showed a face that she didn't want to do it.

"please,"
She closed her eyes and hesitated, "alright, you win,"

She made her way down. "ok, hope you all like it. I name it: My Life…My Fear,"

She began reading.

"My Life…My Fear

Do you know how it is to live in fear and the only expression on your face is a fake smile? A fake smile…why? So you won't 'bring down' the mood, again. Thinking that maybe nothing's wrong with you. Convincing, well at least trying to convince yourself about that, but then knowing, that there's still a chance, that something is wrong with you. Do you know how it feels, to know that there's a chance of you dying at an early age? That you won't be able to experience the things what you want to. That the state you're in everything changes, you life, your routine…your dance? I believe that life is a dance and the best dancer in the world dances from his/her heart not his/her mind. But I think that this is one dance I won't be able to complete. Do you know how it feels to know that you can't have a normal conversation with your family, because you'll want to scream, because of a headache, even if it's one that lasts a couple of seconds? People tell me what to do without listening to the real situation. They want to believe what they want to. They feel that everything they say will fix things. They need to realize that they are not living in a fairytale, that there will be a day when everything will come to an end. They need to realize that their words don't make everything alright and that when they end a conversation, it doesn't mean that it's finished. The truth is that the conversation has now begun. They need to accept that life is reality and reality isn't easy. So yeah, when they tell me what to do, it's out of the goodness of their heart, but come on, be quiet and listen to me, listen to what I have to say; only I know what I go through. And then there are the ones who make 'jokes' to lighten the mood. Well, the 'jokes' are hurtful, and believe me, the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional one. Maybe I don't know for sure the name of the headache, the correct one that is. But I know in my heart and mind, that it's not normal to get different types of headaches everyday. Something is wrong with me…but I don't know what, and that's the problem. I know mommy, daddy and spratz(nick name for brother) try to keep the mood good and not look worried, but they can't lie to me or even hid their emotions from me. If I do a CT scan, no…." she stopped and looked at them with tears in her eyes, some of them were carrying, including the teacher

"i…I'm sorry. I can't do this…" she ran out the room crying.

"miss, can i?" dev asked.
She gave permission.

He went and was looking for her and was unable to do so,
But he knew where she was. He ran out side to the back of the school. it was completely natural. Trees, rocks, streams and believe it or not, a waterfall. He heard crying and looked beneath a tree. There he saw her. Leaning against the trunk of the tree, radhika was crying her heart out. His heart was hurting seeing her in such a state. He went and sat next to her. She saw him and immediately hugged him. he hugged her back.

"I can't," she said in pain. He listened attentively. She continued, "I can't read my speech. It's too true. If I read it…I'll break down. I can't…I…I just…can't," she continued crying.

"don't worry. If you don't want to, you don't have to. I know it's painful for you to read this. Miss would understand. She knows right,"

"uhmmm,"

"then, you don't have to read it…"

She looked at him "I'll read it,"

They entered back class. Everyone was looking at them. Dev took his seat.

"sorry class, miss…I'm sorry. Can I re read?"

"sure,"

"thanks,"

She began.
(please listen to these song while reading her essay. You'll understand it better)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNJQDrafgRA
and the theme of we are family. Thank you

"My Life…My Fear

Do you know how it is to live in fear and the only expression on your face is a fake smile? A fake smile…why? So you won't 'bring down' the mood, again. Thinking that maybe nothing's wrong with you. Convincing, well at least trying to convince yourself about that, but then knowing, that there's still a chance, that something is wrong with you. Do you know how it feels, to know that there's a chance of you dying at an early age? That you won't be able to experience the things what you want to. That the state you're in everything changes, you life, your routine…your dance? I believe that life is a dance and the best dancer in the world dances from his/her heart not his/her mind. But I think that this is one dance I won't be able to complete. Do you know how it feels to know that you can't have a normal conversation with your family, because you'll want to scream, because of a headache, even if it's one that lasts a couple of seconds? People tell me what to do without listening to the real situation. They want to believe what they want to. They feel that everything they say will fix things. They need to realize that they are not living in a fairytale, that there will be a day when everything will come to an end. They need to realize that their words don't make everything alright and that when they end a conversation, it doesn't mean that it's finished. The truth is that the conversation has now begun. They need to accept that life is reality and reality isn't easy. So yeah, when they tell me what to do, it's out of the goodness of their heart, but come on, be quiet and listen to me, listen to what I have to say; only I know what I go through. And then there are the ones who make 'jokes' to lighten the mood. Well, the 'jokes' are hurtful, and believe me, the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional one. Maybe I don't know for sure the name of the headache, the correct one that is. But I know in my heart and mind, that it's not normal to get different types of headaches everyday. Something is wrong with me…but I don't know what, and that's the problem. I know mommy, daddy and spratz (nick name for brother) try to keep the mood good and not look worried, but they can't lie to me or even hid their emotions from me. If I do a CT scan, and nothing is found, I might be perfectly alright…but that can't be proven. Who knows, I might have to do another scan and something might show up. Maybe a brain tumor, maybe brain cancer or maybe meningitis. There's no telling what could or will happen. But what else could I do but cry? Maybe my life is going maybe it isn't…that I don't know. All I know is that I fear that if something is wrong with me, people won't treat me the same. I'll be treated like a sick-case and that will hurt the most. Some persons point out that people won't see the actual problem, but I have some questions to ask them; do you prefer if the problem is seen or…do you prefer to die a horrible death? Are you willing to give up your independence? Do you want to be lying on a bed, and can't do or say anything for yourself? Answer me. Sometimes it hurts when the people you care about act as if they don't care. God forbid, but if something happens to me, I really don't want anyone to worry about me, because I'll know that I'm the cause for their worries. But then think; if nothing's wrong with me, why? Why the headaches, why the pain? But honestly, I don't regret this 'pain'. I accept it. I see it as a challenge and never In my life have I refused a challenge, and I don't plan on losing a challenge. But I hate crying, and now…I tend to cry a lot. When I cry, I remember how I am when I'm sick and when I'm sick, I'm weak and I hate being weak. My strength is what I'm known for and without that, I feel like I'm nothing. When I have these headaches, I feel like I have no choice but to get angry…sometimes the pain is too much, sometimes it's bearable…sometimes it doesn't last long and sometimes it does, sometimes it comes and goes and most times it's like…what the hence! What goes on, I don't know. All I know is that know, I live in fear that I might die, early. I live in fear that something is wrong with me and if not, why the headaches? People make comments and criticize a lot…why? They have absolutely no clue what I go through everyday and if they have nothing good to say, I will personally put them in their place. I know I complain a lot "…I can't take it…" but I also know that there are a lot of people in the world who suffers a lot more than me and because of that, sometimes I feel it's best if I shut up. But if I keep in what I'm feeling…I'll suffer more. Now, feelings, emotions, know nothing of it, they mean nothing to me. The only things I could do are put on fake smiles, fake happiness, fake emotions because the things I feel inside, to me, it's like people just don't care. Sometimes, when me and my friends are taking, I just stay quiet. Sometimes, I just want to stay by myself and when I am…people ask me why, and I continuously use the excuse…'I'm not feeling well'. But the truth is that I stay away from the people I care about; because I fear that I may end up hurting them. It's true when I say that I know I don't always win the battle. Most times I win the battle, most times I win the war. But this battle between my life and my death…I don't know. I may live, I may die…the choice is not mine. But I have one question for the doctors…'am I going to die?"

She looked up and saw almost everyone crying. Her eyes widened. She was satisfied. She didn't wan them to cry but she wanted them to understand and they looked like they did. She looked at them who gave a smile with a sigh. He was very proud of her. She smiled back.

After class
She and dev were walking.
"I'm really proud of you radhika,"

"thanks…a lot. Am… I got to go. See you laterz,"

"yeah,"

She walked off but some papers fell out f her book without her knowledge. Dev noticed and picked it up. He called but she didn't hear him.

"I give her when I see her," he was about to put it in his bag, but a couple of words caught his attention. But something was wrong. The papers were a couple years old and had the words 'my life, my fear' written on them. He opened the papers and his eyes widened. It was the exact same letter she read but there was something completely different, the date. On the top left hand corner was written: 21st March 2004.
the year stood out the most to him 2004.

"2004? She wrote this seven years ago? She was fourteen?" he asked himself shocked. He looked at the papers again. "I really have to talk to her,"
He put the paper away, "there is more than I think," he thought to himself. He put them away and continued walking, but with a serious expression.

Next Update:
The secrets are out

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Hope you all enjoyed this update. Longer than usual. I hope I didn't bore you all. Please tell me if I did. Thanks for the support. Please press the like button and please comment and critcise.
Thanks a lot.

heyy..awesome update dear

thanks for d pm!